Still not happy with name

[LuckymummaOf2]

Hello,
I have posted a few times and keep thinking I am ok, but I am still not used to DD name and she is 6 months. I have good days and feel ok but this doubt comes back. I have tried hypnotherapy to get rid of the anxiety and seen the doc and councillor incase it's just anxiety fixing on this - but I feel fine otherwise so not sure this is the case.
I am not 100% on an alternative either, so worry about changing it too. It's eating me up feeling so unsure. I feel unconfident using her name and she deserves a name I truly love. Her name is violet and I also sorry and have read that people hear 'violent' as the words are close which I never realised prior to namingf her. Really not sure ho to overcome this.

Any advice gratefully received.
X

She does, Grace. So that woûld be an option but somehow it doesn't feel special enough to be her first name.

Do you like any shortenings of the name? Letty?

How about Gracie? Know a lovely little girl with the name. You wouldn't need to legally change anything either.

I had this wobble with my daughter. She is Francesca and I can remember being in a lift with her when she was about 6 weeks old, she was howling and my mum was shushing her any saying "there there Francesca" into the pram & I suddenly thought "what have I done?" I hated the sound of it. I was embarrassed that other people would think I was pretentious and judge me etc etc. I wept all the way home and for about 3 weeks. My mum was furious as she loved the name but my husband agreed we could change it if I found a name I loved. I didn't find it! Three years later we had child2 & thank heavens he was a boy as there was no girls name.I liked as much as.Francesca!! Violet is beautiful op. I've taught for nearly 30 years and never taught a violet! It's amazing.

I adore my 11 month's old name but still I very rarely actually use it. I generally refer to him by any one of a huge variety of prt names ranging from the traditional "darling" and lots of Irish language terms of endearment,, to the cutesy "Curly Bubb", to the ridiculous "Mr Smelly Pants"... And I realise when I introduce him to people, I tend to say "this is Baby [Name]" rather than just using his name on his own. So just because you are not formally addressing her as Violet all day doesn't mean you are in any way unusual.

I hope I don't offend on this but unlike other posters, I do think it is a huge deal to change a child's name. To me, yes of course ypu get to pick your child's name but this is more a duty you have as a parent to give him/her a name. I find it unusual to read on here that people change their baby's name months and years later. I think it is your name to pick when born as the child doesn't have one yet, but then it is no longer your name to change after that. I don't think I'd like to find out that I had been called something different for the early part of my life and then my parents changed it to my current name just "because". It would feel like I was their possession rather than an individual.

Could you start to pronounce it Vio-LETTE? Maybe consider changing the spelling whenever you write it, and then if you feel happier with that pronunciation (because it doesn't sound like "violent" any more), change it officially by deed poll to add the extra couple of letters?

It's beautiful name. Please stop beating yourself up! It seems as though the more you fixate the more unsure you are. If in 6 months no other name has presented itself as more "right" then changing it probably wouldn't make you feel better. You may end up feeling just as doubtful about a new name. I think you chose a wonderful name. Classic but unusual. Just accept that that it your daughter's name. Don't second guess yourself. If you'd wanted to change it enough you would have by now. Also Dave Grohl's little girl's name - don't know if that helps you but it would me :)

Hi,
I work in maternal mental health and it is common with post natal anxiety to fixate on the baby's name. It happens a lot funnily enough! Other common fixations are the baby's sleep patterns, feeding and if you are stimulating them enough.
It may help to look at it objectively- is Violet a name that you love? Did you love it before birth? If so, stick with it. Alternatively think of a nickname you can use until the anxiety passes. Another option is to decide you are not allowed to change it as it's too late. Then work on accepting it.
Personally Violet is one of my favourite names. I didn't have a girl, but if I had then Violet Elizabeth would have been on my list.

Violet is a fab name! I think she will love it as she gets older and be very very pleased that you called her that. Great name for any age with some nice shortened names like Vivi and Lettie.

Peachypips. I also haven't got girls but Violet would have been high up on my list too. I have always loved it.

I think Violet is a brilliant name. Maybe shorten it to Lettie?

Apart from the name anxiety, how are you? Are you feeling OK in yourself?

Could you give her another first name? But keep violet as the second name or a middle name, so when she asks as she will at some stage, you haven't completely jettisoned it?

Interesting that people fixate on sleep, feeding and names. I regretted not giving DS his saint's day name, esp as one if my cousins has the same two names. But DH thought four was too many...... No.... I could have given him twenty....

Pretty easy to change at this stage.

What do you think she is like, now? I mean, some babies just do not suit their names at all... I knew a Serena who was the reverse of serene, a Grace who as a child was the clumsiest person ever ( may be graceful now).

Is she twinkly and star like, in which case Stella?

Is she your cuddly little bear, in which case Ursula?

Or with beautiful white skin, so Blanche?

Or tawny, so Leonie?

Or a lovely other flower, like Rose?

Mind you, DS screamed so loudly that the road called him Pavarotti..you could hear him from the far end, so these things shouldn't be pushed too far.

My friend named her DD Violet 10 years ago, (ahead of the curve) and she got lots of negative comments.

My phone auto-corrects it to 'violent' but other than that everyone is used to it and loves it!

Thanks all for your comments. I actually love he name lettie, and use it occasionally but always felt I should use her proper name and a nickname was a cop out- mayb thats just silly as lots of ppl use nicknames. I used lettie today and it suits her more, it doesn't feel so grown up on such a small girl.

