Holy moly we have a problem

[NCBabyNames]

Slight backstory. I was pregnant last year, due end of Jan 22, but sadly had to TFMR at 27 weeks. He was called Sebastian.

We have a 2.5 yo DD called Matilda.

Anyway - I'm now pregnant again, woohoo. I don't know the sex yet, but if it's a boy of course we can't use Sebastian.

DP randomly showed me a list of names he'd been saving, in the case that it's a boy. Please remember - he LOVED the name Sebastian.

This is his new list.

Hunter
Maverick
Neo
Storm
Axel
Kaleo
Kato
Brody
Cruze
Flint

What the actual... I mean what the actual!!!! Kaleo?? Cruze?!

I asked him where these had come from (after saying ummmm no...) and he has said he was trying to find names very unlike Sebastian.

For reference, this is the list I have been keeping:

Rupert
Alexander
Dominic (top choice) (Dom)
Finn
William (Bill / Billy)
Max
Frederic (Fred / Freddy)
Arlo
Rufus
Ralph
Hugh
Alexis
Hugo

HOW ARE WE ON SUCH DIFFERENT PAGES?!

Please pray that we have another girl.

So sorry for your loss

FLINT???!!! That's next level crazy. Just think girl vibes and cross your Fingers

I don’t see your lists as hugely different? We had a shared notes list and put all the names we liked in and the other would put a line through ones we hated. It needs to be a joint decision, so keep looking and whittling them down, you will find something, but you both may have to compromise.

Is your husband American , some of his choices seem American type names , brody hunter etc

Pray it's a girl

I'm sorry for your loss 💐

Have you tried explaining to him that you’re not having a child in a low budget post-apocalyptic American film?

Maybe Alexander could be the compromise? He could call him Alex which is the same letters as Axel…

Finn, Rufus or Hunter…

Is Kaleo like Kale + Paleo? He needs to come off the greens.

Maverick?! Poor kid.

I'd say most of your names have a similar feel to Sebastian. Maybe focus on your DP's reasoning and work through that to find a compromise?

Aww, that's so sad. A tear here for Sebastian.

It looks, however, that your DP's list doesn't contain a single, viable or credible name, they're all fictional superhero types - I think. It seems like he's still, and always will, grieve for his little boy.

Congratulations. Try to imagine your baby as no assigned sex and a unisex name for now. Something you're wanting and waiting for.

After a loss at 15 weeks, we named our next one Billy (holiday) before he arrived. He's a Maths teacher and an Iron Man now and not called Billy / Billie.
.

Wow, I haven't seen such different tastes since 2002 when my x and I compared lists.

I prefer yours, obviously!

Kaleo sounds like a cross between Keto and Paleo tell him. He cannot do that.

''I asked him where these had come from (after saying ummmm no...) and he has said he was trying to find names very unlike Sebastian''

That's a sad sentence though. :-(
I feel his logic there though.

What about something that is classic enough to go with Matilda but fewer syllables, nothing that sounds like an obvious sib-set

What about Robbie, Johnnie, Peter, Richie, Jamie, Charlie.

They all sound a bit more ''every man'' than Sebastian.

Ps love Dominic from your list.

FWIW I really like Hunter, Storm and Axel from his list, but that's beside the point. His reasoning is a worry. Would he (or both of you) consider some counselling before the baby arrives? You went through something awful and although this new baby is a joy it must also be bringing up sad feelings. The fact that he wants to choose a name completely different from your son's name would worry me more than the quirky choices.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand that your DH wants to avoid names that seem in any way like Sebastian, but there has to be a middle ground to be found!
So, avoiding names with 4 syllables and Evelyn Waugh vibes, but without heading so far into American daytime soap opera names: go classic, short and rustic:
Peter
John
Mark (Marcus)
James
Philip
Sean
Edward
Isaac
Adam
Jude

His name picks aren’t the issue here (although they are… interesting.)

His response that he’s trying to find something really different to Sebastian is really telling, and actually very self-aware.

Do you have time to step back from thinking about names and just let him have a bit of space become coming back to the conversation in another few weeks?

Sebastian is a beautiful name, and I’m sure you’ll both pick an equally lovely name for this baby as well.

I’m sorry for your loss. for Sebastian.

Maybe you’d find common ground in a traditional name that has a cool nickname - Alexander/Xander/Xand, or Christopher/Kit/Topher.

Or classic but different- Atticus, Lucius (a ray of light after your loss), Barnaby, Bartholomew (little Barty). Take a look at Shakespeare and Harry Potter for inspiration.

I think whilst his list is obviously not to your taste (I quite like some of them) its important to remember his reasoning and not dismiss it out of hand.

I would park the conversation for a little while and then maybe have a flick through a baby names book together and see if you can find some common ground.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Your husband's list sounds pretty similar to my partner's - he took his inspiration from movies that he likes, and I think your husband might be doing the same (does he like Top Gun and the Matrix by any chance?).

I think you just need to keep suggesting names and hopefully he will like one of them (or he can suggest some more and you may like one of his).

He has suggested Axel and you like Alexander and Alexis, so could you compromise on Alex?

I'm very sorry to hear about Sebastian.xx

& congratulations on being pregnant xx

i like some of his & some of yours.

but like others, think that perhaphs you need to leave choosing a name for a bit and ha needs to talk to someone about your loss. Whether that's a professional, parent, sibling, friend... someone he can really be honest & open with.

names aren't the biggest issue here xx

What about Theodore (Teddy), Maximilian (Max), Felix, Alexander, Gabriel

So sorry for your loss.

Your names are a lot better than his.

Is he naming a child or the newest crew on the Starship Enterprise?

Remind your husband you are having a baby NOT a puppy.
Maverick is a Cairn Terrier.

I'm sorry for the loss of your boy Sebastian

Most of his names are terrible. Awful.

On the bright side so are some of yours.

Hunter - bad
Maverick - badder than bad
Neo - teen Goth parents would call their sprog Neo
Storm - are you giving birth to a male stripper?
Axel - REALLY LIKE IT. WELL DONE, DH.
Kaleo - sounds like a low carb snack brand
Kato - don't hate if it's spelt Cato
Brody - this one is fine
Cruze - ha ha. NO.
Flint - good Lord. Clint isn't so bad.

Rupert - just as bad as Kaleo et al
Alexander - solid
Dominic (top choice) (Dom) - solidish (Dominic Cummings keeps slithering into my mind tho)
Finn - nice name if a bit popular right now. great namesake from Irish mythology
William (Bill / Billy) - boring. Bill is so blah.
Max - fine if a bit basic
Frederic (Fred / Freddy) - yuck
Arlo - very 2015 trendy London parents
Rufus - bit doggyish
Ralph - okay
Hugh - he'll drive a Rover and be a bit dull
Alexis - very dramatic, very Dynasty!
Hugo - they're everywhere these days.

I think Axel is my favourite so on balance I hand the win to your husband and his bonkers array of bad names.

I'm sorry, sweet dreams Sebastian.

Hunter and Brody are both decent names although I'd spell Brody as Brodie. I do like Dominic

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.
In such circumstances your DP's reasoning behind his list is very understandable.
I do think Finn from your list has quite a different feel to Sebastian - could it be a compromise?