Talk : Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate V

[treedelivery]

Welcome to the 5th thread.

An amazing day to begin a new journey together. The thread babies are arriving and we take this as a positive nod from the great karma controller - whoever and whatever that may be.

Good luck to our thread, to the souls who read, those who post, those who drop in to learn and hold hands.

Our cyber bench is a supportive place, we sit outside hospitals as strong but scared women go to ride their wave. We huddle in our cottage when the weather is bleak, stormy or biting cold.

When the sun shines on us we share stories of real life, gain strength and giggle together in times of warm weather.

Thanks for your kind words, am in a rush but wanted to let Bezzy know if you are reading I got your email. I can't reply as my email is playing up and FAcebook too (although I am not very good at the latter). Hugs to you and will try to get in touch.

Good to see you back Bee with your kindness as usual.

Welcome Gina xxx

Arggh sorry that should be I shouldn't post when in a hurry!!!!

Good morning everyone.
Babylily, I think our posts crossed last night and I didn't answer. Bee, I am so moved by your messages, they brought tears to my eyes. Chocolate is indeed the only solution sometimes, though I have to admit I chose my nickname in happier times, and now it sounds much too happy for this thread.

Babylily, I was also told numerous times about hope, and a bigger plan I can't understand now. Some people make this sound as if there was a reason behind it, a reason I will understand much later. I could believe this if it was only about me, if I had to suffer and struggle alone. But it's all about my baby, and I can't understand why someone would chose the sacrifice of innocent babies as part of creating something meaninful.

Weird, I know, but I find it easier to believe that it was all an accident of some sort, nature having its way, without caring to whom this happens and the effects it will have on me as an individual. A friend actually told me that God probably made us go through this so we can appreciate it even more when we have a healty child in the future. I know she meant very well and I can't be upset with her, but it still seems a ridiculous price to pay.

Anyway, I'm rambling on, somebody stop me! Allways, I thought about you these days, and the incredibly hard time you are going through. My loss is too recent for me to be able to find comforting words for you, all I can say is that I am virtually holding your hand. xxx

Bee, a big thank you again for caring. I am not much better today to be honest, still struggling with the thought that I took my baby's life away. It's hard to put this in words, but I feel that even if I know why I did it and understand there was no other way for me, as I would rather suffer myself than letting my baby suffer, the fact remains. No matter what, I did kill my baby girl. I know I am somehow a victim myself of a terrible situation, and that I had to make a decision no one should have to make, but my actions did have the same result, no matter what.

I guess this will never completely go away and I will have to learn to live with it, how to make peace with myself somehow.

Sending you all lots of love xxxx

Hi Gina, and so sorry you belong to this thread as well. Terrible times, but we newbies are so well looked after here..

What inspiring posts Justa and Bee, I am lost for words. xxx

Hi everyone and thanks for the welcome. It is good to meet you all even though the circumstances are so painful.

I am amazed at the strength of you all and how touching your posts.

bee I feel that we had to say goodbye to Olivia before we had a chance to say hello.

Thanks Coffee sending you love xxx

Thanks Eulalia

I just wanted to say hello to our new people too. So many of you

I'm afraid I can't write the message to each of you that I'd like to, as I'm going through a personal hell at the moment.

Just found out that I'm miscarrying yet again. 7 weeks pregnant, started bleeding heavily yesterday. Went to EPU, there's no heartbeat, just a sac measuring 5.5 weeks. So either dates wrong or it's miscarrying. I'm certain of dates, so I'm afraid that it's the latter.

I'm sorry to offload here when there's pain so much more severe going on.

Love to all
BK x

Oh God Bezzy - I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you back at home? I wish there was something we could do. I'm so so sorry you're going through this again. xxx

Bezzy I'm so sorry xxxx

Oh Bezz, I am so so sorry to hear that. I wish there was something practical I could do for you or at least give you a RL hug. Know I am thinking of you xxxxx

So sorry to hear that xx

Oh Bezzy, I'm so sorry to hear that - I just don't have the words to say, but I am thinking of you .

Thank you everyone, especially Justa. Your words are beautiful as always.

I've been manic googling and have now diagnosed self or the capt with this. If we did have it, everything would make so much sense, and think it would make giving up a tiny bit easier.

Balanced Translocation

Anybody had genetic testing done on themselves? Does it take forever on NHS? Am I better off going private?

