Would you use the name everyone hates?

[NavyBerry]

So me and DH chose a name for our DD. It is English, classic, old, probably posh. I don't know anyone with the name and neither does my husband. We like the meaning, the sound of it and the diminutives. It goes well with the surname and our names. I don't want to say it but it is smth like Verity or Lavinia. Quite rare.
His family was very rough critisizing it, mine is being even worse. Anyone who we mention it to says how awful it is. I'm not getting it. There is no valid reason for such rude reaction apart from people not having heard of it much. I don't know what to do. We have already got used to it but are we ruining our baby's life? Have you been in a similar situation? I'm under the impression that you can meet a child with any name nowadays and our choice will hardly be a shock

Nora/ Norah

Persephone

Having such unpleasant and rude relatives will have a much greater negative impact on a child’s life than any name possibly could.

This. Ignore them OP, nothing to do with anyone but you and your DH. If you like the name then use it, and I seriously doubt you will ruin your DD's life by choosing it.

Is it really old and really English like Aethelflaed or something more early twentieth century/Mitford sister vibes like Gertrude/Millicent/Unity?

Whats the meaning you like?

I don't know why people are so rude about names. We recently had a girl but I told my dad after we'd had her that if she'd been a boy we'd have called him Silas and he just went off the wall "wow, omg, we dodged a bullet there, thank God xxx that you're a girl". It really irritated me as it was a name that for me already had a connection to the baby I'd carried (if that makes sense). And it's so damn rude!

No I wouldn't use it. Family will be less nasty than other kids at school. Use it as a middle name instead. Life's hard enough for kids without having a name people make fun of.

OP I wouldn't listen to the rude family members! Family can become so judgemental and overinvolved when you have a baby. It's your baby and you've clearly given the name some thought and are happy with it. Don't let others put you off. I almost did too with my DC name and am so glad now that I didn't and went with what we wanted.

I'd listen to them. If it was just one person I'd ignore - but if it's everyone you've told them it's probably a bad name. Yes it's your baby - but that baby will become a woman that has to live with the name

We don't need to know the name OP :) if you and DH like it, go for it! Our son has an unusual name (less than 10 babies in the uk with it last year sort of level) and whilst our families did initially give us some odd looks and comments post birth they now just see ds as his name and can't imagine anything different!

It sounds like an inverted snobbery reaction. In which case, ignore them, they probably think you're getting ideas above your station

But it may also just be that the name is awful.
Impossible to say without knowing it.

@PoppiesinOctober

What good is this thread if you won't say the name?

The OP wants to know how to manage when she and her DH love the name and her family don’t.

Not what we all think of the name.

On MN you can suggest calling your baby ‘James’ or ‘Sophia’, ‘Zebadiah’ or ‘Hortense’ and you will get ‘love it’ and ‘no, think of the poor child’ against all.

OP, pp are right when they say discussing the name with relatives before birth is fraught: they then see themselves as involved in the decision, and they find it easy to sound off. Once a baby is born they are more likely to see the baby as the name and be more focussed on the baby.

So... if you choose anew name that you love and keep it secret, they might still hate it, but not say so after the birth. Would that be better, or would you have wasted your first name. As in if they hate the name anyway you might as well use your favourite.

Or are you prepared to choose a name by family committee? You will never get consensus and it isn’t their role.

They do sound very rude.

If it isn’t really complicated and counter-intuitive to spell, if it doesn’t make a rude word if you change a vowel, and if you love it, then your baby, your name choice.

What is the worst fat can happen if you stick with the name?

They sound rude but also I've picked up from threads on baby naming forums that if you tell people your choice of names before the baby is born then they'll interpret that as you asking for their opinions. Much better to wait until the baby is named then people will usually hold their tongue.

I do agree with others that it would be good to know. Is it just a case of it being posh? There's no bad nickname that can come from it?
I think there are some classic names that can seem quite posh like Priscilla and Edwina which lots of people dislike.

You say both your families dislike it but also say anyone you mention it to dislikes it too. I would be a little concerned. It might just be the people you're in contact with or it may be a name most people don't like. Ultimately your baby, your choice of name, however, if it's a widely disliked name the chances are higher that the child won't like it.

I'm thinking it's scheherazade

Go with what you and hubby love or you will regret it.
Once she's here and named people will get used to it and it will just become her name.
Best advice never share the name before the child is born as most people arent rude enough to say they dislike it once the baby is already named.

You'll never find a name which is universally popular. That said, if you're only getting negative reactions then I would be considering whether there is a good reason for that.

It may just be that they would dislike any name from a category e.g. something they perceive as posh, anything that isn't biblical, a name not already used in the family, a name from your partner's culture rather than yours etc. In which case, ignore.

Looking at names ranked 800 -1000 in E&W - some are names like Tess, Larissa, Fiona, Carolina, Seraphina, Cecilia, Cassandra and Bridget.

There are a lot of names out there which are perfectly fine names but are just not particularly popular right now.

I would suggest doing a name change and starting a new thread for some unbiased opinions on the name.

I was going to say Araminta but someone beat me to it 😉 Elspeth?
Or if its Fanny I could imagine that might raise some eyebrows.

Is it Dorcas? That was my nans middle name so I do like it but the family hated it (including nan)

I had exactly this with my first DC. I mentioned quite casually over dinner that we loved the name Tabitha for a girl, my family were horrified. Genuinely horrified. I was really surprised and devastated! I hadn't expected people to be so openly rude. I thought well maybe they're just out of touch so tried a friendship group, got similar reaction - 'disgusting name' and 'cruel' if I chose that. I couldn't get my head around it as I think it's the most beautiful name. Ended up having a boy, but I'm pregnant again now and it has put me off using Tabitha if I have a girl this time.

The reactions if others have ruined that name for me, and as much as I believe it's my choice and people will get used to it, you don't want to feel nervous telling people your child's name. And you do want other people to like the name, especially family and friends. I didn't like the idea of people talking about what a horrible name I'd picked behind my back, or worse people being nasty to DC due to their name.

This time around I'm keeping my cards very close to my chest!

@Rjd13 I think the name Tabitha is lovely 😊

I love love love the name Tabitha.

It really depends on the reasons for their hate, I guess. If it’s just a personal taste thing then yes, I’d still use. If they have genuine concerns re it being burdensome or inviting teasing, then it’s worth listening.

Tabitha is the name for my next girl. Tabitha Kathryn. Love it

Thank you for all your comments. The name is Arāmìnta (normal spelling). So you see it is not too awful, it wasn't the obvious suggestion here. Actually got mentioned once I think. Yes it is a bit unusual but not nasty, offensive, stupid or made up.
We are not changing the original, we are not being very inventive with the spelling. It works in any language and hopefully won't get too many mistakes. I'd go for Arabella but 'Bella' and 'B' sound doesn't suit the surname.
We travel a lot and we are not a type of family you'd think we were trying too hard to pretend smth we are not in terms of class. We just genuinely like the name. And so far, we have been successfully using a full name, so not even sure we will use the short form.

By the way this thread turned out to be full of nice names I like so if we do change our choice it might be for other nicer reasons!

@Rjd13 Tabitha is a lovely name! I really don't understand why people would react like that. We almost had a row with the family. They were not very nice

I worked with someone called the name you're considering. We attended a lot of meetings together where we'd meet people who didn't know either of us previously and at least 9 out of 10 times they'd comment on her name in a sort of "that's unusual" kind of way (not in a mean way but a bit of a way). Maybe in another 20 years things will be different but is that really something you'd want your child to live with just for the sake of... well what exactly?