controlled crying...don't we all do it in the end?

[mamacherry]

Who does it? Is it ok? Will it cause lasting damage? Don't all parents inevitably do it in the end at some point or other, whether they admit it or not? Considering it with my 4 months old dd2 as she started sleeping though the night 8pm to 6am at 8 weeks but is now waking regularly and I am sure she doesn't need milk - she's massive!

Sorry I think 4 months is too young to do CC. she won't understand and many, many babies don't sleep through at that age.

Nope - never done it here.

At 4 months your dd could well be going through a big growth spurt which is why she's started waking again.

Do you really believe that leaving her to cry it out is the best solution?

My DS is 3 and we've never done it. I think current advice is not to do CC with a child under 6 months - a baby that small is crying because they need something.

It's such an emotive topic ......... I am sure many of us who have done CC are fed up from getting blasted on MN if we talk about it - I did it (my DS was far younger than 4 months - it worked) - no further comments to make !

Ferber, who coined the whole CC thing, even he advises not under 6 months.
I tried it with first baby (when he was 12m old) but hated it, never again.

My children are 2 and 4 and I have never left them crying.

At 4 months old, crying is your daughter's only way of communicating to you that she needs something. Why would you ignore that?

Maybe she is teething?
Maybe she is hungry?
Maybe she is cold?
Maybe she has wind?
Maybe she is just unsettled and needs a bit of reassurance?

I have a 3.3yr old. I have never left and would never leave her to cry.

4 months is too young, even if you're an advocate of cc. And size is no indication of needing milk in the night. At 4 months they often have a massive growth spurt and need the extra milk.

I always think the easiest thing is to change what you are doing, consider how you can make your life easier and trust a 4 month old to know what it needs and teach it that you respond when they ask for you.

Oh the four month sleep regression, I remember it well - there's one at eight months too. Don't worry, it passes, you will not be a zombie forever.

no, it isn't harmful,

no not everyone does it (i thought it was twaddle and when i thought baby should sleep through, just didn't go at all..that was 6 months though)

size makes them hungrier if anything.

personally i found dosing them up with solids mixed with BM at this stage helped.

notes there is no scientific proof that solid-given babies sleep better, before deluge of posts saying 'didn't help me at all'

Thanks everyone. I knew that would provoke a response and i totally respect everyone's views. I know a lot of people do it at varying ages and a lot of people think it is the devil's own work, but I am interested in what people do as an alternative without losing their marbles? I would never ignore my baby Yuno, and would always check she was ok. BUt what do you do if they really can't settle themselves?

there's a 4 month growth spurt so she could well be hungry...

I haven't done controlled crying and don't plan to - my DS is 10 months old and only recently has he started sleeping through.

babies don't wake up at night to cause trouble or play up - they do it because they need something. Be it comfort, food, pain relief, whatever. Just because they can't speak, doesn't mean they should be ignored and expected to go back to sleep when it's more convenient for the adult.

4 month sleep regression - it's very normal. She could very well be hungry or just want a cuddle.

I couldn't do CC - tried it once when DS was about 14 months and it just made me cry too! Never again.

How do you know CC isn't harmful? When do you stop? Do you keep going until they've passed out with exhaustion?

My DS has reflux and if I didn't know that was what was making him wake up, then I'd have felt awful for leaving him to cry even if I went in to "reassure" him every few minutes.

My DS used to wake every two hours. I fed him back to sleep or DH would rock him back to sleep.

thanks englandallenpoe for non patronising answer! THats what I was after... :o

What do you do if you don't do cc?

Well I responded to dd. So if she needed milk, I gave milk. If she needed a clean nappy, I changed her nappy. If she was hot, I removed a layer. And so on.

As I said earlier, it's easier to change your own behaviour than force behaviour in a child that isn't developmentally ready for it. So sleep when they sleep, nap during the day, ask for help, co-sleep etc etc. Whatever makes your life easier.

If crying is their only form of communication, then you leave your baby with no other options. I wouldn't leave a frightened, needy adult alone with his/her tears in the dead of night if they were asking me to help. No way would I do it to a baby.

Bless you ragwort - I did too with dd1 and it worked. She woke every hour at night until 7 months and it was the only thing that got us all back our sanity..

Nobody is patronising you at all. People are responding to your question and offering explanations for your dd's behaviour and advice on what to do.

OP - you should have posted a different thread title along these lines.

'I do CC - please can other people who do it too come here and make me feel good about it'

Yeah I do it. But not at 4 months. More like 14 months.

I love the idea of dosing a baby up on solids then leaving them to cry because they should be able to sleep through

One of my friends was telling me about teaching her DD to sign. At 11 months she had learnt the sign for milk. She woke up in the night and signed for milk so my friend gave her a bottle which she downed. So she was clearly hungry. She said she wouldn't have thought to feed her DD as she want supposed to get hungry in the night.

I do wish people would think of babies as little people with needs which can arise at anytime day or night.

Alibaba

nope.

Up to you entirely.

Of my friends about half have half haven't.

Of the ones that did, their children sleep through, the ones that didn't almost all of them have 2 and 3 year olds that still need help getting to sleep at night/during the night.

But none of my friends from either 'group' are unhappy with their decision.

ps if you watched that programme 'who knows best' about sleep imo both methods would be considered CC

Yes I've done it, for both dds. No, I would never do it at 4 months, ever. Far too young, maybe after 8 or 9 months at a push, and only then if I was absolutely certain there was no illness, teething, hunger, thirst, over tiredness, under tiredness, etc etc. It's impossible to know what might be up with them at the tender age of 4 months.

Dd2 was (is) totally massive, was a fantastic sleeper, then got worse and worse from 3.5 - 4 months. I'm not sure if I 'believe' the sleep regression theory, but I certainly do agree that it is something that happens to a lot of babies at this age (never happened to dd1). Personally, with dd2, I think she just got hungrier and hungrier so needed the night feeds again (solids wouldn't be the most effective way of satisfying the hunger at this age). She always settled back after a feed (but still woke up early for another, eg 6ish). When she got to around 10 months she had a hideous cold which meant she couldn't feed, and screamed herself stupid for nights on end. After that she refused the night feed, but wouldn't settle, so we did one night of proper CC (increasing time intervals by 2mins etc), and we got to 9 minutes of crying then she went to sleep. Never woke again at night after that, so a self imposed kind of controlled crying!

Does your dd settle back after a feed? If not, then does she self settle at bedtime (and if not, try to encourage this, with the hope it will have a knock on effect in the night). Also you could look at the amount and structure of daytime naps, too much/not enough/ sleep too late in the day etc.