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Original poster

DH's names driving me to tears

372 replies

BFPDec21 · 30/03/2022 22:25

I'm probably hormonal but has anyone ever had an argument with their partner over baby names? I've had a little cry because I can't see us ever agreeing.

DH keeps suggesting names like Ozymandias and Balthazar. Mine are more traditional like James, Isaac, etc. I'm open to more unique names but he won't stop with these bloody out there names.

For context, we live in the UK and there's no interesting heritage to warrant names he's choosing. I asked him for a 'normal' name and those were his normal names.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 31/03/2022 10:10

She found out later it was the name of the OW, the one he was fucking behind her back while she was pregnant.

I cannot imagine how the child would have felt if she'd been given that name. What a scumbag. 😮

Pinkpigs · 31/03/2022 10:10

I choosed the name for both my boys nothing fancy if There Dad did they would have been named after someone in his family i didint want that coz thats how his family is every one seems to have the same name thank god i done it my self that was over 20 years ago

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 31/03/2022 10:14

Research shows that single syllable mens’ names are perceived as more masculine than multi syllable names, and the opposite for women.

Respond with potential nicknames to his suggestions - it’s wise to do this anyway. I was the one with the out-there names and dh sensibly put me off my crazy choices this way.

Your dh doesn’t sound particularly nice - between making you cry, bullying you about names and thinking about building character in children. Is he unkind in other ways?

Silversprinkles · 31/03/2022 10:15

@MiddleParking

The final decision on kids names would be a ‘two yesses’ situation in my house the day having them became a ‘two episiotomies’ situation.

GrinGrinGrin good point!

HPFA · 31/03/2022 10:22

I had my mother's voice in my head all the time when choosing a name for DD - "A can't stand these bloody fancy names" (in broadest Lancashire) even though she'd died a few years before. DD was never going to get anything out of the ordinary.

We got down to Alice or Emma and I let DP choose between those - he chose Alice.

She's never complained about it (she's 17 now) so I think it's been OK for her.

grlwhowrites · 31/03/2022 10:27

He's not being fair - he got to choose DD's name but now you're not allowed to choose DS's name?!
I'm trying to think of some common ground names that might work or help, this is all I've got:

  • Theodore
  • Oscar (could abbreviate to Ozzy which is more unusual)
  • Alexander (could abbreviate to Xander)
  • Rex
  • Orlando
  • Jasper
  • Sebastian
LakieLady · 31/03/2022 10:28

@PeskyRooks

I love the name Balthazar! Is it not one of the three wise men?
I love it!

But I like unusual names, so much so that it's probably a good job I never wanted children. They'd have had names so weird that they'd probably have changed them to John or Jane as soon as they were old enough.

okayigetit · 31/03/2022 10:28

@Harlequin1088

My partner wanted to call our son fucking Loki.

Loki.

I hit the roof. As if a kid is ever going to be able to get a job interview with a name like bloody Loki on his CV.

I think Loki is a great name! It's Scandinavian. Why would he not get a job interview because of it? 👀
Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 31/03/2022 10:29

@Harlequin1088

*My partner wanted to call our son fucking Loki.

Loki.

I hit the roof. As if a kid is ever going to be able to get a job interview with a name like bloody Loki on his CV.*

'Loki' is the 6th rune in Norse culture and means 'knowledge is power'.
I agree that if you don't have any Scandinavian ancestry it's rather irrelevant.

timeisnotaline · 31/03/2022 10:38

I like some of these names (and love the Shelley poem) but he’s still being a twat. I’d be very mad and say if he was growing the baby and giving birth to it you’d consider it. Since he’s not, and he’s not compromising or caring about upsetting you, he can go stuff a cantaloupe up his penis while you name your baby.

Stravaig · 31/03/2022 10:43

Best to be subtle if using names to reference a love of something. Like four daughters called Maggie and Milly and Molly and May. Each name unremarkable in itself ...

IvorCutler · 31/03/2022 10:44

My son is Rex. Unusual but not weird. Latin origin, obviously. Could do without the dog connotations, but on balance I think it’s a good name.

7eleven · 31/03/2022 10:44

@janeseymour78

Ozymandias is a classic named after the Shelley poem Grin

He'd be called Ozzy anyway. Go on...

