support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Yes hooray for wine!!

ditto hurray for wine!

Except at the moment it's 'hurray for chocolate' for me

BK xx

I would love a glass of wine at the moment, still very down today. All my friends work full time so also a bit lonely. Nevermind DH home in an hour

Oh, no wine for me BF, hooray for crunchy nut cornflakes.

Welcome Chica, yes I'm also at home for a spell, hubbie here also for at least another week so he keeps me going. Hubbie also eating bloody loads currently, I think that's his mojo but what do you when he's offering you half of his kit kat caramel chunky...am starting to feel flabbie now...pregnant look is fading and I just look fat.

Gym regime starts tomorrow but for tonight i've bought a lovely bottle of wine, salivating at the thought. When I was pregnant I had an addiction to M&S non alcoholic wine...its a 13% tonight...I'll be in a heap after 1 glass. Might open it now and let it breathe.........

J x

Hi everyone and welcome Chica - cool name...

MrsV, glad the doc was less negative than the consultant. And wine deffo helps - well it helped me. Couldnt drink much, but a glass hit the spot. I also found forbidden things like runny cheese and prawns helped a bit too in the early days...

Thanks for worrying about me. I'm fine, just been tired and cold!, and I am not a very autumnal person. Anyway my vaguely blahness was cured today by a trip to see the Teletubbies (!) performing. Four times. Yes, you read this right - they were on every hour for four hours, and DD loved them, so there we were, glued. I am not saying I love them, but I loved seeing her little face. Only problem now is she keeps asking to see them again, and that was a one-off day, so I have this vision that every morning she will be asking where the Tubbies are. Hmm.

Bee, thinking of you.

And Katie, have a fun night!

Hello Boozers and Chocolate Eaters alike
Me also a rare poster here these days - just am in a private kind of place.
But can I just say - wine, wine, wine and more wine.
I personally have just consumed a 13.5 percenter with my Lovely Man.
Mrs V- have said this before - but feel need to repeat. Crying is good and fine. And re your odds of having a healthy baby; well the chromosomal disorded that little Sophie had was incredibly rare. It seems to me, and I have done a fair amount of my own obsessional research into chromosomal abnormalities in forty one year old women, that you have no more risk than anyone else.
When you are ready, talk here.
Katie; is hard, hard, hard times. You will get through this, you too Mrs V. I have reached such dark, dark places with my two terminations for DS, and subsequent miscarriage. But life goes on, is short and precious and joy can and does return in small funny ways.
Bezz - how are you sugar? Hang on tight lovey and let me know. You know. Am just waiting.
Cantdo - me too tired and worn out. I love the Teletubbie notion - I think it may well have cheered me up too. I am personally rather fond of Dipsy. And, although normally I rather like autumn, I am a true enemy of the winter. I like the chunky knits, the idea of coal fires and home made squash soup but suspect am a bit of a misery nonetheless.
I am kind of okay you know. Distracted by work and the househell and the builders and the children. Now and again consumed with loss and sorrow and grief. I went to see Ray Lamontagne the other evening. Can I recommend a song for a good old sob if you like Neil Young, Dylan or folk from the States. It is called Trouble. It touches me in such a way. Such a way.
A wave and smile to friends old and new - Brighton Girlie - you in particular this evening.
And Lins - gentle smile to our thread pregnancy.
Hello to Treetops - you are and always will be Tree regardless of name change.
Bee xxxxxx

Hope you are all having a lovely, healing, exciting, calm, constructive weekend [delete as required]

All good here. x

Hello All

I am back from the brink of total insomnia and have finally managed two nights on the trot of decent(ish) sleep. So, I am celebrating with an hour or so of indulgent mumsnetting. Can't tell you the number of times I have logged on, poised to post and found that my sleep deprived, befuddled brain just couldn't come up with anything worth saying. And as for my work output this past week - best forgotten!

