Husband or mine names part 2

[Depakote]

Hey, it's me again lol. Baby is born, and it's girl. She still doesn't have a name.

Husband and I are still "arguing" about the name because he is picking , what I find, a ridiculous name! He dropped the "Harper-Rose" when I showed him the comments. But now he's determined to have her named "Levi-Lily" Please tell me it ridiculous because his mother thinks it's a good name.

We both like the name Alba, but he keeps saying she looks like a Levi-Lily. No. She does not. Anyone like his choice?

Yes everything is good. My dad hates my husband. They had physical fights, lots of violent things tbh. I have 2 younger sisters, and now my father is super protective of them, won't have friends over.

I still see my parents, but my husband is not allowed there, and the rule is : Don't mention your husband.

It kinda ruined my family life.

I willingly married him. I wanted to. My dad and him are no longer friends and when he found out he beat him :/. Now my dad does not bring make friends over the house and is super strict with my 2 younger sis.

He is the only man I have ever been too, we started our relationship when I was about 17.

Oh OP it really does sound as if you were groomed 17 and a 43 year old - imagine what you would think

And now he is not listening to you at all and just wants his own way with the name and having a son

That doesn't sound good, to be honest.

You're married to a man who knew you as a very young child and basically waited until you were only just overage - but still legally a child - to start a relationship with you. He's had violent physical fights with your father and caused an awful lot of trouble for your family. And now he's bullying you over your daughter's name and treating you like some sort of brood mare, planning to keep getting you pregnant until you eventually provide him with a son, who would no doubt be obviously favoured over your daughters.

Quite honestly, he sounds awful.

Register your daughter alone, with a sensible name that you like, and ideally your maiden name in there for good measure. And think very carefully about whether things are actually "good" in your relationship, and it is setting a good example to your daughter of what a healthy marriage should look like.

Imagine your little baby in six years' time, meeting a 32 year old man. Then imagine her in a sexual relationship with that same man before she's even old enough to have done A-levels. I'm not surprised your dad hit the roof.

OP with every post you write, the more worried I get about you. I know you started this thread to talk about names, but if you need support with other aspects of your relationship, I'm sure you'd find huge support on here.

And yes, as everyone else says, his names are vile and laughable. Do not give in to him. Do not let him take the baby out of your sight. And putting your maiden name as a second middle name is a good idea!

How did your Mum react?

I'd go with Harper Rose out of the ones you've put forward. Alba makes me think of tvs and stereos

I watched Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey recently and this thread made me think of that.

OP, do you have friends and family outside the relationship?

Yes I do, even though I am not allowed to have male friends or go out without him. Honestly, he didn't force him in anything. I wanted to marry him.

She was devastated and blamed herself. But I did this willingly. He was always in our home, helped with homework ( he is very intelligent) and I fell in love. He didn't force me

You’re not allowed out without him?

I always think both parents are allowed to veto any names.
If he can't accept Margot, Alba or even just Lily then you both need to think of something else. I agree Levi-Lily is absolutely awful.

Lily-May is better as a hyphenated name.

If he wants something a bit more unisex how about Robin, Andie, Alex, Erin or Charlotte which can be shortened to Charlie ?

I agree with PP the age difference in your relationship is concerning with a possible imbalance in power.

Also your DH needs to accept he has a daughter not a son and there's no guarantee he'll ever get one.

Make sure you stand your ground. He has no right to control you.

This is abuse! Everything you have said about your relationship is ringing alarm bells.

Levi is a cool name. It’s German made famous by the jeans he invented.

Lily is beautiful.

Alba looks nice but sounds a lot like Elbow.

What about Liv, a mash up of Levi and Lily. Or Lelv 😂

Or Leila

No. Because he is always worried for me. So the only way to calm his anxiety is for me to not go out without him. If I do he will call me like 20 times and I can't have a good time. Even when he's at work, he calls me all the time , and on the landline to make sure I am home. He is very anxious and worries about me.

Thank you for your concern. I can reassure you, he does not abuse me. I wanted to be with him and still want to. He's the only man I have ever been with and he's everything to me

This is extremely controlling OP. It’s not ok. You are going to need to go out alone with the baby often and not be questioned about what you’re doing and where you’re going.

definitely not to Levi-Lilly! It’s not even easy to say, too many Ls! Alba is lovely, How about alba Levi (Levi as middle name) as a compromise. I do think Levi really is a boys name though.

Why does he want to give her a boy's name?

That’s not anxious or worried, that’s controlling. It’s perfectly normal to go out alone and not be checked up upon.

There’s so many red flags here we could be at a festival.

No to Lily-Levi, and NO, NO, NO to not being able to leave the house without your 49 year old husband ringing you twenty times. He does this because he is controlling, not anxious, controlling.

You've got more to deal with here than the name of this baby.

@Depakote please re-read everything you wrote. What would you say if your Dd, aged 17, was groomed into a relationship with a man old enough to be her dad and who’d known her since she was barely out of nappies?

You are in an abusive relationship. Your “D”H preyed on a child and moulded her into his dream woman. He doesn’t want you out on your own because you’ll wise up on the fact you’re in an abusive relationship and was groomed. If the legal age of consent was 14 then he’d probably have had sex with you then rather than waiting until you were barely the age of consent.

I think your dad did the right thing by punching the paedo. He was protecting his Dd but failed. You didn’t fall in love. You were a child.

You’re in a coercive controlling relationship.
its abusive.

a much older man ‘groomed’ you as a 17 year old teen, severed you from your family support and now won’t let you out alone. He’s controlling and abusive.

@Depakote do you have any friends hobbies or a support network outside of your husband and his over involved mother? Any access to finances?

I suspect not.
please seek advice from Womens Aid

It’s literally one of the examples of controlling and coercive behaviour the CPS give www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-intimate-or-family-relationship
You should look into doing the freedom programme so that you can recognise his behaviour for what it is.

He. Is. Controlling. You.

You are in a very toxic, very dangerous relationship.