Talk : Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate V

[treedelivery]

Welcome to the 5th thread.

An amazing day to begin a new journey together. The thread babies are arriving and we take this as a positive nod from the great karma controller - whoever and whatever that may be.

Good luck to our thread, to the souls who read, those who post, those who drop in to learn and hold hands.

Our cyber bench is a supportive place, we sit outside hospitals as strong but scared women go to ride their wave. We huddle in our cottage when the weather is bleak, stormy or biting cold.

When the sun shines on us we share stories of real life, gain strength and giggle together in times of warm weather.

Thanks for the update Justa, lovely to hear about your DS3. Suspect I can appreciate what you mean about knowing about rampaging toddlers and feeling a bit helpless with a newborn again! Glad the homestart volunteer will get you the chance to strike a balance (or strike with the hoover...).

Hi everyone xx

Gosh, lots to catch up on. I've been avoiding buying the Jodi Picoult book (for obvious reasons) even though I own all her other books. I usually read books when I'm on the train travelling from Manchester to London for meetings, but simply daren't buy this one for fear of getting upset. Think it may have to wait for our next holiday - but then don't really want to get upset then either.

I spent the weekend at my parents' and had a good chat with my mum on Friday night about how I'm doing. I didn't admit that some of her words had hurt me, largely because she admitted that she's been finding it hard to cope herself. She's 55, we think just starting with the menopause, and on the whole has had a really shitty year - a serious rift has developed on her side of the family that she's in the middle of, and she's also had to watch me suffer - so generally, she seems quite low. Anyway, we talked a lot about me and Gracie, and I talked a lot about you wonderful ladies and how I've found support here, and I think it's really helped both of us.

Justa - it's lovely to see you so smitten with your new boy.

And Mishtabel - am glad that Bella continues to improve with every day.

Hope the rest of you are all doing okay.
Much love to all
xxxx

Aw good to hear you had a productive talk with your mum Viv.

Justa - he sounds like a real sweetie. I hope your mum is feeling better & happier now, its often the period after when things settle down which can be hard though.

Mishtabel, you are quiet which I assume is good news if you are finally going home at last - yeh!

Numpty - we were staying not far from Glasgow actually. Hope you are feeling better now. Your post earlier is a good one, things we know deep down, but its good to see it written down.

Bee - I feel for you so much, its so much harder for you. Yes there are parallels with the maybe end of baby making years but for me it is met with some kind of relief. I am glad I don't have to worry about the stress of trying again and in fact the idea of having a baby makes me feel a bit squeamish. No, I am pleased for my niece, it was really just the timing of it (found out today she is due 11th Aug, I was due 14th Aug) andwe even had our scans on the same Friday in January. But I can't do this looking back forever. So many mixed feelings, some of it is guilt because to be very honest our last baby wasn't planned or 'wanted' if I must use that term, and at the start I even felt that he was a bit of an intruder to the family. Sometimes I think I should have been on an 'ordinary' abortion thread (is there one?) but the two issues crossed over. It goes to show life is complicated and for me this last baby really had to be sacrificed for the sake of the other children. Sorry I am wittering on and apologies for those who are trying hard to have a baby. As someone said above (Lins I think), just because you have children already people think you have no reason to feel upset. Thank goodness for this space here. Anyway Bee I hope this next meeting gives you some hope, you must feel like you are constantly in limbo, so very exhausting for mind and soul.

Note to self, must phone counsellor for further offloading!

Blimey, just looked out the window and its snowing heavily (was supposed to be sunny all day!)

xxxx

Justa, he sounds divine. Do you use a sling? I found a combination of sling and swing helped me with DD when at a similar stage. And the Homestart person sounds great.
How is your DS2 at the moment?

Viv, I am glad you got to talk to your mum. It's better to know how she feels, isnt it? I guess she's been talking a lot about her grandchild because it makes her feel a bit better - she's obviously having a tough time. I look at my little DD and imagine her going through the hurt we have been through -it's unimaginable somehow. So hard for mothers to see their children suffer.
Are you back to TTC?

Eulalia, I am struck as ever by the level of your self-awareness. You DO belong here though, no matter whether you planned that child or not. I guess you are in a good place in that you've drawn a line under more babies - it doesn't mean you don't still grieve, though.

Bee, I am sure you are as Eulalia says in limbo. When you go see that consultant, we'll all be waiting for you outside. I really hope you get some good news.

Mishtabel, you must be home now. Bless you and beautiful Bella... you've done so well...

Mrs BG, where are you? Thinking of you.

Great that you got to clear things up with your Mum, Viv. We often forget that others hurt too...well I know I do.

I understand what you mean Can't when you say that you can't imagine your DD going through painful experiences.

I remember when I had my D&C for missed miscarriage. I was lying in hospital crying, so sad that I hadn't confided in my Mum. She didn't know I was pregnant even. I love her dearly, but she doesn't do 'emotions'. She doesn't know about termination either, she just thinks it was a miscarriage. Anyway, I was crying because the thought of DD going through something similar without me knowing would completely break my heart. The thought of her hurting the way I did, is too much to bare.

Eulalia - I agree with Can't. I love your posts, you are such a rock.

Bee - much love sweetie, thinking of you in the run up to Thursday.

MrsBG - Just another message to say that I'm here

Justa - hope you're getting on ok, your little man, sounds utterly delightful.

