Getting annoyed when I tell people my babys name

[Bumbleconfusus]

Had the new arrival for almost a week now, and everyone happily asks what her name is, then seems to recoil. I am presuming they all think its pretentious (and that I must be a silly little girl who gave my little girl a made up name-even though it is a real name, they just haven't heard it before) and I have to explain where the name came from (this is more difficult to do to passers by). Why do people have to be so judgemental?

Dont shorten it. Its a lovely name and not horrible or weird.

People who cant be botherd are being lazy.

I cant stand it when people are expected to change names because others find them 'hard'.

I used to happen when I was at school and the teachers would say 'oh that too much of amouthful Abdullah, I will have to call you Abi'

Somehow teachers and very small children nowdays manage to pronounce all manner of names!

Dont give up the fight

(can you tell all my kids have got 'unusual' non mnetty names?)

As someone who is double barrelled and hates it, I would say shorten it now to what YOU want it to be, it is inevitable it will be shortened. Even when people have asked my name and I say X-Y they will still call me X and my name is too very popular 70s names.

I don't agree with shortening foreign names as that is just ignorance.

But the shortening of ludicrous unusual names is inevitable, and if the parents didn't take that into consideration, more fool them.

For heaven's sake - even my Dad, whose name is Robert (2 measly syllables) has people unsolicitedly shortening it to Rob.

By the way, I don't think the OP's chosen name is ludicrous! Just a bit long-winded.

I feel your pain.

I posted on here a few weeks ago with a similar dilemma. The bee yoo tiful name we had chosen for our DD was getting the worst reactions ever - not just from random people we spoke to ( you know, the nosy sweet old ladies in the shops) but friends and family too. No one could pronounce it, spell it or even seem to hear it properly. I despaired.

After a week of this hell, DP and I sat down and decided that for our sanity, and hers in future years, we would change it. Luckily, we hadn't gone as far as registering her so it just took a few days to get used to using it.

And actually, now I really really prefer her new name ! Anyway, we did decide to "cave in " , but not because of other people but because we couldn't bear the thought of a lifetime of her having to hear the same reactions.

Amusingly (well, through gritted teeth really) although I think the name we have changed it to is fairly common, we have STILL had the same sort of comments. Ag. You just can't win.

i have a name my mum obviously loves but i hate - so have some sympathy with the people who are saying its best to look at from your daughters view. i think tess or tessa are beautiful names - so at least she/you can shorten it to something great

my dad has a double barrell first name.

the only people who ever used it were his parents... to everyone else he's either the first half or the initials of both (mostly option one to people in hoolland and option two to people here as irish people can't get their heads around his name )

and his double barrell name is two one syllable names.

I think it's a sweet name but if you choose an unusual (to the point of being completely unheard of my most people) name you really can't really be surprised at the general reaction of people when they first hear it.

I have a very unusual surname (like , 5 people in the UK) and people often tell me how to pronounce my OWN name!

It comes with the territory and does not bother me at all.

Also, I don't think people are being judgemental. They just can't get a name like that to stay inside their head, and are likely to ask you to repeat it a few times to check they get it right

Well, you won't have to worry about it for that long, by the time she's a teenager, it will probably have morphed into something like Tazzy or Teddy, if her friends are anything like DD's (named Amber, known to all as bam)

btw, congratulations on your DD's arrival!

Anyway, you don't have to have that unusual a name for people to have strange reactions, hence the conversation I had with one of the midwives in hospital.

MW:Oh, she's sweet, what are you calling her?
Me: Amber
MW (mishearing over DD's piercing yells)Emma? That's lovely.
Me: No, Amber
MW: Oh. (pause) Oh well, I suppose one name's as good as another....

Saw this the other day and this thread pulled my thoughts back to it - go to about 3 mins 20 secs

It's all fine and well to give your child an unusual name. But be prepared for this sort of reaction. You'll have to toughen up and let it wash over you, otherwise, you'll assign yourself a life of anger and upset over people's reactions to the name you have chosen for your daughter.

FWIW - my DS1 had a very unusual name with an unusual pronunciation. It is lovely and suits him - we named him Caelan (pr. as Kevin but with an L instead). He is often mistaken for a girl (Kaylin), but Caelan is definitely a Celtic boys name. It's now shortened to Cael which he loves and uses regularly.

Having said that, if I had my time again, I would think twice about giving a child a name which they will have to defend.

