support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Hello girls
Yes Treetops am wiped out by yesterday's shenanigans - as is my daughter. She was feeling sick when I collected her, sick thes morning, sick when I took her to Paddington. She is now in the arms of her boyfriend (just his ARMS) in Devon- his family are there too. Think she needs a good strong male who treats her as she deserves to be treated.
Told me she had put the phone down on The Man who is Allegedly her Father so many times in exasperation yesterday and had used the 'f' word at him. His response' 'Call mum!'
'MUM IS IN LONDON DAD!!
YOU ARE AN HOUR DOWN THE ROAD!
You total tosser!'
(Okay - I added the last line).
What a total and utter idiot he is - I could not be more cross - not for me- I do not need him but for his beautiful, resourceful daughter who needs a knight in shining armour. He is more like a donkey in a stinking blanket.
So - the building continues to blight my day - they creep closer and closer up the house - an invasion - now my bedroom and the hall. No water, no kitchen, no way of washing up. Is all going to be wonderful but somehow unsettles my already unsettled spirit.

Brighton Girl - what matters is that you went for the interview, you gave it your all, and if they did not give it to you, well, their loss. And the idea for the Wedding Frock sound perfect - what a solution - no white frothy gown for you but Vera darling Vera. And at an affordable price. Couleur s'il vous plait?

Eulalia - will think of your due date my love; I hope the pain can be felt and got through and a little more distance can be achieved finally. For me, the actual day was numb and silent, the day after painful and then for a few weeks the feeling that there should be a baby in this house. And now I feel it less sharply; the first one. The second one? The due date still to come.

Tree - so glad our little thread poppet feeling less poorly - how old is she now - am guessing 5 or 6 months?
And GO - what a tricky time. Your dad is down South if I remember correctly so a journey involved. I hope he is not suffering too badly. Nor you.

Am off to check on 'Sparky' (this is what the builder and his mate Danny - who is a healer on the side- call the electrician). It is a veritable Harry Enfield sketch in my house. I am Margo from The Good Life - althouh would rather be Felicity Kendall.
(Not really ladies - I am a funny mixture of the two.
Byeeeee

Lins - have already messaged you re today darling but hoping you are home and resting in your cool garden with lovely wee girl.

Cantdo - how are you today?

Shangrila - thank you.
kisses

Hi everyone, and hope things went well Lins.

Glad little Harriet is a bit better - it is so stressful when they're ill and they're tiny like that.

Well - here I am just tired, so tired I feel numbed; I'm going to tidy up, put DD to bed and probably have an early night myself, maybe a bath and a novel. I can't remember what everyone has said, but hi to you all and grrr to Busier's ex-husband!!!

Bee. Oh God, he is an arse isn't he? Sounds like DD is a great girl, with a sense of how things should be. You are right to be angry, I would be. I don't blame you. Hang in tere bee, builders will be gone and school will start and life will get more rhythm to it.

Hope all ok Lins, but I guess it had to be hard going there. Thinking of you x

Cant - hope you are zoned out and relaxing.

Evening all.

Scans all fine. They spent one hour and ten minutes on it!!! First, detailed heart scan and then general anomaly. My tummy feel a bit pummeled. Phew.

Geneticist didn't have much to add really to what we've already been told, but was generally reassuring and said no reason for any problems, any more than anyone else...etc.

Was there 2 and a half hrs in total. Was hot and tiring.

It makes me chuckle a bit when I read all the excitement on the 'due Jan 2010' thread about going for first scans to "get a peek at the baby" - our was more a full length feature film!! (wry smile) .

Funny though that I am still not excited or relieved or anything about this pregnancy. It's just something that is happening to me, and apparently there will be a baby at the end of it. Gosh that sounds heartless, and un-grateful, but I am not bonded with it at all, despite all the wriggling on the scans. (they said, twice, "wow, this is an active one!")

Sorry to waffle on and not talk about all your own news.

Am a bit tired out. Will catch up with you all tomorrow when i am less 'flat'.

xxxxx

I'm so glad things are OK Lins, glad you posted as I was waiting to see how it had gone.

I'm not surprised that you've distanced yourself from this pregnancy, it's a coping mechanism. Perhaps once you've got past the 22-25 week stage, you might feel a bit more bonded? But even then, bonding is something that happens with a baby, it doesn't matter whether you bond with them while they are within you, just so long as you can bond after they are born. And even then, sometimes bonding takes time. I remember being very stressed/upset that DS and I were whisked apart just after I had him because it meant I missed that 'critical' skin-to-skin moment with newborns that all the books seem to go on about now; and because I had a spinal afterwards, when I DID get to see him and had to try breastfeeding, it was more of a faff - I just wanted to sleep! But we're fine fine fine now . Apart from the odd screaming frustration on my part when he refuses to take an afternoon nap (and particularly when I want to take one...)

...So anyway, meant to say that even if you do feel distant from this baby in this pregnancy, that's not to say that you won't love them and enjoy them when they are born.

Thats good news Lins.

