Changing an infant's name when she's nearly 2

[Backtothe90splease]

When DD was born we couldn't decide on her name for weeks. We narrowed it down to two and went back and forth and eventually gave her one of the names with the other as a middle name. They quite similar, and start with the same letter.

I've had momentary wobbles since but always stuck with the choice. Last night I woke up in the night and just had a dawning realisation that I preferred the other name and I'd never have a chance to name a child again and I'd fucked it up.

She's 2 in September. Is it too late? I haven't broached it with DH or anyone else but can imagine the people who bought us lovely personalised gifts won't be too happy...

It doesn't help that people don't pronounce the name we chose as we'd expected. That's probably the case for a lot of names to be honest, people get my wrong all the time.

Gah. Is this a blip? Anyone changed a name this late?

I regretted my eldest sons name. Everyone laughed at it and said it was a feminine name, even though it is a unisex name. Its a place name. But more common for girls.

He reverted to Islam and then chose a really lovely name, very similar to his actual name. For example like changing it from Jacob to Yaqob or Joseph to yusuf. Suits him much better and dad paid for it all to be sorted legally by deed poll.

This made me chuckle.

When my grandad was buried we found out his name was William. He was known as Alf.

Can you start using both names, then slowly drop the first name.

ie.

Annie

Annie Rose

Rose

This actually depends on region. We are not allowed to change names in this area or the neighbouring area. Whatever mum or dad picks is what you have.

But yeah, I agree with general consensus 2 is a bit late. She will be recognising that as her name by now.

I am absolutely give smacked that you would rather charge the name of a person than just continually tell Pele to STOP calling her the wrong name. That is just bonkers?!

You do know at 2 your child's only real sense of self is their name? It likely won't respond to anything other than that. Not "back to the 90s kid" or "marks sister" or "that kid that always picking her nose " or " The one whose parents have her a fat nickname.". But she knows her name surely?! Imagine having that taken away from you during a very important and vital stage of development of sense of self.

My daughter is named Sophie Rose (not real names) but we call her mainly Rosie! Try it out!

Could you stop fighting the other pronunciation and just change that? If the majority of people are getting it wrong, could it be that you've chosen an unusual pronunciation/spelling for the name?

I know a Ruaridh who changed his name to Rory, which I though was a shame but fully understood sometimes it's not worth the fight

The root of the word infant ultimately means "doesn't speak". It refers to babies who are too young to talk.

At nearly 2 years old, your daughter is not an infant, and this is massively relevant here. She will already know it's her name, she might even have started to recognise it visually, and it's a part of her identity formation.

It sounds like you've focused your difficulties around pregnancy and birth on to her name, but it's not fair on her to make her bear the consequences of those difficulties.

This would be really damaging. Don't do it.

The thing is you gave the name to your DC it's far too late now to take it back from her. It belongs to her now. I heard a lady call her son H a while back. I thought it a bit odd so said why do you call him H? She said she hates his name which she was bullied into accepting by his Dad.

I think adopted children are adopted with their name. That might be the only thing their birth parents ever gave them, so new parents should not take their name away from them. They could add in an extra middle name if they felt it was really necessary.

Don’t change her name- it’s part of her identity. Just correct people when they mispronounce it. Your daughter is a person not just an opportunity for you to name something.

Agree.
Three girls in my year at school went by their middle name.

I know a couple who adopted children (as opposed to babies or toddlers).
The children kept their known as name but had a new middle name.

@KinderCat thanks for clarifying, that makes sense then! All adopters I know are in the same region

I think what you’re saying is fine! I know lots of people that go by their middle name. And if she isn’t ever called her first name anyway it’s not like it’s a big change for her. Try a couple of days going by her middle name and go from there.

Could you create another less babyish nickname that you and she might be happier to carry on with as she grows? My DS nickname is just a silly mispronunciation of his name, we just changed the vowel sound e.g. calling him Grag instead of Greg. Grag isn't a name but I'm hoping he won't mind us calling him that as he grows because it's not babyish.

That might solve your day to day usage without changing her whole identity.

You think that you made a mistake in choosing her name, but if it’s a normal known name it’s probably fine. What if this is the mistake that you are making now?

If it's the pronunciation that's bothering you is changing the spelling an option. If she's Esme (for example) and you prefer the pronunciation Esmay rather than Esmee.

I think that whatever else you decide, you need to stop calling her Chubster now, before she figures out what it means.

My brother and dad both go by their middle names. my brother has said it's always a massive pain for letters, forms etc when he got his PhD he was Dr "first name" not the name he goes by all the time which really bothered him too .
Personally it's way to late to change her name and I also think it's not fair to call her by a different name than her official one.
Just call her by her give name, correct people if they say it wrong and accept it. You're doing her no favours by changing it or calling her a different name, it's just unnecessary confusion for her and other people for the rest of her life

I don't think you need to actually change her name. I would start by telling her her full name " your whole name is Alice May " or whatever then gradually swap them around she's 2, she won't be learning to write her name yet
When she starts school you can state " known as" on her entry form
I have severe PND myself and I know nothing seems right about life when you're in its clutches

I have had

Of course you can switch to using her middle name, this isn’t so unusual and she certainly won’t remember. Start by dropping the (dodgy) nicknames and replace by double barrelling her first and middles names eg Amelia-Jane. A bit later you can sometimes call her Jane or Janey and I’m sure there will be no problem.
Do get it sorted out before she starts nursery though

I think it will be fine to start using her middle name, as long as she doesn't object.

My DM changed her own name at 2, just refused to answer to her real name and only answered to a completely different name - which is the name she still goes by now.

I don’t think you can change it now in all honesty. My DS is turning two next week and refers to himself by his name sometimes (xxxxx’s toy, xxxxx’s drink etc) he knows it’s his name. I think it would be very confusing and also maybe weirdly hurtful? to her to change it now. She’s developing a sense of self and her name is part of that.