Welcome to Chica. So glad you found us. I started posting many years after my last tx and have found it an uplifting place to be. However far away we are from sad past experiences, due dates etc, there always seems to be a trigger somewhere which will dredge up a range of emotions, which sometimes we thought were long buried. As with Eulalia (hugs) and her Sian Williams incident earlier in the week. I had a similar urge for meltdown recently which my DH tried (unsuccessfully) to rationalize by saying 'Well of course, you never know what others have gone through!' I hissed, through clenched teeth, "Well, whatever it is, I bet it doesn't hold a candle to what we've gone through.' Bless - he won't try that one again. My personal trigger is the woman who lived across the road from us at the time of my first tx. At the very moment I took the call from the midwife to learn of our diagnosis, she was at 8ish months pg, unloading a moses basket from her car. Can still see it now. We've since moved house!

Hoping that Needcoffee, Katie, MrsV and Bee are all experiencing more highs than lows. Katie, hope that Bournemouth was restorative and brought back happy memories of more carefree times. And MrsV, glad that you have had some positive input from the medics. Being decidedly more geriatric than you, I wholeheartedly say do what you feel is right for you in your own timescales. In the past, I have felt my age is such an issue and rushed things, never to good outcome. Facing new pregnancies when you are emotionally and physically ready for it is a far better place to be. Mind you, I've HATED it when I've been given similar advice in the past - so please feel free to cuss and ignore.

And to Lins (belated woo-hoos, yays etc) I am with you and justa on the flipside of pregnancy after loss. It is not an easy place to be. Justa's cosy picture of the adman's Mothercare/NCT gloriously blooming pregnancy made me smile. It also made me remember that it never was that way for me, even in the fabulously innocent days of pregnancy with DD. So thank you both. You've once again given me a shade more perspective, which is precious indeed.

I have got to end it here, or roast lamb will be charred lamb! Love to NewsPD, Cantdo, Bezzy, Mishta (long time no hear - all ok?) and everyone else. And if you see me on here this week at 2.30 in the morning, give me a stern talking to and disconnect my internet connection, will you?

Bed will probably do him the world of good, Justa. So you are a good mother! I was about to write that a glass of wine would make you an even better one when I remembered that you can't drink...

Hi everyone else. Shangrila, I had pregnancy insomnia with DD. It sucked. So you have my sympathies.

Bee, MrsV, Katie, hope you're all having a healing weekend in the balmy weather. And everyone else, hope you are enjoying the sunshine too.

Nothing much to report from here - same old, really - except the weather has been glorious and so we have been outside. Currently in front of a DVD of the Teletubbies, new favourites again since their gig on Friday.

Thinking of you all.

Hello Shangrila. Great to catch up with you and hear that slepp might have come to stay.

I never said hello to Chica welcome, I hope you find help here,

Wish someone would send me to bed Justa I think it does them really good to get huge sleeps. DD1 in bed too. DD2 squirming as over ate rice flakes, spinach and prune mush.

Hello Cant.

xxx to all

Ah finally sitting down with a glass of vino, lovely. Felt very mournful this weekend, but coming out of it tonight thankfully. Hope everyone has enjoyed the lovely sunshine, maybe it will be an indian summer after all

Managed to motivate myself out the door for a run along the beach which was lovely, back in the saddle so to speak. I've earned my wine tonight

Some nice posts to read through, you are all such wise women, maybe its what everyone has been through which makes you all very reflective.
Bee I do so enjoy your posts, Ray Lamontagne I'll have to pass on though. Hubbie bought me it but I find I can't listen to anything remotely sad/slow as it sets me off. Mind you it doesn't take much...yes I agree crying is good if I can control it to when I'm on my own even better.
Congrats to Shangrila on the sleeping, oh how I hate not sleeping I don't know how you've coped.
Hope you're still enjoying the telebubbies Cant, too many men in this house and its been football all blinking day. Ladies rule at night time so X factor here we come (armed with wine of course)
NPD - go to bed
Woo hoo dinner ready - love to all xxx

