Changing an infant's name when she's nearly 2

[Backtothe90splease]

When DD was born we couldn't decide on her name for weeks. We narrowed it down to two and went back and forth and eventually gave her one of the names with the other as a middle name. They quite similar, and start with the same letter.

I've had momentary wobbles since but always stuck with the choice. Last night I woke up in the night and just had a dawning realisation that I preferred the other name and I'd never have a chance to name a child again and I'd fucked it up.

She's 2 in September. Is it too late? I haven't broached it with DH or anyone else but can imagine the people who bought us lovely personalised gifts won't be too happy...

It doesn't help that people don't pronounce the name we chose as we'd expected. That's probably the case for a lot of names to be honest, people get my wrong all the time.

Gah. Is this a blip? Anyone changed a name this late?

It's too late. It's her property now. Not yours imo.

I changed my son’s name at 4 months but I wouldn’t at two, no. They know it is their name then. Just like adoptive parents are not allowed to give their adopted child a new name.

I have never really liked my second child’s name. It’s never seemed to fit ( his dad chose it). I just accept it. It’s not that big a deal.

Loads of people go by their middle name, just use that.

Not really an infant at 2 to be fair and no it's too late now to change the name.

If people are pronouncing her name incorrectly you could address that and it might help you feel better about it.

It’s her name now. Maybe when she is older she might change it, but not for you to decide

In my opinion it's too late. She's almost 2, she will recognise her name and may not feel the same about it as you do, if she decides she wants to change it then it should be her decision to make in the future. Also because of how long has passed it will always need to be declared on future forms, so changing it won't erase the fact she was called that name.

@Mercymymercyme adoptive parents are allowed to give their children new names. Everyone I know who has adopted kids 3 and under has done so. The one who adopted a 7 year old gave the kid the option and she picked her own new name.

outside of this though no I wouldn’t.

I use my middle name. The only time it's ever a problem is if someone else is booking plane tickets, which is rare!

it is quite late to be changing it though. Not necessarily too late - it's probably your last chance until you have to leave it up to her to choose which she prefers.

Could you just start calling her by her middle name?

I changed my baby's name, but the process was long. I didn't rush it. I'd never been certain of it and when he was 4 months regret really set in. We started to call him the name from 6 months. We still didn't officially change it on paper until he was nearly a year! The name we settled on was my original favourite so no regrets since (he's 17 months now).
I feel at nearly 2 it's probably too late. The process to change it is different too. It's easy to change before a year old.

wish I hadn't asked, wasn't what I wanted to hear.

We don't actually use her name much, she has a family nickname that we use day in day out but it's not one she'll like as she gets older as it's very babyish.

I feel like I've let her down by giving her a name people say differently from us, and that I don't love anymore. I was certain about her siblings names, and I still love them.

I have a lot of empathy for you though. The feeling of name regret was the worst feeling of regret I've ever had. 😞 I reckon a lot more people go through it than we realise!

You don’t need to officially change anything. At school, we often have children going by a different name than their birth certificate and even forms say ‘known as’. I know quite a few people that have totally different names than their official one.

People use nicknames all the time, they seem to stick. So try using your preferred name and see how it goes?

I was certain about her siblings names, and I still love them.

But they might not like them and may decide to change them, where as your daughter may love her name and never consider changing it.

The point being it their name, and how you feel about it may not reflect how they feel.

Maybe we could try her middle name for a little bit and see how it goes. I'll see what DH says.

God I'm such an idiot. I was suffering very very badly with perinatal and postnatal depression, long COVID, pelvic girdle pain, retained placenta and my 3rd section and I didn't think straight for months on end. I cried every time someone said her name.

It's hard having babies!

Just use her middle name. It’s very common to do this. I know several people who do so.
You can’t change a 2 year olds name for no good reason. Her name is part of her self identity now.

Thing is though you're centring yourself - why would you have let her down because you picked a name you don't love? Now she's a proper person with awareness, what matters is that she likes it. You've given no indication that she doesn't like it.

My daughter started using her full name not nickname at 5/6 and it is essentially a different name. That was her choice not mine so we just told the school and the teachers started calling her the long version. It can be done. My great grandmother was known as her middle name because she decided she preferred it from fairly young.

the pronunciation issue will probably sort itself out over time. New people might pronounce it wrong but everyone else will have learnt provided you correct them.

You don’t need to officially change anything

I agree. My name is still officially The Soup Dragon (not really, obviously) but I'm only ever known as Soup other than official things or where I've not bothered to correct them (the doctor calls me The for example).

I mean this kindly - but does it matter if you don’t love it? I think there’s too much angst over names; it’s a way of distinguishing one person from another. That she is who she is is what’s important. You’ve given her a name; it’s now “hers”. And unless it’s truly awful or wacko or now has dreadful connotations that you hadn’t realised (I remember a mother posting about changing her DD’s name from Isis a few years ago - she’d thought goddess and not terrorist organisation), just leave it at that. I’ve “gone off” one of my DD’s names a bit; I’d choose something else if I had my time again. But she likes it and it’s her and it’s “hers” - not my call any longer.

I empathise OP. It’s a horrible time and no wonder you couldn’t think straight. I bet her name is lovely though. Name regret can be a symptom of PND.

If you feel super strongly perhaps just use the middle name - it sounds like you had a tough time, but she might absolutely love her name, she's two and a whole little person, you've already got a family nickname you call her so there's no need to officially change things 😊

An officially changed name is an absolute pain as an adult - my mum changed mine when I was young like your daughter, it's followed me around in every form I've ever filled in and it's been a right pain, so if you can avoid that I would personally!

When we looked into adoption we were told this is a complete no. And I think that’s right. Changing the name of a two year old, 2.5 year old, 2 year 11 month old because the new parents would prefer another name is appalling.

If you think it’s not right for the birth parents, such as OP to do this to their birth children why is it ok for it to happen to adopted children? Adopted children are not lesser children.

@EmmaPaella but that was their choice, as it should now be with OP’s child