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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name remorse / regret

147 replies

onlyaname · 23/05/2011 14:46

I am driving myself crazy and have been for a while now about DD's name. It is a very common name but I hadn't realised quite how common until a couple of months after naming her (last year). I'm a teacher and only one reception class girl had this name so I didn't think it was overly popular.

I really wanted a name that wasn't so everywhere! Didn't want to be trendy or unusual necessarily but also didn't want to hear the name all over the place. DH however was incredibly fussy and dismissed names very quickly - names I really loved sometimes.
In fact he didn't like the name but when she was born he mentioned it again and after a couple of days we went for it. Some people don't seem to know the name but I do get quite a few comments about how common it is and that it is not very original.

I do like her name but I feel like I have let her down... I'm sure this is not normal - i.e. to feel like this. But I don't want her to feel that she is like everyone else.

I want to move on but I can't shake this feeling of remorse/sadness I have about her name. I look back and really wish I had checked out name popularity and really discussed names with DH to find out what we both liked and pushed for my names even more. I know names aren't the be all for a child's personality or life... but still...

OP posts:

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telsa · 24/05/2011 10:08

I really don't think it matters - it probably just feels that there are so many around, when in reality you are just sensitised to the name. However, you could consider changing it to Aveline or Avelina, Avery or Aviana or another related name, whichmeans you'd have the opportunity for a different nickname, such as Lina or Vian, if you needed distinction.

cupofteaplease · 24/05/2011 10:36

OP I feel exactly the same about my dd's name. She is Evie, and is nearly 6. I didn't know any Evies when I named her, but it is widely accepted now as one of those bleurgh names that is everywhere. It has really put me off her name. We managed to avoid this with dd2, at nearly 4 we have never met another. We are now expecting dd3 and have the struggle of finding a name that isn't, and will not suddenly become, incredibly popular.

ciel74 · 24/05/2011 12:10

I was one of 5 with the same name in my year (40 in total so 12.5%!) including my best friend. Since since then I come across it very rarely, as you tend to mix with a wider age range, so it's more 'diluted'.

I really don't think your daughter will mind at all - not least as it's a pretty name. And remember, there's a big difference between 'common', ie. occuring frequently and 'common', ie. chavvy!

freesias · 24/05/2011 13:35

just wanted to add the reason you chose ava because it means life is really lovely . it will be a wonderful story to tell your dd when she's older and make her name even more special for her.

Zaaaazoooo · 24/05/2011 14:18

onlyaname-I do think about changing it every day but never have the courage to open the subject with my DH, I think his reply will be a no and that it is her name now and I shouldn't spoil the joy of having her. But I really do need to do something so I can let it go and move on whatever the outcome. I also don't want to upset my older DS and DD1 who are so used to their little sister's name now. I hate my self for being weak and I feel I let my little baby down by choosing a name that will put her at risk of bullying. I hope things will be better for you and you make the right decision that will make you happy.

Original poster

onlyaname · 24/05/2011 14:35

zaaaazoooo - can you shorten or lengthen the name or use a nickname for your daughter? She might not be bullied - children can be quite surprising in what they do and do not pick up on. Have you explained to your DH how you feel? He might get it when you explain it.

OP posts:

chelstonmum · 24/05/2011 14:40

Oh don't change her name, it is lovely. There are no Ava's in our school and the ONE I do know is 4yrs old.

My DD was named when there were no others by that name around, the following year there were 4 girls with the same name in her mixed nursery class. We moved last summer and I have not came accross another since. x

hoofhearted · 24/05/2011 14:42

Cupofteaplease - I know how you are feeling about your daughters name Evie. My lovely sister has a 9 year old called Evie and it was quite uncommon at the time (or so she thought) but now it is everywhere. Her DD doesn't like it and my sis really despises the name now so much so that they call her by her second name now - Kate

cherrypez · 24/05/2011 14:59

cupofteaplease...i also have an evie...and a polly which was v original when i picked it but has since been stolen by that kim marsh from coronation st! if polly becomes another evie-type popular name i will be so gutted.

cupofteaplease · 24/05/2011 15:51

Thank goodness I am not the only Evie-hater! I like the name Polly, cherrypez, I might use that for dd3...

My heart sinks when I read threads on here and people often say, 'Oh don't use that name, it will become like Evie', or 'A class with 4 pegs named Evie' etc. It is so widely sneered at on MN now. I really did love it when I picked it.

OP, if she was young enough that I could change Evie's name to her middle name, I really would.

anniemac · 24/05/2011 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

onlyaname · 24/05/2011 17:39

Ideally I think I should have changed her name when she was only a few months old. i'm kind of hoping she'll do it herself when she's older. I like the name Evie but I completely understand that seeing and hearing it everywhere does take the gloss off somewhat. I just wish i'd double checked Avas meteoric rise up the charts! At least you have a claim for some originality..

OP posts:

Original poster

onlyaname · 24/05/2011 17:41

Actually I only know of one Evie and none in any school I have worked in.