I felt the same way about dd2 pregnancy. I have a totally straight forward obstetric history - as they say. I took myself off to the baby show at Earls Court last October, at 26 weeks, to generate some enthusiasm. I kept thinking it was all a misunderstanding and possible wind.

No really, I did!
Same with dd1.

Oh Lins, I am so glad you had a 'normal' scan, for you that you are feeling disconnected. It must be so hard to bond with something that has been taken away from you too many times before.

Busier, your poor (little) girl. Your x-h's oh sounds charming, and rather like the wicked stepmother I had. Glad to hear she is back safely but that must have been horrible for you not being able to reach her. I agree with Tree, anger is good. It can be a very constructive outlet for a lot of other things that can piggyback the anger. Line up a whole load of plates to throw. It feels a lot better I promise. Hope you're feeling better and sparky hasn't blown up the house.

Brightongirl, sorry to hear about the job. But I love the sound of your dress. I lusted after Ms Wang when I was shopping but like Tree, the one I hearted was £5000! Eek. I blew a bit of money on some Jimmy Choos instead . When is the wedding?

Tree, how is your little babe now? Better I hope. And have you finalised your Christening outfit?

Eulalia, I will absolutely be thinking of you on Friday. It will be a difficult day I am sending you a v unmumsnet hug for you to take out of your pocket for when you need it.

Numpty, how are you feeling today? Thinking of you.

Growingout, sorry to hear about your dad. How is he doing now? Here's to a speedy recovery.

And Bezzy, wooohoo!! So pleased to hear your lovely news. Hope the holiday is super-relaxing and exactly what you need.

Here in this quiet little west london corner, I am, yet again, on the wine and percy pigs. Not really a good combination. And I'm not really on the wine as I barely manage half a glass, but the thought is there.

We have been at the Tower of London today to see the 'beef's as dd called them. She v bravely had her pic taken and it was v cute. She is such a titch, even at 2, she just about reached their knees.

Had a good chat with dh last night. Not feeling under so much pressure to make a decision. Feeling a little better today. Quite looking forward to sex being for fun, and not about making a baby.

Lots of love to all of you
lw
x

Sex? Fun?

No. No idea what you are referring too. But am delighted to hear about your good day and good vibe.

Christening outfit development on hold, but I have a brown patterned skirt I like. though it's not very dressy, it is very flatering. Boden sale and all that!I don't feel a frump in it, as it's 'surfer girl gets dressed up' rather than 'fat dowdy mamma gets dressed up'

Hats has had a good half hour and is now back in the grumps. More calpol!

Lucky - I think I'm on the shopping therapy. Have been on eBay loads, and after a dispiriting team building thing today where I saw lots of folk for the first time after coming back to work, I ended up wandering to Jigsaw after. I think it's partly because it's just nice to have new, cosy, cuddly stuff to wear, like wearing a hug. And partly because I've lost something so deep that getting something new feels nice for a short time. Hi ho. I discovered today that our child tax credits had lapsed as we never received our renewal pack, I was luckily giving them final info from DH's appalling year last year, and realised we were actually on half the income we thought we were. I'm so glad we live in a studio flat (yup, we had figured out how to fit in a second baby...). So the shopping isn't really going to help. Now where was that chocolate?

Perhaps fun-filled sex is the way forward?

Love the description of your DD at the tower of London, she sounds sweet. My favourite saying of DS at the mo is 'Ambulblblbl' (Ambulance).

BrightonGirl - meant to say earlier that I got a lovely BROWN dress from Monsoon for my wedding! Went there with a friend and after trying on their wedding dresses (which looked awful on me) I spotted a lovely galaxy-chocolate-brown-sheeny dress that seemed a bit 30s in style, and said how I'd much prefer something like that - and thank goodness my friend said 'why not that one?'. So brown wedding dress it was. And the best thing is that I get to wear it as many times as I want, and love wearing it! So a non-white, non-trad dress certainly gets my recommendation...

OOOO that sounds lovely!

all I wanted was a gown that rustled. I made them put extra widths in to give it a good loud rustle! There were metres and meters of silk.Fab. The back and train looked like whipped cream. The pics didn't work did they, when I linked them in waaaaay back? I'll try again.

www.photobox.co.uk/album/28442888

www.photobox.co.uk/album/26833856

This may work. The password is jessiebell

There are 100's so don't look if you don't want to - but I loved researching when I was plotting my day

tree, is that your wedding? if so i am v . what beautiful pics.

And numpty, hurray to retail therapy. It is amazing how much it can make you feel better, even if it is only for a short while.

Your ds sounds scrumptious. I love it when they mispronounce. Tis too cute. My dd tells me all the time her hands are too full. I think I might say this a little too much when I am scrabbling for the door keys with my hands full of scooters, bags and coats.

x

As the mother of a 4 yo with Chanel No5 I clearly approve of all retail based therapy.

I'm a total sucker for a wedding - or any event in fact. I love planning stuff.

Child credits 8 wonder of the world, wonder being how in the hell they are calculated and why last years earnings should have any influence given food/fuel/rent can't really be bought one year in advance. Idiot blarrrdy things.

