Different surnames for siblings

[SniggleSnarf]

Have one DD who is in my DPs name. I was always against children being put into dad's surname just because the couple were unmarried. Though since being on MN have realised technically should go in mum's name.

Partner was against this when first pregnant but understood where I was coming from. Fast forward to the birth - I was so out of it I just told the midwife to put his surname on the red book. Registered her with that name - didn't give it another thought.

Now onto second pregnancy DP thinks this one should go in my surname. I love the idea behind it and the thought from DP but am wondering if it's too out there..

Obviously people will think they have different dad's but growing up with only half siblings I don't see why this would be a problem. And it's a quick fix of saying "no we are full siblings" if they wanted to explain.

Just to clarify if we were to ever get married I would keep my surname.

Too weird?

@Elisemum
But you seem to be living in the 50s. These days families come in all shapes and sizes and different surnames and different Dads are completely normal. Some people might make the assumption - but not care about it - that OPs children had different Dads,, but so what. This can just be corrected. As for kids and teenagers being mean - well yes, but most of them will come from a family with half/step siblings so I really think you are over reacting. It is the 21st century FFS.

I think it's weird for the dc and could cause issues down the line. Why did I get this one and not that one I like that one better. Dd2 has your name you must line her better etc. If you want it in your name then change dd1's. Not sure why you feel mumsnet thinks it should all be in yours though it's entirely down to personal choice and preference and has not deeper meaning re rights or legality.

I’m not for it. Our kids have neither my surname nor DH surname - we gave them a new one made of letters from both of ours. But all kids have the same surname. They like having the surname and it makes sense, it would seem weird if they all had different names.

I am Hopping X, husband is DH Y, kids are Kid name W, and this seems to have translated to people calling us the ‘W family’. I’m down with it as still have my own identity but also an identity as part of a family.

The only "issue" I can see is people not knowing how to address envelopes at christmas or if they want to write to you all. But you can get round this by giving the kids names that start with different letters and it's not that big a deal really.

Personally against it for one very simple reason, if, heaven forbid, you and DP broke up, 1 of your DC will always be the odd one out, whether it's with you or him, there will be a parent and 1 child with 1 name, and then the other child with a different name. I'm married so all have same surname but at least I know that if we ever broke up I could keep DH surname to be the same as my kids or it'd be my choice to be the odd one out, not them.

But surely you could say the same for all names. Why was my sister called Thumbelina and I was called Shrek*? I remember being most put out that I was given "a classic English name" whilst my siblings had "cool different names". I never ever questioned about us having different surnames. How often does that come up round the dinner table?

*Only one of these names are real

If the biggest taunt they could get would be about their surnames I would say that's getting away lightly.

And at the moment my DD1 is my favourite child even with a man's name.

Cards and letters I don't tend to display the envelopes on the mantelpiece. Doesn't really add to our decor. BUT I assume it's the same as any family with different surnames (mine growing up) the person they like the most will have their surname displayed on the front.

To be honest my great aunt still spells my first name wrong - it's not something I lose sleep over.

Maybe it will be a little education for some of these kids who will tease and ridicule a girl on her name. I'll start prepping my oldest now

But surely you could say the same for all names. Why was my sister called Thumbelina and I was called Shrek? I remember being most put out that I was given "a classic English name" whilst my siblings had "cool different names". I never ever questioned about us having different surnames. How often does that come up round the dinner table?*

No, it's totally different. Siblings always have different first names. Dc that have the same biological parents nearly always have the same surname (in the uk) whether that's the mum or the dads. There are plenty situations where it might be brought up or become a topic of conversation. It's a fun quirky idea but the reality might be different for the dc who often don't like being the different ones growing up.

I also bet all the people saying it's a fab idea haven't given their dc different surnames themselves

People in my family spell my name wrongly - I go by my birth surname but I will answer & indeed introduce myself when pragmatic to DH's surname . Eldest DC has Dh's surname because he asked me 26 years ago later I am fine with that. Personally I do not like made up double barrelled names and neither does Ds. But each to their own DS has my name in his names and DH's name is easier and shorter - helps when filling out forms

@liveforsummer

But surely you could say the same for all names. Why was my sister called Thumbelina and I was called Shrek? I remember being most put out that I was given "a classic English name" whilst my siblings had "cool different names". I never ever questioned about us having different surnames. How often does that come up round the dinner table?*

No, it's totally different. Siblings always have different first names. Dc that have the same biological parents nearly always have the same surname (in the uk) whether that's the mum or the dads. There are plenty situations where it might be brought up or become a topic of conversation. It's a fun quirky idea but the reality might be different for the dc who often don't like being the different ones growing up.

