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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Different surnames for siblings

124 replies

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 14:05

Have one DD who is in my DPs name. I was always against children being put into dad's surname just because the couple were unmarried. Though since being on MN have realised technically should go in mum's name.

Partner was against this when first pregnant but understood where I was coming from. Fast forward to the birth - I was so out of it I just told the midwife to put his surname on the red book. Registered her with that name - didn't give it another thought.

Now onto second pregnancy DP thinks this one should go in my surname. I love the idea behind it and the thought from DP but am wondering if it's too out there..

Obviously people will think they have different dad's but growing up with only half siblings I don't see why this would be a problem. And it's a quick fix of saying "no we are full siblings" if they wanted to explain.

Just to clarify if we were to ever get married I would keep my surname.

Too weird?

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TataMamma · 20/10/2021 14:16

No. Go for it. True equality. (Double barrelled always worries me - I mean you either end up with a zillion surnames or you drop the - wait for it - the mothers come next generation.) Really impressed your DP is the one behind it too - good on him. These days all sorts of stuff goes on with surnames so I wouldn't worry about not following the rigid patterns of the past.
Personally I'm in favour of girls taking mothers surname and boys taking fathers, but I'm fighting a one woman battle against the world on that :).

GoodnightGrandma · 20/10/2021 14:18

If it were me, and they were the same dad, I’d give them the same surname as each other.

LouLion · 20/10/2021 14:36

I'd give them both a double barrelled surname. I didn't change my name when I married, but when we had our first child, we all changed our surname to a double barrelled one - works fine, nice and equal.

longestlurkerever · 20/10/2021 14:39

I have friends who did this. In fact they have three with alternating surnames. I thought in passing oh that's unusual but fair enough and have never given it any further thought. The more common route is double barreling but no reason why siblings need to have the same surname as each other if that means they have a different surname to you.

Original poster

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 15:00

Both girls @TataMamma so happy that at least one is in my name I don't want them to grow up thinking you automatically have to have your husband's name and so do your children

I did originally suggest double barreling but DP is against it. Can see where he is coming from as both our surnames are quite long and just don't sound right together!

@longestlurkerever that's what we said we would do but I think we will have 2 and stick to it

OP posts:

Milkteefs · 20/10/2021 16:00

I think they should have the same surname, whatever that is. I'm all for equality but seems like you're setting yourself and your daughters for an administrative headache. And just on a personal level is be gutted if my parents gave me and my sister different surnames, like I belonged to dad and my sister belonged to mum or something. It's weird.

tiggerwhocamefortea · 20/10/2021 16:08

No sorry I think it's weird. You're a family.

Pea22ches · 20/10/2021 16:10

I don't see why you would do this knowing people may question if they have different dad's when in actual fact they do

In the airport too it may cause unnecessary confusion.. I wouldn't be thrilled if I had a different surname to my full sibling.

neverornow · 20/10/2021 16:30

I'd just go with double barrel. That way you all look connected on paper (not that it matters!) but seems the fairest solution.

TidyDancer · 20/10/2021 16:49

I don't personally like the idea of this. I think it gives off an air of favouritism and while I'm sure that's not actually the case with you, I'd be surprised if the DCs didn't consider that at some point.

Either double barrel both DCs names or give them both your name or DP's name. But I wouldn't give them different ones. I would prioritise siblings having the same surname over anything else in this situation.

longestlurkerever · 20/10/2021 16:49

@tiggerwhocamefortea

No sorry I think it's weird. You're a family.

Do you say the same to a family where it's the mum that has the different surname?

ScaryHairyMcClary · 20/10/2021 17:09

I think this is great and especially great that your DP suggested it.

Janek · 20/10/2021 17:20

My DDs have different surnames. They think it's perfectly normal! We sometimes split along name lines, particularly at passport control and occasionally a teacher has thought that dd1 wasn't necessarily dp's. The main issue is labelling clothes: I have to unsew dd1's name and sew in dd2's every time school uniform gets handed down. I didn't consider how annoying that would be...

