She stole our girl name! What would you do??

[Vikasjourney]

Ladies, what would you do if you were pregnant with a girl, your best "couple friends" were also expecting a baby girl, you told said "couple friends" of your chosen name aaaaaaaand BAMMM they had their child two weeks before your due date and SURPRIIIIIIISE they used your girl name!

Would you still use the name?

Would you unfriend those two and start an open war?

Ooooor... Would you quietly dispise them and gossip about them on Mumsnet pretending nothing happened when you meet?

I want to know your opinion on this!!

It doesn't matter. I was in a primary school class with 3 Lauras, 2 Rebeccas, 2 Matthews, 2 Jamies, 2 Rachels, 3 Emmas .. it doesn't matter!

How do you know the 3 Emmas didn't hate having to share their name? That the teacher didn't find it a pain ?

How do you know the 3 Emmas didn't hate having to share their name? That the teacher didn't find it a pain ?

Who cares if the teacher finds it a pain?!

I'd be very pissed off

Annoying but not the start of WW3.
Just use the name

Frankly, I'd sue, OP... ("Unfriend"? Are you old enough to have children?!)

Nobody “owns” a name, so it cannot be “stolen”.
The girls may end up being good friends and really like having the same name.

How do you know the 3 Emmas didn't hate having to share their name? That the teacher didn't find it a pain

There were four girls in my class all called my name. None of us cared. The teacher coped just fine.

There were three girls on my class with my name so I changed it and use my second name.
Everyone except my mum call me by it now.

I would still use the name and continue to be friends with them. It's not unusual for friends to share tastes in lots of things - why not names?

They were probably already planning to use it.

No help but this is exactly why we wouldnt tell anyone our name until the birth.

No one owns a name! Just use it

Nobody can ‘steal’ a name (unless you made up and trademarked a truly unique one!?) - everybody has the right to name their child whatever they want regardless of how many other people have used the name or how close friends/ family members they are.

Your friends did nothing wrong in choosing a name they loved for their daughter. You will do nothing wrong if you choose to use the same name. Your child will have her name for her entire life, things can change, people relocate or drift apart etc and there’s nothing to say you will still even be friends with this couple in a few years so the names of their children shouldn’t have any bearing on what you call yours.

I'd be upset too. I had a friend use a name that was very high on my list but in her defense, we had never discussed it so it was truly coincidental. But now I feel I cant use the name or people think I'd be copying her. So I get it.

But in this case, I think you should use the name anyway because you did talk to her about it. I think what is wrong is that she never told you she also liked and was considering the same name. I think if she had addressed it beforehand, then you guys could have made it like a cute thing that you used the same name and your children would be very close! It could have been worked out.

But because she did this in a conniving way, I would use the name and distance myself from this friend. I dont know how close you guys are but I would take it as a sign that shes not a very good friend and incapable of proper friendship communication. I would just distance myself, I wouldn't explain why. She knows what she did. The thing is, if you bring it up, she will make you feel like the petty one and that sucks even more!

Its totally fine to like the same name or be inspired by others about names but I feel she should have warned you she was digging the name. I feel its really rude and the lack of honest communication is what makes me think shes not the greatest friend.

I have two very good friends, who are also best friends who share a name. They also both named their girls with matching names, a few years apart.

When I was pregnant with DD I wanted to call her one name beginning with an E. Another good friend had her DD 6 weeks before I gave birth and chose the same name but spelt with an A. She asked my permission. My response? 'Call your DD whatever you wish.'

YABVVVVVU. No one owns a name.

If you really want to work it out, you could I guess call her and say I'm still naming my baby the same name because it's been the name the whole time and I was stunned you used it without even mentioning it to me but I just want you to know I'm not changing my mind just because you used it without talking to me about it! No one can own a name but I'm shocked you wouldn't have mentioned it since it's the name I told you I was using! My feelings are hurt but I wanted to address this. I know it's a bit immature but communication lapsed so I'm just addressing it and letting you know that our children will have the same names and it could have been this planned, cute thing but because you didnt bring it up to me after I told you I was planning on this name, things feel pretty weird between us now.

And just see what she has to say? I hope she is sincere though and doesn't make you feel worse about this! But I would either distance myself or confront her - whichever will make you feel better!

These threads are so frustrating. It does make a difference if the name is popular or unusual. But, to quote the OP, BAM! she's disappeared. Come back OP and tell us what the name is!

I do agree! If the name is super popular anyway then you have to expect someone you know may eventually use the name, that's the definition of popular right? On the other hand, I feel like uncommon names are more sought after in a sense. Like everyone is looking for that name that isnt too common but also isnt totally out there so she may have had that magic golden name lol and then I also think it could be easily stolen! I mean I know you cant own a name but she told this friend the name and the friend used it without talking to her about it! I do think that is a bit conniving personally. Which makes me wonder should you not tell people your name until your baby is born or shouldn't telling people show that the name is already taken in your circle if that makes sense! I know it seems like grown adults shouldn't have these petty problems right?! But names are very personal and meaningful. I personally would rather not use a name used by my friends or family members if I can help it unless it's like an honor name! But hey if you really love a name then repetition may be worth it right?! The decision is personal. But I think if you are using an already used name that someone close has used, you should at least give them a heads up. Otherwise it's a bit shocking. I think that is like the ethical approach personally. And then I do think if you are approached you should be understanding that someone else likes the name also and not act like you own it! Communication goes a long way is my point!!

I'd still use the name too. I bet they're expecting / hoping you won't. I'd be annoyed. If they'd already decided on that name why didn't they say anything when you told them it was your choice? Really odd behaviour on their part and I think you have every reason to be peeved.

I dont think they were planning to use it, otherwise they would have said so.
'We picked Amy for our little one if its a girl.'
'Haha thats so funny, we have our hearts set on that too! What are we gonna do about that?'
'Oh well, i guess we just have to wait and see who gives birth first.'
No issues at all.
But not saying anything and then using the name a friend is planning to use is just awful and i would be really upset.
I dont think i could use the same name tbh. It would be so weird.
I would tell them im upset, but i dont think i would end the friendship if they are really good friends. The friendship might fizzle out on its own though, i would just always think how weird they are.

Message her and say, "Oh cute! It'll be so fun for them to be a matching pair of Xs."

Tell us the flipping name!

If it's Rumpelstiltskin YANBU

If it's Olivia/Eva/Sophie suck it up.

My Mum decided on my name as soon as she found out she was pregnant. A name strongly associated with the time in the Christian calender i was due.

Her sister, my aunt had a girl six months before I was born and (according to my Mum) stole my name. She chose another name.

I Couldn't care less, my name is my name,it's all I've ever known.

It caused bad blood in my family for years.

Forget it OP. It's really really not worth the angst.

Call you child whatever you want

Please don't call her Emily or Isobel....every single baby girl I have heard of recently born is called either one or the other.

You can't steal a name for goodness sake.

At worst you can copy a name.

And it really shouldn't be something worth this much headspace and angst.

They may not live near you forever, you may not be friends forever, the kids may end up not spending that much time together.

You love the name. Use it.

They might have picked it years ago and felt awkward when you mentioned it as they didn't know what to do (like you now) or they might have liked it when you said it.

I really doubt it's a name that is that rare they'd never heard it before.

You'll have much more taxing things to give headspace to when baby arrives and enjoy their arrival as much as possible - concentrate on that not what everyone else is doing!