Different surnames for siblings

[SniggleSnarf]

Have one DD who is in my DPs name. I was always against children being put into dad's surname just because the couple were unmarried. Though since being on MN have realised technically should go in mum's name.

Partner was against this when first pregnant but understood where I was coming from. Fast forward to the birth - I was so out of it I just told the midwife to put his surname on the red book. Registered her with that name - didn't give it another thought.

Now onto second pregnancy DP thinks this one should go in my surname. I love the idea behind it and the thought from DP but am wondering if it's too out there..

Obviously people will think they have different dad's but growing up with only half siblings I don't see why this would be a problem. And it's a quick fix of saying "no we are full siblings" if they wanted to explain.

Just to clarify if we were to ever get married I would keep my surname.

Too weird?

@SniggleSnarf
As stated if it's your cultural norm then absolutely

@ThirdElephant
As stated double barrel names are A cultural norm

[quote Strangevipers]@ThirdElephant
As stated double barrel names are A cultural norm [/quote]
It's not the norm however, and when growing up in my neighborhood, people double-barrelling on marriage were met with derision behind their backs (they're doing it because they want to sound posh, what if everyone did that- names would get ridiculously long, when does it end? It's unfair on the kids, sounds bloody stupid etc etc), so far was it out of the norm, regardless of how long it's been around. (I'm not defending that way of thinking, let's be clear, but it is what I experienced in a UK mining town).

My point is, presumably you went outside of the norm for reasons that were important to you? Things like equality and family history etc. Not because you wanted to attract attention. I would believe the same of OP.

Married, kept my surname, my two living kids have different surnames, DS has his, DD mine.
So far so good.
At least they’ll never get the ‘are you related to X, he was so good at Y’ thing and can deny each other if they want

[quote Strangevipers]@ThirdElephant
Is what you said a joke?

Double barrel surnames are a cultural norm also dating back to the 15th century.

How ignorant [/quote]
Not really. It's true that going back to the 15thc (and maybe further), there are examples of the ultra rich doing this - typically because otherwise the bride's name would die out and she was bringing the dosh to the marriage. I'm presuming that is not your situation?!
Saying this is a cultural norm is just not true - it was a very rare thing that occurred in the most privileged of families, and in an era where a marriage really was a contract negotiated between families.

@ThirdElephant

As stated in my first post 'if it's your cultural norm then absolutely'

OP said it is her cultural norm - therefore then 'absolutely'

In regards to double barrel names I never said its the cultural norm you said that I said it is A cultural norm. Therefore same rules applies which is 'if it's your cultural norm then absolutely'

Wow I am glad you are not defending that kind of thinking it's ignorant and shameful

@TataMamma
It's my cultural norm

Just like OP said what she is doing is her cultural norm

What seems to be the issue here ?

I’d do it. In practice I’d probably start double barrelling talking to them - silly stuff like your John smith Thomson and you’re Rebecca Thomson smith! And swapping the order around, rather than emphasising the difference. Easy to discuss for school - Hes your daddy and I’m your mummy and we wanted to share our names, you can add the other one when you’re 13 if you like. And they can decide in the future.

If everyone doing whatever they feel like doing is a cultural norm then cultural norm has no meaning at all. Clearly cultural norm has to relate to a broader situation and group of people, although of course it can refer to a minority or sub culture and so on.
Incidentally I was one of the first people on this page and supported OP completely - I think what her DP proposes is great. I don't care about any cultural norm because unless very recent they are almost certainly going to be sexist, and I think we should get away from that.
Do whatever you want for whatever reasons you want, but just give the reasons, don't come out with "it's my cultural norm", which is just meaningless.

@TataMamma

If everyone doing whatever they feel like doing is a cultural norm then cultural norm has no meaning at all. Clearly cultural norm has to relate to a broader situation and group of people, although of course it can refer to a minority or sub culture and so on. Incidentally I was one of the first people on this page and supported OP completely - I think what her DP proposes is great. I don't care about any cultural norm because unless very recent they are almost certainly going to be sexist, and I think we should get away from that. Do whatever you want for whatever reasons you want, but just give the reasons, don't come out with "it's my cultural norm", which is just meaningless.

OP said it was her culture didn't see you jump on that and tell OP what she said is meaningless 🤦🏾‍♀️ consistency is key.

There's different cultures and different cultural norms just because what I have done isn't your norm doesn't make my culture less important that yours nor does it make my culture meaningless ! Sad you think otherwise

There's different cultures and different cultural norms just because what I have done isn't your norm doesn't make my culture less important that yours nor does it make my culture meaningless ! Sad you think otherwise
I never said there weren't different cultural norms - read my post! I just said that you can't simply say something is a cultural norm because it's what you want to do, and you are clearly not part of a culture (including minority cultures etc) where this is one. That you believe something strongly and passionately is irrelevant. Whether it's you, OP or anyone else, and whatever the subject matter, this is surely just trite and obvious? Never said anything about your "culture" being non-existent, meaningless, or less value, simply that if it doesn't extend to your wider society (needn't be the mainstream) then it isn't a cultural norm at all, but something else -not necessarily something unimportant though.
That is what culture means! It's not just internal to you or shared by a few believers - that's a belief.

