Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate VI

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Time for a new thread, ladies. May it continue to give us comfort, and help us find a special, sunny place in our hearts, where our babies are safely tucked in. May it bring good luck to everyone who posts or justs reads.

And to the old-timers, it?s so lovely to still have you here with us, reaching out.

Hi Eavers and welcome. I am sorry about your loss. I didn't terminate for T21 but I didn't tell people in general about the two terminations I did have (for fatal conditions) partly because I couldn't find it in myself to talk about it, partly because I knew they wouldn't get it, partly because I didnt want people to be aware of the level of grief and pain and envy and anger that I had in me.

I don't think people talk about termination for abnormalities much. The founding poster here, Busierbee, called it a taboo. I agree with her. When we had had our first termination, DH told a colleague and she divulged that she had once terminated for T21. T21 is I think the most frequent chromosomal abnormality to occur in live births, is presumably thus also the most frequently terminated for, but how often do you meet people who tell you they terminated for this?

I don't think people would condemn, though. I think they would feel sorry, but not really get how it feels. It would make sense to tell people you would want/need to support you through this, and think carefully about who else to tell.

Of course the more this is talked about the better, as it would go towards making the taboo more open - but you've got to do what you feel would help you most.

Scrum, good news on the IVF. Thinking of you.

Hello and welcome to Wombat, WitlessSarah, Oliviacrumble, Eavers - oh my goodness, I can't believe how many new people there are here. How incredibly sad for you all but how good you've found this thread.

I just wanted to say that I was worried I'd sounded extremely grumpy and possibly quite dismissive in my last post. I've re-read it again and again and I honestly can't tell. It really wasn't my intention and I hope no-one thought I was - sorry if anyone did I've been feeling so many different emotions from numb to despairing to angry to completely empty.

We finally, finally had good news yesterday though. We'd been away and came back to find a letter from our consultant (who'd said we'd have to wait for the geneticist's appointment in 3 weeks time). His letter said that Adam's Downs was not inherited (they thought it could be as it was a form of Downs caused by a translocation) and that DH and I have got normal chromosomes. Our DD does not have abnormal chromosomes and the chance of recurrence is likely to be very small. The complete and utter relief was immense. I haven't cried like that since we were first told Adam probably had Downs. I didn't know you could sob without noise before this year. Thank god - who I don't belive in - but who I have been praying to for 6 weeks now. I genuinely feel as though some physical weight has been gone - I think I've used that phrase before in other situations but here and now it feels as though that is the truth. Of course the genticist could still surprise us and so I won't properly relax until that's over but just thank god DD is ok.

Olivia - We were in your shoes in April of this year. We were told our DS (Adam) had Downs and we took the same decision as you to end the pregnancy. Remember that 92% of those in our situation do exactly the same. I am so, so sorry that you are where you are - not only in terms of having to tread the same horrible path as us but more so because you are having to organise it remotely and having to travel away from home and to a private clinic. You said that you are fearful of being judged. I think we all are really - expecially those of us who have terminated a pregnancy that would have ended in a live child. DH and I chose to tell only very close family members and 2 friends what the true reason for the termination was. With everyone else I used bland wording like congential abnormalities and if anyone asked for more information (my 90 year old Granddad did) I just said it was too upsetting to talk about it and so I didn't. I'm not sure I would ever find out that anyone judged us (I suspect those who do wouldn't ever say so to my face) but I don't really want to give most people the chance to do so.

I also feel it is an extremely personal and very private experience. I think it's important only to tell people you trust to be honest but maybe I'm being too cautious. As a previous poster rightly said the more this gets talked about the better.

Anyway, I'm thinking of you tonight and will be thinking of you and your DH tomorrow and will be keeping all my fingers crossed that it is as straightforward and as peaceful an experience as possible. I found it useful to keep reminding myself that I was doing it as a means of making sure Adam didn't suffer any more and that we were setting him free. In fact that's what his grave marker reads - set free with love by your mum and dad. Good luck xx

Sarah - I hope you're ok too. It's so recent since you went through this process. I'm glad you were in a supportive environment. I hope these raw days are getting better bit by bit.

