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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name remorse / regret

147 replies

onlyaname · 23/05/2011 14:46

I am driving myself crazy and have been for a while now about DD's name. It is a very common name but I hadn't realised quite how common until a couple of months after naming her (last year). I'm a teacher and only one reception class girl had this name so I didn't think it was overly popular.

I really wanted a name that wasn't so everywhere! Didn't want to be trendy or unusual necessarily but also didn't want to hear the name all over the place. DH however was incredibly fussy and dismissed names very quickly - names I really loved sometimes.
In fact he didn't like the name but when she was born he mentioned it again and after a couple of days we went for it. Some people don't seem to know the name but I do get quite a few comments about how common it is and that it is not very original.

I do like her name but I feel like I have let her down... I'm sure this is not normal - i.e. to feel like this. But I don't want her to feel that she is like everyone else.

I want to move on but I can't shake this feeling of remorse/sadness I have about her name. I look back and really wish I had checked out name popularity and really discussed names with DH to find out what we both liked and pushed for my names even more. I know names aren't the be all for a child's personality or life... but still...

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VFVF · 25/05/2011 19:45

onlyaname I'm sorry you feel this way, and for what it's worth Ava is a beautiful name and it's lovely that you have a reason behind it, rather than just picking it randomly (like I did )

I just wanted to add, I have one of the most popular names in the country. It's been in the 10 most popular for about three decades now! In my time, I could count on my left hand how many other women share my name. I never went to school with another, never went to uni with another, and never have worked with another.

What I'm trying to say is please don't let it get you down, as I've never felt lost in a crown of the same names, and your DD will hopefully feel the same one day.

californiaburrito · 25/05/2011 20:02

Ava is a good name. So good, in fact, most people initially think my DD's name is Ava, although it's not.

I would suggest that the idea that Ava is a common name is complete and utter crap though. The trusty old internet tells me that in 2009 there were slightly less than 3000 girls born named Ava in England and Wales and slightly more than 700,000 births (and let's assume half of those were boys). That means that less than 1% of all girls in born in 2009 are Avas. Do you consider less than 1% to be common? I don't. Popular it may be, but common it is not.

That said, I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you can find a way through it.

mewkins · 25/05/2011 20:12

I think Ava strikes the balance between original and classic so really don't worry what people say. Anyway, a common name is ok. There were 5 girls with my name in my class at school! We didn't really care and probably preferable to an unpronnouncable name when you are at school! Btw some adults I know go by their middle name...could this be an option if you are still a bit unsure?

saffy85 · 25/05/2011 20:30

Beautiful name I would say it's become quite popular recently but then, it's popular for a reason- coz it's lovely.

Please don't feel sad about her name- you like it, her dad likes it and no way have you "let her down".

northerngirl41 · 25/05/2011 21:18

Have to say I know about 6 Ava's all born within the last 3 years... It's definitely a trendy name which people pick thinking it'll be original.

I don't think it's so bad though - your child is an individual and that's the important thing. They become the name.

E.g. Have you ever met someone you really didn't like and then forever more associated their name with that personality? Or met someone truly fabulous and always thought say "Helens" were fantastic? it's the same thing!

kristorg · 25/05/2011 21:34

its a beautiful name - there are thousands worse you could have chosen - cant see how she would complain

LeonieDeSaintVire · 25/05/2011 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Perpetuallypregnant · 25/05/2011 22:54

I have a 1 year old Ava. I chose it because I love it regardless of how many other Ava's are out there. I actually dont know any!

All my dcs have pretty popular names, I guess I must be boring but none of them have complained and my 13 yo Jessica is actually only one of 2 in her school despite me thinking there woukd be loads of them!

redvelvetmooncupcake · 25/05/2011 23:16

It's lovely :) I know of one little Ava who is about 3 years old, and that's it. I only know one Ruby and two Olivias and I don't know any Isobel/Isabellas, but I know of 4 Amelias under five and at least as many Sophie/Sophias - popularity is often regional!

I think names matter much less these days. We are living in an age where ordinary people can call their daughters Tallulah and their sons Monty without fear of violent reprisal, and as others have said the most popular names are given to far fewer children as a wider variety of names is used.

Take the "popularity" out of the equation. It's a beautiful name and it suits your daughter, so what's not to like? Ignore your DH, or have another daughter and force him to come up with a fabulous name all by himself and see how he likes it!

startail · 25/05/2011 23:43

Ava is beautiful and not one I'd ever heard before.
Me, DH and both my girls have very common names and it is can be a pain.
Both Dh and I have had friends and Bosses who share our names and the DDs have will never be the only x or y.
I knew DD1 was fairly popular, but my daughter was always going to be x (she was called after a special relative). I only knew one other, older Y, but there now seem to be 1000's. I do regret slightly not calling her by her second name, but my mum and Dsis just giggled. (It's the name of someone well known in the past, but it wouldn't matter now)

Zaaaazoooo · 25/05/2011 23:46

Onlyaname, I think you're right, it's the process by which she was named that upsets me most, why couldn't i have said this is the name I like and that's that! Instead i wanted to please everyone and couldn't make a decision. I call her all sorts of nicknames Mimi, Minnie, the baby, her, she!!

Freesias, thank you for the encouragement, I was thinking of trying Mina Amelie but other times I just want to change it completely to Hana. At one point I thought of Yasmina and to call her Mina for short but I think Yasmina is a bit of a silly name!

