support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Oh Bezzzz. The first trimester is the hardest time. Getting excited/not wanting to get excited. Counting down the days to scan/dreading the arrival of scan day. Awful, awful time when days seem like an eternity. Because of my less than traditional circumstances this time round, I sort of 'skipped' the first trimester. And I am really grateful for that. Do what you can to get through the days. If you feel the need to research, then do (although I have whipped myself up into a frenzy on numerous occasions doing just this! It will never tell us the one thing that we really need to know - that everything will work out alright.) Ranting is good, moaning works too and general offloading to family and us can mean a burden shared. And as the others have so wisely said, look after yourself.

I understand your anxieties with regard to timings. I suppose it's all down to how far along, what test you want done and where you are going for it. My CVS was done privately at a clinic that does it from 10+3, the very same obstetrician is only allowed to do it from 11 weeks within the NHS clinic. He prefers to do the nuchal at 12 weeks but will do it from just beyond 11, if he can get a good view. This time, I had a scan at 11+2 but wasn't in a facility that could perform these tests, so I had that excruciating weekend wait until I had CVS at 11+5. I detested the wait but felt that the first scan had given me a little more knowledge and that spurred me on. I'm waffling on here but am suddenly aware that you may want to not even think about this whole process in this detail at this stage. If so, please ignore. But please know that I understand so well where you are right now and would do anything to help. Biggest hugs.

NewspaperD - sad for you all that school is taking its time to settle into. It's such a huge upheaval to routine, isn't it? I remember the deep sighs of relief on a Friday afternoon in DDs early days. And really not liking Sunday night at all. I also recall the headteacher saying that September was to be 'got through', that all children (and parents) settle in at different paces and things are often dramatically different come October. Hope that it feels a lot more natural for you all soon. And that yours settle back in too, Bee.

And Cantdo, we had our very own Tellytubby moment today and I immediately thought of you! I was driving DD and her friend to swimming class when they spontaneously and unprompted burst into a tellytubby medley. Which went on and on and on. This from girls who are usually more inclined to watch Tracey Beaker or any old rubbish American teen sitcom on Nickelodeon. In short, you may have many, many more years in Tellytubbyland than you envisage now. (Which actually may not be a bad thing. I've always been a LaaLaa girl myself.)

And on that cultured note, I'll sign off. Love to all. xxxx

Thanks for the words of support all. But Shangrila 4.51????? tut tut. Your advice makes so much sense though, thank you for taking the time to type it all out.

And Bee - thinking of me in the bath really appreciate your taking the time to write, I know it's especially hard for you after everything you've been through in recent weeks.

Moral of the story I suppose is to just keep busy.

Another niggling worry at the back of my mind, is that there's nothing growing there in the first place. I've felt nowhere near as ill as I was with my last pregnancy. Felt grim for about 3 weeks, but now I'm absolutely fine, no tiredness, nausea or incessant hunger. Completely out of my control though.

Hard to off load to Capt C. He has his own demons at the moment regarding his job. Does he stay where he is, accept one in London, or take a job in Edinburgh??? We should be very grateful that we have not only one job, but potentially 3, but it's just something I can't think about at the moment. Esp seeing as we've only owned this house for just over a year. I worry that I'll be stuck in it, trying to sell it, while he's off working in another city. Which, should I be luckily enough to still be pregnant, will be an absolute nightmare.

Sorry to hear about the school issues NPD. It must be absolutely heartbreaking. I've still yet to register Minibez in a preschool. Very difficult for us to let go.

Sorry for the self indulgent post, I do read all of your messages, but couldn't possibly add anything that somebody hasn't already said more eloquently.

Love to everyone, Can't, Brighton, Shangrila, Bee, NPD, Justa, Lins, Eulalia everyone, we're getting a big group now aren't we? So sad. So unfair.

BK x

Hi everyone.

Shangrila - naughty you - hope you went back to bed! but thank you for posting so eloquently at a time when I would be burbling.

Just wanted to send a big hug to Bez. No idea about CVS timings, but the consultant KNEW your dates and suggested that date anyway - so surely he/she can perform the suggested tests if your LMP dates are correct? Otherwise they are just timewasting.

Hi MrsV, Katie, newbies, hope you are okay and the wine is going down well.

Newspaperperson - poor you and poor DD. If it's any consolation, I think the adjustment period is just longer for some than for others. She will get there and you will too. How is DD2 in the middle of all of this?

