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Getting annoyed when I tell people my babys name

129 replies

Bumbleconfusus · 09/02/2010 09:32

Had the new arrival for almost a week now, and everyone happily asks what her name is, then seems to recoil. I am presuming they all think its pretentious (and that I must be a silly little girl who gave my little girl a made up name-even though it is a real name, they just haven't heard it before) and I have to explain where the name came from (this is more difficult to do to passers by). Why do people have to be so judgemental?

OP posts:
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Unbuffy · 11/02/2010 15:33

Also agree with Andimac. But a reaction isn't neccessarily negative!

BAMMummy · 11/02/2010 16:57

I think it is a beautiful name! x

activate · 11/02/2010 17:04

recoils

minipie · 11/02/2010 17:14

I would probably be one of those annoying recoiling people.. not because Teresa-Dehia is pretentious, or made-up, but just because having both together is SUCH a mouthful.

I'd decide on a shortened form that you like, and mention that, as in "It's Teresa-Dehia, but she'll be Tess (or Dee or whatever) for short"

Because even if you do keep calling her by the whole thing, others won't, so best to get in there early with your preferred short form (otherwise you'll get "Wee-T"!)

BalloonSlayer · 11/02/2010 17:47

I used to work with a woman who had an unusual double-barrelled name, the spelling of both halves was usually pronounced differently by the English (us! she was American).

I won't say what the name really was, but lets say it was Sara-Mae (pronounced Sarah-May).

At least once a day, someone would say "Hello Sarr-ra."

She would reply in a friendly and pleasant manner, with no edge at all: "Hi! It's Sara-Mae." (pronouncing it Sarah-May)

They would look totally confuddled.

She'd carry on: "S-a-r-a hyphen M-a-e."

They would - almost without exception - look at her as if she was being unbelievably rude. How dare she tell people how her name was pronounced, they seemed to be thinking. How dare she ask politely that people used both halves of it!

I honestly don't know how she managed to be so nice about it. It would have driven me crazy. Since then I have always tried really hard to get people's names right and not to abbreviate them for my own convenience. I am at the amount of people who do not make any effort to get people's names right.

Your DD will have to be shown how to correct nicely too.

Missy8c · 11/02/2010 18:04

I think it's a great name. I think you'll just have to get used to weird looks and spelling the name out, as will your DD as she gets older, but I'd rather that than a name that everyone has heard a million times to be honest and if you prefer to use her full name than to shorten it so others find it easier then do that. People who know your DD will soon get past their bewilderment. It's a gorgeous unique name.

hifi · 11/02/2010 18:24

lol at pagwatch,classic but true

tw888 · 11/02/2010 19:38

I get the same reaction from some people about my DS's name. I used to explain where it came from, tell them what it means etc but I realised there's no need to defend our decision on choosing this particular name for our child. Now I just ignore these reactions as long as they are not rude. If they're rude, I become a bit rude & change the subject

nannynobnobs · 11/02/2010 19:39

Sarah Jessica Parker insists on being called Sarah Jessica doesn't she?
Anyway for my two pence worth, I like just Dehia if it's to be shortened at all. Then there's no confusion with your mum either

NannaE · 11/02/2010 19:54

My 6 year old grand-daughter is called Charley-rose and she insists on ALL of it!

It - like she - is beautiful.

Don't worry about it! She will cope!

There are SO many more things that could be upsetting!

xx

CantSupinate · 11/02/2010 20:00

I think you are being way oversensitive, OP.
A thick skin is called for.
I look forward to the day when you come back on MN to talk about your daughter who has renamed herself "TD" or (if you're really lucky) "Chloe".

UndomesticHousewife · 11/02/2010 20:04

It's a lovely name and you can call her what you like it's no one else's business why you named her that.
Though when she's older she might call herself Ter-ee-sa u

Pikelit · 11/02/2010 20:14

It's no good choosing an unusual name for your child and then go all flouncy every time someone comments or needs the name repeating. It's what happens. Oh, and don't think you'll have any influence about whether a longer name gets abbreviated. It will. The only name I've yet to see shortened is that of my nephew-in-law - Ian.

But I think Teresa-Dehia sounds fine. There are cultural connections that make it very significant to you and it does sound pretty. But then I have a mother who was named after the first Christian martyr in Madagascar so we know all about this sort of suffering in our family.

pastagirl · 11/02/2010 20:30

i think you go through phases of explaining and not. my DS has been called a family name on my DH side 'pierre' not that strange you would think but definatly not english. ( live in UK). I had a old lady on the bus say the other day, after asking the wee ones name 'there is quite a fashion naming your children after fruit isn't it dear?' i and just nodded and agreed that you could choose anything these days and then she got off, while i had a giggle. It is just what his name is and is super unremarkable to half his family at least! you just need to pick when you want to bother explaining and giggle at the rest i have found.

Jajas · 11/02/2010 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrosswordGeek · 11/02/2010 21:26

Some of my family members don't even get my DDs name right

It's not very common, although there is a poster on here who has it in her posting name! I always get the "What's her name?" "DD" "What?" "DD" "Oh... well, that's ... different, where did that come from?" ""

Her name is lovely by the way! I tend to use my DDs middle name too, it kind of flows right.

