Unisex name regret

[Mumoftwo1316]

I think I might have (mild) ppd which is affecting how I feel about this.

My ds is 4mo and we just couldn't agree on a name for him for ages. Finally we found one we both liked enough.

It's a unisex name, not very common, but until say 20y ago it was a boy's name. Now it's fast on the rise as a girl's name and quite trendy, especially in the US.

We've had quite a few misunderstandings where people have thought he was a girl, mishearing when I've said "he" and just assuming from the name. I find myself choosing extra boyish looking baby clothes to try and prevent this, which is crazy, I never bothered with gendered clothing with my dd.

Dh says it's fine and he likes the name and it suits him.

I can't decide how I feel. There's a little road near where I live that happens to have the name "[ds's name] road" and it gives me a spark of joy when I drive past the sign - so does that mean I'm OK with the name? But my heart sinks every time I have to clarify with a friend or hcp who's just met him "oh he's a boy? I thought it was a girl"

Please don't ask me the name, I don'tthink I could bear a whole thread saying "yep I'd have assumed girl too"!

Name changed for this because I'm prolific on mumsnet but I'm ashamed of how I feel about this. Just needing a handhold really

Here I am posting about it at 2am when the kids are asleep and I should be sleeping too! I need to give my head a wobble! I love my baby so much and I'm horrified that I might have saddled him with a lifetime of misunderstandings. He'll turn up to job interviews and they'll be surprised to see a man. I honestly thought it was more a boy's name than a girl's name. It always used to be, just isn't in the US any more

I love my baby so much and I'm horrified that I might have saddled him with a lifetime of misunderstandings. He'll turn up to job interviews and they'll be surprised to see a man.

A misunderstanding, if there even is one, that will be cleared up in an instant and never thought about again. You are overthinking.

It's not too late to change the name! Honestly, do it if you're feeling wobbly about it, better now than later.

What if it's Robin or Kim?

This is definitely sounding like ppd, which can always be so hard to deal with, I'm sorry :(

If you love your sons name, and your husband does as well, then that is truly all that matters. I know people always say that, and I know it typically doesn't help, but I think when a child is just a baby people generally blur the lines between male and female until they actually know, if that makes sense. I think regardless of what his name is, a young man will always carve out his own identity that will make sense to who he is, and his name will just add to that.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense at all, but take the name Mackenzie for example - unisex, but possible female-leaning in recent years. Imagining a young man named Mackenzie in my head makes perfect sense to me, because I think that truly any name is gorgeous on a woman and any name is handsome on a man. I think people leave their own mark on their names, and that others may just not realize this when the name belongs to a little baby. (And Mac/Mack is really cute anyways I think, if a little off topic!)

Please don't worry about your sons name, what matters is that you and your husband both love it, and you both love him. Watching him grow up under his name will be a beautiful experience, and truly will only add to your love for it, even though that may be hard to recognize right now. Sending lots of hugs ❤

What if it is? Does the sky fall down?

Perfectly fine names, this is so unhelpful

Darcy?

Anyway. I am female with a unisex name and it’s never caused me a moment of bother.

@Mumoftwo1316 can his name be shortened when he's older if it turns out to be an issue for him? I used to work with a man called Kelly who loved speaking to people on the phone after having email conversations and it becoming clear he wasn't a woman. I also worked with a male Kim who didn't care. Also people are confusing - I've had people say my boy looks like such a boy and others refer to him as a girl - even with him in very boy clothes.

You’re definitely overthinking but most of us do at that early stage so don’t be hard on yourself. I was often asked which sex my daughter was and she has a very obviously female name. I used to get so annoyed and we now joke that she must have looked like a boy and I couldn’t see it 🤣. I bet the name is lovely.

Thank you so much, yes I think I do have ppd again - I was much worse after dd was born (obsessed with death, etc) so because I'm not as bad now, I didn't feel I had ppd.

This is really reassuring and makes sense about how he's a baby and male and female is blurred. So true. When I hear a not-close friend of mine has had a baby, I don't always remember whether it was a boy or a girl.

Thank you, it's true, it's a brief misunderstanding! I'm most definitely overthinking and usually at this time of night! (Facepalm)

Of course ❤I hope things are easier this time around for you, I would suggest trying to sleep now if you can. I understand it may be hard, but thinking yourself in a circle will do nothing but cause more worry. Sending lots of love to both you and your beautiful boy.

I'd rather not say the name because I think it'll send me into a bit of a spiral if commenters say (legitimately) that they see it as a girl's name. But for context it's closer to Robin or Mackenzie than Kim or Kelly. But thank you @Overlyanxious for reassuring me about those.

When he's older he could use his middle name which is a very ordinary boy's name like Tom. We just can't use it now because it's Dh's actual name. He could also shorten it, he'd have to change the pronunciation a bit but the shortening is also an ordinary boy's name. So he's got options! I also remember a friend growing up who didn't like his name so always went by his initials, which my son could do. My dh's nickname growing up was based on his surname like Smithy so ds could also do that.

Yep, I'm overyhinking again! I'm going to do my best to go to sleep now but I'm going to come back to the thread in the morning, thank you all so much, what would I do without mumsnet

They're not perfectly fine IMO. I would hate to be a grown male called Robin or Kim. Names do matter and make a difference, and parents aren't always skilled name-givers.

It is hard to say without knowing the name…

but my oldest daughter has a unisex name, used more for girls in America but in UK it’s definitely more popular with boys, I didn’t know anyone with the name before we chose it. I’ve only had few people say “he” after I said her name, but they were strangers and I couldn’t be bothered to correct them, but my SIL has had many occasions people call her baby he to her face because she’s bald!

I can empathise OP, I remember that feeling when she was a newborn that I’d made a mistake picking it, and she is my eldest and first time picking a name.. but she’s 5 now and she is her name completely, she loves her name and actually loves that some boys have her name too.

Ok well regardless of your hypothetical feelings, why would you look at someone experiencing post partum depression and say something that could make it worse 😭 she clearly loves her boys name, as does her husband, and does not need anything but reassurance (especially awake alone at 2 am!!). And besides, like pp said, the actual man named Kim doesn't mind that his name is Kim, because it's his name!

I'm just responding to a question on a forum, entitled 'Unisex name regret', and OP who says "But my heart sinks every time I have to clarify with a friend or hcp who's just met him "oh he's a boy? I thought it was a girl".

Brief understandings about names are quite common so that wouldn’t lead you to need to change your baby’s name. I used to work with a woman whose surname sounded like a Chinese surname, she said that her whole family were white British for at least the last 3 generations ( she did a family tree) no idea where the name originated from. She said that a lot of people were surprised when they first met her, as they had made assumptions about her ethic origin based on her name. Someone else that I worked with a long time ago had a common Polish first name, everyone assumed she was Polish til they met her, her family was not Polish her mum just liked the name when she she was pregnant. Again an assumption made just because someone has a particular name, but easily resolved after just a minute or so.

Given how many unisex names there are out there you’re being really weird picking 2 out at random and saying you would hate them. I don’t see an issue with either of them. I think often people assume a name is more one gender than another simply because they know more of them but once they know they know and it’s fine.

It's not weird to express an opinion about baby names in a baby names forum. Because it's a forum to discuss baby names.

Jordan? Once you clear up any confusion, it's fine OP. Stop worrying.

Hard to respond without knowing the name. However my DH once worked with an Army Major Kim, who was male.

If people think he’s a girl that means he’s a good looking baby 🥰 People always mistook my DS for a girl if he was wearing anything neutral like grey, I think it was his lovely long eyelashes.

As soon as he’s not a baby anymore it will become very obvious.