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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Changing an infant's name when she's nearly 2

109 replies

Backtothe90splease · 04/07/2023 07:30

When DD was born we couldn't decide on her name for weeks. We narrowed it down to two and went back and forth and eventually gave her one of the names with the other as a middle name. They quite similar, and start with the same letter.

I've had momentary wobbles since but always stuck with the choice. Last night I woke up in the night and just had a dawning realisation that I preferred the other name and I'd never have a chance to name a child again and I'd fucked it up.

She's 2 in September. Is it too late? I haven't broached it with DH or anyone else but can imagine the people who bought us lovely personalised gifts won't be too happy...

It doesn't help that people don't pronounce the name we chose as we'd expected. That's probably the case for a lot of names to be honest, people get my wrong all the time.

Gah. Is this a blip? Anyone changed a name this late?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ChatterMonkey · 04/07/2023 07:55

Could you start transitioning slowly, so start using both first amd middle names, so for example if her name was Milly Mandy, use both names so she gets more used to the second name being used, then gradually drop the first name?

TeenDivided · 04/07/2023 08:01

Littlegoth · 04/07/2023 07:39

@Mercymymercyme adoptive parents are allowed to give their children new names. Everyone I know who has adopted kids 3 and under has done so. The one who adopted a 7 year old gave the kid the option and she picked her own new name.

outside of this though no I wouldn’t.

Wow. I'm an adopter and the others I know haven't changed names. We added middle names, but didn't change the first name. The advice is generally not to change first names on adoption unless there is a safety risk due to a very 'out there' name or sibling set of names.

However OP, if you do change the name, keep the old one as a middle one.
Start by double barrelling new-old. So currently called Sue, you want to switch to katie. Start by saying Katie-Sue for a while and then drop Sue.

You only have a short window left, so if you want to do it get on with it.

Littlegoth · 04/07/2023 08:01

@Mercymymercyme No they aren’t lesser children, but when older children are adopted there are often safeguarding issues. That’s why there’s a difference.

I didn’t grow up with my birth parents either.

AlwaysWantingIceLollies · 04/07/2023 08:03

Yes I was going to say the same as @ChatterMonkey use both first and middle when you call her and then after a while just drop the first.

I can't stand my first name but would happily go by my middle name.

Soontobe60 · 04/07/2023 08:05

Littlegoth · 04/07/2023 07:39

outside of this though no I wouldn’t.

Adoptive parents cannot change the forenames if the child is over 6 months old now. They can change their surnames once the adoption is completed though.

Mumtothreegirlies · 04/07/2023 08:07

Littlegoth · 04/07/2023 07:39

outside of this though no I wouldn’t.

Really?? But then that doesn’t surprise me as there’s a forums out there for ‘rehoming’ adoptive children. I won’t even change my dogs names when I adopt them.

CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 08:08

She's two. It's her name, not yours. No, you can't change it.

Wherethewildthymeblows · 04/07/2023 08:11

I felt the same and wished I had called dd by her middle name. There is nothing wrong with her first name, it just isn't who we are iyswim. Dd felt the same when she was older and we discussed using her middle name instead. We told her she could do that when she started secondary school as she would be meeting so many new people she didn't know then. Oddly, it just never happened. She continues to use and be known by her first name. I think the name just becomes the much loved person you know in the end. Hopefully, you'll come to feel the same way. I can't imagine a 2 year old will not be confused and possibly harmed by having her name changed now.

Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 04/07/2023 08:12

It's not your name anymore op.

alittleadvicepls · 04/07/2023 08:28

You could just use the other name for a bit and see if it sticks. You don’t have to formally change it right now. Here in Ireland you can change it by name deed if the persons been using it for a year I think.

Efacsen · 04/07/2023 08:52

SoupDragon · 04/07/2023 07:41

I use my middle name. The only time it's ever a problem is if someone else is booking plane tickets, which is rare!

it is quite late to be changing it though. Not necessarily too late - it's probably your last chance until you have to leave it up to her to choose which she prefers.

Yeah my uncle was known by his middle name his entire life

No problem until he went into a nursing home at eighty and didn't respond to his first name leading staff to conclude his dementia was so bad he didn't know his own name

SylvanianFrenemies · 04/07/2023 08:57

Are you still depressed?

She's 2. It is her name. It would be weird for her to have her name changed for the sake of your feelings. Put her first.

TeenDivided · 04/07/2023 09:23

If you don't use her name much, does she 'know' it and respond to it?

With adoption, changing the name is generally a no because the name is one of the few things an adopted child gets to keep when they move families.

I think it is much less problematic to change the name of an under 2 yo within a standard family. If it helps you bond and she isn't too aware already due to you normally using a nickname, then i can see it might be beneficial.