Eavers - hello, another T21 termination - there are so many of us! I'd echo what I said to Olivia about who we told - I found I had to tell 2 close friends but didn't want to tell more than that as I was worried people would judge. I'm ashamed to admit that I also felt/still feel like I'm damaged goods by having produced a less than perfect (whatever that is) baby and I didn't want people to shun me for that alone (never mind what they thought about our decision) Have you decided what to tell people/who to tell?

Wombat - I hope you're ok and that you're starting to be able to digest the news. Have you got the date for getting your chromosome analysis results?

Hello and all warmest wishes to Can't, Coffee, Peanut, Scrum, Littlepoot, Mishtabel and everyone else. Scrum - what a rollercoaster - I hope you're as ok as it's possible to be at the moment. Coffee - I saw your news on the sister thread and was so pleased for you - it sounds like a really good result to me.

Hi all, sorry to have to be brief though just wanting to let Olivia know that I'll be thinking of you today. I'm always at a loss for words at times like this, though I'm glad you are aware of this safe space if you ever want to talk/rant/rave/lurk etc. xx

Lisbeth, I'm so pleased to hear your good news. About time you had some good news - what a relief for you! xx

Eavers, I'm glad you made your way over to this thread. Regarding your question about telling people, I have a slightly different take on it. As I had almost 5 weeks between diagnosis and termination (of my T21 pregnancy), and also worked much of this time, pretty much everyone I knew, knew. If they asked about my pregnancy, I told them. Perhaps I was naive to think that no one would judge me, though I honestly didn't feel judged if they did. Everyone, I felt, empathised with my situation, and one of my biggest supports was a colleague who's sister has DS. I think people are less likely to judge if they know you (that's just my opinion); strangers can be much quicker to judge. That's why this place is so special; strangers that wouldn't dream of judging. In the end, of course, it's totally up to you who you tell in RL, however though you may risk judgement in telling, you also allow people the opportunity to support you, and support might just be found in the most unlikely of places xx

Welcome too to Witless Sarah. I did read your story, and am glad you've found your way here too xx

Hugs and love to eveyone else, must fly xx

Hello all. Just quickly to respond to Eavers' question as I also terminated for Downs. I was similar to Mishtabel in that lots of my friends knew I was pregnant and I was very honest afterwards with the reasons I no longer was. Since then, I've told even more people - basically, if anyone asks then I've told them. Occasionally I say that there were chromosomal problems, but usually I tell them straight it was Downs Syndrome and I have to say, I haven't encountered any judgement at all. In fact, in many cases, people have then told me about problems they've had before (or since, sadly) as if it has given them a chance to finally open up about their own traumas.

Since my termination, I've had two other friends go through similar (for different conditions) and we've all found it a great help and comfort to be able to be open with eachother. That was one of my reasons for telling people to be honest - it had been such a shock to me at the time as it wasn't something I had ever considered. By telling other people, I feel I'm somehow raising the profile of these things a little and hopefully breaking down some of the taboos. Its dreadful how often this kind of thing happens and I find it really sad that on top of the distress of losing a baby in such an awful way, 'we' feel the need to keep the burden to ourselves so I've deliberately gone out of my way to do the opposite.

From a more selfish point of view, I also found that the fact some people knew about pregnancy number 1 and then a few of them knowing about my miscarried pregnancy number 2 has meant they've given me a lot of support now I'm on pregnancy number 3, especially leading up to the nuchal scan a few weeks back. I'm not good at dealing with problems on my own (this place is therefore a lifeline!), so having some close friends with me has been fantastic.

I guess my advice would be to do whatever you feel comfortable doing - but in my experience, there was a huge amount of understanding and remarkable empathy. xxxx

Olivia, witlessarah, Wombat and Eavers, I'm so sorry you've had to find your way to this thread. That you're all going through more than anyone should ever have to. I am glad this place exists though, it has been my savour more than once. Olivia, you are in my thoughts today. I hope you find understanding and compassion at the clinic. You deserve no less.

I?ve kept away from the board for a week, I wasn?t in a very good place and felt inept at offering support to those who needed it, I?m sorry.

Lisbeth, what a relief. I?m glad you got some good news at last.

Scrum, I?m sorry the ivf didn?t work out. It?s a whole new set of pain and emotions to deal with, on top of what is there already. Good news on the blasto in the freezer. I hope you and DH can find some time together to get back on track.

Eulalia, I hope your little ones due date was as well as it could be for you. 12 months on, such a painful remainder of what should have been.