Tree - hope you had a good break.

Everyone - much love

Anyway, I should be off, being far too emotional xxx

Hello

I'm here. Thanks so much for not forgetting about me. I've been dipping in and out.

I'm so happy for the good news we've had recently, welcome to the new little ones. So lovely to see life coming into our world after such sadness. So loved and deserved.

I'm sorry I haven't been posting. Will try to rectify that in the new few days. I've been exhausted really. No children or pg to blame for that. Just plain old exhaustion from nothing. My 9-5? Maybe, I'm going out a bit too much. I just don't want to sit still with my thoughts.

But, I need to get back to you all here. I can normally feed off your energies...ups and downs, it feels like home...it feels like the inside of my head. No-one in RL can quite ever get it.

Lots and lots of love and thanks again for the prods. Have missed everybody.
BG xxxxxx

Hello lovely ladies

just popping by all too quickly to let you know that my beautiful boy arrived safely on Monday.

As many of you predicted, I am totally in love and awe for him.

We are still at the hospital and possibly will be until the end of the week but I'll let you know how we're getting along.

Goes without saying that your support made all the difference.

Love and thanks xxxx

Hooray! I woke up this morning thinking I'd have to borrow some of Tree's labour pom poms and join her in shaking them to cheer you on.

So pleased for you .

xxx

Hi all, was just dropping by to let you know we got Bella home safe and sound last night - but then I saw Shangrila's wonderful news! Congratulations! I am so happy for you and can't wait for updates and photos. I will be back to read and post properly later. Just lovely shangrila xx

and hi MrsBG, good to see you xx

Wonderful news Shangrila! So glad he's arrived safely into the world.

Great to hear that you're home too Mishtabel. Hope the girls have stopped fighting over Bella - awwww bless!

Hello Mrsbg! Glad to hear you're keeping busy. January / February really are blue months aren't they.....

Good morning everyone xx

Morning Justa - great to have you back. Hope your boys are all doing great xxx

Fantastic news Shangrila! Congratuations. xxx

Brilliant news Shangrila - congratulations!!

So happy to hear that all 3 thread babies have arrived safe and well and are in the arms of their loving families

Hi Mrs BG good to see you dropping by - hope you are ok xxx

Dearest my lovely Shangrila
Am utterly delighted to hear he has landed safely. Another little man!
Wonderful news lovely - take care of him and of you. And talk to us when you have the space and energy.
With much love
Bee xxxxxx

And hello to you Mrs BG- Long time no hear but I know you read and dip in and out and we all watch out for you. Sometimes posting does not feel right does it?
Hope you are beating the Winter blues honey.
much love to you
Bee xxxxxx

Bee -

I wanted to write you a note, which I'm sure most of the people here will back when I say, that I'd like to thank you SO, SO, SO much for setting up this little safe haven for us. Had it not been for you and all of the wonderful ladies here in the early days that helped me through my termination and then later, the missed miscarriage, I'm not sure I'd have been able to keep it together. By creating this space you gave us somewhere to come, when things just got too much.

You saved my mind, and probably my family. Not sure Capt and I could have survived the events of the last year, had I not had your amazing support. Nobody in RL could have offered me that. You cried with me after my miscarriage, when you too, were going through exactly the same. You're always giving of yourself, and ask nothing in return.

And now, it just seems so unfair that things are so difficult for you. If anybody should now have the easy pregnancy, it should be you. You shouldn't be toiling. It's not fair.

Your writing is inspiring. You know just what to say. I'm sure you could write this message so much better than what I am, but I hope you really understand what I'm trying to get across.

I'll be with you when you have your appointment tomorrow. I hope you get answers. I really do.

Thank you Bee for starting our home.

BK xxx

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Shangrila and welcome to the world baby boy. Hope you are recovering well & look forward to you rejoining us again.

Welcome home baby Bella

Thanks for your kind words bezzy and can't. Hello MrsB! Special hug for Bee, and love to you all.

xxxx

Bezz- thank you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps you say it beautifully.

X-posted with Bezzy, totally totally agree, lovely kind post Bezzy. Bee you are wonderful and deserve so much more.

Congratulations Shangrila - such wonderful, beautiful news!

And I heartily second Bezzy's message to Bee. This thread, and now the sister thread, have held me together more times than I ever thought possible and I've relied on it so hard, as I know many others do. The warmth, the eloquence, the sanctuary, the humour and the honesty are astounding and I think everyone here gives so much of themselves so generously for the support of others.

So happy with the new thread babies and so grateful you all are here. xx

Here here Bezzy - Bee thank you from the bottom of my heart and also thank you to all of you for helping me through such a difficult time in my life. I would have been so alone if it wasn't for the wonderful ladies in this wonderful space xxx

Congratulations Shangrila - what wonderful news. Does he have a name?

I'm also echoing Bezzy's message to Bee. You are all amazing women who inspire me every day with your words and your honesty. I'm extremely grateful to have found you all.

can't - Yes, we're back to TTC and rather frustratingly, thought we'd cracked it as my period was overdue. However, one negative pregnancy test last night and a belated AF this morning has sent us straight back to square one. Hey ho. I'm very much in an onwards and upwards frame of mind, so fingers crossed our luck will change soon.

Hope everyone else is well and wrapping up warm in this horribly biting wind.
Lots of love all round
xxxx