Bee, you are so warm and so wise. Bless you.

I am in the middle of an electrical crisis - well not so much a crisis as an expensive problem - electrician has just driven away to get expensive new part needed, and all his time is costed, so the meter is ticking, and I am skint. Luckily can still use my laptop!

Hugs to all.

Morning Everybody,

Bezzy i hope you are ok, i guess we would all be feeling exactly the same - stress! You are so close now though and i will be keeping everything crossed it all turns out rosy for you

I went to the docs today for my 2 week check and asked about ttc again. Is it normal that i am both obsessed about getting pregnant again asap whilst at the same time being terrified?! Did anyone else try right away?

I'm trying to think rationally about it but now i have seen how hard having a baby can actually be it's freaking me out - i don't wnat to end up an old crazy cat women

Hope everyone else is good amidst the mix of teletubbies, school sulks, wine guzzling and insomnia etc etc

Katie xx

Can understand where you're coming from Katie. We left it about 3 months before trying again, for a number of reasons. Mainly because of DH being reluctant to try sooner, as well as it taking 3 months for my periods to get back to some kind of normality.

I think you just know when the time is right. Sorry, not much help!

However, now I'm wishing we'd tried sooner, as then I'd be further on, and over this damn testing malarchy!

BK x

bezzy, no advice here really (as I only made the decision to have the amnio at the last minute (thinking that there would be nothing wrong, how optimistic stupid of me). Just come on here every day and we'll help with the countdown whilst 'holding' hands.

Katie - just go for it, I guess no point in putting it off

I have tonsillitis - boo hoo, but have forced myself to do chores so I can flop on the sofa for a bit later. dh was busy with the renovations at the weekend so I didn't get a break, well I don't ever really but don't want to start a moan fest....

Off to have hot tea, love to all. xxx

Evening lovely ladies, lots going on I think, and some unrest.
Bezzy the waiting must be driving you mad and as my granny said "a watched kettle never boils", wish I could fastforward you (and me) a month but you will get through this.
Katie I think you and your other half will know when the time is right. I had a big tearful chat wwith my gp about this, medically there's no reason to wait but he did say emotionally you need to be ready otherwise all the grief can be put on the next child, especially if the same sex. I had a wee cry in bed last night and poor hubbie said "don't worry you can get pregnant again", that did it, meltdown. For me I know I'm not ready because of the grief I feel over losing this pregnancy. I'm hoping one day I'll wake up and just know the time is right, maybe you're getting to that point. The fear factor I didn't appreciate until this thread opened my eyes so I totally understand.
Funeral is tomorrow, absolutely dreading it. Can't imagine what it will be like.
I did manage to go to the gym earlier plus some shopping, I would've enjoyed it more had I actually fitted any non pregnancy type clothes. Couldn't even get a gorge pair of boots on over my big calves!! Grrr I'll need to try again next week. No mid week wine drinking for me now (well apart from tomorrow) until I can fit into my clothes again.

Off to get ready for step dtrs school thingy now. Love to all, oh and poor Eulalia with tonsillitus - ouch - hope you feel better soon. J x

Hope you have a peaceful day Mrs Victor. xxx

Mrs V. just to say i am thinking of you today.

and Eulalia i hope the tonsillitis is getting a bit better xx

Thinking of you today Mrs V. Wishing you much love and support.

Bk xx

With love to you and all your family today, Mrs V. xxxx

Hi Everyone

Just passing by to let you know sadly I will be joining you after all. I have been lurking over the last 4 weeks since I had a high nuchal fold, and some of you were on my thread about that so hello again - unfortunately.

I should put a link to the thread so I don't have to explain it all again but really all I need to say is that the baby has a heart defect that isn't operable. We could try it but its unlikely to survive. Got the final diagnosis this morning and I'm trying to organise the termination asap - but of course it depends on a bed being found....In a way it's a relief after all the weeks of worrying and waiting and not knowing - and trying to convince myself and DH that we'd be fine with a sick baby, but we wouldn't so it's kind of good news.

I'm 16 1/2 weeks by the way and dreading the whole procedure but the thought of not having morning sickness any more is appealing. And being able to drink. And not eating carbs all the time....

I already have a 2 year old dd who is the only thing getting us through this but she's suffering a bit, knows something is going on and it's unfair on her too.

