Parents criticised our chosen baby name without knowing it was ours

[Bringbackbuffy]

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

Arlo is growing in popularity right now too

Oh definitely. Archie and Luca still popular.

That’s not their fault though. They have no idea this is your chosen name. It’s not hurtful to you for someone to have a different opinion, it’s just unfortunate that you have chosen to keep your “dead-set-on” name a secret or they would have known.

Yes it’s perfectly normal to discuss baby names in either a generic way or out of earshot at least (with the hope it doesn’t get back to the parents). Unless I’m wrong OP’s mum has no idea this will be her own gc’s name.

But that didn’t happen, did it? You haven’t had the baby yet or named them, and your parents have no idea what names you’ve chosen.

Everybody has names they dislike, some strongly so. There’s no way your parents could have known that one of your chosen names was the name they were talking about. Interestingly, as they were talking about the name in relation to someone else’s baby, it looks like it’s quite a popular choice. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing is up to you.

If it’s Archibald, Stanley or Ronald/Ronnie, then I think those are marmite names. Personally I dislike them all but others like them. Choose the name you like. There’ll always be someone who doesn’t like the name.

When I was thinking of baby names, I reeled off a random list of the kind of names I liked, and my dad made a comment about one of them. After I’d thought about what he’d said, I realised he had a point so didn’t put that name on my actual list. It didn’t upset me.

If you want to pre-empt any future trouble, the next time someone they know has a baby, just warn them that you don’t want to hear their opinions about the name or what better names there are - because they need to remember some of those names they’re talking about might be on your list.

As a final comment, you’d be better to have two or three names for each sex as when you see your baby you might think he/she doesn’t look like the name you’ve chosen.

When our baby girl died because she was born extremely prematurely, my DH wanted to name her "Angel" so we did.
A few months later, my aunty was talking about baby names to my mum and announced really loudly "I really HATE the name Angel" and I remember my mum and I just looking at each other - my aunty hadn't said it to be horrible about my baby, she just had an issue with the name (and in all honesty, I think she had forgotten what my DH and I had named our baby as it was a very small funeral with just us and grandparents).
I've also heard and seen the name being absolutely slated on here and in real life and for a while, I'd pretend we'd named her "Angelica" but that got slated too and I realised that sod it. She's OUR daughter and her Dad named her Angel because she had passed away so the name meant something - if she'd survived, she was going to be called something totally different.

People often don't mean to hurt when they slag off a name and are just "in the moment" and thoughtless - if you want that name and it means something to you, then choose it and ignore what anyone else thinks,

I know someone who called their baby that! He’s probably about ten now.

I'm willing to bet it's a name in the top 100.

I think you chose a really beautiful name for her. I first heard the name Angel as a girl’s name on the Aussie soap Home and Away back in 1993 and thought it was a gorgeous and unusual name.

No, I wouldn’t be hurt. Hurt to me needs an element of deliberateness from the other person. The thing I’d be hurt by would be them having such little regard for my feelings that they’d be rude about the name. But that wouldn’t apply if they don’t know the name.

I’d be upset that I now know they hate my baby name. But I wouldn’t say they’d turn anything hurtful towards me.

I find it strange that they had such a big reaction to the name of a baby of someone that they know. It feels gossipy and judgmental at the very least, and just...petty. Why care so much, too?

Did they also never stop to think that maybe some people don't like THEIR names?

They got to name their children what they wanted and you should be free to do the same. I would work hard not to let their opinions hold any weight. It's a name you and your husband have agreed on, love, and chose. It's not your parents' baby, it's yours.

Also, even if you end up choosing a different name because of this, unless your parents find another baby with that name to badmouth or praise, you'll never know their true opinion on that name either...

When we were expecting DS, MIL said "it doesn't matter what you call him as long as you don't call him X" (X being the name we had chosen and did in the end use) 😂

Stick with your name and just make a joke about it when you tell them. Honestly, they will come to love the name because they will associate it with your DC.

Is it Rupert 😂

It really isn't. Virtually everyone on this forum will have had conversations like that with friends. And as long as they don't share those options with the parents, no harm done.

Seriously, you can't blame your parents for sharing how much they dislike a name, when they're oblivious to it being your choice.

Thankyou - and that's where I first heard it too and I also loved it. She married Shane I think.
My Angel was born in 1998 so the name Angel didn't seem that unusual then either.
We've got a gorgeous painting of a red haired angel on the wall that my DH bought for me last year as our girl had red hair like her dad x

When DH told my mum DC1's name, she said something like 'you're not really going to call him [name], are you?'. 😂

It's a name I've seen described on baby name board as 'low-end' and I suppose she thought the same. I wasn't that worried, I knew the baby would become his name- he 100% is the name, and I'd put money on my mum denying she'd ever said that if I asked, her thoughts around the name are so connected with DC1.

If your partner said to his mate that he thought you were really fat and you’d let yourself go, and the mate told you, would you be hurt by what your partner had said? They never meant for you to hear, it wasn’t deliberate. They were just expressing their opinion

Ok, it’s Charles/Charlie

These are entirely different scenarios, don't be ridiculous.

You seem determined to find hurt in their actions despite the fact they were not discussing their dislike of the name with the intention to hurt you.

As I and many others have pointed out you've probably also said you dislike names at some point with no intent to hurt anyone listening who may love those names.

Just accept on this occasion that they meant no harm.

I’m going to guess that it’s Alfie, based on the fact that it’s popular, and some people say it doesn’t suit a child or an adult

It’s a pity, but not the end of the world. You like the name, and that’s all that matters. They will just get used to it and love the baby anyway.

My mum couldn’t get her head around my DD’s name (and it was in the top 10, mid 00s at the time) Think Ava/Amelia, she kept asking me how you pronounce and spell it, with a disapproving tone

Charles is a really reasonable name to choose. Ignore them! Are they anti-royal?

That's not remotely the same!

All they're doing is saying that they don't like a name! That's not remotely like your partners mate making an extremely personal comment about you!

I hope it's your hormones making you so illogical. And I REALLY hope that you don't take this out on your parents.

My mum quite openly said she hated the name I’d chosen for my son. Unfortunately for her, I really loved it and had no intention of changing it. I did say to her that once my son was born and she got used to using that name for him, she’d probably get over her dislike as it would be his name and (I assumed) she’d love him.
She did get over it and I think she probably quite likes it now (it’s not even remotely “out there”, it’s a very normal name).

My FIL did exactly this before we'd even told him we were pregnant - went straight in insulting our #1 boys' name choice (again, nothing that 'out there', it's been in the Top 100 for 20+ years). I don't value his opinion so we stuck with our name choice and once the baby arrived nothing further was ever said on the subject. He got to pick names that he liked for his kids, we get to pick names we like for ours.