Hi all. (Warning - huge post) Wow, so many yelllow stickies everywhere - where do I start?

Lins, so happy scan went well. My bump is huge to, though how much is baby and how much is due to everything I scoff down is up for debate. I feel a bit weird this time round too - have only told one sister (out of 4 sisters, 2 brothers and a mum), by text mind you, about baby. Just don't want to do all the baby talk. Coping mechanism, I'm sure.

Busier, well your husband and his lady have just done themselves a disservice, more than anything. Upsetting end to your dds trip though. Hope her boyfriend treats her like a princess.

Eulalia, will be thinking of you Friday. Your camping trip sounds great - one of those 'how life should be' times

GO, wishing your dad all the best for a speedy
recovery. Hope he has the loveliest of nurses to care
for him

Cantdo, hope you are feeling better and less tired.

Numpty, your brown dress sounds divine. Though I call
my other half dh, I am a fraud - we have been
together nearly 20 years, engaged for 15, but have
never got round to the marraige thing. All our money
has gone into our house. Couldn't feel more married if
I tried though. We have always planned on eloping to
the Whitsundays, with the kids and getting married on
the beach, my wedding dress a simple white
shoestring strapped silk dress. Will have a video made
up of it and send it to our families. Hopefully that will make up for not inviting them!

Bezzy, that 'virgin shangria' thing went over my head
too! I thought it must have been some sort of English
expression I was not privvy too. Congrats, and wishing
you all the very best

Lucky, speaking of English expressions, what are Percy pigs? And are the 'beefs' you dd talks of, the
guards, the ones that never show expression? And
'sex', what's that - oh hang on, I vaguely recall now. I
think that's what got me in this situation. Don't know
when THAT will happen again - way too paranoid.

Tree, so glad dd is on the mend. I very occassionally
work on childrens ward, and when I see parents with
sick kids (even when it's a mild illness), I tear up all
the time, just seeing the mixture of love, worry and
tenderness between mother and child. Hard not to
imagine it being your own. Not a good kiddies nurse.

Girls, when you talk shopping, I get jealous It's
one of the main things I miss about Melbourne
(besides family). I currently live in town with a
population of roughly 30-40,000 and hours from decent
shopping. Very sad

I returned to work last night, and all was well, although
I think most patients must have had their arms
operated on, not wanting to do much for themselves at all. Off to work again in another few hours.

Hope I haven't forgotten anyone, if so waves and hugs to you too. Have a great day everyone xx

Oh Tree
Am rushing out the door but just had to say how very very beautiful and beautifully happy you look in those wedding shots.
So happy.
The dress is divine and the church! My god, is enough to convert me to Christianity. It is so ... elegant and peaceful.
I love the shot of you walking down the aisle from on high.
Got to dash but thank you for sharing - bang goes your anonymity!!
Beexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I don't care, no one could stalk me as I rarely go anywhere! If anyone wants to follow me back and forth on the school run/Sainsbury run they can carry the bags!

GO - what news of the study? And your Dad of course?

Woohoo Lins. Fantastic news! I get the whole bonding thing and am going through much the same. 16 weeks today and this morning heard the heartbeat via my midwife's doppler-thing. I was practically in tears before as I was sure there would be nothing to hear. I'm trying to do nice, pg related things every once in a while to try to make myself believe that what might happen, might happen. Today is to go and buy a maternity swimsuit for my hols at the weekend. Of course, once the purchase is made, I'll be convinced I've jinxed everything. As all the wise women here say, it matters not a jot how you bond 'now' but in the New Year and by then it should all fall into place. Massive congrats for keeping it together so far.

Tree - I can't access your photos from work, so am saving it up for tonight. DH out, so I can open the chocs and wallow in lovely wedding photos. Pure escapism!

Hi to all! xxxx

Oh blimey Shangrila - I wouldn't wish to excite your anticipation! [Is that line from pride£prej????]

It is great news for you and Llins isn't it? Fabboroony. Enjoy swimsuit buying. Any jinx potential is lifted my the midiwfe [me] saying you need one as part of routine care. Hurray!

Real nappies - now they are very exciting, very fluffy, and cause incredible hormone surges. Sigh.

So, so happy for you Lins and Shangrila. And GO and Mishta. It's great to hear pg news from the other side...keeps the dream very much alive.

...and those photos, Tree! More dreams! Lovely, lovely, lovely!! You looked amazing and the shots from above were spectacular. Thanks so much for sharing.

I've been up and down about organising our wedding for September. Just talked to MIL (to be) about it all and confessed that I was (have been) a bit depressed. I wonder if seeking out a counsellor might be good to 'process' everything that's happened. Although I do hate that sort of speak, so if they talk like that, I'll be out of there.

I think deep down (or not even that deep) it's all linked in my head with the wedding. For anyone new to the thread, I had my op on the day of my planned wedding in May, by some horrible, unlucky coincidence. I'm not sure I can get over this by myself...or if, indeed it's something to 'get over'.

I'll have to find a link to that Vera Wang dress I like and post it here. Maybe that might persuade me to go ahead with the wedding.

How is everyone doing today/tonight?