Oh and I have the added complication of not being able to conceive with my own eggs - we'd just had a total failure with IVF, had just come to terms with having to have donor eggs, had found a donor and were waiting for my period to start to start the drugs but it never came because of my "natural miracle" What a bloody waste of time that was.. So I can't even start ttc again - we've got to somehow find money and energy to go through the DE provess again.

I have to apologise for being very very bitter, but hopefully with time that will go esp when realising what shite other people suffer too.

Mrs V - hope you find some resolution after the funeral today. xx

Hello PH

So very sorry that you've had to come back, I can't even begin to imagine what the past few weeks have been like for you.

Please don't feel bad about being 'bitter' it's certainly your perogative after what you've been through, and we've all had our rants at some time or another.

Much love

BK xx

Oh am zooming through to school run and can't take the time neeeded to compose the posts you all deserve. I need to send strength to MissV and say am thinking of you in my RL. x to you.

peanuthead - I'm so so so sorry. I hope we can help you through a little. Well done for managing to post here, through this hard horrible time.
Be back soon, hoping for mn time ttonight. x

Hi PH,

I had been wondering about you - so sorry to hear your news but glad you have come over here for support.

I know what you mean though by feeling like it's almost good news, the waiting is the hardest part (i think i had a similarly off the scale NT to you which offers little hope)

Don't worry about being bitter - i think it's only natural to get angry and want to stamp your feet.

I hope you manage to get a bed soon.

Katie xxx

Oh Peanuthead. I'm so sorry. I saw you'd posted asking about other people's experience of heart defects, so know you've been trying all the time to see if there's a way this little one would make it. But at least now you have certainty, knowledge that you are going to be doing the best for this little one and for your DD and family, making the hard, hard decision that you have.

I'm not sure what to say, it depends so much on how you want to think about this in order to get through it in the best way for you. But I, and others on here, did have 'conversations' with our babies, to acknowledge that loved them and would miss them. Ignore me if you prefer not to engage in this way, it might make things harder. We can offer all sorts of advice, but I'd rather not swamp you at this time of turmoil. Post and ask for what you need to know; we'll be here to support you through it.

xx NM

MrsV - thinking of you today. I found that the funeral helped, was a time of tears but also some sense of goodbye and farewell...

Bezzy - I half wondered whether I had got pregnant almost immediately afterwards, and was actually very pleased about it... but then having had my period, I'm finding I've swung to the opposite end of the spectrum and am almost anti the idea. So even without being pregnant, I've been yo-yo-ing up and down... can't imagine how you feel. So can offer hand-holding and some inkling of understanding... But on the 'not feeling it' front, I had no symptoms at all with my first pg, no morning sickness and not much tiredness (that I remember, back in the mists of time now). And everything was FINE. So just wait and see.

better go, think DS has woken from nap.

MrsV - been thinking of you.

Peanuthead, I was on your other thread. I am so sorry this is how it has turned out. I hope they can organize a bed fairly quickly - they managed immediately for me both times - what sort of termination will you have? People on here have had both and can support.

You are right to be angry. Life sucks sometimes. Try to cuddle your DD and get through each hour at a time.

Hi everyone else. Hope you're all okay.

Tough times continue.

Thinking of MrsV and Peanuthead, and all of course.

yes can'tdo, numptymum and katiec - remember you all from "my" thread - and bee too. Will get to know the rest of you too, no doubt.

yes life truly sucks, seems to me that troubles with conceiving/miscarriage/pregnancy always come in numbers - never seems to be a one off, always more shite to deal with.

They've found me a bed so due in first thing sat - will be a managed miscarriage, that's all they can offer at this stage - would prefer a surgical but there you go. I found labour with DD very hard - although it was actually v straightforward and no complications - so dreading this - although I know the baby is tiny and this time they won't refuse me drugs. going in tomorrow afternoon to chat to the midwife and take the first pill - poor old dd dragged round the hospital - again...

Thank god they've got me in though - felt the baby move during the scan today as the sonographer was pressing quite hard and realised that soon I'd be able to feel it wriggling all the time - couldn't bear that. And I forgot to ask the gender today - will find that out tomorrow - although dh doesn't want to know and it doesn't make much difference.

apologies there will be alot of "me" witter over the next few days while this is all sorted out then I will get down to working out who's who and what awful things have happened to you... and hopefully stop feeling so bitter.

Oh Ph I am so, so sorry for you and your family to have to go through this, I wish I had some words of comfort off the top of my head but I don't know what they are. Wish I could just give you a big hug, others will hopefully have some wise words. Thinking of you x x