Godmother stole my son's name

[MagsMaggie]

My baby son's Godmother recently had a baby boy and called her son the EXACT same name as my son, her Godson. She did not even ask us before stealing his name. I know that my son does not "own a name" however we did not use another name as she asked us not to. The name we gave our son is unusual. She had not heard of the name until we named our son. What type of Godmother names her newborn son after her baby godson? Our sons are so close in age. She even used the exact same spelling. My partner and I are angry. Are we being unreasonable? I feel like she has ended her relationship with us by doing this

Change your son’s name to another name but keep him he original name. Godmother sounds nuts so she may swap names if it’s a competitiveness thing. And dial down your contact with her.

What happened to the name she asked you not to use?

You just need to get over this one but perhaps your relationship going forward should be less controlled by her....

I have about 6 female cousins all sharing the same name or a shorten version. Including an adopted sister whom we have gotten to know!
Actually on that point one cousin started to spell her shorten version the same as I have always done 😁🤣
Serious lacking in imaginative names here!
I know it’s irritating OP, ignore your SiL ‘s requests about not using names in future.

I think you could make up your own silly nick name for her son that you call him to avoid confusion when you are together.

Hello Godmother - we are going to be calling baby Arthur, Artie going forwards to avoid any confusion for my family

This may annoy her intensely and would be quite funny

She even used the exact same spelling

It's one of "those" names, isn't it?

This is all very silly. She hasn't stolen your name, but she will look a bit odd to other people who know you both.

I’d be really annoyed by this. I would be even more annoyed if I’d respected her request not to use an alternative name that I’d liked and she wanted to use. A name is special. She doesn’t respect you and her wants are more important than your right to name your baby. She is selfish and I don’t think i would want to continue to be her friend.

In our family my brother, B-i-L and B-i-l's dad all have the same name. I didn't even notice for several years that I had accidentally called our cat the same and no one else mentioned it either.

My in-laws gave DH the same first and middle names as the baby next door. Not unusual names, but they also chose the same derivative (along the lines of Billy rather than William/Will/Bill). I find that weird, but it seems they just genuinely liked those names; their other sons have completely different names from the second boy next door. The families were and remain very good friends.

The wider issue here is the friend's behaviour, because everything has been done on her terms. When she didn't want the boys to have the same name, she "bagged" the one you originally liked best. Why was that her right? Now she has decided, unilaterally, that it's fine for them to have the same names after all.

I wouldn't fall out over the names, but I would certainly question that behaviour. You friend must remember what she said about the original name, so why not raise it with her?

What's weird is you have a close friend who never told you her possible baby names.
Then to do this makes me think you aren't the friends you thought you were.
If its hurt you, you are allowed to say that it's hurt you. You can even say you would have preferred your sons to not share a name for lots of reasons. You can say you're disappointed she didn't signal her intention to give you choice of not naming your baby that if she was dead set on it.
If she had said to you on hearing your name choice - I am going to use that name too, would you have changed it? Or would you have used it and tried to change her mind? Or assumed she wasn't mental enough to do it?
You need to get your reasons in order because otherwise in 5 years when someone says don't you speak namestealer anymore? Why not?
And you have to either say, I stopped seeing her as a friend... Or you have to say she was a great friend but she used the same baby name...
One of them sounds pretty silly tbh.
And unless you're willing to talk to her about it, again you probably aren't the great friends you claim to be.

I'm not surprised you're upset. She has been devious about it and it's a bloody cheek that she has done this considering she asked you to avoid a name she liked, then she went and used your exact (unusual) name. Double standards right there!

Is she jealous of you generally?

Reading the title of the thread I was like 'oh, another of these silly things' but NOPE, I'd be pissed off, mostly because I think it's showing an imbalance in respect.

She asked you not to use a name BECAUSE she didn't want both your kids potentially having the same name... but goes and does exactly that with your second, new choice of name?!!

How bloody weird.

Idk why are there several comments on 'well then maybe you shouldn't tell people your ideas for names'. The OP's baby is already born so she can't/shouldn't keep his name a secret...??

I have a good friend from childhood, but due to me moving away we don't see each other a lot, maybe once a year or 18 months. She had two children before me. When I was pregnant with my second child, me and my husband agreed we liked the name she had for her son, so I sent her a message along the lines of, no pressure at all, but how would you and your husband feel if we have a boy and called it the same name as your son? She replied to say they would be fine with that, especially as we hardly saw each other. I checked with her again before he was born to be doubly sure. I think what your friend has done is quite sneaky, especially as she is your son's godmother. It doesn't seem like the kind of behaviour you would expect from a true friend. I would sent her a message saying you are both upset that she has chosen the same name and did she not thing it would have been polite to ask if it would be an issue for you first. See what she says then see if you can get over the anger you are feeling, which is understandable. If not then it's time to re-evaluate the friendship.

If the godmother lives in a different town, the kids will go to different schools/classes then it's not a problem.

If you were sisters who lived two doors up from each other, and your families all lived in the same very small town and the babies were near enough the exact same age, then yes I'd be v annoyed.

I feel like I am in a parallel universe when I come across threads like this. People actually saying ‘end the friendship!’ Over someone using the same name as you. Where did this ridiculous obsessive preciousness over ‘unique’ names come from that people would actually prioritize maintaining the uniqueness of a name over an actual friendship. Why does ‘uniqueness’ matter so much to people in names? I just don’t get it.

Asking you to not use a name but then using the same name as you is a bit arsey though. Not enough to end a close friendship over though.

She's a cow. I'd have my say with her and drop her from my friendship group, and would ask someone else to be GM to my child.

What a bitch.

Wouldn’t bother me. 5 men in our family with the same name.

That's quite a bizarre thing to do.

To those saying 'it's just a name' and 'no one owns a name' - of COURSE. If I call my DD Holly and my neighbour calls her DD Holly, no drama.

If I want to call my DS Laurent because I once snogged a French boy called Laurent and loved his name, but his Godmother say's oh please don't use that name - it has terrible connotations for me, and I am KIND enough to take that one board, I don't expect her to find out that I am instead calling DS, Carmine after the Italian I snogged , and then call her DS Carmine as well.

Because, that would be mad.

OP - In your shoes, I would ask her why she has used that name, I really would. Tell her it seems bizarre at best, spiteful at worst and you are quite upset.

You clearly have a charmed life OP, if this bothers you. Lucky you.

Bizarre reaction.

She sounds a bit bonkers and has made herself look very silly.

YABU to be upset as it’s all very inconsequential, but I don’t think I would remain friends with her. Sounds a bit obsessed with you!

YABU , it's a name, you don't have sole rights to it, get over yourself.

If they're both called Tom or Dan, this isn't weird. If they're both called Huntyre or something then it's bloody weird.

But if they're both called Huntyre or something equally ridiculous that the poor kid(s) will have to spell out for the rest of their lives, then you're both being unreasonable!

I think she's mad. If she only ever thought of the name because you used it, then that is stealing a name. It's not comparable to using a well know name or one that had always been a favourite of hers.
I'd have to tell her that it's not cool what she's done and that she's landed her kid with a second hand name!

You dont own a name... you acknowledged this but don't seem to understand it. Say it again and again until it sinks in... You do NOT own a name, Something you do NOT own can NOT be stolen.

Yes god parents have ZERO claim to a child just from the title of 'godparent'.

A god parents job is to teach a child religion its not nor ever has been anything to do with care of a child after parents die.