Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

My husband won’t let me use a name that is v important to me

129 replies

Namedrama · 09/12/2018 09:27

I’ve name changed for this for obvious reasons.

Nina Simone who was my father’s favourite singer. When my father was dying I would play him Nina Simone tracks and we’d listen together and we had some lovely last moment sharing our love of her music. I told him that if I had a daughter I would remember my dad by using the name Nina.

My DH dislikes the name. He won’t even entertain it. I’m heart broken, it’s not just a name I love, it’s a connection to my dad. The baby will have DH’s last name and a middle name that is traditional in his family - is it too much to ask for a first name that humour my dead father?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Whyislarryhappy · 09/12/2018 11:56

Ridiculous! Tbh I didn't like a name which was important to my dp (its the surname of his late nan but can be a first name but spelt different to traditional spelling) however, I didn't go into it, that name is my sons middle name and it suits him! His full name just rolls of the tongue now.
You two need to come to a compromise

MamaDane · 09/12/2018 11:59

@PoutySprout because it's basically the Danish equivalent of Smith I prefer my DP's as it's quite an uncommon name

bridgetreilly · 09/12/2018 11:59

Here's the thing, he chose DS's name, but you also really liked it. Easy.

You want to choose DD's name, fine. But you can't choose a name he hates. So, you need to be the one offering other suggestions until you both agree on one. Then you can negotiate on the middle name(s). But you have to let go of Nina.

BeanBagLady · 09/12/2018 12:03

Well, he’s not great at compromise is he?
Doesn’t want the kids to have both surnames,
Understands the currency of names with a family connected room but mostly where HIS family are concerned.
If he won’t agree to Nina or Simone (both beautiful) as a middle name he is a selfish patriarchal guy, IMO.

How is it that women often seem to prefer their DH’s to their own but rarely the other way round?
How is it that men so often suggest a traditional family name that a woman is cool with, but so often ‘don’t like’ a name from the woman’s family?

Fletchasaurus · 09/12/2018 12:06

I had a friend called Nina but she really Angelina. Could this be an option?

Loopytiles · 09/12/2018 12:09

It’s not selfish, patriarchal or unreasonable to dislike and not want his DC to be called specific names.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/12/2018 12:10

He hasn't demanded that he gets to choose, OP is able to suggest others

He has demanded to choose the surname for both children against OP wishes, has chosen his forename for the first child which OP agreed to and still wants to veto using the OP's meaningful family choice for the second.

That sounds pretty demanding to me.

And btw - I'm struggling to see Mila as bearing any resemblance to Nina or being particularly modern. Like a PP it reminds me of a Horlicks type drink from the past.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/12/2018 12:13

It’s not selfish, patriarchal or unreasonable to dislike and not want his DC to be called specific names.

But it is selfish, patriarchal and unreasonable to demand both children have his surname and exclude the OPs surname, use one of his family names for the first child but veto the OP choice for the second.

Either both parties or neither get the veto. In this case the DH seems to have the veto but the OP doesn't.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2018 12:13

All these posters saying if first child has DH surname, this one should have ops - do siblings really want to have a different surname to their brothers/sisters? I’d have hated it.

Branleuse · 09/12/2018 12:17

It bloody is patriarchal and controlling to veto the mother of the childs specially significant name when he has chosen every single other name.
It is a perfectly normal name. Not dated, doesnt have any connotations. Not made up, not unusual, not common, not a social class signifier. Not a name that would get a child teased. Nothing wrong with it to any extent that it should be vetoed. Hes just being a dick about it

imonlyherefortheAIBU · 09/12/2018 12:20

Situations like this are for middle names

everydaymum · 09/12/2018 12:20

C8H, the name for DC1 was agreed to by OP and DH. DH doesn't like Nina and OP doesn't like Mila. Neither have agreed on a name for DC2. It's not demanding or controlling to dislike a name. If it was the other way around and DH was insisting on a name OP didn't like MNs would be all over it.

imonlyherefortheAIBU · 09/12/2018 12:21

Have 2 middle names! That's what my DH has and what our children will have

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2018 12:22

I wouldn’t want my dd named after a singer. Are there any names in your dads family that could be used instead?

C8H10N4O2 · 09/12/2018 12:24

C8H, the name for DC1 was agreed to by OP and DH

It was chosen by DH from his family. The OP agreed to it. That is very different from a new and unconnected name they chose together.

He also vetoed double barreled names for the children insisting on his name only.

He has already demanded another of his family names for this second child.

I don't think the OP is unreasonable to have one of her choices accepted - its hardly a weird or outre name (unlike Mila which is godawful).

BangingOn · 09/12/2018 12:24

Why not have two middle names? Nina and the name that he currently wants as a middle name.

Deadringer · 09/12/2018 12:26

Why does he hate it so much op? Seems strange to me that he hates the name you love, unless he has some negative associations with it I think hibu. He has picked every other name, not just the baby's second and surname but also your son's name. I grew and birthed my babies and I had final say on their names. Dh only vetoed one and that was because he had difficulty saying it, so obviously didn't pick that. I would stand my ground and f*ck what everyone else thinks.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2018 12:30

Unfair Deadringer you couldn’t have “grew and birthed” your babies without your DH presumably? Why should you get to have the final say? hate this I gave birth so I get final say stuff. Bloody unfair. The man hardly gets a choice as to whether he gives birth or not.

Deadringer · 09/12/2018 12:44

Life isn't fair. We both wanted kids but I am the one left with the birth injuries. Op he has done enough of the choosing, it's your turn.

Branleuse · 09/12/2018 12:48

lol at he doesnt get a choice whether he gets to choose what he would rather do. Ejaculating, or giving birth

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2018 12:49

Lol, very true though.

BeanBagLady · 09/12/2018 14:28

“It’s not selfish, patriarchal or unreasonable to dislike and not want his DC to be called specific names.”

No but it is a bit of a co-incidence that every time he takes against something it’s her name or her choice. Her name that gets left off the surname, her choice of middle name that isn’t liked!

“All these posters saying if first child has DH surname, this one should have ops - do siblings really want to have a different surname to their brothers/sisters? I’d have hated it.”

And the solution to that is, and to havjng a different name to your Mum, is double barrel. Which the OP wanted but he vetoed.

MrsTerryPratcett · 09/12/2018 14:32

Exactly how many name does your partner 'get'?

You wanted double barrelled. You don't get that. He wanted his family name. Twice. Then he gets the middle name of your second and the first name of your first. I make that at least four names out of six?

It's your turn.

Bellatrix14 · 09/12/2018 14:43

I think Nina is a lovely name (and I can see why it’s important to you), but while it would annoy me that he’s has vetoed it without offering another suggestion of something he’s really keen on, you can’t really go for a name if one you is adamant that they don’t like it. I think middle name is the logical option!

I don’t agree with people saying that you need a name you both love though. I know plenty of children (including my sister) who ended up with a name that was no one’s favourite but was at least something that both parents could agree on! Ideally you’d have a name you both love, but I don’t know how often it actually happens...

ElsieCat · 09/12/2018 14:54

The baby is going to going his name and having a middle name from his family. Yet he is refusing to let you use the one name that is important to you. angry. Its not on, op. Is he always this much of a bullying dictator.

That's a very unfair attitude. It's really important to both like your baby's name and to take one another's feelings into consideration when choosing it. If one person says absolutely NO WAY because they hate it, then that's it as far as I'm concerned. You'll have to find something else you can both love.

OP if I were you I'd ask him to shelve his planned middle name to make way for either Nina, or Simone, whichever one you can both agree is best and then pick a new first name together.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread