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Baby names

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Original poster

My husband won’t let me use a name that is v important to me

129 replies

Namedrama · 09/12/2018 09:27

I’ve name changed for this for obvious reasons.

Nina Simone who was my father’s favourite singer. When my father was dying I would play him Nina Simone tracks and we’d listen together and we had some lovely last moment sharing our love of her music. I told him that if I had a daughter I would remember my dad by using the name Nina.

My DH dislikes the name. He won’t even entertain it. I’m heart broken, it’s not just a name I love, it’s a connection to my dad. The baby will have DH’s last name and a middle name that is traditional in his family - is it too much to ask for a first name that humour my dead father?

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Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2018 09:29

Give him the choice that it’s the first name or middle name
If he can have a middle name that’s important to his family you should be able to have a name that’s important to yours

Bunnybigears · 09/12/2018 09:34

To be fair if he really doesnt like the name it would be unfair to insist his daughter is called by that name. I would use it as a middle name and find a first name you both like. But then ive never understood naming a child to honour/remember other people as they are a brand new person in their own right not a memorial bench.

Sexnotgender · 09/12/2018 09:36

If he gets the family tradition middle name then you should get to choose the first name. Or you need to rethink the whole name and have Nina as a middle name.

ChaosMoon · 09/12/2018 09:37

I agree. If he hates it then fair enough not to use it for a first name. But if he vetoes it as a middle name, he shouldn't get to use his family middle name either.

HollowTalk · 09/12/2018 09:37

Problem is that if you suggest Nina as a middle name, he'll bump his middle name up to be the first name.

OneStepMoreFun · 09/12/2018 09:38

Nina as middle name. His surname. Choose a first name you both love.

Holidayshopping · 09/12/2018 09:39

You need to give your child a name that both of you like. If he hates it, you really need to choose another.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/12/2018 09:39

I really do not believe what I'm reading here.
The baby is going to going his name and having a middle name from his family. Yet he is refusing to let you use the one name that is important to you. Angry. Its not on, op. Is he always this much of a bullying dictator. His choice first name. His choice mn. His choice last name. Are you getting any say in this. I despise the way men assume children will be taking after their surname.
That's probably another story, though.
I'd go as far as saying. Either I get to use the first name I want or the baby goes in my name. He can't have all ways.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2018 09:40

You can’t use it as a first name if he hates it, that’s really unfair.

I don’t see why he shouldn’t agree to it as a middle name though. Or Simone if he prefers that.

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2018 09:40

Names can be funny things, they can remind us of people we knew or know. And we can irrationally dislike the name.

What about calling her Simone? That's a lovely name for a girl.or finding something different, for example what was your dads mothers names, compromise is always available.

However it's unreasonable to insist on calling his child a name he really dislikes.

XiCi · 09/12/2018 09:40

How about using the name Simone? Much nicer than Nina IMO and you would still have that memory of your father.

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2018 09:41

Also your child can have two middle names, and then pick a first name you both love.

BroomstickOfLove · 09/12/2018 09:44

Two middle names and first name you agree on?

Also, there is a family name which I didn't give DD because I have her my grandmother's name as a middle name instead, and we decided on only one middle name. She's since started using the vetoed middle name anyway.

33goingon64 · 09/12/2018 09:47

He might change his mind after he sees you give birth. That's what happened to us!

Branleuse · 09/12/2018 09:47

Hes a dick. You birth the baby, youll probably do most of the raising of it, and it gets his surname, not yours, plus you dont even get to chose her first name or middle name. Do you realise what a shit deal youre getting here.

My kids have all got their dads surnames regrettably. Dp didnt like ds2s name that i chose, but i kept having dreams that i took the baby and registered him with that name anyway. He eventually agreed when he saw how much i loved the name.

I think after doing all the carrying, YOU get to at very least choose her name.

Dont forget youve always got the option of dumping his arse if hes going to be such a dick about something so important.
Also Nina is a beautiful name

Branleuse · 09/12/2018 09:48

He sees you as a broodmare

Liverpool1944 · 09/12/2018 09:50

YBVU

Middle name is a fair compromise

MimiSunshine · 09/12/2018 09:50

She can’t have a first name he hates but likewise baby can’t have middle name of his choice either if you’re not happy.

The surname is irrelevant if you e changed your name to his as presumably you’re happy for that to be the family name.

So options are that baby has two middle names of Nina and his important family name and you choose one together for the first name

Bunnybigears · 09/12/2018 09:54

"He sees you as a broodmare" bit of an exaggeration just because the guy doesnt want to have to call his daughter by a name he dislikes for the rest of his life. The OP hasnt said sbe is being forced into baby having DH's surname or significant middle name so persumably she could equally say no to those if she wanted to.

Ilovedotcotton · 09/12/2018 09:54

YABU
You can’t force a name that your DH doesn’t like, this is his child too. If you don’t like the middle name, you’re equally entitled to veto it. You can’t decide on a name unilaterally- this isn’t how parenting is done.

I’m sorry for your loss Flowers

piefacedClique · 09/12/2018 09:54

What about a dame that ends with an ‘ina’ or ‘ena’ that can be shortened to Nina....

www.thinkbabynames.com/end/0/ina

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2018 09:55

Did you not change your surname on marriage op, is that why you're pointing out your daughter will have his surname? It's not your family name?

strawberrypenguin · 09/12/2018 09:55

Use it as a middle name. You can't have a first name that one of you hates

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 09/12/2018 09:59

Why does he hate the name? Was it his childhood bully, evil Aunty who left him on the bus as a small child, or the name of first girl who broke his heart?

cancla · 09/12/2018 09:59

Tbh I think naming a child to remember someone is a bit extreme. You can remember loved ones without such a massive statement which will only lead to to a child being told they got their name because of someone else. It's a bit shit tbh 'oh I called you Nina bc of your grandad' (who she will have zero connection to or memories of, even telling her all about him it will mean nothing to a a child) rather than 'I called you X because it's a lovely name'