Baby name remorse / regret

[onlyaname]

I am driving myself crazy and have been for a while now about DD's name. It is a very common name but I hadn't realised quite how common until a couple of months after naming her (last year). I'm a teacher and only one reception class girl had this name so I didn't think it was overly popular.

I really wanted a name that wasn't so everywhere! Didn't want to be trendy or unusual necessarily but also didn't want to hear the name all over the place. DH however was incredibly fussy and dismissed names very quickly - names I really loved sometimes.
In fact he didn't like the name but when she was born he mentioned it again and after a couple of days we went for it. Some people don't seem to know the name but I do get quite a few comments about how common it is and that it is not very original.

I do like her name but I feel like I have let her down... I'm sure this is not normal - i.e. to feel like this. But I don't want her to feel that she is like everyone else.

I want to move on but I can't shake this feeling of remorse/sadness I have about her name. I look back and really wish I had checked out name popularity and really discussed names with DH to find out what we both liked and pushed for my names even more. I know names aren't the be all for a child's personality or life... but still...

Ava is nice! Haven't heard that name much around here though. I called my DD Anna and thought its quite a traditional name but not particularly in fashion now because, as you, I didn't want to hear the name everywhere. 2 years on I have realised that it is quite popular Anna, Annabell, Annalee I here everywhere.

A friend called her DS Ruben about 4 years ago and she found the same. Maybe you went with the fashion without knowing.

Thank you BerylOfLaughs - It is easy for form filling specially as we have a longish surname!

Yes I do think the naming process was kind of unsatisfactory for me and I do feel slightly less crazy now I know of others who have name issues too. I completely understand how you all feel.

I also think DH would have warmed to any name - unlike me...

My two pence - I don't know any Avas (South West).

Gah, people can be horrible about names, but Ava is lovely. Ignore them!

As for Minnie, I love it but it is quite common round here, short for Jasmine, amongst others. So I wouldn't change Ava.

Why are we all so obessed with people's NAMES... they're just a collection of letters to identify someone.

Any name on here is either is too common, too posh, too old-ladyish, too boring, too 1960s, too made-up or whatever!

Let's worry more about producing nice people than worrying about what these people are called!

I only know one, she's 10, and I think it's very pretty. If it's any consolation, in my experience a mother's place is in the wrong and my dd (11) says she dislikes her slightly unusual (but not weird or anything, honest!) name and wishes she was called something more 'normal' - I think Emily would be her preference!

I on the other hand was one of those common 60s/70s names and it annoyed me that there were several, although I always used mine full length and others were shortened. There were four of us out of 12 in an NCT tea-group, but again the others shortened theirs.

Ava is really nice and I only know 1 Ava who is in Year 1. Don't worry. It's a lovely name.

Why dont you add another middle name - this may make you feel better.
As far as popularity is concerned, you have no control over this so do not worry over it. My dd is the only one in her school, but there are 3 in her swimming class (of 5 girls)

I only know one - it's a lovely name and not over-popular. don't bother changing it.

"shoobidoo" i think i think people obsess worry about choosing because they feel a huge responsibility to get it " right " to do what is right for their dc a name that their dc will love and which will suit a dc whatever they choose to be or whoever they are . i think it actually goes hand in hand with producing a nice person and is as much concerned with how a dc will feel about their name as how the parent feels .

Don't be daft! So what if other girls have the same name? It really doesn't matter, as long as your daughter is happy and healthy. Stop worrying!

Don't worry about it being popular, I'm sure there will always be someone with the same name. I had a popular name and there were always a few of us at school, work etc, but it wasn't a problem, it was our name. However having a weird and wonderful name to be different and the only one, is probably more of a problem. I personally think Ava is a beautiful, name, very short and sweet so if I would you go with it.

My DS1 has a popular name, quite high on the 2002 list, and still high now - 3 at his 80 child school, they (friends in playground, water bottle etc) usually call him first name and initial, or just his initial. Doesn't bother him at all - or me, just shows we all have great taste in choosing names for our boys.
DS2 had a less common name (a theme on a common name though), however since 2005 when he was born there have been a few more of them - probably thanks to Eastenders! But he is still the only one at his school - although he tends to get called the shorter version, which is the common version (if you see what I mean) - but still no others at school.

freesias, of course we want to do the best for our kids, but perhaps we need to define 'get it right'. When I went to school (abroad) my friends had a range of different names (from different cultures and backgrounds) and we just accepted these names. Most kids don't have any 'associations' that some of us adults (esp Brits imo) have.

Both my kids have names outside of the top 100 and, while some might regard them as unusual/posh/strange, my kids seem to be happy with our choices. But I think has more to do with us raising them to be confident/proud of their heritage/themselves than because of what they happen to be named.

