Should baby have two middle names ‘just to be fair’ to MIL?

[Merryclaire]

Our precious little girl arrived this week and while we have pretty much decided the first name (which we both seem to be equally happy with), we are disagreeing a bit on the middle name.

For a while now I’ve wanted it to be my mother’s middle name as it’s been passed down through a few generations and is a nice name too. I’ve mentioned this a number of times during pregnancy and he never said anything about not being happy.

However, DH suddenly now feels that if we’re honouring my mum we should also honour his mum by having her middle name as well.

Neither mums have ever been honoured for any other grandchildren and this could well be the last grandchild for both of them.

However, I feel like MIL’s name isn’t as nice and I don’t see that we should add it ‘just to be fair’ when there is a tradition in the maternal line of my family that is meaningful to me. Being a girl I think honouring the maternal line is more appropriate. And I think just adding both makes it less special for my mum.

Baby already has a 3-syllable first name and a double barrelled surname - so to me, 2 middle names feels excessive.

Should I fight for just my mum’s middle name or am I being precious and should I just add his mum’s to avoid conflict? Even though she’ll have a very long name!

What's the name? If it's something like Edna or Gertrude don't add it if you don't like it

I would tell everyone her middle name is for your gma, who you're very close to.

Had this exact same thing. I added it to please my dh. Whenever I fill out paperwork for my lo, I can usually only fit one middle name anyway so just use the one after my mum as that's the one that follows dd's first name. I don't really think about it now. I did explain to my mum why the second middle name was added and she understood, she also knew it was my preference not to so it didn't make it less special.

This.

@Wibbly1008 the surname is both their surnames not just his.

You have the good fortune to be married to a man who considers his mum's feelings. This isn't as common as you'd think. Add in her middle name.

DS1 has his late grandfather's name as a middle name. It doesn't flow, it's quite clunky but it's his grandfather's name and that's more important than aesthetics.

Surely your dh also gets a say and if you can't agree then you choose another name or not have a middle name as thats fair

If it was genuinely important to my husband id add both.
Not to be fair but for you both to have the input you both want.

And I'm sure your daughter will love having both her grandmas in her name in the future, especially when they're not around any more.

I wouldn't over-stress it, both of you get to happy and enjoy the new bundle 😊

I wouldn’t add it. She’s had chance to name her children and to honour who she chooses, it’s your turn now. It’s not rude or unfair- you’ve carried abs birthed your baby, follow your heart with the name

I think posters are missing the point that the OP does not want to include both names. She knows she can, she just does not want to.

I'm with you, OP. Baby gets your mother's middle name to carry on the tradition. I always think you carried that baby for 9 months and gave birth, and that gives you a little extra credit come time to hand out names.

Dh is trying not to upset his mother. He should realise that he is upsetting you. Tell him.

I'd just go with no middle name. Sounds much simpler to me.

If you are using your family's name mostly to carry on the tradition and it's not a name you would have picked otherwise then I think you should agree to your husband's choice of name too.

I think find a different middle name if you can't agree. Or both names to be fair. I don't think you get a stronger claim than his family.

In my family there have been lots of instances of babies being given the middle name of a dead grandparent but adding the other grandparents name to be fair. It doesn't matter that the other grandparent is still alive, its not fair to exclude them.

And then if she gets married she goes triple barrelled!

As others have said, if you’re only having one child, give her both names or neither, and choose something different.

Having read the comments I completely disagree with suggestions it’s not fair or even ‘cruel’ to not use MIL’s name. And the poster who criticised me for not just traditionally taking my husband’s last name can jog right on!

Why do I need to honour everyone in my child’s name? None of our siblings honoured both sides in all their DCs’ middle names.

It’s not just my mum’s middle name, it’s a legacy name on my maternal line. If it were about honouring my mum I’d use her first name, not middle name, but it’s a several generation family name that has meaning to me.

DH only wants his mum’s middle name in there now so as not to offend her, and as a response to me wanting mine - it’s not a ’family’ name and he wouldn’t care if I said no middle name at all. So I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to saddle LO with 5 names that don’t sound good together.

The fact that MIL wasn’t honoured in the names of her other 5 DGC doesn’t mean I should therefore have to.

DH also loves baby’s first name, which is his first choice, so it’s not like he has had to compromise on that front.

So I’ve decided it’s all or nothing - I’d rather not have either middle name than use 5 names.

When DS was born we had agreed on a first name and a second name which happened to be the name of my late father. In his excitement, my DH when registering our DS's name, impulsively added his favourite late Grandpa's name (without consulting me) which was horrible and really old fashioned. Most old names have come back into fashion but not this one. When my DS was older and getting a passport, he asked to officially drop his third name which has now been done. Don't be coerced

Another WTF?! “Wouldn’t drop”? Why should she (or any other woman) drop her name?!

Do you plan to have more kids?
Could you suggest that if you have another daughter, she's gets a middle name from his side of the family?

A double-barrelled surname is burden enough. Don't give the poor kid two middle names.

Agree with your husband, have both.

I also agree with previous posters' comments.
Will your MIL even know the middle name is your mum's middle name?

It’s not just my mum’s middle name, it’s a legacy name on my maternal line. If it were about honouring my mum I’d use her first name, not middle name, but it’s a several generation family name that has meaning to me.

I think a lot of people are missing this point and responding as though you're using your mum's first name as a middle name.