Peanut, how are things? Thinking of you and you too Monkey. Of cause I understand the need for distance at times.

Mishta, Cant, Littlepot and anyone I?ve missed, I?m thinking of you all.

Coffee, so pleased the scan went well yesterday.

Well, after a bit of a delay the ivf cycle is back on track. I went for egg collection yesterday. As with last time, I responded v well to the stimming drugs and went a bit OHSS, with 22 eggs. They have been monitoring my e2 hormone and despite going over the 20 egg threshold, hormones are low enough for a fresh transfer. Good news is that we didn?t need ICSI assistance and this morning the clinci called to say 20 eggs have fertilised!!! I?m astounded. Waiting now to see how they do over next for days and might have Thursday transfer or go to blasto. I?m now wavering over having 2 embryos but back or sticking to one as originally planned. I desperately want the twins I should have had.

Well, having spent all day on MN reading all posts but the relevant ones I may have steeled myself so that I can post here properly. I'm really aware of how many of you are hurting in so many different ways and I'm sorry for a me focussed post, I don't think I can start if I don't.

Last Weds we had a termination for our daughter Rosie who was diagnosed with Trisomy 9 by CVS after a nuchal scan saw general swelling around the head (called a cystic hygroma)

I'm horrified about what i have learned about genetics, heart problems, disability etc in the last month. Trisomy 9 is quite common, but almost all babies with this profile die in the first trimester. Very rarely the trisomy becomes mosaic (only some cells are effected) children with this profile are very severely disabled. Even more rarely a baby with all cells effected survives through pregnancy but never beyond 24 hrs.

Sorry to go on about this medical stuff but the lack of knowledge is one of the things I find very hard. There are only 10 cases in the CVS database of results like ours - none of the babies survived.

As I've read from a number of people here, the severity made the decision easier, but its also made both me and DH jumpy - DH says its like crossing the road missing the speeding traffic and then being hit by a falling plane. We keep looking at the skies.

None of this is really what I want to say. I'm devastated. I keep trying to have this rational front and whenever it slips I can't stop crying

I can see how supportive this thread is and how kind you all are, which is why I'm posting, Perhaps I'll be able to post something more to the point over time

In the meantime, I hope you are all doing as well as you can.

Sarah - god how awful for you, your DH and for Rosie. I'm not surprised you feel anxious. Just wanted to post to give you a quick supportive hug as I was online and saw you'd just posted. Hope you're doing ok and don't worry too much about the rational front being on or not - I think I got rid of mine a couple of months ago and if I need to cry I just do these days.

Olivia - hope today went as well as it could x

Hello ladies,

Mixed feelings today, I am so so pleased to read that some of the old-timers had some good news lately and I feel renewed hope in their posts, but at the same time I am as always saddened to see newcomers, and fresh waves of pain.

Olivia, if you are reading, I am sending you a big hug and I hope you are well looked after. Anything that helps you get through the days is good.

And same for you Sarah, it is such early days for you as well. Just cry if that's what you feel like, don't bottle anything up. You will get through a rollercoaster of emotions, there is despair, and anger, and then despair again, but you will get through it. I am the same as you, I need to know as much as possible about what has happened to my baby. Unfortunately, we might understand what went wrong, but not why it went wrong, why it happened to us and our babies. It is heartbreaking. Most of the times I try to desperately hang on to the thought that I made this awful decision in an attempt to spare my baby any suffering. She was compatible with life, she "just" had severe brain anomalies discovered at the 20 week scan and her prognosis was awful.

We were recently talking in here about how it never really goes away, and every now and then it all comes back to haunt you. But it does get better, I promise. You just need to give it time. I think one of the best pieces of advice I was given was to just accept everything I was feeling, try not to fight it, just go with it, as every stage has a meaning. I found that my mind was always working in the background, and all of a sudden a new way of looking at what had happened was emerging.

I am not sure it makes sense, and as always when I start writing I am going on and on...

Lisbeth, I was so pleased to read that you finally had "good" news. What a relief, and what anxiety you and your dh had to endure! This changes the situation completely, I bet it hasn't sunk in yet. I know there is still the geneticist appointment, but I doubt your consultant would sound so sure unless there was strong evidence to support his opinion. For us, the geneticist confirmed what the prof had said before.