Make your choice, be happy with and don't get angry or feel the need to defend/explain your decision.

I don´t exactly get why it had to be double barrelled to prevent confusion with your Mum.

Presumably they have different surnames!

And your brother saying "Wee-T" is a way of distinguishing.

I can see why that upsets you, but I think it´s cute-like "sweetie".

I think it´s just that it´s such a long name.

Will it not be acceptable for her to be called Teresa?

We use both names whenever we refer to her. My DH and I still live with my parents, therefore if you are wondering around the house saying ' Teresa' it would get confusing (especially for my father, or anyone visiting), it would be even more unusual if I wondered around saying her surname instead of her whole first name...

And as I said my brother has a double barrelled name, everyone refers to him with both names, at school they didn't and it got incredibly confusing when we got phone calls - the amount of times I handed my father the phone when it was for my brother...

My mother thinks as we are saying it more, we are saying it louder/ working hard to make people hear the pronunciation, so it already seems a bit easier, perhaps it was just my own securities (I sometimes stutter a tiny bit if I'm nervous, and don't usually talk to random people so I get very nervous with that). Another proof of that is when DH says the name, no one really bats an eyelid, I thinkI should put on an accent and pretend I'm foreign.

Also chegirl, if someone tried to shorten a name like Abdullah to Abi, I think I would hit them. Or at least have a tirade about how incredibly insulting it is to do that. (My DH likes that name and he would flip if anyone did that to the name).

I think it will always be hard for people to register what you are saying the first time around because I think there is an issue with people's memories, isn't there? - when people are asked repeat a sequence of digits, most people can't get beyond about six before they start making errors. So I'd guess the same applies to unfamiliar names - if your daughter's name has six syllables which people aren't used to hearing all together as a sequence then they are going to need a repetition or two before they "get it". Especially as they won't be expecting a string of six syllables when they ask her name, simply because there aren't many names that are that long.

And I think people might be embarrassed at having to ask you to repeat it, and some of them might cover this by coming over as incredulous or sniffy about the name.

You love her name, which is why you gave it to her, and you're going to stick with it. But strangers are going to need a bit of help with it, and I don't think you should always assume that they're being deliberately obtuse or unkind.

It's a lovely combination of 2 very pretty names, but it is a mouthful.

My friend's DD has an 8-syllable double-barrelled first name, again it's a really nice name...but I've noticed she hardly ever uses it herself, in fact she almost always just calls her 'the baby' in conversation, even thought the child is nearly 3.

Are you really honestly saying to each other all day long "Can you pass me Teresa-Dehia's blanket?", "Ooh is that Teresa-Dehia waking up?", "Your cousin's coming round to meet Teresa-Dehia later" etc etc.
I bet you're not. Or if you are...you're not gonna be for much longer...

I think the "problem" is that it that is two names put together as opposed to two names that flow.

So to an Brit is probably sounds as if you are constantly saying both the first and middle names.

And depending on the context of a conversation, a grown woman & new baby areunlikely to be confused imo.

Personally I would call her Tess its an adorable name. I agree with diddl saying two decent length names everytime you refer to her surely isnt sustainable? I would want to get in their first with a shortened version you like or other people will begin to do it for you (as you say is already happening!)

there not their

She will not get through childhood let alone adult life without having such a long (although very pretty) name shorteneed.

So shorten it now, to something you find acceptable, before she hits her teens and gets called Tezza/Tel etc...

I have two friends with double-barrelled names and their mums are the only ones who use them!

Tezza Dezza is my best guess for when she hits about 13...

What about referring to her as Dehia? I love it!

I like the name Teresa and her second name is pretty too, but I agree with the others that it is a bit of a mouthful.

Personally, I would keep that as her full name, but find a nickname that you can use for her - there are lots of lovely shortenings for Teresa. You can use them interchangeably. Both my DDs sometimes use their full names and sometimes their pet names, depending on who is speaking to them and what mood we're in . So why not call her by her full name at home, and use just Teresa when out and about. Noone would bat an eyelid at that.

The other thing to bear in mind, is that with such a long first name, I would suspect it is very highly likely to get shortened when she's older, and that nickname might not be something you like... so it might also be advisable to get in there first!

My DD is Katherine... and loads of people used to shorten it to Katie, which doesn't particuarly go with our surname, so we just chose an alternative we did like, and now people call her by her full name or by her nickname, depending on the situation, and we're cool with both.