support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Hi all...I know, I've been absent without leave! Tough week here, more another time. Have been reading and thinking about you all, sending BIG HUGS to everyone. Bezzy, willing the wait to be over for you.
Am stoking up the fire in the cottage, drawing the curtains and plumping the pillows. Night all. xxxxxxxx

Hi everyone,
I've been away for a bit too. Just wanted to write quickly and wish love and hugs to PH and you too, MrsV...and everyone else on here.

PH, I terminated at 15 (ish) weeks back at the end of May. I had an op as at the time it was all I could think of doing, I was in such a haze. I now wonder if I should have opted for the delivery and perhaps seen her. But, I have to believe that you make the choice you feel is right for you at the time as Cantdo wisely said and I'm trying not to let these thoughts colour my sadness too much now that I am able to think more clearly about it three months on. I've researched what fetuses look like at 15 weeks and that's almost enough to stave off any regrets for me, but it is all such a personal thing.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

The community has really grown on the thread. It's very, very sad, but lovely that people have found us. Talking about things on here and reading other women's stories has certainly been a lifeline for me and made me feel less alone, because in RL, it's just so difficult to talk about. Now, I feel so guilty 'bringing it up' in conversation with friends in RL. I think they think that after three months there's really no need to talk about it anymore. It's like old news. So, it good to be able to follow everyone here and post at anytime after the event.
Anyway, goodnight everyone. I hope the weather in over our cottage is calm.
Bezzy, I will be willing the weekend to go quickly for you.
BG xxx

Strong vibes for tomorrow PH. I hope it goes smoothly.

I agree with Llins for what it's worth. I think if you can at all, just place your eyes on him. Even for a few seconds. Very few people regret doing something, mostly we regret what we don't do. At any rate, do what ever you can to build some memories that you can call up in 20 years if you have to. If that makes sense. You can name him [or not] when you are decided and ready.

Very good luck my love, we'll all be looking out for your return.

Have been massively awol too. DD1 has started school, end of her first week, and it has been huge. I've been massively and surprisingly affected. Also mad planning 2 parties. One for 25 kids and one for 60 people. People coming from Ireland and on 6 hour drives with children - so they have to be good!

Think of you all very often however.

Dear Peanuthead
There are no words to say to make it all okay as this is not what you are anyone would want to happen.
I know what you mean about not accepting the pregnancy. My latest miscarriage was at 8 weeks and I had not accepted that this pregnancy would ever end in a baby - I think maybe that has made it easier for me to recover myself than with my two terminations. Both of mine were surgical - and I agree with Brightongirl - after having read the accounts of delivery, of birth, seeing the baby, meeting the baby, letting the baby go, that maybe, just maybe this is more.. humane? Dealable with? I do not know.
Either way; this is your path. It is agonising and cruel and undeserved.
Life has a peculiar way of going on. And you will keep on keeping on. We will help you.
Good luck tomorrow - be gentle, follow your instinct and let the midwives guide you.
A big hug from me
Bee xxxx

Dearest Bezz
Nearly there darling.
Counting those hours.
I am at home on Monday - only day off for two weeks -so reach out if need to.
Hugs

Hello Bee. X

NOt gettingmuch peace, kids around but wanted to quickly post.
Don't know if you are still around peanuthead. Hello and sorry to hear you are in this place. I was one day short of 17 weeks when I delivered. Did I read further up you are about the same? I chose not to see my baby, although at the last moment did make an attempt. However the placenta and baby and everything came together and I couldn't actually see him. I don't actually regret it at all. I didn't even know he was a boy till weeks after. I think perhaps like you I wasn't emotionally connected to the baby. I think for me birth means a big live baby as I've got kids already and I didn't want to 'spoil' that image but of course am different from most here in that he wasn't a planned baby. I have a bit of guilt about that as he wasn't even wanted to some extent but I won't waffle on about this. Photos are a good idea as you can choose to look at them later, or not. I think my midwife did some hand prints for me to collect later but I probably won't but who can say?

All the best though, it wasn't bad for me and I only had a little bit of morphine at the end just to ease the finally part. Will be thinking of you. Much love. xxx

Oh Eulalia. You and all of you are so generous and kind to share your stories. It isn't easy.

It's so valuable to have real experiences offering all sides and points of view. Shows there is no wrong way of coping and getting through.

Is Monday scan day for Bezzy?

Thinking of you PH, hope today went as smoothly as possible.

Yep, monday is scan day NPD. Have been uber b!tch today. My perogative? No?

