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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

My husband won’t let me use a name that is v important to me

129 replies

Namedrama · 09/12/2018 09:27

I’ve name changed for this for obvious reasons.

Nina Simone who was my father’s favourite singer. When my father was dying I would play him Nina Simone tracks and we’d listen together and we had some lovely last moment sharing our love of her music. I told him that if I had a daughter I would remember my dad by using the name Nina.

My DH dislikes the name. He won’t even entertain it. I’m heart broken, it’s not just a name I love, it’s a connection to my dad. The baby will have DH’s last name and a middle name that is traditional in his family - is it too much to ask for a first name that humour my dead father?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

stayathomegardener · 09/12/2018 10:01

Honour your Dad by using his surname, your Dd will then have a huge link back to him and then change yours by deed poll back to your maiden name to match.

Sorted. 😁

Really you hold all the cards here don't let him bully you.

SoupDragon · 09/12/2018 10:03

Neither parent can insist their child is called by a name the other hates.

You can insist it's added as a second middle name but the first name has to be one you both like.

SoupDragon · 09/12/2018 10:04

Really you hold all the cards here don't let him bully you.

She should just bully him instead. Lovely.

Zoflorabore · 09/12/2018 10:06

My dd has three middle names for sentimental reasons relating to grandparents.
Could you have it as first middle name as a
Compromise?

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 09/12/2018 10:06

I really like the name Nina. Lovely choice. But I don't think he's evil or nasty here. Baby's first name is the one you'll both use every day for the rest of your lives, probably. It needs to be one you both like.

Go for Nina as another middle, and choose a first name you can both agree on.

PurpleDaisies · 09/12/2018 10:06

First name should be agreed jointly.

Nina could easily be another middle name.

Bunnybigears · 09/12/2018 10:07

Really you hold all the cards here don't let him bully you

What a fantastic way to operate in what im assuming is supposed to be a loving relationship

Santababyclaus · 09/12/2018 10:14

If he doesn't like the name then he doesn't like it, it doesn't actually matter why he doesn't like it. However, if he gets to dictate a middle name, you can do the same so Nina can be an additional middle name.

I'm having the same issue with my DP with a family middle name. I'm happy to use it if we have a boy but it means the boys name I like, which DP isn't keen on, will also have to be a middle name.

Miscible · 09/12/2018 10:14

I can see why he wouldn't want his child saddled with a name he really dislikes. Plus, she'll end up being called Ninny at school.

Why not go for three names, with Nina plus his family name as the middle names?

ThanksItHasPockets · 09/12/2018 10:22

The baby will have DH’s last name and a middle name that is traditional in his family

Well, perhaps you need to revisit these decisions.

NataliaOsipova · 09/12/2018 10:22

I don’t see any bullying here. You want to give his child a name that he really dislikes. A name he will be using, myriad times a day, for the rest of his life. It has to be something you both like.

Quartz2208 · 09/12/2018 10:25

Two middle names or try simone

You cant give a first name he dislikes - you can do two middle names

chocatoo · 09/12/2018 10:25

You can't reasonably expect to use a name your husband hates. Have 2 second names.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 09/12/2018 10:27

Two middle names. How difficult can that be? Make Nina the first middle name

PoutySprout · 09/12/2018 10:27

The surname is irrelevant if you e changed your name to his as presumably you’re happy for that to be the family name.

Did you not change your surname on marriage op, is that why you're pointing out your daughter will have his surname? It's not your family name?

Branleuse · 09/12/2018 10:29

Patriarchy has really done a number on us to call a woman who wants one of the names of her child to be her decision, to be called bullying

PoutySprout · 09/12/2018 10:29

Honour your Dad by using his surname, your Dd will then have a huge link back to him and then change yours by deed poll back to your maiden name to match.

Even if the OP had changed her surname on marriage, which is not how it reads to me, she would not need a deed poll to change back to her pre-marriage surname.

I seem to have woken up in the 1950s.

Original poster

Namedrama · 09/12/2018 10:30

Thanks all.

To answer a few questions:

I love the name Nina, I’m not just asking for it because of the connection with my dad. It’s a kick-ass, strong and relatively unusual but recognisable, classic name
I don’t have my DH’s surname. I didn’t change my name on marriage as I’m already established in my career using my maiden name. I wanted to double barrel the kids’ names, he didn’t like that idea either.
I like the family middle name he has chosen. I do not object to it at all.
DH is a stay at home dad. I work. So I’m no broodmare!
DH can’t think of an actual name he likes but he suggested Mila which he sees as “similar to Nina but more modern.” I don’t like names chosen for no reason, what people think sounds nice changes with fashion, meaning doesn’t change.
Our first child has the first name of DH’s grandfather. Luckily I liked that name a lot so didn’t suggest alternatives, but DH got to honour his family with that name.

OP posts:

PoutySprout · 09/12/2018 10:32

I don’t have my DH’s surname. I didn’t change my name on marriage as I’m already established in my career using my maiden name.

Just wanted to say that “because I didn’t want to” is a perfectly good reason to keep the name you’ve presumably had your whole life.

Yet another thing 99% of men don’t give a passing thought.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2018 10:32

If you didn't change your surname, tell him your want her to have yours then. If you did then she has both your surnames. In which case two middle names that mean something to you and a neutral first name tbst is hers

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2018 10:32

You still can’t use a name he hates, despite your 1 - 6 points above.

moredoll · 09/12/2018 10:34

Our first child has the first name of DH’s grandfather. Luckily I liked that name a lot so didn’t suggest alternatives, but DH got to honour his family with that name.

So it's your turn now. Tell him not to worry, he'll come to love the name as he grows to love the child.

Quartz2208 · 09/12/2018 10:35

Actually the her having your surname makes perfect sense and is a way of honouring your Dad and the family name living on

Friends (who were married) did this the mum and daughter have her surname the son and Dad his

LeeMiller · 09/12/2018 10:35

Either parent imposing a first name that the other dislikes is unfair, it should be a joint decision. And it doesn't matter whether the person hates a name for a specific reason or just has an irrational dislike of it, both are a good enough reason not to use it. Surnames and middle names just aren't comparable to first names. Use Nina or Simone as an additional middle name, or honour your dad in a different way which will be meaningful to her - by playing/singing Nina Simone's tunes to your baby and telling her about your dad.

Yellowcar2 · 09/12/2018 10:35

I'm really sorry but you need to have a first name you both love I would not be happy to be told my child was named x but she can your choice on middle and surname. Can Nina be a 2nd middle name and choose a brand new first name. I now know quite a few people who have 2 middle names.

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