Unisex name regret

[Mumoftwo1316]

I think I might have (mild) ppd which is affecting how I feel about this.

My ds is 4mo and we just couldn't agree on a name for him for ages. Finally we found one we both liked enough.

It's a unisex name, not very common, but until say 20y ago it was a boy's name. Now it's fast on the rise as a girl's name and quite trendy, especially in the US.

We've had quite a few misunderstandings where people have thought he was a girl, mishearing when I've said "he" and just assuming from the name. I find myself choosing extra boyish looking baby clothes to try and prevent this, which is crazy, I never bothered with gendered clothing with my dd.

Dh says it's fine and he likes the name and it suits him.

I can't decide how I feel. There's a little road near where I live that happens to have the name "[ds's name] road" and it gives me a spark of joy when I drive past the sign - so does that mean I'm OK with the name? But my heart sinks every time I have to clarify with a friend or hcp who's just met him "oh he's a boy? I thought it was a girl"

Please don't ask me the name, I don'tthink I could bear a whole thread saying "yep I'd have assumed girl too"!

Name changed for this because I'm prolific on mumsnet but I'm ashamed of how I feel about this. Just needing a handhold really

Dylan or Campbell?

Both very rare in girls in the UK.

I have several friends of both sexes called Alex and Chris. Any initial error is immediately obvious and they don't seem to suffer from having a unisex name.

I met someone called Keighley the other day, I have been conversing with them via email for a while now but completely got their gender wrong and the pronunciation wrong.

now I have met them I know and it won’t happen again, it’s not a big deal.

I have a friend who purposefully went for unisex names so that there wouldn’t be any pre conceived ideas of them before meeting them, I.e over email or on job applications you wouldn’t know if it was a boy or girl.

My first thought was Rowan - which I love for a boy. I couldn't imagine a horrid Rowan, they just sound like they'd be a lovely person!

Lots of names are unisex in their shortened form eg
Sam
Charlie
Alex
Jo
Chris
Nicky

I know both men and women with the above shortened names. It doesn't seem to cause them any issues.

I think you are tired, stressed and overthinking this, OP.
There have always been names that are unisex, it's nothing new. I know pink for girls/blue for boys is heresy on mumsnet but it comes in handy sometimes and saves having to explain what sex your baby is.
Just enjoy him while he's tiny and cute.
He'll be a marauding toddler soon enough 🥰🥰

Is it pronounced KEITH-ly, as in the North Yorks town? 😅

At 4 months a lot of dc haven't lived into their name long enough. Soon it won't just be A name it will be ds...

I'm glad to hear that you've realised it's not about the name and that you need some help with your PPD.
When we get fixated on something like that (whether it's their name, or the shape of their head or their ears or whatever) it can sometimes be a wake up call that we've gone into a spiral. I think it's sometimes our protective instinct gone a bit haywire and coupled with the reality that we can never protect them from everything in the world we can worry obsessively about something like this.

Wishing you all the best and I'm sure your child's name is lovely :)

My son has an old fashioned English male name that is now rarely used here but frequently used for girls in the US. I am a big worrier but I am not even remotely worried about it causing confusion for him and I’m not worried for your son either, OP! It’s a great name; he loves it and, aged 2, frequently shouts “I’M SAM!” (It’s not Sam, but you get the idea.) Incidentally he also has his dad’s very straightforward first name as his middle name. I bet your son’s name is brilliant and you’ll love it when he’s got a bit older.

I know several male Robins and not a single female one!

West Yorkshire!

Is it Addison?

I have a 23 year old Addison and it annoys me that it's a girls name as we used it because his father is Adam and it means 'son of Adam'

I'm glad you're feeling better OP.
I really don't think you need to worry. When I was young Jordan (I know you haven't said the name so this is just an example) was typically a boys name in the UK though also popular for girls in the US. Then after Katie Price adopted it, it became much more common for girls. I have a (male) client in his 40s called Jordan and his email signature is Jordan Smith (Mr) as sometimes people aren't sure. But it was as simple as that to address, he says he never gave it a moment's thought after that.

It might be more complicated if a boy was called Angelica or Daisy but I doubt it's anything like that!

@RogueFemale I know several Robins, all male, and 1 Robyn, female. There are 3 Kims at work - 2 men and 1 woman.

I can guess OP's baby's name and it is unisex but becoming more popular for girls.

I have a Robin. People used to think he might be a girl a lot when he was a baby. It doesn't happen at all now he's a child. I love his name - it's easy to spell and pronounce whilst also being very unusual for someone his age. There are more girls than boys called Robin in our local area which I suppose is US influenced but still very few. I think when he's older if he hates it he can be called "Rob". And it's traditionally a boy's name which is all I'm bothered about. If you hate it it's not too late to change.

And yes my son has enormous eyes and very long eyelashes - he's gorgeous! I'm sure this is where it's coming from with your little one.

Never in a million years would I have thought robin (with an i) was a girls name

When I first moved to the US, I met a girl called Aubrey, when my Sil said Aubrey's coming over I was expecting a boy. I have since met many female Aubreys in the US.

Overthinking your decision. My uncle-in-laws name is Jackie (sounds the exact the same as female name Jacqie), and nobody bat's an eyelid. He's just Jackie, and it suits him.

@Mumoftwo1316 , if it's any consolation I've guessed boys with boys' names to be girls.
I did wonder why they had given their daughters boys' names and dressed them in boys' clothes.

If you want to, you can change the name. If you don't want to, then I'd introduce him as 'Here's my son, Name' or 'Name Thomas Surname'.

People have got through life with names like Ashley, Lindsay, Sandy, Nicky, Vic, Fran etc.

There is nothing wrong with those names. And I think Robin and Kim sound much better for a boy than a girl anyway. Similarly with Rowan to me that is traditionally a boy's name.

My son has a male name that ends in a y and loads of people think he's a girl! He just has very long lashes and beautiful hair. A lot of babies look quite 'girly' so that probably doesn't help the current confusion. Once he's a bit older I doubt people will get their wires crossed as often!

Depends if it's something like Aubrey.

My DS was always mistaken for a girl. He has a unisex name much more common in boys (think something like James) but people still thought he was a girl.
No problems now.
Don't worry, OP, and it sounds like your DH is a great support, which is fantastic.

@Mumoftwo1316 try to not think about it anymore OP I know easier said than done but you love it and you named him it along with your husband don't worry about the what ifs x