@TataMamma

There's different cultures and different cultural norms just because what I have done isn't your norm doesn't make my culture less important that yours nor does it make my culture meaningless ! Sad you think otherwise I never said there weren't different cultural norms - read my post! I just said that you can't simply say something is a cultural norm because it's what you want to do, and you are clearly not part of a culture (including minority cultures etc) where this is one. That you believe something strongly and passionately is irrelevant. Whether it's you, OP or anyone else, and whatever the subject matter, this is surely just trite and obvious? Never said anything about your "culture" being non-existent, meaningless, or less value, simply that if it doesn't extend to your wider society (needn't be the mainstream) then it isn't a cultural norm at all, but something else -not necessarily something unimportant though. That is what culture means! It's not just internal to you or shared by a few believers - that's a belief.

Maybe in the UK it Is not ‘THE’ cultural norm but since moving to the UK I have known people who have not and people who have double barrelled names however in my apparently ‘meaningless’ culture double barrel is THE cultural norm thus MY culture. However for arguments sake I explained that double barrel names is ‘A’ cultural norm and MY cultural norm and was told it was meaningless.

Nope. I am well aware that there are other cultures where double barrelling is the cultural norm - Spain for example, although plenty of others too.
I have never seen any other cultural norm is meaningless - as you are well aware. I simply said describing what you want to do as a culture when it is more like a personal belief is not in fact related to a culture at all renders THE WORD CULTURE meaningless. That is all. It's really trite actually. I have never described any cultures anywhere, minority or otherwise, as meaningless. Read the posts FFS!!!!

@TataMamma

Nope. I am well aware that there are other cultures where double barrelling is the cultural norm - Spain for example, although plenty of others too. I have never seen any other cultural norm is meaningless - as you are well aware. I simply said describing what you want to do as a culture when it is more like a personal belief is not in fact related to a culture at all renders THE WORD CULTURE meaningless. That is all. It's really trite actually. I have never described any cultures anywhere, minority or otherwise, as meaningless. Read the posts FFS!!!!

Don’t back track now ! Your exact words ... ‘I just said that you can't simply say something is a cultural norm because it's what you want to do, and you are clearly not part of a culture (including minority cultures etc) where this is one. ‘ That comment just turned my stomach ! I never said it’s what I ‘want to do’ that’s clearly what your narrow minded and ignorant mind has decided. ‘I am clearly not part is a culture where this is one’ You don’t even know me yet can determine my culture and your ignorance shines through again and the fact now you have had a little google you realise double barrel names are the cultural norm ( certain countries) and in my case MY cultural norm you are now trying to say that accusing someone of not being part of there own culture is NO BIG DEAL , EVEN USED THE WORD ‘trite’ and you never even said it in the first place

I hope you have learnt your lesson

My siblings and I have different surnames, can't say it's ever made us any difference to any of us 🤷‍♀️

My children have DH's name but I kept my own when we got married, doesn't make us any less a family and it's never caused any issues when travelling either.

@TataMamma

Your exact quote below

'don't come out with "it's my cultural norm", which is just meaningless.'

Well it is MY cultural norm, yet that is not accepted by you AND DESCRIBED BY TOU AS MEANINGLESS

[quote Strangevipers]@TataMamma

Your exact quote below

'don't come out with "it's my cultural norm", which is just meaningless.'

Well it is MY cultural norm, yet that is not accepted by you AND DESCRIBED BY TOU AS MEANINGLESS [/quote]
The context, clearly explained beforehand, was you talking about things being your cultural norm simply because that was what you wanted to do, and not in fact related to any culture. I said that made the term cultural norm meaningless.

@TataMamma

Keep backtracking and digging that hole. Tail between you legs now!

What you said is disgusting and I hope you have learnt your lesson

I'm well aware that many different cultures have different norms re surnames and didn't need to check that out on google! You seem to enjoy getting offended by totally twisting what I actually said into something totally different. I have made clear throughout that cultures vary, and include minority cultures etc. I have simply balked at any description of what someone wants to do, being therefore their cultural norm. In that case it's a belief, although I also think beliefs are important and more so imo than cultural norms. I said using the term cultural norm to describe something that is in essence a belief or just what you want renders the term cultural norm meaningless.
Thanks, but I don't need to learn any lessons - you need to grow up!

