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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Still not happy with name

60 replies

LuckymummaOf2 · 14/07/2015 16:50

Hello,
I have posted a few times and keep thinking I am ok, but I am still not used to DD name and she is 6 months. I have good days and feel ok but this doubt comes back. I have tried hypnotherapy to get rid of the anxiety and seen the doc and councillor incase it's just anxiety fixing on this - but I feel fine otherwise so not sure this is the case.
I am not 100% on an alternative either, so worry about changing it too. It's eating me up feeling so unsure. I feel unconfident using her name and she deserves a name I truly love. Her name is violet and I also sorry and have read that people hear 'violent' as the words are close which I never realised prior to namingf her. Really not sure ho to overcome this.

Any advice gratefully received.
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OP posts:

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CherryBonBon · 14/07/2015 16:53

Ah you poor thing.

Violet is a really beautiful name. If I had a DD now it would be on the list.

And the violent comparisons are frankly idiotic.

Presumably you chose it in the first place because you like it? Well that us all that matters. The stupid opinions of strangers really really really don't.

paxtecum · 14/07/2015 16:58

Violet is a beautiful name.

There is always a nasty nickname with any name that you choose.
For example
Stroppy Poppy
Smelly Ellie
Contrary Mary
Mad Maddy
Fatty Matty
etc and etc.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 14/07/2015 16:58

Could you use Lottie as a short version? Nothing against ... but might make u feel happier

BrowersBlues · 14/07/2015 16:58

What name would you like to call her?

Yika · 14/07/2015 17:01

Do you have some ohter names you like? How about calling her Violet + other name for a while? You could try a week of each for a while until you find one that you feel comfortable with - that way you are still using her given name while testing out other ones - so a week of 'Violet Mary', a week of 'Violet Amelia' etc.

Then can you add it as a middle name formally and start using it day to day, and slowly drop the Violet?

Violet is a pretty name though not to my taste. You don't have to keep it though.

FixItUpChappie · 14/07/2015 17:02

Sorry your feeling low about this OP. I have secret wobbling on my DS2's name and he is 2 year old! However, I try to remember that we chose the name out of love and that it is a part of who he is now....and of course there is nothing wrong with his name whatsoever. For me there were so many choices - I am always thinking ooh that one's nice - I didn't consider that. Weird but true.

I know a Violet and she is a lovely little thing. Its a perfectly nice name and she will grow into it. Do you have a little nickname you can call her? That might help you feel more connected to it.

Moodyblue1 · 14/07/2015 17:02

I'm sorry you feel this way, it can't be easy and it sounds like it's getting you down a lot. Is your partner supportive, what do they think of the name? Can you think back to why you chose it in the first place, did you settle because you couldn't think of something else or did you love it and have since changed your mind?

For what it's worth, Violet is an absolutely beautiful name, I would never think of violent at all. It's very pretty and I know one little Violet and she's adorable.

Original poster

LuckymummaOf2 · 14/07/2015 17:09

Thanks for the kind comments, they are nice to read.
I loved the name during pregnancy but since she's been born its never seemed to feel quite right. I initiallybrushed off my concerns but I'm still not happy. Problem is I really don't feel set on anything else either. Every now and then I think, xxx ah yes that's definitely the right name, then i change my mind again. I worry I will always feel like this and never be happy.
I do sometimes use a nickname but I feel I am just avoiding the issue then.

OP posts:

5YearsTime · 14/07/2015 18:16

It's a fabulous name.

I have absolutely no expertise but it sounds like a post natal anxiety thing which means you are fixated on this but it's not actually the real issue?

Thatsnotmybabyname · 14/07/2015 18:24

Perhaps not helpful but I also think Violet is a beautiful name and I would never have made the violent connection. I think if you don't have another alternative you could just try to use a nickname you prefer on a day to day basis - Vivie, Lettie...?

reuset · 14/07/2015 19:51

Pfft to the violent comparisons.

So sorry you're feeling this way. Agree that a nick name might help. Vi, Lettie, Lottie (oo err, remembering recent thread about Violet nick name Lottie Fireworks!)
More extreme course would be to change it. Viola or something similar?

PotOfYoghurt · 14/07/2015 19:58

I love that name. Beautiful, underused and timeless.

wolive · 14/07/2015 20:10

I am in exactly the same situation, except my DD is 8 months old. I've felt like this since she was a few weeks old and keep thinking it will get better but it just doesn't.

My dh thinks it's a post-natal anxiety issue and I'm just fixating on the name when it isn't really the issue. Which may be true, but doesn't help.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but you have my sympathies! It may seem like a little thing to a lot of people, but I know how much it can consume your thoughts. Fingers crossed we both feel happier one way or another soon.