BTW Onlyaname, I think Ava is a lovely name. I have a very unusual name and sometimes I wish I had a name I didn't have to spell all the time!

sleepywombat · 26/05/2011 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zaaaazoooo · 26/05/2011 01:03

I'm sorry if it looks like I'm hijacking your thread! It's only because I'm going through the same feelings. Hope you didn't mind :)

nomedoit · 26/05/2011 03:47

You really, really need to get some perspective on this.
Perhaps you should send a cheque to a third world charity in the name of your daughter to provide medical care for a child in the developing world. Or sponsor a child in her name. So many children are hungry and in urgent need of medical care. Your daughter, like mine, will live a life of luxury in comparison.
You have a healthy daughter. Be grateful. Focus on what is really important in life.
(I have an incredibly common name. Who on earth cares?)

cumbria81 · 26/05/2011 05:52

Sorry but I really don't see the problem. You like the name, right? Surely that's the most important thing. Why on earth does it matter if other kids in her class, whom she probably won't socalise with much after the age of 15, have the same name? Bonkers! Why we different for different's sake?

IvyAndGold · 26/05/2011 06:27

i think it can work both ways tbh, whatever you do. when my mum named me she didn't know anyone with my name, but i have never just been 'ivy', i've always been 'ivy g' as there has always been at least one other at school, every job i've worked in, and now DP's uncle has just named his daughter it, so not even in my family. but saying that, DD's name is isla, very high on name lists in scotland where she was born, and in england where we are now, but i have never encountered another, and none of my friend's or family know of another.

if you love the name, i think you should keep it, having a popular name doesn't make it any 'less' of a name iyswim.

nochy · 26/05/2011 07:16

Ava is a lovely name!

I'm an Evie (5) mother and i live overseas. Evie was born in Sydney and in oz Evie hasn't broken into the top 50, i believe. I wanted her to be Stevie (after Stevie Nicks) but DH refused and we ended up with Evie.

Whenever we come to the UK and put the telly on, every single birthday mention on kids tv seems to be from an Evie or to an Evie. The first time, we were in shock. Now, it just depresses me. Her middle names are Matilda (for oz ref) and the name of the village where DH's family are from. We have no alternatives!

As an aside, in my 70's school group of 8 girls there are 4 derivatives of Catherine. Kay, Kate (2), and Katie. I might revive it with my next daughter!

nochy · 26/05/2011 07:18

After seeing Ivy G's post, Evie is Evie P, always as that's what the midwife called her.

Sookie65 · 26/05/2011 08:47

Hello, please don't worry so much. When my DS was born (quite a few years ago now) I wanted to name him something that nobody else had....I chose Jack....need I say more, lol. When DD was born 2 years later I went for an unusual name again. She now complains that we can never find any pens, cups, bottles etc with her name printed on them. Your daughter's name is beautiful. When she grows up she will be pleased that she has a beautiful name that is not so different from all of her friends. I feel sorry for the children saddled with names like Blue, Peaches etc. Children can be cruel! BTW my daughter is called Madeleine

quirrelquarrel · 26/05/2011 10:05

I've never met anyone called Ava, hardly heard of it- it's definitely not run of the mill like, say, Laura or Jasmine or Sarah or Rebecca.

It's lovely!

IntergalacticHussy · 26/05/2011 10:07

you must live near me - you can't move without bumping into an Ava round here! My dd1 also has a very popular name, but i've consoled myself with the idea that she will make the name her own.

Think of the name John (not very popular amongst children nowadays admittedly) but very very popular in the past, yet, at least celebrity wise every person that has the name makes it unique. I'm thinking John Lennon, Johnny Depp, John Mortimer... completely distinct and diverse people who've each made their mark despite having a very common name. And when you think of them, you don't think 'oh, what a shame they're all called John, how boring' do you?

Stangirl · 26/05/2011 10:23

Ava - gorgeous name - and in time you won't be able to imagine that she might have been called anything else. I too wanted an unusual name for my DD and chose something that barely scraped into the US top 4,000. Within 2 months I was pushing her in a pram along the road by me and bumped into another lady with a similarly aged daughter. We started speaking and I asked the name of her DD - same as mine!

This time round I'm having a DS and am seriously considering Alan as a name. After all, do you know any children called Alan any more? Maybe with Spartacus as a middle name.............

rathlin · 26/05/2011 10:30

I think it has become a lot more popular in the last few years probably because a lot of celebrities are using it. I'm not saying that is why you used it but as soon as you told us your child's name, unfortunately that was my first thought. I do think it is a pretty name regardless of its popularity.

niminypiminy · 26/05/2011 10:43

One of my boys is Alec which we chose because I was worn down with DH vetoing all my suggestions. It's very uncommon, but on the other hand he will be dogged forever by people calling him Alex which for some totally irrational reason, after all it's only one letter different I hate. To be frank, I don't even really like Alec that much but after months and months of my husband's stubbornness I simply capitulated, and I'll always wish we'd chosen a different name.

So, go for a name you really like. Having a common name may not be the worst thing, at least people will know it!

AllAboutEvie · 26/05/2011 11:10

My DD is an Evie. When my DH suggested it I though it was really pretty and unusual, plus her full name could be evelyn which was my nan's middle name. Of course now we have discovered it's a really common name - not knowing any babies/children we had no idea! A part of me does understand how you feel, as we picked Evie thinking it was a bit different. However, I still love the name, and it so suits her, so I can't feel too disappointed. I don't think it matters that she'll probably be one of several Evie's at school as I think most children prefer to feel they fit in.
For what it's worth, Ava is a beautiful name and was on my shortlist. I don't think it's overly common either. I'm sure as she gets older she will thank you for giving her such a lovely (as opposed to a weird) name!

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