In other words I feel people in the UK place too much emphasis on someone's name . I'd rather we focussed more on meeting a person and basing our judgement on his/her personality than on the collection of letters their parents decided to call them.

I know, I'm probably idealistic, but that's how I feel . And I hope my children get the opportunity spend some part of their education abroad to get a chance to experience a more open-minded attitude in this respect.

I have a fairly uncommon name but when I arrived at school aged 4 there were two others in my class. My parents were devastated! All so ridiculous.

I know loads of Clares and Claires and they all seem very happy people... also, they have called their own children straightforward names. If that consoles you. :)

shoobidoo i actually agree with you there is so much snobbery re names it just adds to the worry eg people will tell you if put kate on the birt cert and not catherine your dd will never be taken seriously and could never be prime minister or someone called daisy , poppy could never be a dr or a judge , both really daft statements imo .

i also don't understand why people define names in tems of class and say you can't use a name because it's too posh , c*v . if "normal " people use names considered posh then the name ceases to be posh and vice versa . i think it's really sad when people say i wouldn' trust a doctor called teddy . i agree with you that people should be judged on their merits not on their names. the only problem with that is that so many people make their first appraisals of someone by letter or email .

I know how to set your mind at rest - toddlerama had the same concerns.

We just started calling her DD by a new name that she selected. Within 24 hours she went back to the old name and now loves it more than ever. It felt to strange to call her baby girl anything other than her name.

None of us have any control over what names will end up making popularity lists.
I think you need to decide if Ava is a name you really love regardless of popularity.
I love my dd's first name; it's classic but unpopular (atm) but her second name has become very trendy. Yuk. I guess I could say I never loved it enough? .
I should have changed it years ago, but my dd is 4 years old - and she loves it!

Your daughter is young so you still have time if you want to change a name. You wouldn't be the first Mum to do so.

Don't live with a niggling regret, believe me, it feeds!

We judge names on whether they are popular or uncommon now because we have the internet and we have baby/parent boards; sites such a MN. It makes our world smaller.
Q: If you didn't have any access to the internet, do you think your view on the name Ava would be different?

I know two Joshua's and three Ethan's (very popular boys names imo) but not one of them is in dd's class and I could say I know half a dozen more of them if I tallied up the dc's of people I 'know' on SN boards, iygwim?

I'm not sure this helps you though, sorry.

hardcolin , you're so right about baby/parent boards making the world feel smaller .my first dc was named 18 years ago , she has a name i'd never heard of before , it's biblical but i thought not commonly used , a name we thought of before she was conceived . now turns out in the year of her birth it was ranked in the top 50 in the name tables and the rose higher into the top 20 when it was used in a certain soap opera . if we 'd had the internet when she was born would she have been called it the answer is probably no even though i love her name both now and then and so does she . if i had used it i'd probably have worried it was too popular much like onlyaname . despite it's apparent popularity she's never met another one of her age in schools or clubs etc but we know 2 or 3 born in the lat 10 years .

Ava is a nice name and I would not worry at all about it. FWIW I have never actually met an Ava and there are none in either of my DC's school years in their school.

My DD also has a name that means "life". I chose it primarily for the meaning (and the fact that it is an ancient name). I love it but did have name regret for a while because it is pretty uncool at the mo.

Now I realise that one of the reasons I love the name is because it is uncool - and I love the meaning!!

What I'm getting at is that, you may well go full circle and love the name for the original reason you chose it!

Life is a fab meaning - can't think of a better meaning tbh! And IMO meanings are important.

Maybe I will try out another name for 24hours and see how i feel then! Sounds like a way of getting over this.
I think we do place too much emphasis ob names and can be judgemental about people because of their name - unfortunately. i think this is what I worry about, but then you never know how a name will change over the years because of, for example, it being the name of a celeb or someone notorious. Can't ever second guess the future. I think I do need to decide if I love the name regardless of popularity.

I agree we should focus on producing nice people - but I felt, and still feel, such a responsibilty in naming my DD.

Its a lovely name and if it suits her, keep it. Sometimes names seem really popular at a particular but then the other little darlings all move away or something. We chose our son's name because it was reasonably common - only to find it was no 4 the year he was born ... hadn't planned it to be so popular! However I know more Logan's and Eli's than I do little boys with my sons name ...

I think Ava is a really nice name - classic and not too popular. I work with a lot of young kids and haven't come across many.

I slightly regret my DD's name, which is Scarlett. She is 12 and when she was born it was very unusual. It's become a lot more popular and I'm concerned it's now a bit chavvy if anything. But it suits her anyway.