Allways, excellent news about the eggs, so much hope after such dark times, but indeed what a tough decision about how many eggs to have implanted! Can they help you in any way with this decision, any useful information they can give? I so hope things will work out for you and your dh, please let us know how you get on.

Scrum, thinking of you and your rollercoaster ride. I have to say you do sound so self-aware in all your posts, that I have no doubt you will find the best way to go through all of this, but it is so much to take in! We are here if you need us.

What a long post, somebody shut me up!

Much love to you all lovely ladies xxxx

Sarah, hello. You've made your first post and it?s such a big step. You can say exactly what you wish here. Share as much detail about your precious daughter Rosie (such a beautiful name) as you feel will help. Your emotions and feelings are all safe here. I hope you?ve been offered some support in real life?

I agree the decision may have been made easier by the severity of her condition, but your pain is in no way lessened. Rational thoughts and feelings will come and go, just go with where your emotions take you. Like Coffee says, it does at some point get easier. I can?t remember when things got easier for me, but I can see a difference in my grief since March, when I lost my daughters Rose and Lilly. I am still occasionally floored by the enormity of it all and when I am I find great comfort here and in my DH.

Hi Sarah, glad you came back. I am sorry, again, about your loss of baby Rosie. I am thinking of you - it's so so hard in the early days.

Olivia, thinking of you, too.

Great news from Lisbeth and Allways! Allways, can totally see why you would want the chance of twins. Have they recommended transferring just one embryo, then? do they say why?
Lisbeth, what a relief.

Hello to everyone here, and thank you so much for your warm wishes. I'm sorry not to thank each of you by name, just please know that i am deeply grateful for your support.

Well, it's over and I am back home, after a gruelling 20 hours away. It was a very tough day, one, like all of you, I never imagined I'd have to go through.

I was shown a lot of kindness and compassion in the clinic, despite the fact that (I imagine) they rarely see women like me, terminating at this stage for abnormalities. They have also given me a number for counselling here in Ireland.

I seem to be a whole confused mess of emotions right now. There is a huge sense of relief on one hand that the pregnancy is over. It had been a long four days since the news of the diagnosis on Friday. I still feel we made the right decision for us and our family.

And yet there's a huge and overwhelming feeling of sadness and heartache, I just have such a weight of sorrow over it all. The emotions I feel are so raw right now that I could curl up in a ball and cry for days.

I'm sorry, I'm just venting now - I lurch between showing a facade of normality to the DCs, and sobbing silently in the downstairs loo so as not to frighten the poor wee things.

One day at a time, I suppose. Thank you all again so much for your warmth and compassion. This was a very 'me' centerd post.

Eavers and Sarah, I know you are sadly, very new visitors here like me. I hope you're both finding the love and support you need to help heal the awful pain. Wombat I hope your journey has a very happy outcome.

And to everyone here, I just wanted you to know that when I was in London yesterday, it was a source of great comfort to me to know that women I had never met, were thinking of me and wishing me well.

Hello, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a few days, I am thinking of you all a lot.

My journey is continuing at unexpected speed. We had just started ttc this month, although we stopped when we had the news from the Geneticist (mostly because my DH went away on business). To cut a long story short, I took a HPT earlier this week and it was positive. I have been reluctant to tell you all because I didn't want to be insensitive to those of you who for whom losing your babies is still so recent and so raw. Also it's still very early (my period is not due until the weekend) and so anything could happen. As you can imagine, I have mixed emotions: shock that it's happened so quickly and before we've really had time to digest the information we've been given, fear about what the future might hold, but also fragile hope and excitement that it might, just might, all work out and this one sticks and has the 'right' chromsomes.

I'm going to stop talking about it on this thread for now in case I'm upsetting anyone. I don't want to cause more pain than you have already experienced. I'm sending big hugs to anyone who needs one.

x

Oh Wombat - congratulations. I know (all too well) that its early days and there are many milestones to come, but fantastic news that you're back on the path. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but we've already spun off a second thread from here in this same section specifically to support eachother through pregnancy after all the crap we've been through and you'd be so welcome to join us. You'll notice many of the same names on both threads - we used to say that it was like having a separate room in the cottage so that you didn't have to listen to excited pregnancy chatter if you didn't want to. A sister thread if you like. See you there? xxx

Thank you Littlepoot. I will indeed see you there.

