Unisex name regret

[Mumoftwo1316]

I think I might have (mild) ppd which is affecting how I feel about this.

My ds is 4mo and we just couldn't agree on a name for him for ages. Finally we found one we both liked enough.

It's a unisex name, not very common, but until say 20y ago it was a boy's name. Now it's fast on the rise as a girl's name and quite trendy, especially in the US.

We've had quite a few misunderstandings where people have thought he was a girl, mishearing when I've said "he" and just assuming from the name. I find myself choosing extra boyish looking baby clothes to try and prevent this, which is crazy, I never bothered with gendered clothing with my dd.

Dh says it's fine and he likes the name and it suits him.

I can't decide how I feel. There's a little road near where I live that happens to have the name "[ds's name] road" and it gives me a spark of joy when I drive past the sign - so does that mean I'm OK with the name? But my heart sinks every time I have to clarify with a friend or hcp who's just met him "oh he's a boy? I thought it was a girl"

Please don't ask me the name, I don'tthink I could bear a whole thread saying "yep I'd have assumed girl too"!

Name changed for this because I'm prolific on mumsnet but I'm ashamed of how I feel about this. Just needing a handhold really

I hope you’re sleeping well now OP.

I’m an overthinker so empathise x

In the gentlest possible way, whatever treatment or support you're getting for your ppd, please go back to your hcp and ask for more.

I thought Robin was for boys (Robin Hood, Batman and Robin etc), and Robyn for girls…

Why would you hate that? DH is called Robin, its never been an issue. When he was born it was always a boys name, never a girls. That's changed more recently but he's only once had someone surprised that he's male rather than female, and that was in the Statea.

I remember the first time I came across a little girl called Jordan and being very surprised as I only knew it as a boys name. And then suddenly there were loads of female Jordans.

OP, it's really not going to be an issue for your son. Lots of names are gender neutral.

Whoops, not sure how you reply to a specific comment! It was a while ago!

My brother is Robin and incidentally is married to a woman called Robyn. It's quite clear who is who.

This is such a bizarre comment. I thought you were listing 2 names of opposite end of the spectrum. Like unisex names that are still mostly used by men, vs names mostly used by women. I’ve only ever known one female Robyn, never a Robin. But I’ve met easily 10 male Robin’s.

These days DC are called all sorts so it won't be an issue

It'll be fine

If it helps OP, my kids have typically gendered names and people constantly mistook them for the other because my daughter was bald, but my son had blonde curls. Like you, I felt a bit sensitive and would sometimes cover my daughter in pink and people still did it. You just can’t really tell with a baby.

Once your kid is older, and especially an adult it becomes especially obvious and I just don’t think it will happen.

I have more than one unisex name on my boys list, including Robin. I don’t think it will be a Hangup this new little generation has either. So try not to worry. Focus on the ping of happiness you get when you see it.

I hope you got some sleep.

There's dh to consider too, it's not just OPs decision.

I get exactly the same. Mines got a typically boys name and even dressed head to toe in boy colours, people still think he's a girl 😅 OP there are so many unisex names that it really won't be a problem when he gets older and looks like a boy. If you love the name, don't worry about anyone else

I'm an early years teacher and Unisex names are really common now. His generation are not going to give a hoot and 99.9 % of our generation don't either.

The pp about the name Robin made me laugh, who ever cared about Robin Williams name? It was / is perfectly normal.

My daughter had a pink pram hood. Pink blankets. Floral sleepsuits. People still asked if she was a boy or girl!!!

(not getting into colour stereotypes- I know - but hopefully people see my point!) people don’t always think they just see a lovely baby.

I (female) have a unisex name, while DH has a pretty unique totally made up by his drugged-up hippie mother name that no-one has any preconceptions about whether it's masculine or feminine.
Whenever we're introduced as a couple for the first time, it's invariably assured that he's "my name"...
Doesn't matter in the slightest. It's literally just a couple of seconds' worth of clarification.

Was the name a risk when you chose it? How do people respond when you correct them? I think if it's commonly a boys name too and there is no reaction I wouldn't worry. If people are then shocked and comment and want further explanation I would consider changing it or like you say use the middle name, even it is his dads name could he be a longer version/shorter version , junior etc . It's not unusual for folk to think babies are the opposite sex when they are tiny and this period will soon pass.

You might hate it but you do understand that not everyone is you?

People are so weird about baby genders. My baby dd is the most archetypal baby girl you’ve ever seen - massive blue eyes and a little button nose - but because I dress her in reds, greens and blues that are (in my view) feminine but not overly so as we are outside a lot with horses etc so trousers for warmth are important - she is misgendered all the time. She also has a unisex nickname (think like puppy / pup).

The other day she was wearing a green outfit with pomegranates on it, which is symbol of femaleness, but because it isn’t pink with unicorns, I spent all day correcting people about her gender. Never mind! It amuses me that people are so simplistic; it makes me a little sad that we are so pinkified as a culture.

more importantly, what can you do about your ppd? What worked last time? Medication? Therapy? Family support? Sounds like this issue is a bit of a canary in a coal mine, so it’s a great opportunity to tackle how you’re feeling.

Is it Taylor? I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if a boy was called that despite lots of people using it for girls now.
Blake Lively called her daughter James and Jessica Simpson called her daughter Maxwell and I’d see both of those names as definitely male.

Those unisex names are great: I love meeting a Bailey, Taylor, Riley etc. and honestly don’t blink twice regardless of gender. It will be fine!

The only one that made me stop was Vivien for a boy (when I was young) but once I clocked it, I never thought of it again.

But you're not helping the OP. In her case, it's probably just anxiety.
That said, OP, your feelings are absolutely real, but definitely should talk to someone about these.

I know one of both. Males. Not an issue.

I think the name is Jesse which I love, but this is why I didn't call my son that

My little boy has a 'boys' name and even when he was in a football kit with his name on his back I would get asked 'how old yours little girl'. One women even questioned if I was sure he was a boy 😂🙄

I know an adult male called Robin. It’s never occurred to me (or him) that his name is in any way a girl’s name. My own DS has an old-fashioned typical boy’s name & he was often mistaken for a girl.

Also if this is the name this was on my list but it's my best friends little boys name so I couldn't use it but I love it! Xx