Different surnames for siblings

[SniggleSnarf]

Have one DD who is in my DPs name. I was always against children being put into dad's surname just because the couple were unmarried. Though since being on MN have realised technically should go in mum's name.

Partner was against this when first pregnant but understood where I was coming from. Fast forward to the birth - I was so out of it I just told the midwife to put his surname on the red book. Registered her with that name - didn't give it another thought.

Now onto second pregnancy DP thinks this one should go in my surname. I love the idea behind it and the thought from DP but am wondering if it's too out there..

Obviously people will think they have different dad's but growing up with only half siblings I don't see why this would be a problem. And it's a quick fix of saying "no we are full siblings" if they wanted to explain.

Just to clarify if we were to ever get married I would keep my surname.

Too weird?

Madonna actually called Madonna Ciccone - so she has a name to put into the last name box - even if she does not use it day to day - happy to be corrected on all fronts - actually just googled it www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=madonna+full+name&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

One of eldest DCs friends has a different last name to other siblings - & indeed they do not have all the same last name . doesn't seem to worry them one jot. Different last names for siblings I think is fine. I think people know when they are family.

But @ZoyaTheDestroyer makes a practical point ( if you were serious ) .

Jesus I don't think I've ever come across anyone so silly, and over sensitive. Not everything's about you love! Your initial contribution to this whole thread was about how OP and anyone doing something slightly different was attention seeking which says it all really.
The comment about the15thc clearly relates to mainstream British culture. I am well aware that in many places around the globe things are different and have been for much earlier than the 15thc. No new research; just basic general education.
The "you" did not mean you personally as I have already explained and which should have been obvious. It meant generically if anyone was saying those things, then xyz.
Haven't belittled anyones culture - just don't think much of anyone using the word culture when they mean belief or preference which does render the word culture meaningless.

@TataMamma

Jesus I don't think I've ever come across anyone so silly, and over sensitive. Not everything's about you love! Your initial contribution to this whole thread was about how OP and anyone doing something slightly different was attention seeking which says it all really. The comment about the15thc clearly relates to mainstream British culture. I am well aware that in many places around the globe things are different and have been for much earlier than the 15thc. No new research; just basic general education. The "you" did not mean you personally as I have already explained and which should have been obvious. It meant generically if anyone was saying those things, then xyz. Haven't belittled anyones culture - just don't think much of anyone using the word culture when they mean belief or preference which does render the word culture meaningless.

The proof is all there

Say whatever you need to sleep at night. We shall put this down to a learning curve

Lesson learned on your behalf

What will you do if you and DP have a third child?

Let's just drop the culture discussion now as great as it has been to read through. Technically it's the norm for me but I'm not making it a part of my family's 'culture'.

Again - we did discuss double barrelling but it just doesn't work with our surnames.

There's no real negatives to me - I was thinking someone was going to jump out and say "you can't do it because it will make x really difficult" but am happy to see no real issues.

@viques

What will you do if you and DP have a third child?

Without going into much detail we are extremely lucky to have had even one. We never expected to have another and feel our family is complete now (or next week anyway).

If we did have another, like a PP we did say alternating so ultimately back to Dads name. I suppose we could get another dog and give it my name to make it even.

So - & I am sure I will be castigated for this - e.g. Spanish people give ( I think ) their children both mother and father's names - it is now a thing for some ( I think to give children a double barrelled name which includes mother and father ) which has been done for centuries but rather more common now All fine - do what you want to - or even make up a name - it doesn't matter ( Am I right here ? ) as long as it is on their birth certificate - but ( as I said ) don't leave them without a last name - that will be a beggary annoyance in future life. - Be practical and try to help the child. ( I am sure you did not intend to make life difficult ) all best

@SniggleSnarf - Oh yes - dog's name - ( sorry cross posted above ) My dogs have alternating names - brilliant .

@Strangevipers

If giving different surnames is part of your culture then absolutely but honestly if it's not it just comes across as a pointless attention seeking thing to do.

Plus I would want the same last name as my parents and siblings and I think most would

What an entitled and arrogant thing to say. Why are deeply held beliefs, or simply preferences, pointless and attention seeking? Totally ignores that most cultures have patriarchal origins and therefore practices which traditionally discriminate against women. Whoever wrote this clearly has a lot of lessons to learn about life.

I say go for it. It’s not like this child will be the only one in the family with a different name.

As for form filling, friends, school etc. no one will notice or care. So many families have a variety of surnames. The only possible problem would be the assumption that your DH isn’t the babies father. And that is only a problem for the person doing the assuming really.

If it helps I go by my birth last name - whenever I have had to ring school or anything like that I just say I am Basilisk . Basilisk's Junior's mother ( he has different last name I am his mother and it has never been a problem. ) & I am married to his father and frankly no-one cares we have different names. If anyone said is Basilisk husband not Basiliks's father I would fix them with a Basilisk stare - ( too many Basilisks in there ) but no-one else's business. We can call ourselves what we will. We know we are a family. We have passports in different last names - never been a problem.