HI all and thanks for the welcome. It seems that this thread is a mix of devastation and happy news, which I suspect is what makes it a good place. Its safe to share our feelings but we can also still see that good things can happen. So congrats wombat and glad to hear that things are going well Allways and glad to hear that you had better news about Adam's genetics 'Lisbeth*

My heart goes out to you olivia and eavers I guess we're all in that raw state where it really doesn't feel real. Olivia I know what you mean about crying in the loo. We have a DS who's 4 and I feel like the only time I can really relax is when he's at nursery. He was asking me to sign to him at bedtime and I kept choking up.

I do have really good support in RL. DH and I are communicating well, I'm off work, line manager giving me no pressure to come back, have good friends. But I feel so blank. I feel like the last week has been forever and at the same time I feel like I haven't moved at all.

thanks for being here

Hey, just thought I'd come in and say hello.

I had a surgical termination on Monday due to incompatible with life diagnosis (acrania) at the 12 week scan. I've had the week off work and I think I'm doing ok.

The termination was horrible but, completely unexpectedly, it got a lot easier once it was over. I mean, I'm still quite emotional about it and cry a bit but I guess its just given me the ability to start the moving on process.

Hi gigglet - welcome to the thread. I'm glad you found some relief once Monday was over and I hope you are taking it easy and being kind to yourself. I found it just difficult a week or so after to even begin to process what had happened. Hope you're ok.

Sarah, Eavers and Olivia I hope you're all as ok as you can be too and oh god the crying in the loo to keep it from other DCs. It's been 3 1/2 months for me now and it's only very occasionally that I have to do that. (DD still stands on the other side of the door though saying mummy are you doing a wee or a poo?? so not the most peaceful experience!)

Olivia - when I was going through my termination I remember saying to my DH "there are those women out there thinking of us you know" meaning everyone on this board and he couldn't speak through crying at their kindness. It helped us hugely.

Very, very many conratulations to Wombat - I hope you get to the end with a healthy, happy babe x

Allways - did you decide whether to have the 2 embryos put back? Were they able to help you with that decision?

Coffee I hope you're ok too, your posts are always such a help to read, so reassuring and caring. I hope all's well with you.

I'm just slowly coming to understand the news that we have 'normal' chromosomes but (in my not really at all optomistic way) starting to wonder what else could there be that the geneticist could tell us on 7 sept - surely there can't be anything else now??? Hopefully not and then we can draw a bit of a line under this and try and work out if we want to try again or not.

Hope you all have peaceful weekends x

Hi gigglet hope you're still feeling that send of relief. I found I had a strange sense that things were fine very soon after my termination, but sadly it hit me only later the same morning. Its up and down. I was talking to a friend this evening about the way that I am wracked by sobs, my whole body shaking and then soon after its back to a sense of numbness - she says that's just the way grief is. I find it strange too that my bleeding goes on teh same cycles as my tears.

Olivia and Eavers hope you're holding it together

LIsbeth I hope that the time can move swiftly for you till your appointment, I know how you feel about the endless appointments, I keep thinking 'what more can they tell me and what's the point' that said, we decided today that we do want a full post mortem, just need the sense that we know as much as we can about what happened to her.

warm wishes to all

I have been hesitant about posting over the past few days, as I have felt so negative about everything.

And then I thought, surely that's the point of a thread like this, a place where I can be honest about how I feel.

Lisbeth, I am so glad you got some good news. may it continue for you.

Eavers and Gigglet, I hope that you are receiving good support in RL, and continuing to heal.

Sarah, it was your words which prompted me to post. I too seem to alternate between a strange sort of numbness and a terrible wracking grief. When I am not sobbing, I feel weirdly detached from it all, as though the whole awful experience happened to someone I distantly know.

Then something will trigger the most terrible sense of sadness in me, and I will be almost helpless with grief.

I have managed to access counselling in my home town, and have an appointment for tomorrow. Hopefully it will help.

Am thinking of you all.

Hi olivia so glad that you have counselling set up. I'm phoning someone this evening to arrange an appointment. Its such a complicated set of emotions isn't it? I am mostly aware of my grief at the moment, but I can see responsibility and guilt hovering darkly in the corner.

