She stole our girl name! What would you do??

[Vikasjourney]

Ladies, what would you do if you were pregnant with a girl, your best "couple friends" were also expecting a baby girl, you told said "couple friends" of your chosen name aaaaaaaand BAMMM they had their child two weeks before your due date and SURPRIIIIIIISE they used your girl name!

Would you still use the name?

Would you unfriend those two and start an open war?

Ooooor... Would you quietly dispise them and gossip about them on Mumsnet pretending nothing happened when you meet?

I want to know your opinion on this!!

I'd just use the name I wanted. Your child will have the name you give them for life (unless they change it themselves). You might not even be on contact with these people and their child in a few years time. Friendships change.

I never understand the big upset about names. We just told people once we'd picked.

There were a million James', Andrew's, Daniel's, Rachel's, Emma's, Rebecca's and Sarah's when I was at school. Some were popular, some were funny, some were sporty, some were incredibly intelligent. Known for themselves not their names.

Same now with the Archie's, Harry's, Mason's, Mia's, Ella's, Lilys etc...

I'd used the name, friendships move on and in years to come you may not even know this couple anymore, in that case you'd regret not using the name you love.

Call her a different name and tell them you did love said name but have really gone off it. Say with a sympathies head tilt.

All these people saying you can’t steal a name etc; what rubbish. Of course you can’t ‘steal’ a name but it’s really weird to use a name that your best friend has just told you that she is using. That’s why it is best to not tell ANYONE your chosen name.

I wouldn't be upset, unless the name is very uncommon and special to you (e.g. combining your name and dh's name in some way). It would have been more considerate of them to tell you right away, 'Oh, that's a lovely name; in fact it's the one we're planning to use'; but I would hardly call it stealing! The only problem is that if you are good friends, then your children will probably play together, and there could be confusion, but it's always possible to differentiate them, e.g by using the initial of the last name - Sophie D and Sophie R, for example. I have one of those names that was much commoner a few decades ago than now, and it sometimes seemed at the time that every other little girl shared my name, but we managed to keep straight who was who!

If you hadn't told them the name, they had their baby and called them the name in question and then you had yours two weeks later, what would you have done? Because without the shared information they weren't to know it was your preferred choice too.

I would absolutely go with your chosen name and I would absolutely still hang out with these people. Nobody owns a name, nothing has been stolen.

BFFs DD's BFF is called the same name. Same hospital, two days apart. They are both delightful little humans, and it's very sweet that they and their mum's still hang out ten years on.

I think if you are just friends and not family it's fine to use the name if you love it. Who knows what will happen in the future maybe you or them will move away or you'll lose touch etc. When I was at school in the 90s it was so common for children to share the same name and at least some of those parents must have been friends so I think it was less of a big deal in the past. Although I've never known anyone who has shared a baby's name with other people before birth so I don't quite understand why you would do that in the first place!

OP ignore all the posters saying it wouldn't bother them because it absolutely would! i think i know how i feel better than you do. Maybe don't judge people by your own standards?

I always liked a particular boys name and everyone knew when / if I had a boy, this would be his name.

DH and I had difficulty conceiving but my brother and his wife fell pregnant first month trying and they had a boy - and guess what they called him? Yes MY NAME!

I said "you've stolen my name!" And he said "but you might not ever have a boy!"

A year later, I was pregnant and I told my brother, he'd better hope it was a girl because if it's a boy, my mum was going to end up with 2 grandsons with the same name!

Luckily I had a girl.

Oh and when I was pregnant, DH and I decided on a reserve name in case it was a boy as DH felt we shouldn't use the same name as my brother.

A year after my DD was born my brother had another boy and guess what? They used my "reserve" name!

Most people on MN seem to think this is okay but I’d be really upset and angry if I were you OP. You made it clear you wanted to use the name and they said nothing. Had they said they liked it too then fair enough as they’d bern honest but the way they’ve gone about it is sly.

Not sure whether or not I’d still use the name but I’d speak to them about it and make it clear I was upset.

If you still love the name, use the name.

This is why you shouldn't tell people the name you've chosen before the baby is born.

Especially if they are also expecting and the due date is before yours!

I think you need to decide what's more important to you, the name or the friendship. Choose a different name or use it anyway and end the friendship.

I'd be upset and would feel the name lost its shine. I'd not want my dd to be little X. As there are thousands of names out there, I'd try to find another one I love!

OP you may have changed your mind after your baby is born anyhow. Have a few names and take a few days after birth to decide.

Is this a reverse?

We didn't discuss names but some of my good friends used our boy name 2 weeks before our baby was born. We decided we'd use the name anyway and we didn't tell them it was going to be the same name in advance. Still friends! I'd use it anyway.

How do you know the didn't have this name picked out in the same way you did?

.....That’s why it is best to not tell ANYONE your chosen name.

Well, that's what the other couple did. They didn't tell anyone, and they're still somehow in the wrong.

Suppose, when op said 'We're going to call her Pandora', the other woman had said 'Oh, that's the name we've chosen, too,' how exactly do you decide who has the 'right' to use the name?

It doesn't matter. I was in a primary school class with 3 Lauras, 2 Rebeccas, 2 Matthews, 2 Jamies, 2 Rachels, 3 Emmas .. it doesn't matter!

How do you know they weren't already thinking of that name, but just wanted to keep it secret until their baby was born? If they were due before you, chances are they did think of names before anyway.

You don't own a name. You both like it, so you both use it. Doesn't matter.

If you're as close as you say, and they become friends, it might turn out to even be a cute little quirky thing for them as they get older.

Just use it - the day me and my husband decided we would have children we thought of names, 2006. DD was born in 2008 and we kept the name we'd chosen in 2006, as we did with the boys name when he came along in 2012

Our family friends who we didnt even know in 2006 had a boy with the same name, he was older (born around 2005 ish) and we asked if they minded as we'd
Chosen the same name years before - they didn't even realise it was a thing!
They said yes of course and not sure why you're asking

So yes just use it

I'd be annoyed!

What's the name?

I'd be livid. I'd def not then still use the name. But then I guess this is why I like unusual names, I wish I could copyright my sons name tbf

I'd use the name and if they said anything just breezily say, "well you knew we were using it because we told you long before you had yours"

And to others? "No we were always going to call her xxxx. Yeah, friend knew."

I'd use the name. If you're willing to loose a friendship over this then I doubt you'll be friends forever so use the name.