Op- why are you saying there are no issues ? There are! You are a family for gods sake- how can you give your kids different surnames? I’m sorry but never heard anything so pointless and silly. Double barrel if you must, but different surnames? Poor kids, Jesus they won’t even feel like they are one family, why oh why is this even allowed I wonder … shouldn’t be

@Elisemum

Op- why are you saying there are no issues ? There are! You are a family for gods sake- how can you give your kids different surnames? I’m sorry but never heard anything so pointless and silly. Double barrel if you must, but different surnames? Poor kids, Jesus they won’t even feel like they are one family, why oh why is this even allowed I wonder … shouldn’t be

Seriously?

Some people on this thread really seem to struggle with the whole concept that different things matter to different people. Just because you do it one way, that doesn't mean it's the only way to do it!

@Elisemum

Op- why are you saying there are no issues ? There are! You are a family for gods sake- how can you give your kids different surnames? I’m sorry but never heard anything so pointless and silly. Double barrel if you must, but different surnames? Poor kids, Jesus they won’t even feel like they are one family, why oh why is this even allowed I wonder … shouldn’t be

Sorry I can't remember what you said you did with your kids surnames. You must have slipped under my radar. I'll assume just for the sake of this you all have the same one.

Please in the event of your divorce or your kids getting married and taking someone else's name - could you give me a PM and I'll just foghorn "No longer a FAMILY".

OP you said it yourself… in the even of divorce, kids getting married etc… yes there are situations when kids have different surnames of course! But these are non-standard situation. Why are you inflicting this on your own kids? Just becouse you like attention and want to show people “oh look at me, I’m different and cool” - doesn’t mean you can sacrifice your kids well- being. A full siblings but with different surnames ..- god why ? And why is it allowed? Please think of what you are doing, and please think about kids, not yourself and your ideas. Obviously you’ll do what suits you but dear god, I’ve never heard of parent purposely setting their kids up for life this way :(

Shameful to see the stigma attached to blended families and ‘different dads.’ Thankfully that attitude is dying off and should be far reduced by the time our children are adults. I think it’s a great idea and know of families where this is the case.

@Elisemum

OP you said it yourself… in the even of divorce, kids getting married etc… yes there are situations when kids have different surnames of course! But these are non-standard situation. Why are you inflicting this on your own kids? Just becouse you like attention and want to show people “oh look at me, I’m different and cool” - doesn’t mean you can sacrifice your kids well- being. A full siblings but with different surnames ..- god why ? And why is it allowed? Please think of what you are doing, and please think about kids, not yourself and your ideas. Obviously you’ll do what suits you but dear god, I’ve never heard of parent purposely setting their kids up for life this way :(

I think you are being quite offensive with your terminology.

"Inflicting this" "purposefully setting their kids up for life this way"

I don't see why it is such an issue to you why people will think they are not full siblings? I've never once said to anyone I don't have the same dad as either sibling. I'm wondering if we went to school together would I have needed to give you a presentation on our blood lines?

I'd appreciate if you stopped with the dramatic PLEASE GOD WILL YOU NOT THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN. My kids don't need your sympathy, rest assured they are growing up with a very strong family unit.

@Elisemum what a dramatic and ridiculous thing to say. As other people have said, it is common in some cultures. You actually sound a little racist with your wording too. Maybe yoy should have some therapy and look at reasons shy you think a name means Family.

@LorenzoVonMatterhorn - do you mind letting me know what in my post was “racist” ? I’d really like to know.

I have a different surname to my children. Me and DH are married and I didn't change my name, but I am estranged from my family and didn't want my children to be associated with that family when they don't need to be. If that wasn't the case the kids would have had my surname.

So I'm not against a mixture of surnames in general, I'm no less part of the 'family' because I have a different name, and no more part of all the other random families across the country who just happen to share my surname for that matter.

I can't think of any real administrative reason or problem that you would encounter for giving your children different names, no more so than the times people assume DH and I aren't married for instance. You might get some confusion or an assumption that you are a 'blended' family, but that's hardly going to cause you any actual practical inconvenience. People say that others may question whether your DH is the father of one of the children, but nobody has ever questioned whether I'm my kids mum and we don't have the same name.

Saying all that, I wouldn't personally do it, I don't think. But if it's what you want then I can't see the harm.

[quote Elisemum]@LorenzoVonMatterhorn - do you mind letting me know what in my post was “racist” ? I’d really like to know.[/quote]
I think you need to examine your attitudes towards traditions in other cultures yourself. It will do you more good to be able to work it out for yourself. Hth.

LOL, I know more about other cultures than you’ll ever know. OP has asked for people’s opinion so I gave mine- simple. Giving your children different surnames knowing that it will be assumed they have different fathers is plain weird, and 90% of population will tell you that. Absolutely ridiculous but obviously each to their own and OP should do whatever she likes to.

@Elisemum

LOL, I know more about other cultures than you’ll ever know. OP has asked for people’s opinion so I gave mine- simple. Giving your children different surnames knowing that it will be assumed they have different fathers is plain weird, and 90% of population will tell you that. Absolutely ridiculous but obviously each to their own and OP should do whatever she likes to.

Absolutely loved hearing everyone's opinion.

I just can't get past the fact someone assuming they have different dad's is your main concern. Would you assume I'm not my daughter's mother because we don't share the same surname? And also if you did, would I care? No. I know I'm her mother and she will know. Anyone else can go suck an egg.

I know more about other cultures than you’ll ever know