@Depakote He did tell me though that when he saw me to the first time, he knew he'd married me one day. So I am happy he has chosen me. He is very caring, intelligent.
He’s known you since you were 6 years old. He’s a paedo. You’re also in a controlling relationship:
psychcentral.com/lib/signs-controlling-partner-relationship#signs-of-a-controlling-partner
- They make decisions for you
There’s a blurry line between attentiveness and pressure. But it may be the latter if your partner routinely makes decisions for you. This is controlling behavior.
Perhaps they always insist on driving you everywhere, or they hog time in your schedule.
They may also make arrangements with your friends without asking you first, or they may paint or redecorate according to their taste only.
If they disagree with the way you dress, they might tell you so, or they could start slowly “changing your wardrobe” by buying specific outfits as gifts to you.
- They’re overprotective
Caring for you isn’t the same as controlling you, though sometimes it may be difficult for you to tell them apart.
A partner may be overprotective if they question who you’ve gone out with, get upset if you don’t answer a phone call right away, or act jealous of your friends and family.
They may also assume that you’re only safe when they’re around, or they may ask you to consult with them every time you’re making a decision about your life.
A controlling partner may be on top of your medical appointments, draw a special diet for you, or advise you against that coworker they don’t like.
Any of these behaviors on their own might not mean anything in particular. But if your partner or spouse repeatedly acts this way and won’t take your interests, needs, and opinions into account, they might be trying to control you.
- They play the blame game
A controlling person can have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions.
You may confront a controlling boyfriend, only to find that they’ve somehow turn it back around on you. You may even find yourself apologizing for something you didn’t know you needed to be sorry for.
For example, let’s say you’ve been texting your close friend about your relationship difficulties. While you’re in the shower, your girlfriend goes onto your phone and reads those private messages, then gets mad at you for what they saw.
Instead of admitting that they invaded your privacy in the first place, they might shift the blame to you in order to avoid responsibility for their choices. This is a sign of controlling behavior in relationships.
- They criticize you
This is more than a careless remark here or there — after all, we all have our bad days.
Criticism can look like making jokes about you in front of other people, disparaging the way you dress, or always pointing out mistakes — like the one place you forgot to shave your legs or a little bit of dust you forgot to clean on the floor.
Over time, constant criticism can erode your sense of self-confidence, and it may also lead you to act in certain ways to avoid being criticized.
- They micromanage you
A controlling romantic partner may try to prevent you from living your life as you typically would. They might:
tell you what you can wear or how you should wear your hair
pressure you to stay at a certain weight
try to control your finances
prevent you from getting medical care or seeing a therapist
tell you when you can go to work or school
hide your school or work materials from you
A controlling partner may also show this tendency in everyday situations. For example, they could:
always ask you about your conversations when you hang up the phone
check what you just got out of the fridge
supervise what you buy at the grocery store
- They isolate you from others
Isolating behavior can be subtle, like tuning out the conversation when you share stories about other people or giving you an eye roll when you answer phone calls.
It can also be more overt.
A controlling partner may complain about how much time you spend with other people, like friends or family. They may put down your loved ones or say that they’re a bad influence on you. They may even act in certain ways that create friction when your friends or family are around.
They can also isolate you by demanding your attention with a crisis, in order to prevent you from following through on plans with other people. They might give you the silent treatment whenever you choose to spend time with someone else.
- They gaslight you
The term “gaslight” is inspired by the 1944 film of the same name. In it, a husband slowly leads his wife to believe she’s losing her mind by doing things like dimming the gaslights and then pretending that he didn’t.
A controlling partner may downplay an experience, like an angry outburst, and then accuse you of being overly sensitive. They may also say something hurtful, then follow it up with, “It was just a joke. You’re being dramatic.” This is gaslighting.
They may even deny saying things, lie to you or tell you that your gut instinct is wrong. At times, they may even ask you to seek help, saying that you’re losing your grip on reality.
- They invade your privacy
A controlling partner may demand to see your recent chat history, or they may read your diary while you’re at work. They may also constantly ask what you’re thinking or how you’re feeling.
They may monitor your activity, like following you in their car, watching how many steps you take on Fitbit, or keeping track of what you’re doing through social media or searching on Google.
They may also ask to have your passwords and present it as “if you have nothing to hide, why wouldn’t I have those?” You have the right to your privacy and demanding you don’t is a sign of a controlling partner.
- They trespass on your boundaries
If you say “no” to something, a controlling partner may try to talk you out of it. This can look like pressuring you to change your mind or arguing with you about why you’re wrong.
This goes for physical boundaries as well. For example, you make plans with someone else and let your partner know that you’re going to be unavailable, but your partner shows up at your house uninvited.