The poem isn’t complementary about Oxymandias. It’s also on the AQA English Literature syllabus, so he’d have a dreadful time when he was 15!
ilovesushi · 31/03/2022 10:46

He sounds a nightmare! Very very selfish. You are carrying this baby and will be going through childbirth, and the baby will have to live with this name and having it called out daily at school/ college during registration.

It's not your DH's name. It is a name he is bestowing on another. Strength of personality, other characteristics don't come from a name, they come from a mix of genetics and upbringing. How tough for the kid if he/ she is not living up to their name in your DH's eyes.

Not sure how you resolve this. Can you explain how upset you feel about being in conflict over this? The reality is you are never going to be calling your child a multi syllable name on a day to day basis. Ozymandius is going to become Ozzie or Oz and Montague will be Monty quite quickly. Could you compromise with an abbreviation as the actual name? Not perfect I know!

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 31/03/2022 10:47

@ivorcutler Rex is a fab name.

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 31/03/2022 10:48

@Stravaig

Best to be subtle if using names to reference a love of something. Like four daughters called Maggie and Milly and Molly and May. Each name unremarkable in itself ...
I love e. e. cummings!
BowerOfBramble · 31/03/2022 10:48

Loki is the name of every cat and dog born in the last 5 years. Loki is also a massive twat. Might as well call him Lucifer. Actually quite like that.

HorseInTheHouse · 31/03/2022 10:50

[quote Thesefeetaremadeforwalking]@Harlequin1088

*My partner wanted to call our son fucking Loki.

Loki.

I hit the roof. As if a kid is ever going to be able to get a job interview with a name like bloody Loki on his CV.*

'Loki' is the 6th rune in Norse culture and means 'knowledge is power'.
I agree that if you don't have any Scandinavian ancestry it's rather irrelevant.[/quote]
Loki is also evil. OK he's slightly more ambiguous than the devil but he's not just a mischievous scamp as some people seem to think.

ilovesushi · 31/03/2022 10:50

@Stravaig agree 100%!

RussianSpy101 · 31/03/2022 10:51

Surely you had some kind of pre pregnancy discussion around what kind of names you liked? I hope he’s taking the piss because those names are horrendous

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 31/03/2022 10:54

My dad was a Classics scholar and wanted to register my brother as Vespasian. My mother said if he did she'd walk out.

So he was called John.......

I have a classical name but it isn't too bad.....

Quartz2208 · 31/03/2022 10:54

@Kanaloa

Outside of baby names he sounds like a bit of a bully/uncaring of people’s feelings. You’re pregnant with his child and he’s making no effort to compromise whatsoever.

I would be telling him he named your daughter so you’ll be choosing your son’s name. He’s already bullied his way into first choice for the first child, it’s your turn.

All very well for people to say they’d love to call their child Ozymandias but how many people would actually use it as a first name? It’s your child, not an example of how super duper clever you are because you’ve read a poem. There’s plenty of poets called William and John if you desperately need to advertise your love of poetry.

This - the fact that he is doing this and bulldozing you is actually fairly bad. Does he compromise at all?
diddl · 31/03/2022 10:54

"She found out later it was the name of the OW, the one he was fucking behind her back while she was pregnant."

Someone I know married a divorced man.

He wanted to call their daughter the same name as his first wife!

Olinguita · 31/03/2022 10:57

My husband did exactly the same to me when I was pregnant, and I was really upset about it. My husband is from a different culture but even taking that into account the names were totally out there and were the equivalent of naming the kid something like Ozymandias (close friends from the exact same culture as DH BEGGED me not to let DH give our kid these names when I asked them for "sanity
check" as they would be seen as extremely weird in his country of origin, never mind the UK - it was honestly not me being prejudiced). In the end we both agreed on a beautiful name from DH's culture the day after the birth that I love.
But I am still upset that DH behaved in such an antagonistic way towards me. Ive never really got to the bottom of why he did it and it still upsets me

ClaudiaWankleman · 31/03/2022 10:59

I often think of "Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair" when I look at the state of my house

I don't think I've ever connected so much with a post on MN @MakingMemoriesIsShite