Thanks everyone for the words of support

BK xx

Your perogative. Not that I believe you.

x

Hi all, long time no post, everything is still going smooth. The only time I get on the net these days is on my phone and it has been out of action.
Find it hard to catch up - so many new faces it seems, and so much fresh heartache.
Just want to quickly say my thoughts are with you, peanuthead, and MrsVictor, what a heartbreakenly touching account of your time with your daughter. Thankyou for sharing, and I agree, Sophie is such a pretty, pretty name. Bee and Katiecubs, hope you girls are travelling okay, I'm glad you've got these girls to comfort and support you.
I remembered the 28th is when Bezzy was getting the scan. Just want to wish you all the best. The waiting is such a killer! Can I just stress that if you do have the CVS, that you rest, rest, rest afterwards. My first one went so well (the procedure, not the result) that the last time I had it done, I was a bit blasé about resting. I drove the 2 1/2 hour trip home straight after and didn't rest at all really, which I blame for the spotting afterwards - which all turned out to be nothing, but such a scare anyway.
My 14 yr old DD flew interstate this morning to spend a week with friends. First time she's been away that far or for that long, so my mind will focus on worrying about that this week (always something).
Pregnant friend at work was told the other day that there was no heartbeat (at 11+ weeks). She's having another scan Tuesday just to make sure, then d&c. She said she is still holding a glimmer of hope even though she knows it's hopeless. Oh, I remember that feeling - life is cruel at times. I feel most sorry that she has forever lost that innocence that comes with having trouble-free pregnancies.
Anyway, going to try to get a nap in before the others get home from shopping

love and hugs to all xx

Dear Peanuthead
I'm really sorry - I have just posted on your other thread about your baby's heart defect & didn't want to leave the message there seemingly thoughtlessly. I hope it's ok to post here.
You have been incredibly brave & your baby has lived with love & without fear - your gift. The charity I mentioned can still help - it sometimes helps to talk things through that are specific to a diagnosis.
With love x

Morning girls,
I hope you are all ok and enjoyed the sun this weekend!
PH just wanted to say i hope saturday went as well as it could have and you are recovering well and getting lots of love.
Bezzy the wait is over - thinking of you today.
Katie xxx

Deep breaths, Bezz.

Hope the scan gives you reassurance and that any tests you are keen to have can be done today.

With you all the way! xxxx

Hi Everyone

No time to post as we're off to the country to relax for a week. Leaving in an hour so DH won't let me stay on the computer

All went well, will no doubt want to give more details when we're back. I did see the baby - he fell into my hands and I'm very glad I did.

I'm still far too fine - which means I'm in for a big fall when we get back. Will be probably be posting lots then.

Bezzie - good luck today, you must be in bits but will all be over soon...

XXxx

Glad to hear it went as well as expected PH, enjoy your week away.

This morning has been horrendous, DD also been playing up, suspect she's picking up on my 'vibe' Appointment not until 2, I'm hoping she'll take an early nap to give me an hours break.

Thanks for all of the messages of support, means a lot, especially seeing as nobody in RL knows what we're going through.

Will write later

BK x

All the best BK, let us know how you get on later J x

Positive Monday vibes to all, feel like a bit of a lonely Joe as everyone seems to be working.
Hello Mishta, yes I'm a newbie here. I'm sorry to hear bad news about your friend, yes I agree life is indeed cruel at times.

I've been away for the weekend to York with DH, I love York, very relaxing and obviously I managed a few cheeky vinos in the lovely sunshine.
Coming home yesterday I felt really fed up, DH back at work today so I'm just hanging around today doing bits and bobs. Don't know if I can face going back to work yet, maybe it'll help me take my mind off things or maybe it'll push me over the edge...hmnn not sure how I feel really.
Trying to motivate myself to go for a run, I'm really struggling to get fit again. Should really be doing some housework but can't face that either.
Okay plan is to clean bathrooms then go for a run (well its more a laboured walk) then cook lovely dinner of cottage pie minus the carrots because I'm rubbish these days.
Hope everyone is okay, love to all x x

Hello all

Afraid it's not good news, there was no hearbeat. Fetus stopped growing at 7 weeks.

Thanks for all of the messages xx

Oh Bezz...I was awake due to the chirping of an annoying cricket in an indoor plant, thought of you and checked in for any update. I am so sorry. No wise words. Just sending love and hugs to you from this side of the world. Take care of yourself Bezz xxxx

My dearest Bezz
I have sent messages already to you but I just want to add here - the connection is strong darling in our stories. And you are a strong woman too. Life is bloody shitty.
I am not sure why.
It just is.
We have to hold on tight to what we have and cherish it.
The next few days will pose their own fresh problems and sorrows. Like me, I think you had prepared yourself for bad news. Most of us here have but this does not take away the sadness. I wish it did.
We are here for you.
I am here for you.
Captain C is.
Sending you so very much love and shared pain and warmth and hugs and ohhh everything I can think of.
biggest of cuddles
Bee xxxxxxxx

Thanks for concern. As I said to Bee, I'm glad to have been saved from making another horrible decision.

I now have one child and 3 failed pregnancies.

Capt C is home him and Mini Bez have just gone to get something for dinner, so I'm enjoying some peace.

All feels strangely surreal.

Should have known things were not going to be good, when we got to the hospital, and my appointment had been erroneously cancelled. Involved waiting 30 mins in the waiting room before I got called in. Then the 'silent' scan. No words. The soft, sympathetic voice. Just made me want to scream, 'SPEAK TO ME PROPERLY, I CAN TAKE IT'

BK x