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling a bit guilty for taking over, but I know that you're all a fountain of knowledge.

Dearest dearest Bezzy
My love - you know how i feel about your recent loss. It just does not seem possible or right.
On the practical side, I have been genetically tested at UCLH. It was not done privately. I think Kittens may have had it too.
I did not have a balanced translocation and neither did LM. But I have read recently of someone on Arc who had had this diagnosis. I totally understand the desire to find out what in the name of God is going on.
There is no rhyme nor reason that I can find often.
You are and will be forever a wonderful mum to your wee girl as dear Justa says.
I hope LM is there for you darling and do feel that you can talk here or elsewhere to us. You are an important member of this thread; you matter enormously to us. The new ladies will feel as we all do; compassion and support for you.
with love as ever
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I think you would simply need karyotypes doing. I think the fetal med people who have you in their care might be happy to discuss this with you.

All love, to everyone. Justa has it spot on, as always. There are no words I can find at the moment, apart from twee annoying ones.

So a simple I'm very very sorry is all I have. x

thank you everyone. You're all too kind.

I just have that insatiable need for an answer as to why this is happening. Again.

The dr in the EPU was astounded at my history yesterday.

For the new folk that don't know me:

1 miscarriage at 9 weeks
Then DD, who's 3 next week
1 Termination for T21
1 Missed miscarriage which later turned out to be T13 Pataus
And then the current miscarriage.

I'm 33

FFS

So, so sorry for you loss Bezzy, it's not fair at all and so sorry to all the new people that sadly found there way here too (i only swing by occasionally these days but the ladies here are so amazing)

Love to all of you Katie xxxxxxxxxx

Bezzy...so so sorry that this has happened to you again. It's just so horrific and unfair, when you so deserve not to go through another loss.

I too have a niggling worry about the balanced translocation... I have had 6 pregnancies in all - 2 healthy daughters, 2 terminations for trisomies and 2 early miscarriages (8 wks & 6wks). My consultant still believes it is just bad luck...but regardless of that have my first appointment with genetics on March 12th. (had my termination on 6th Feb)...and it's NHS. My consultant wrote to a genetics consultant asking them to see me and although my first appointment is with the genetics nurse rather than consultant, she will start the blood tests and the family histories that will lead us towards a diagnosis (or not). I thought it would take much longer than this, but the referral letter stressed how concerned and anxious we are and how fertility issues made us desperate for another pregnancy. I also wrote an anguished letter (on Monday) saying how much we needed to start the process before we move away and begging to be seen here and then transferred to a hospital in our new area...and the appointment came through this morning. Ask your consultant for a priority referral. I don;t see how they could refuse with your history either.

Gina. So sorry you have had to joing this board, and so so sorry for the loss of your little olivia. There's nothing i can add except to say how absolutely awful and unfair this loss is. I've found this board to be a lifeline in the past 3 weeks, when I was completely destroyed by the experience and the horror of what was happenign to us I posted here and received immeasurable kindness and support from others who truly understand the hell of what you are going through.
take care

We need that cosy cottage more than ever tonight...

Gina, welcome and I am so sorry to hear about the diagnosis of baby Olivia and her premature arrival. I have had two terminations, one at 13 weeks and one at 20 weeks, both for (different) conditions that meant the babies wouldnt have survived. I understand how you become utterly haunted by it. It does get easier though there are still really hard days and we will never forget. I also understand the compulsion to conceive again.

Hi again Coffee, Allways, Babylily - all still so new and raw to you. Hope you are okay. Coffee, I said yesterday I still feel I somehow killed my babies. I suppose on one level, we did. But the thing is - we had no positive choice. We just had to do what seemed least inhumane. We acted out of love, all of us here did. And we have to live with our decisions knowing we made them in the best possible faith and that there was no 'happy ending' possible.

Bezzy, it isnt fair. It really isnt. You don't deserve this. I am angry and sad for you.

Dearest Bezzy
Dearest everyone
Just thinking about the sadness of the thread and remembering backwards; we have shared many such overlapping and overwhelming sorrows in the last ten months.
After time, some gentleness and warmth and humour and vitality comes back. We are not all in the space for it now.
Sometimes you just have to sit in it.
I hope you are all in the arms of someone who offers comfort to you tonight.
I am thinking of you all and of the babies Rose, Olivia and Sylvia. Such beautiful names - wishing you all strength for the days ahead.
with love
Bee xxxx