Lucaslovesfelicity · 14/07/2015 20:17

It an absolute beautiful name.

I too have been in your position and so do understand how you might be feeling. I registered DD name but never felt 100% happy about it or in fact any other name that I was considering at the time. I do suffer from anxiety and looking back, think that I had a bad case of the baby blues, which made my anxiety even worse. My DD's name was all I could think about day and night and it really ate away at me. I felt so depressed and felt that I had let my beautiful DD down :-(
In the end, we did end up changing her name and I felt so much more happier at the time and still am. However, when I now think of the original name, I don't dislike it as much as I thought I did and do feel that my anxiety issues and post pregnancy hormones did make me feel so much more worse about things.
I have just had my second DD and we are about to register her tomorrow. This time around I felt so much calmer and naming her has been so easy. Pregnancy hormones have got so much to answer for in my case. I hope you start to feel better about things soon OP

TaperJeanGirl · 14/07/2015 20:22

Violet is a beautiful name ( one of my girls has this as a middle name), another Violet I know is called Vivi which I think is gorgeous too, would a nickname help? If it helps, my dd4 is 20 months and I'm still unsure on her name, I love the name but it just doesn't fit her if you know what I mean, we call her a nickname..

Original poster

LuckymummaOf2 · 14/07/2015 20:26

Thanks everyone.

Wolive- I am so sorry you feel the same, it's shitty isn't it. Are you considering changing her name? Or does nothing feel right to you? Perhaps we should swap names!!

Lucus- congrats on your new DD, I am so glad it's been easier for you this time. What age was DD1 when you changed it? How did you make a final decision? If like me no name felt right, what made you finally commit to her new name (if that makes sense!)

OP posts:

redsquareyellowsquare · 14/07/2015 21:04

I changed my baby's name at 11months after 6 or 7 months of extreme anxiety over it.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made. I felt relief straight away and am so much happier with the new name now (years later).

It was easy to do, no one batted an eyelid and no one mentions it now.

Maybe it is PND, maybe it is not. It doesn't really matter. It is very easy to change and your daughter won't notice!

redsquareyellowsquare · 14/07/2015 21:08

BTW, I should add. The reason it took me until 11 months to do was a combination of resistance from dh (I finally persuaded him I was serious!) and having no alternative (like you).

I took my time and was very logical in my choice second time around. I wrote a list of my 'name requirements' (e.g. does't rhyme with surname) and then compiled a list of all names that met those requirements! I didn't totally love the new name to be honest, I just knew it was logically good (unlike old name which I felt far TOO emotional about!), and now I am really really happy with it.

CarlaJones · 14/07/2015 21:17

It's a name I really like.

If you had a name in mind that you really wished you had called her, I'd say to go ahead and change it if you are really not happy with Violet.

Original poster

LuckymummaOf2 · 14/07/2015 21:27

Thanks redsquare for your comments.

How do you feel about the old name? It it a middle name or anything now.
What was the reaction from others?

I am really glad you are now happy with it, and sounds a sensible way to choose. I keep thinking I should love a name and it feel right but nothing seems to fit the bill so perhaps a logical approach is better.

OP posts:

wolive · 14/07/2015 21:27

When DD turned 6 months I told myself I wasn't going to change her name after that long. I thought that making that decision would take away the anxiety but two months later I'm still thinking about it daily.

I have another name I like but I'm not 100% sure about it. I'm afraid I'll change it and then feel the same about the new name. But I told my husband tonight that I think we have to change it as it's affecting me so badly. I call my DD 'she'/'her' all the time to avoid using her name as it sounds so wrong to me.

Original poster

LuckymummaOf2 · 14/07/2015 21:37

Wolive, I am exactly the same, I worry too that I'll feel the same with a new name, and just transfer the problem to a new name plus all the faff of changing it, then wish I had stuck with the old name.

No wise words, but I totally get it. I feel I am failing her by not being happy with her name and so guilty for her. It's such an odd problem to have but is so dominating daily life.

I keep looking for 'the answer' and thinking somehow I'll know what to do....but I don't!

OP posts:

CordeliaFoxx · 14/07/2015 21:44

Violet is a lovely name, and would have been my girls name had I hadn't had all boys!!
Look at different nicknames such as Vi or Lottie and see if you feel any happier with them.

CordeliaFoxx · 14/07/2015 21:45

Does Violet have a middle name?

BugPlaster · 14/07/2015 21:48

My daughter has a strong,unusual name and I love it But I had a feeling of it being uncomfortable to say for a while. It is definitely right for her,I just had to get used to it. She is 4now and suits it completely.
I have a boring common name my mum changed from a far more interesting one.

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