Walking into a surname disaster?

[Minimoon123]

Ok, so I'm a FTM, 40 weeks pregnant today and don't know if I'm having a boy or a girl. Looking for thoughts on whether I'm heading into a world of surname pain or not because...

DP and I not married. He's Irish, I'm English. He has no family - both parents passed away, no siblings, basically no one to carry on his name whereas there are bazillions with my surname. So months ago I said baby should take his name. He said he didn't mind. But now seems to mind!

Didn't discover until a couple of days ago that he considers that the baby will take the correct Irish version of his name depending on their gender. So if a girl, instead of his surname: O' XXX, would be Nic XXX. (O' means 'son of' and Nic means 'daughter of' apparently). To complicate matters further Nic is pronounced Nee. And to complicate matters even further, the first name and surname of our potential daughter also involves a lot of Nee Noo and Naa type sounds. Basically she would sound like an ambulance siren.

(Slight side note, I already caved on the first name as he played the 'the only name I like is my dead mother's name' card. So we're in fully Irish territory here with first and surname despite the fact I'm English and we live in England.)

So: I held firm (not easy as DP is super stubborn) and have refused to agree to Nic XXX but instead have managed to agree a compromise on just dropping the O' so it's as close to DP's surname as possible while still making sense to him (and she has to have Nic as a middle name). But what that effectively means is:

DP will be O' XXX
DD would be XXX
DS (if/when) would be O' XXX
And I would be YYY

So the poor child would have a slightly different surname from anyone else. Is this going to cause problems? Travel? etc? I thought it would be ok but I can tell my mother is worried which has worried me!

Obviously it might all be moot if it's a boy but then there's always a chance of a girl in the future so I guess good to know!

What do you think? (Sorry post got looong!) I don't want to reopen the argument with DP but equally I don't want to wander into a mess with my eyes closed.

I have a friend who’s Ni xxx and couldn’t for the line of me fathom it so thanks.

I’m glad DH’s Irish surname isn’t an ‘O’ one now as this sounds like my worst nightmare! Though as I was saying to toddler DD this morning naming convention on her daddy’s side is the mummy gets to pick, so I took full advantage and didn’t mention it’s the opposite on my side .

DH was happy with all DC’s names though, it he’s a really good actor! Luckily for us my mum and his dad have similar names, as do my dad and his mum so they’re all represented in some way.

he did say I could give the child my surname but a) I didn't really believe that that would be the way to harmony b) I think we will get married at some point and I wanted us all to have the same surname

Perfect, no more problem!

She has your surname, which presumably has no nees or noos in it. Then if you do get married you can have the O' or Nic' conversation then.

However if you stay in England, she'll have a lot of name explaining in her future... I'd stick with yours. Maybe he can change his name.

Miggeldy - your username: love it !

(It’s been said enough already but OP, for the sake of being on topic I’m going to reiterate it - if he’s that traditional then I expect he’ll be marrying you, eh? Then you can create and agree a family name together. In the meantime he can learn to compromise.)

Op will your DD be Úna Ńi Surname? Does have a bit of the ‘ambulance siren’ sound ... but a lovely first name

I'm from ni
Alot of my university friends are called by English version of their name but tend to write the Irish version - particularly useful when preventing pupils / parents from finding them on Facebook (all teachers/ youth workers )
Could you do this - on paper dd is xxx irish name and then known as English version?

I think some (Irish) people on here are missing the point that O' is for the Anglicised versions of Irish names - so O'Byrne, O'Kelly, O'Flaherty etc. In which case both sexes use it. Ó is for the Irish language surname - Ó Briain, Ó Ceallaigh and so on - and is sex-specific, with Ní being the female equivalent. The OP's partner uses the Irish language version, so their daughter would correctly be Ní if they decide to give her his surname.

Whoever said that nobody in Ireland uses this convention is just plain wrong. I'm in Dublin and can think of half a dozen friends off the top of my head.

(Obviously there are larger issues about whose name the child should get. But if using the father's name, this is the correct way to do it. Calling the female child of an Ó name by O' wouldn't really make much sense linguistically.)

Cel Nice to see someone else that knows what they are talking about.

Cel982 🙌🏻

So many of my family, friends, colleagues and even people on the TV use Ní I was starting to think the other Irish posters were living under a rock

All part of the tragic tale of the Irish language, dinosaur!

Every days a school day. Learnt a lot here!

I think if he uses the Irish version of thoe surname you should use Ni. It's flat out wrong to use O in this case.

It is very easy to change a surname provided both parents agree.

It can be very difficult to change a surname if one parent wants to block it.

I would stick to your surname for now.

If you get married, then both you and children change your names to his XXX one.