Rosie's postmortem is being done today, and both DH and I are finding it much harder than we expected. We really want to know some more detail about her health and development, but signing the forms felt like making the decision to have a termination all over again.

took out a hedge in the garden this morning before the rain started, felt much better to do something concrete.

thinking of you all

Hi thanks to everyone for your welcome, i'm glad i have somewhere to go where people have similar experiences and understand where you are at. Sad though that so many have been through this.

Hi especially to fellow newbies Olivia Witlessarah and gigglet am thinking of you.

I am through the stage of constant crying and staring blankly into space. Though I did get very upset at the weekend when I had to bag up my maternity clothes and return them to the loft. I knew I was tempting fate in getting them down before the nuchcal scan.

Sorry, I really need to have a self centred post as I try to recover my composure sufficiently to go to DS's leaving preschool party this afternoon.

The bereavement team at the hospital rang to discuss Rosie's funeral. That would probably have been enough to start me crying but then they said that if we didn't want a christian service we would have to organise the funeral ourselves - which was the opposite of what we had been told in the hospital. She went away and checked with the chaplain who corrected her. But by the time she phoned back I was crying too hard to talk to her, DH handled it, thank goodness.

So they will do the service without the religion, but I'm tired of feeling so weird, everything is unusual, everything is something they haven't dealt with before - Well neither have I! Really I'm grateful for the support we've been given but I'm very tired. I honestly fell over on my kitchen floor crying. I'm sick of coping, I just want my baby to be fine - and she never will be.

I know the pain will ease, and in some ways I don't want it to because the pain is all i have left of her.

sorry for the moan, just needed to write it down.

Sarah, I?ve just seen your post and had to reply. If you ever look back at the previous thread, you will see that I was in pieces before Silvia?s funeral. I was just wondering how I could ever get through that day. I remember very vividly the day when the chaplain rang to tell me my baby was back at our local hospital, after the postmortem in London , and how unreal it all seemed after that. We took ages to decide what we wanted ? we finally chose a cremation and then had the ashes buried. But those days were dominated by a general feeling that it was all unreal, that it was happening to somebody else. The week before the funeral, I went to my GP and he prescribed some pills to help me cope.

But strangely enough, the day was not as bad as I had thought. Of course my heart broke and I will never ever forget it, I have tears in my eyes now writing about it. But in retrospect it helped me a lot and I also experienced a feeling of relief. I am not sure relief is the best word, but it was just a feeling that I said good-bye the way I wanted to. Don?t worry about them not having done what you want before, they can easily leave out the religion bit. The most important thing is for you to have the funeral the way you want it to, to say your good-byes in a way which is meaningful to you.

We discussed in here many times before about this raw pain feeling like the only connection with our babies. I was so afraid to lose the rawness, terrified that i will not be close to Silvia after that. But I feel as close now to her as ever, only in a different way. I am not raw anymore, except for some days when it all comes back and I feel like I am back to square one and I come in here and offload. But generally I find that I accept what happened. As one of my friends (who also lost a baby) put it, ?she was not meant for this world?. I am not sure I believe in fate, but these words helped me a lot.

You will get through all this, and you will find you are so strong in the process. And crying is a good thing, it is healing. It is so early, but day by day you will find that you will start to come to terms with what has happened - and still feel close to Rosie.

I am thinking of you and of everyone else on this thread ? oldies and newbies. And a special thought for Allways ? I hope you are well. xxxx

Sarah, I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that. It's so hard to deal with the strangeness of it all, the places you have to and the people you have to talk to, things that you never in your worst nightmares imagined you'd have to deal with.

I too know what you mean about needing the pain in some unfathomable way. And then you must juxtapose all this grief with what should be the joyous occasion of your little boy's preschool party.

I have no wise words at all, just wanted you to know that someone is listening and feeling so sad for your pain.

Please accept a virtual hug from a fellow traveller. x

Sarah, it is all so much to take in, too much detail, too much pain, too much too cope with. I hope you get the service you want for Rosie. It is so tough making these decisions, when your mind can't function on a simple task, yet you have so much to contend with, Rosie's funeral and her post mortem. No Mum should have to make these arrangements for their baby.

You're right about the pain being a connection to her, I feel the same. Yet it does ease and your connection will remain just as strong.

Eavers, so much sadness attached to so many things, even clothes.

I found counselling very helpful, having someone neutral to talk through, I often talked and cried for the whole hour, it was draining and afterwards I be more exhausted than ever.

I thinking of all the Mums, going through so much right now.