Husband or mine names part 2

[Depakote]

Hey, it's me again lol. Baby is born, and it's girl. She still doesn't have a name.

Husband and I are still "arguing" about the name because he is picking , what I find, a ridiculous name! He dropped the "Harper-Rose" when I showed him the comments. But now he's determined to have her named "Levi-Lily" Please tell me it ridiculous because his mother thinks it's a good name.

We both like the name Alba, but he keeps saying she looks like a Levi-Lily. No. She does not. Anyone like his choice?

Oh FFS. OP, you need your own bank account and a card to go with it. It’s fine to have a joint account too, but you should also have proper access to that so you know how the family finances are faring from month to month.

Look, even if your relationship is loving and caring and you have no interest in leaving, one day you will simply have to engage with basic financial literacy because you will in all probability live 30years ish longer than your husband. And before that, there is likely to be a long period of time where your husband is retired but you are working. You need to know how bank accounts work. Open one up (I’m sure your parents would help with this! Maybe you already have a childhood savings account?). Get child benefit sent to your account, not a joint account and not your husband’s account. Even if your husband’s earning put you over the threshold and he has to pay back the equivalent of child benefit in tax, then it will still be money you control.

When you have a bank account, the day you decide to get a job you can just get your salary paid straight into it. So your husband won’t get a say in whether or not you work. It will be your decision.

Every woman needs a ´running away fund’. Money or credit in your own account that you could use in an emergency to get away from home. Having this gives you power, even if you never ever want or need to use it. It gives you the option to be able to leave, if you ever decide your domestic situation is intolerable. This means you will feel better able to stand up for yourself when you disagree with your husband. Don’t call it a ´running away fund’ in front of your partner obviously. Call it your emergency fund.

Same @PancakesWithCheese I am almost hoping that the links with time travellers wife hint that.

@Depakote if this is true your relationship is very shocking and abnormal and completely abusive and as I have said if I knew you in real life would report it as a safeguarding concern for your daughter because it is not normal and I would be concerned about possible abuse towards her

Will you be allowed to go out with your DD to baby groups or will her abuse start by being forced to be at home with you and have no normal interaction

Putting aside any pp’s suggestions of grooming when you were underage, are you starting to see why the age gap situation makes people wary of your husband? There is no way a man like your husband could control a wife or girlfriend this way if she was say, 25 when he met her. Because she would already have a bank account and card and be able to navigate some of these things alone, so she would be very unlikely to tolerate having no access to money that wasn’t directed controlled by him.

Set up a bank account for your daughter too. It doesn’t need to be today, but having a child’s savings account that can later have a current account added when she is a teen means she will always have access to her own money and will never be in your situation of having no money and no hope of getting hold of any in the event of a disagreement with her romantic partner.

Ok I'm calling it now. Stitch up.

Took it too far with the porn star clothes.

Bravo OP you had me for a while, should have known all along (I mean, Levi-Lily...WTF).

You say he isn't abusive and yet the more information you give, the more you are describing abusive behaviour.

Reading your posts is literally like ticking off boxes on a bingo card of classic abusive behaviour.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-abuse-recognise-the-signs/domestic-abuse-recognise-the-signs

Going through your posts in turn:

1. He decided he was going to marry you when you were six years old, i.e. a whole 10 years before you were considered old enough to consent to sex and 12 years before you were considered old enough to marry without parental consent.
2. You're still in pain from giving birth and he is "giving you a hard time" because you won't agree to give your child a name he loves and you hate, rather than the one you previously agreed upon together.
3. He's said he wants to keep getting you pregnant until you provide him with a son.
4. He has had violent physical fights with your dad.
5. He has "ruined your family life".
6. He controls who you are allowed to be friends with.
7. He controls where and when you are allowed to go out.
8. If you go out without him he will bombard you with phone calls and make sure you don't have a good time.
9. When he is out, he calls the landline to check you are at home where he wants you to be.
10. He stopped you from studying and getting any qualifications.
11. You don't have your own bank account or access to your own money, meaning you are completely financially dependent on him.
12. This is the first thing you've pushed back on in 17 years and he isn't willing to listen to what you want.
13. He makes you share your location so he can check up on you.
14. He controls what you wear and makes you dress like a porn star.

All of these are absolutely classic signs of abuse.

Added to that, the fact that he groomed you to be his future wife from the age of 6 and he makes you dress like a porn star when you don't want to make me worry that it isn't safe for your baby daughter to be around him without supervision.

Please listen to your family and take your daughter far away from this horrible, dangerous man.

And for goodness sake, register her birth before he can. Call your parents in secret and get them to book the appointment and take you to it, get it done, and then leave him.

And if you are a troll, this is very unfunny.

I'd still rather you were trolling than for real though.

OK if you say so

Why would I be trolling? I came here to talk about names first, the conversation took an unexpected turn.

If it seems unbelievable to you, why would women aid or anyone help me or believe me in real life? Exactly

@Depakote

One of two things is true - and only you know which. Either you have taken on board things from Time Travellers Wife and Courtney and DOug Stodden and various other things.

Or this is your truth. A truth that people find so horrifying they cant possibly see is truth. If it is this one, he isnt a good man, you have been groomed, you are in an abusive relationship and if you dont run now you run the risk of your daughter either being taken into care or abused.

So if it is the former - bravo
If the latter - leave to your parents now

They would help you because you've spent most of your life being controlled by an abusive man, and they exist to help people in situations like yours.

I will never allow anyone to do anything to my daughter.

Yes but we could argue that I did that to myself, by moving in with him and being to stupid to take care of my finances.

Has this happened, fellow mumsnetters?

In real life people could clearly see you’re in your early twenties and he’s nearly 50. And then the rest would be totally believable.

OK. I am gonna go now, because this whole "you are a troll" thing is upsetting and annoying. If you think I am one. Then OK be it. Thank you for people who tried to help and give me new perspectives. Byebye

TulipVictory

It is for epilepsy.

So but I burst out laughing at Levi Lily 😂😅 Is he on drugs? 🤭

If you are genuine then I really recommend posting on the relationships board.

Please think about what people have said. We are only concerned about you and your daughter.

OP if it is real, your posts are very shocking.

Maybe as your daughter grows and approaches 6 years old you'll see how disturbing the situation is.

In the meantime I suggest you do an online finance course, get your own bank account, and as a pp said get the child benefit paid into it.

Glad to hear your parents are there if needs be.

Lily-Alba with Levi as a first name if he insists

Middle name I meant!

This is so sad he has done all of this to you and you still think it’s your fault :(

Surely you trust your parents to have your back? You have a kid now! Look after her.

Omg this has got to be a joke

Levi Lily ???????

Then again "Alba" is equally as bad

Levi-Lily is erm... Interesting.

To be really honest it sounds very downmarket and I think people would judge her, or you, before meeting her.

I quite like Alba though it wouldn't be my personal choice. There is nothing wrong with Lily either but Levi is awful and Levi-Lily even worse