So it's like tradition? You live in the UK you have full siblings you get the same surname. Done deal.

I think this country needs to see a lot of change and though one little kids surname won't do that - it will make my stubborn arse feel better. I don't want to do everything by the book of what is "done". And oh no what if one feels left out. I'm hoping to raise two strong independent daughters who don't give a shit about what other people think about them.

I asked because I was curious and am really grateful for everyone's input.

In fact I may even give her one name and do away with the surname all together.

@SniggleSnarf - the one thing I would say with the one name thing - over her life she will have to fill out forms and leaving a box blank will probably be irritating & time consuming - but just a point - and it must be your choice

Each to their own, but for me it's a no. Call me old fashioned or whatever.

[quote BasiliskStare]@SniggleSnarf - the one thing I would say with the one name thing - over her life she will have to fill out forms and leaving a box blank will probably be irritating & time consuming - but just a point - and it must be your choice[/quote]
Point taken - didn't even think of that.

But

As I will be pushing her into the life I wanted to lead and ruining her childhood by giving her a different surname to her sister... Her popstar name is already decided. Isn't that what Madonna's parents did?

[quote BasiliskStare]@SniggleSnarf - the one thing I would say with the one name thing - over her life she will have to fill out forms and leaving a box blank will probably be irritating & time consuming - but just a point - and it must be your choice[/quote]
More than that, the 'surname' box on every electronic form is a 'required field' and it would be impossible to submit the form with it empty, effectively locking the child out of pretty much everything from government services to online retailers. I don't think OP was serious about that bit but it's a good example of some naming conventions being pretty fundamental to the admin of daily life.

I also bet all the people saying it's a fab idea haven't given their dc different surnames themselves.

Well as I said I gave different surnames to my children and it has made ZERO difference to their lives. I'm not sure they have ever been asked why they have different surnames. I think a couple of people have asked me why and I've simply said because both me and my husband wanted to pass on our surnames.
And do you know what? The sky didn't fall in, they were not horrified, they didn't think my husband wasn't my children's father. The only thing anybody has ever said was "Oh, that's interesting." And then they went on with their lives and thought no more about it because honestly, nobody really cares what surname you give your children.

@PufferFishGoneWrong

Each to their own, but for me it's a no. Call me old fashioned or whatever.

You're old fashioned or whatever!

If giving different surnames is part of your culture then absolutely but honestly if it's not it just comes across as a pointless attention seeking thing to do.

Plus I would want the same last name as my parents and siblings and I think most would

@Strangevipers

If giving different surnames is part of your culture then absolutely but honestly if it's not it just comes across as a pointless attention seeking thing to do.

Plus I would want the same last name as my parents and siblings and I think most would

Do you feel the same way about women who don't change their name upon marriage?

@ThirdElephant
Double barrelled mine

[quote Strangevipers]@ThirdElephant
Double barrelled mine [/quote]
Presumably for the purpose of attention seeking, if we're going by your logic?

@ThirdElephant
So did my husband
And children
Didn't give the children different surnames 🤦🏾‍♀️
You seem upset ? Bit sad to get upset at my opinion

[quote Strangevipers]@ThirdElephant
So did my husband
And children
Didn't give the children different surnames 🤦🏾‍♀️
You seem upset ? Bit sad to get upset at my opinion [/quote]
🙄

Your argument was that, unless it's the cultural norm, going outside the box with names just looks like 'attention seeking', even though you've done it yourself. Clearly, either you're an attention seeker, or your premise is flawed.

@ThirdElephant
Is what you said a joke?

Double barrel surnames are a cultural norm also dating back to the 15th century.

How ignorant

@Strangevipers

If giving different surnames is part of your culture then absolutely but honestly if it's not it just comes across as a pointless attention seeking thing to do.

Plus I would want the same last name as my parents and siblings and I think most would

Well as my family all have different surnames I'll take that as my culture. Thanks - was worried for a second people might think I was attention seeking

Didn't bother me in the slightest I didn't have the same surname as my siblings or mother. I unfortunately have to share the same surname with my 'Dad'. But again my name - my identity.

Can I ask though, do you think if you had a different name to your sibling would you have really been bothered or would you have just gone on living your life? As that would have been the norm for you and everyone else around you were the "strange ones" for all having the same name?

Not that I'm accusing single name families of being strange

[quote Strangevipers]@ThirdElephant
Is what you said a joke?

Double barrel surnames are a cultural norm also dating back to the 15th century.

How ignorant [/quote]
They are not the cultural norm. They're still very much in the minority.

TBH I'd argue it's fairly ignorant to presume that people only make choices to get the attention of others, but 🤷 you do you.