@TataMamma

I'm well aware that many different cultures have different norms re surnames and didn't need to check that out on google! You seem to enjoy getting offended by totally twisting what I actually said into something totally different. I have made clear throughout that cultures vary, and include minority cultures etc. I have simply balked at any description of what someone wants to do, being therefore their cultural norm. In that case it's a belief, although I also think beliefs are important and more so imo than cultural norms. I said using the term cultural norm to describe something that is in essence a belief or just what you want renders the term cultural norm meaningless. Thanks, but I don't need to learn any lessons - you need to grow up!

Your exact quote backtracker

'I just said that you can't simply say something is a cultural norm because it's what you want to do, and you are clearly not part of a culture (including minority cultures etc) where this is one. ‘

Disgusting . Enough said. Hopefully you have learnt your lesson

I didn't mean you as in "you" personally! I've no idea who you are or what culture(s) you may belong to - I meant you generically as in any person saying that. It's really quite obvious and trite.
The only lesson I've learnt today is some people are stupid and over sensitive! I think with attitudes and language like that you'd be more comfortable on gransnet!

@TataMamma

I didn't mean you as in "you" personally! I've no idea who you are or what culture(s) you may belong to - I meant you generically as in any person saying that. It's really quite obvious and trite. The only lesson I've learnt today is some people are stupid and over sensitive! I think with attitudes and language like that you'd be more comfortable on gransnet!

Not personally replying or referring to me, don’t kid yourself and backtrack further Another one of your fabulous quotes as recent as yesterday and referring directly to me on this thread when you are referring to double barrel names you state ‘Saying this is a cultural norm is just not true’ when it clearly is just not YOUR cultural norm but now you are saying you are aware in other cultures it is the cultural norm #backtracking.

Claiming someone is stupid or sensitive because you have belittles someone's culture and calling it meaningless , there's a word for that ISNT there? 😉

I think you have learnt your lesson. Ow

I said that "saying this is a cultural norm is just not true" - about PEOPLE SAYING WHATEVER THEY BELIEVE/WANT IS A PART OF A CULTURAL NORM. That is all. Read it!!!! What is wrong with yoU!!!! You can't just misquote things completely and then say they are really offensive.
I have not belittled anyone's culture - simply said that describing anything you want as a part of your culture is a meaningless term, which is how your own posts read. "You" referred to that position" and nothing more, and was clearly not related to anything which is an actual culture.
You seem to have a weird addiction to saying "learn your lesson". It only reflects very badly on you and makes you sound like a bitchy 90 year old.
Maybe you should learn some lessons - like reading things before you make silly allegations about them.

Who cares OP, I say go for it! I have a slightly strange situation where both my mum and dad had very similar surnames before marriage, as in there's only one letter difference. Also, my mum's side also all have different spellings of the same surname because of various personal preferences. I actually changed my name to my mum's maiden name when I was 13 purely because I preferred it sounded with my first name to my dad's. My dad wasn't remotely bothered. When my mum and dad got divorced, my mum kept my dad's name because she couldn't be bothered with any paperwork.

I can't recall ever having any issue with having a different surname to my parents or siblings,

@TataMamma

I said that "saying this is a cultural norm is just not true" - about PEOPLE SAYING WHATEVER THEY BELIEVE/WANT IS A PART OF A CULTURAL NORM. That is all. Read it!!!! What is wrong with yoU!!!! You can't just misquote things completely and then say they are really offensive. I have not belittled anyone's culture - simply said that describing anything you want as a part of your culture is a meaningless term, which is how your own posts read. "You" referred to that position" and nothing more, and was clearly not related to anything which is an actual culture. You seem to have a weird addiction to saying "learn your lesson". It only reflects very badly on you and makes you sound like a bitchy 90 year old. Maybe you should learn some lessons - like reading things before you make silly allegations about them.

So the following wasn’t directed at me despite literally saying it to me

'I just said that you can't simply say something is a cultural norm because it's what you want to do, and you are clearly not part of a culture (including minority cultures etc) where this is one. ‘_
_
Literally couldn’t be directed at me anymore !
_
And another direct quote
_
'saying this is a cultural norm is just not true" - about PEOPLE SAYING WHATEVER THEY BELIEVE/WANT IS A PART OF A CULTURAL NORM'

You were literally answering back to me saying double barrel surnames are a cultural norm . Your full quote below

My comment to third elephant
Strangevipers
@ThirdElephant
Is what you said a joke?

Double barrel surnames are a cultural norm also dating back to the 15th century.

How ignorant 

Your response while quoting me
Not really. It's true that going back to the 15thc (and maybe further), there are examples of the ultra rich doing this - typically because otherwise the bride's name would die out and she was bringing the dosh to the marriage. I'm presuming that is not your situation?!
Saying this is a cultural norm is just not true - it was a very rare thing that occurred in the most privileged of families, and in an era where a marriage really was a contract negotiated between families._
_
People like you need to be called out , it’s not acceptable to belittle other peoples cultures because they don’t suit your own