If they ask why in future you can tell them the truth. 'i wasn't well after you were born and we chose X but really I preferred Y so when you were 22 months we added Y as a first name'.

yogasaurus · 04/07/2023 09:25

It’s too late now, it’s her name now.

user1492757084 · 04/07/2023 09:56

If the second name is what you prefer why change it officially? It is legal to be called by either of your forenames.
Use her full name (two first names) for a while so she identifies with both then sometimes use her second name only - see how that works.
Also keep reminding people how to say her first name.

Original poster

Backtothe90splease · 04/07/2023 10:01

Thanks for the views.

We generally hardly use her first name as we use the baby nickname. It's basically 'chubs' 'chubster' 'chubbington jones' 'chubby mcchubface' etc and is more of a daft term of endearment that I'm not sure she'll enjoy when she's a bit bigger...

The other name is her middle name already so I wouldn't officially change anything, more just that she'd be known as her middle name. DH is a bit non-plussed but happy to try it for a couple of days to see how it fits. It might be enough to make me realise it's not right for her and she is her other name after all.

OP posts:

TakeMe2Insanity · 04/07/2023 10:04

SoSoSoSo · 04/07/2023 07:32

It's too late. It's her property now. Not yours imo.

This!

somethingischasingme · 04/07/2023 10:07

We called our son by his middle name until he was 2. It then began to be incorporated into his first name as he started nursery and gradually metamorphosised into just his first name. I think you can change what you call her as long as it's gradual. Like introducing a nickname. So Sarah to Sarah-Lou to Sarah Louise to Louise iyswim?

Whinge · 04/07/2023 10:08

We generally hardly use her first name as we use the baby nickname.

Rather than use the middle name for a few days to tr it out, I think you need to start using her first name more. If she choses to use her middle name later on then that's her choice, but I think it's quite sad that you hardly ever use her name and prefer to call her Chubs, or a variation of.

Peony654 · 04/07/2023 10:11

I think it's too late to formally change it. As she grows she can chose which name she uses, it's not up to you. And if her name is being pronounced differently by most people, can't you just use that pronunciation instead

Plentiful · 04/07/2023 10:15

WimpoleHat · 04/07/2023 07:53

I mean this kindly - but does it matter if you don’t love it? I think there’s too much angst over names; it’s a way of distinguishing one person from another. That she is who she is is what’s important. You’ve given her a name; it’s now “hers”. And unless it’s truly awful or wacko or now has dreadful connotations that you hadn’t realised (I remember a mother posting about changing her DD’s name from Isis a few years ago - she’d thought goddess and not terrorist organisation), just leave it at that. I’ve “gone off” one of my DD’s names a bit; I’d choose something else if I had my time again. But she likes it and it’s her and it’s “hers” - not my call any longer.

Exactly this.

OP, you not loving the name is your own issue to deal with. Not anything to act on. It’s your child’s name now. She’s not an aspect of your aesthetic, like sofa cushions or paint colour.

And whoever said adoptive parents ‘are allowed’ to change their children’s names is getting it wrong. It is strongly discouraged, unless there is a compelling reason, like a very unusual name making the child easy to find on social media by birth family who are considered a threat in some way. Obviously, once the adoption legalities are finalised, the parents can do what they like legally, but the overwhelming majority of adopting parents are very aware that their child has a past that predates them and that maintaining a link to those origins may be important for their child later. And that includes a child with a name that is absolutely not something they would have chosen.

CatsOnTheChair · 04/07/2023 10:19

So, shes officially Layla Louise, known as Chubster at home, everyone uses a pronunciation of Layla you don't want, and you want to start introducing her as Louise?
That's fine. In the names above, I'm known as Louise - and have been since birth. I wouldn't advocate to deliberately name a baby like that, as it does cause confusion occasionally, but in your situation go for it - or at least take to DH about how you feel.

Original poster

Backtothe90splease · 04/07/2023 10:23

So, shes officially Layla Louise, known as Chubster at home, everyone uses a pronunciation of Layla you don't want, and you want to start introducing her as Louise?

Yes exactly. The first and middle names are pretty similar and same letter to begin with.

To those saying I'm centring myself and it's my issue I can absolutely see that. I think I just hadn't realised how many people would say the name in a way I hadn't anticipated and don't like much. I've corrected people and they don't change so I think she'll have to live with it and I don't want that to be an annoyance to her.

OP posts:

Guineapigwoes · 04/07/2023 10:29

Chubster! Poor kid

Hoolahoophop · 04/07/2023 10:31

Just use the middle name or the family nickname you are happy with?

Both my DC use their a nicknames at school, its on all communications, reports etc. Even the hospital use the chosen name rather than formal name. Most people don't know what their full names are. Just use the name you prefer, and the name your Child is used to. People will end up copying you, and then when your DC is registered at school etc. use their chosen name. You will only need to use their legal name on passports etc.

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