RonaldMcDonald · 11/02/2010 21:30

two names
both finishing in an a
both with three syllables

tis a disaster

releasethehounds · 11/02/2010 21:47

I have a double-barreled surname. It's my own fault - when I got married I spent a while deciding whether to change from my maiden name or not. It seemed wrong not to have DH's name, but I also wanted to hang onto my maiden name for reasons I won't bore you with.

However...

In some respects, I regret doing it. Whilst it was a nice gesture for my father, it causes no end of hassle eg hospital, dentist visits, having a different surname to DH, DVLA got it wrong on my licence and booking plane tickets on line is a nightmare as the booking system won't accept my full name, so it ends up being different from the name on my passport!

It's the reason I decided to just stick to DH's surname with the kids, because I didn't want to saddle them with the confusion it can cause.

I like a simple life, me.

zipzap · 11/02/2010 23:24

I only ever get called my full name (a long 3 syllable one) when I have done something wrong, usually by my mother Despite being 40 being called it immediately makes me feel like a naughty 9 year old. And just seems wrong - I just use a shortened version of my name.

DH surprised me the other day when he asked why I hadn't put my full name down on an email I was writing on behalf of both of us. Just never occurs to me, but on the other hand, the nickname can be a boy or girl's name, seems to be a generational thing. My age group - mostly for girls but for old and young it's a lot more common for male than female. Just hadn't really occured to me that I would want to use my full name for something like that.

On a separate note - op, was surprised to see you say that full name is not used on uk documentation. Surely most official documentation (passport, driving license etc) will have your full name on? GUess it is because I am british that I have never really noticed this and always taken name usage for granted; sounds like it is a lot more lax here than Poland!

nooka · 12/02/2010 06:38

My name is both long and unusual, and apart from a short period of my life when I was desperate to have a nickname (teenagers!) everyone except my immediate family call me by my full name (my family on the other hand rarely use my full name, and my mother has a nickname for me too). I do get double takes and have to spell it, and people often mispronounce it too, but then I also get a lot of "what a nice name" "where does it come from etc", and once people have got the hang of it they don't forget it. On balance I am very happy with my name (although I didn't give either of mp children very unusual names).

I agree with some others that people do need to have a new and different sounding name said to them several times before they get the hang of it, and will ask about where it came from. That's not rude, just interested. You just need to get your "patter" going - to be honest I'd just say that it's traditional in your dh's country, and not go into much more detail, just because it's a bit too much (in my case I can tell people how my parents chose my name, that it's in a tradition that has now mostly disappeared, the french name it's based on etc etc, but mostly I just say that it is English, and that my parents had unusual taste, because generally people aren't really that interested ).

I wonder with your family if there isn't a more simple explanation, that is that it is a long and formal name, and perhaps just seems too much for a very tiny baby? Most children pick up a diminutive or two along the way, they usually are quite transient, and given in love, so I'd not worry too much. Of course if you really dislike "Wee-T", then you will need to ask your brother to desist (it does sound quite cute though )

jennymac · 12/02/2010 09:30

I agree with others that although both names are very nice individually, they don't really work together. My ds has quite an unusual name but as it is short and the pronounciation is exactly as it is spelt, most people don't have a problem remembering or saying it.

mummamango · 12/02/2010 10:12

It's a fab name!
It's other people's problem not yours. And to be honest there are far more unusual names from other parts of the world - kids won't find it strange either - they are much more accepting than adults.
I went to school with a girl called Shital and a boy called Patrick Michael Hunt! - leave it to your Daughter to change it if later she wants to.
Double barrelled is not that weird either - Ellie May, Emma Lou, Sarah Jane etc...

TarheelMama · 12/02/2010 10:52

I had a boss called Ter-es-a. I always thought it a beautiful name.

Also, double barrelled names are common where I'm from (in the US). I knew a girl named Ann Walker. She would introduce herself as Ann Walker and then would say, "That's a double name, my surname is X." She was always called Ann Walker, never Ann or Walker because she made the point that it was her name.

People should respect your name choice and though it may sound a mouthful now, it will become 'normal' to all after saying it for a while. I think it's a beautiful name and you shouldn't have to pick a nickname.

I personally don't like to have my 3-syllabled name shortened (when said aloud) and don't see why it should be.

ErnestTheBavarian · 12/02/2010 10:54

it's too long, people won't use it, so you need to get used to it or change it. I have the same 1st name as my mum and survived. Tbh, you did it cos you wanted a hyphenated name, fair enough, up to you, but you didn't need to either for practical reasons (same name as mum) or cultural reasons. And anyway, you said yourself, your db or whoever had a double-barrelled anme and often people would phone asking for him using only 1 name, thus causeing confusion with your dad. So you know as a fact already that the double barrelled name, far from avoiding confusion (with 1 person), actually just serves to cause confusion (with the rest of the world)

it's a bit irritating to choose an unusual name, and a really long one then moan that people can't or won't say it. 6 syllables?! You must know once she moves out into the world, no one will bother faffing about with it, so either put up with it and accept it's your doing, or change it.

Congratulations btw

Bumbleconfusus · 12/02/2010 11:46

Elephantsandmiasmas - that is the exactly the person she is named after, good googling! (plus DH has other Dehia's in his family).

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