ThirdElephant · 20/10/2021 17:23

I've seen it done many times. In some cultures, boys get the dad's surname and girls get the mum's. Go for it.

imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 20/10/2021 17:48

I don't get this at all I'm afraid. Children are not possessions to have one each of belonging to you. I think it would be weird for the two of them to grow up with different surnames. Maybe it would help to think of it like this: It's not "his" surname or "yours" you are giving the baby, it's her sisters surname you are giving her.

SunshineCake1 · 20/10/2021 17:53

Why do you care what others think?

I'm sure everyone would have so much more confidence in life if they just stopped caring what others think.

Give the new baby your name.

No idea why being out of it meant you automatically went to his name .

SunshineCake1 · 20/10/2021 17:55

@Pea22ches

I don't see why you would do this knowing people may question if they have different dad's when in actual fact they do

In the airport too it may cause unnecessary confusion.. I wouldn't be thrilled if I had a different surname to my full sibling.

Why do you think they have different dads ?

Pea22ches · 20/10/2021 17:57

@SunshineCake1 I don't think they have different dad's I meant to put don't on the end. Hence my post!

But my point of I think it's silly as they have the same dad's!

Original poster

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 17:58

Thanks everyone for your comments. Going in to have DD2 next week so thought I would get everything off my mind before then

We have different surnames in my immediate family so it doesn't really bother me if people think they aren't full siblings. I only have half siblings but have never had to explain this to anyone ever in regards to our surnames.

The airport one doesn't phase me we don't holiday outside of the UK because of our dog - and if we did need to go urgently I'm sure it could be explained easily and not be too much of a problem?

The favouritism one was a point with us - but when/if one of the children question it, we will just point out there are no 'parent trap' plans if we split. I'm sure you can't pick out a favourite at birth

@Janek

Thanks! I have actually thought about the labelling as we just bought DD1 a new coat and there was a space for a name. Know this will be much worse at school etc but glad to hear this was your main issue.

I really appreciate everyone's comments and am surprised so many people like the idea.

OP posts:

yellowm00n · 20/10/2021 18:06

My mum had children with her ExH before having me with my dad, who she never married. She gave me her ExH's name so that I would have the same name as my sisters. She did say if I had been a boy she would have given me my dad's name, though as she expected as a girl my name would change with marriage.

I equally find what she did a bit odd, and awkward when people ask if I'm related to such and such of the same surname as I have no knowledge of her ExH's family! From my own experience though I think it would be nicer for the kids to have the same name.

Original poster

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 18:07

@SunshineCake1

Why do you care what others think?

I'm sure everyone would have so much more confidence in life if they just stopped caring what others think.

Give the new baby your name.

No idea why being out of it meant you automatically went to his name .

Because I hadn't personally heard of it so was curious. Outside of different parents etc.

Yes I agree with caring about what others think - my mum and sister didn't like the idea of it at all. Even with us all being different. But I wouldn't let that change my mind.

The being out of it was a quick explanation - it was a traumatic birth and I wasn't thinking clearly afterwards. I had been very passionate the whole pregnancy with why should the baby have the dad's name - then suddenly couldn't care less if he had wanted to call her Bobert. I was just happy to be alive as dramatic as that sounds

OP posts:

TurnUpTurnip · 20/10/2021 18:19

No I wouldn’t do this and people will assume they have different dads sorry but they will nothing wrong with that but I wouldn’t do it intentionally

tiggerwhocamefortea · 20/10/2021 19:02

@longestlurkerever

No but then being unmarried with children is popular these days

Personally I didn't have kids until I was married because I wanted to be a cohesive family unit on paper as well as everything else

Hlc98 · 20/10/2021 19:14

Eddie Redmayne and his wife gave their kids different surnames. I don’t think it’s unusual at all. I don’t see why babies should automatically get the dads surname, so go for it!

AutumnLeafy · 20/10/2021 19:17

@ThirdElephant

I've seen it done many times. In some cultures, boys get the dad's surname and girls get the mum's. Go for it.

I was going to say this.

I think its a great thing to do.

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