OP posts:

olddeuteronomy · 24/05/2011 20:22

onlyaname - It seems very sad to hope your daughter will change the name you picked for her, especially when there is a lovely story behind why you chose it, and everyone on this thread has said it is a beautiful name. I think you need to try and fall back in love with the name which you obviously put a lot of thought into (and I am going to try hard to take my own advice here!) Although I have some issues with the popularity of my daughter's name part of that is because I really want her to like it and I would be upset if she changed it, but I think children pick up on things very perceptively so if you yourself convey doubts about the name to your daughter she may also have doubts. Whereas, as someone else has said, most kids just accept their names as who they are and don't care if there is someone with the same name.

To put things in perspective with the stats, if you look at the girls name stats for 1998 and 1999 there were around 9000 Chloes each year and 6000 Megans(the number 1 and 2 names). It does thus appear that the most popular names have become significantly less popular (and fwiw I know a 13 year old Megan who appears perfectly happy with her name!)

freesias · 24/05/2011 21:02

onlyaname ava may be appearing more popular to you as your aware of it in the same way if you buy a red car ,you suddenly start to see more red cars on the road when in reality the proportions haven't changed .

if you real don't like the name , is there any nn you could use maybe unrelated to her name or even related to her second name that could be used along side ava . maybe doing something like this could help to take the pressure of using ava and allow you to fall back in love with her name which is lovely. fwiw i have never met another ava of any age.

Original poster

onlyaname · 24/05/2011 21:08

olddeuteronomy - Yes you're right. Time for a change, time to be positive about her name. Thanks for the advice. Thanks for all the advice. x

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 24/05/2011 21:15

Ava is not at all common here - Beds - I know none! Lovely name :) Don't fret about it.

UrsulaBuffay · 24/05/2011 21:32

What a beautiful meaning, I never knew that!

dollydoodledo · 25/05/2011 02:34

Freesias I agree with you about partners not engaging in the naming process being a cause of name regret. I had exactly this, partner who dismissed my lovingly created list, and didn't even entertain the idea of looking at a naming book or website. His one and only suggestion the day before she was born was Ruby, which we went with with no other alternative being considered by him. I do love her name but the popularity still bothers me 17 mths later, compounded by the growing unease of the way we came about choosing a name i.e. ignoring all input from me. I too think about it most days and wish I had pushed harder for a name I loved, in which case I don't think future popularity would bother me, because I would have loved the name from day one. Nice to know I'm not alone thinking like this DP can't understand why I still go on about it.

Zaaaazoooo · 25/05/2011 11:05

Onlyaname...I wish I can find something that improves the name, we called her Mina. I wanted to call her Hana (my favourite), Yasmin or Amelie. suggestions welcomed!

Original poster

onlyaname · 25/05/2011 12:10

I like Mina - could you call her Minnie? Do you like that? It doesn't sound too disimilar to Hana so she (and her siblings) might not be too confused by a name change to that. I don't think she'll be bullied for the name Mina.

I guess tho' it's not just about the name but not having been very involved with the specific name choice and having to make compromises for others choices - at least thats part of what I feel.

OP posts:

freesias · 25/05/2011 12:17

dolly i also find it lovely to know that i'm the only one still preoccupied with their dd's name 14 months on. i often feel like a complete lunatic and can't understand why i can't just get over it . i can't discuss it with friends in rl . yet it still really upsets me. i still worry daily about her name . the name we changed it to was one dh laughed at during the pregnancy , it's also supposed to be the next big thing and about to leap into the top 10 if mumsnet are to be believed . also worry that she'll be upset because her bc is not correct (daft i know ). like you if the name she has was the name i'd loved i wouldn't care how popular it became or is. like you dh and dcs just don't understand why it upsets me so much . i now think if we'd called her any name under the sun dh would have grown to love it which adds to the general sadness .i think most men carry the same emotional worries that mums do when naming children

zazoo i really feel for you .all your choices are lovely . mina is a lovely, unusual name is it short for anything or could you call her mina hana , or mina yazmin or mina amelie etc or even just add one of these to her bc . is there any way you can tell your dh how you feel , at 7 months it would be possible to change her name and people including your lo , your other dcs and dh would get use to it very quickly .

freesias · 25/05/2011 12:25

onlyaname .you are so right about having to compromise because others weren't prepared too .we have other dc's whose names are not the name i preferred but on these occasions we managed to find a compromise name we both loved . with dd4 gave up on the name i loved purely and simply because dh would veto everything i suggested and eventually just gave up and went with his choice , it has been much harder to let go of the other name .

BerylOfLaughs · 25/05/2011 12:49

Love the name Ava. I only know one.
She'll thank you when she's learning to read/write and it's nice and easy, also when filling out endless forms.
It really is a beautiful name, don't feel badly about it.

UrsulaBuffay · 25/05/2011 12:56

Mina is also lovely!

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