Peachy - that's really interesting to hear the name is a common fixation with post natal anxiety. With my eldest I had no name problem, but I was quite obsessed with her sleep (or lack of it). Violet is a much easier baby though and so I don't stress about looking after her, so maybe this is how my anxiety has played out this time? I go get anxiety over other things too, health in particular.

I am also glad to read a lot of ppl like the name, and it seems to be only a small number of make a connection with violent. I never did and I researched the name a lot in pregnancy, it was only after I read some comment about it which just fuelled my doubts.

I really hope over time I just get over it, anxiety is so pointless and draining, I just want to get to a point where I accept her name and don't give it a second thought!

Sorry, yes we would keep it as a middle name if we did change it, I think it would be sad to get rid entirely. But I still can't settle on what name I would pick, so I think accepting violet is a better option.

God help if I have any more girls, anymore babies will have to be boys, I'd be sorted on those names!

If you did change it what about a similar name, like Vivienne (pn Vivi-En) would that make it easier?

I think Violet is lovely too.

interestingly sycamore i changed his name precisely BECAUSE he is a person and not a possession! the original name was one i absolutely loved but would have been a nightmare to live with, the new one is just 'normal'. I think it is hard to imagine you are naming a real person until it happens.

I have similar wobbles over DS' name at 9 months. I wouldn't change it though, DP is happy with the name and I can't think of an alternative. Plus I can just picture myself finding it really stressful settling on another name then explaining to people what I'd done. It's interesting to hear that this can be associated with post natal anxiety - I did find the first few months quite tough emotionally.

I gave DS a top 5 name that I'd loved even before pregnancy, then DP announced it to everyone when DS was born without double checking with me - so I suddenly felt like I couldn't reconsider and a bit trapped with the name. I came on mumsnet for reassurance and only about 1/20 responses liked the name we chose, everyone else said it was too common! I never got much of a reaction on the name from family either, which made me think they didn't like it. Can you tell I worry too much about what other people think? It's always been a problem of mine.

On the other hand, I read this board quite regularly and dislike the majority of names that come up. I also didn't much like the names my friends gave their kids at first - but now I do and can't imagine them called anything else. Maybe I just dont like ALL THE NAMES?

Would it help to try and think of the name as her name, not as a name you have given her?

I know that might sound weird but DD's name was chosen by DP and I liked the long version, but didn't really think about the short version, even though I knew we'd call her that. So quite honestly it's not a name I ever imagined calling any DD's, and every now and again I think hmm, that's not the prettiest/loveliest/most interesting name, is it? In the short version it's not a name that is going to make people ooh and ahhh and make many comments. But it is her name, and it suits her.

Somehow I prefer that she has this name that has come with no baggage or strong ideas for me.

Does that make any sense?

Fwiw, Violet is a lovely name and I think Lettie is a fantastic nickname. I very rarely use DD's full name, so you really don't have to on a day to day basis.

Reading these is making me feel so much better. we will stick with her name and I am confident I will get used to it and I may Have to accept somedays i will wobble.

Good point made though that if 'the name' hasn't presented itself in 6 months then changing it wouldn't help.

It is reassuring that others have felt similar and also that its ok to feel more comfortable with using a nickname. I hope in time I just wont even think about it and that it will just be her name. Good to see a lot of people like her name too, I will I'm sure get back to loving her name before this anxiety reared its ugly head!

I've spoken to you about this before, I think, under a different username. I think Lettie is a gorgeous nickname. I am really interested to hear name regret is common in post natal anxiety, as that's definitely what I suffered from. It helped me calling my little boy Lenny as a nickname and now he's nearly two I actually can say I like his name, Leon. It's taken me a while to get there but I am now.

I think when you get past this, whether you change her name or not (I don't think you should, I love Violet and Lettie as a nn) you will be surprised at how little it seems to matter once you're over the anxiety. I think it's the responsibility of having to make such a big decision - if she'd come to you already called Violet, you'd love it because it's her

People will have stupid, pointless things to say about almost any name if you try it..
ie. a dogs name, cats name, dead princesses name etc etc... Violet is stunning.
You have posted a lot about this though so Id try and shake yourself up- get used to it and every time a negative thought comes into your head push it away. Put it in a box. Don't indulge it and Id have to say, don't post here again as it makes it even more of an issue for you by indulging it and dewlling. If its still the same in 2 months then change it you cant keep this going, your poor DD.

Violet is lovely. It's on my list for if my baby's a girl.

The nick name thing is interesting... My parents gave me and my twin some really unusual (at the the time - mine is now top ten) names, which got shortened pretty quickly by our older sister! I had my nick name until midway through high school. Now it's just my family and my oldest friend (who I've known since I was 3) who call me by my old Nick name.

I wouldn't change my name for anything in the world. The fact it was unusual was tough in some respects (never had anything with my name on when I was a kid!) But in others - I was rarely forgotten as a child - it's great. I find it a bit annoying that it's become a top ten name now, but then again it's a lovely name so why shouldn't it come round again in fashion! I couldn't take my husband's name though when we got married - his cousin has a little girl with my first name and middle name so I'd completely have lost my uniqueness!!!

I think if you can't find a name you like more, and like the nick name then you should use the nick name. There are hundreds of little Lizzys and kates who may never use Elizabeth or Katherine as they get older - no one blinks a eye about that. Lettie, is lovely for a little girl or an adult! She can use violet if she wants to as she gets older. It is a lovely lovely name. You did good choosing it!!!