Evening thread folk
The mood here is lightening and softening and am so glad to hear the acute agony shifting a bit.
This will sound decidedly odd but hey - we have a right to oddness.
I have a strange nostalgia for my few weeks of sorrow and weeping and wine and obsessive mumsnetting after my two terminations. It was unwanted yes, unexpected, undeserved, but it happened and my recovery was in part down to those vital, vital weeks of sobbing and loss and privacy and quiet. So, Mrs V, I totally understand the need to REGULATE the tears and only give in to that space when it is okay for you to do so.
I vividly remember sitting on the floor in my LM's study; sun shining through. Me curled up right in the corner of the room like a cat and tears streaming down and listening over and over again to Trouble by our Ray. So self- indulgent. But Mrs V what you are feeling and describing now is so vital and painful. It is grief. I find it hard to use that word to describe myself and my own response but that is how others have described it to me and when i read your delicately tinged with sadness posts, well I hear grief.
This time. God - with the miscarriage? Have had absolutely no privacy, no space to grieve. The builderbeasts invasion of my sanctuary has impeded my acceptance of my lost baby. So - even the next morning, there they were.
I am not sure what this means for me. Does it mean it will flood me at some later stage? I think possibly not this time in fact. I think that after the agony and torture of choosing to terminate, that this natural occurence is more dealable with. I trust my body. It is sad. It is just so very sad and hard to accept that the magic and beauty and creativity of making a baby is not for us. But we have other things. We make each other very happy. We laugh. We support one another. This is good and creative isn't it?
Oh lovely ladies.
Well done to us all really.
To Shangrila (bloody well done to you) and Bezzy (waiting and hanging in there x) and lovely Lins and deareast Cantdo and The New Girls and Brighton and Eulalia and Mishta - we are doing okay really you know.
And to Justa and Tree -well, you are amazingly supportive souls to not give up on us and to continue to keep the thread alive when the mood of the affected souls is too raw to post.
Phew. Just felt needed to get that all out.
Sleep well gentlefolk.
hugs all round - what an old hippy I sound tonight. I blame Ray.

Good morning everyone, just checking in and reading all your lovely posts. I believe crying is a great healer, be indulgent! I found all of a sudden a day past when I didn't cry. Then finally a whole day without a whole in my heart, it just hits me now every so often, silly triggers really.
justaboutautumn, I completely understand about missing the joy and anticipation of the first time, I was so scared the whole time I was pregnant after the termination. I couldn't get excited either or really bond with my DD. But don't worry, the second she was born it was all forgotten and it was love at first sight.

Oops! In my joy of feeling nearly normal again, I wrongly attributed the post about the fluffy, cosy pregnancy ideal vs the reality. Should have said massive thanks to our Newspaper there. You and Justa are both such supports in this bizarre post tx, preggers (for now) world.

And there was I feeling so proud of myself being bright eyed and bushy tailed!

Don't think I'm even making sense to myself now, so I guess I'll just hop off...

A calm and pleasant week to all. xxxx

busier - you sound fairly cheerful. Thought I'd pop on for my occasional visit (like a nosy but concerned health visitor perhaps?)

Mrs V - a run sounds terribly athletic. Walking is about all I can manage although do need to sprint after ds2 at times. Also been known to bounce on the trampoline although pelvic floor not too good!

Am sore today though, must have been sleeping in odd position (probably due to allowing dd into bed) without the pillow. Upper back and neck in muscle spasm.... oh dear getting old...

Thinking of breaking my usual 6pm embargo on first glass of wine. I think that will ease things!

Teletubbies - arggh! Yes they are OK but ds2 getting too big for that now thankfully.

Shangrila - my dh said something very dim and unhelpful on due date last month. Will post later as I think I hear him coming in.

hugs all xxx

Hi all, no time to post now, very tired dd needs me, but am laughing at Bee's great word "builderbeasts" !!!
Love to all. xxxx

Hello all

One week today until testing. Am going out of my mind.

This is, of course, if my dates are accurate. I do have a sneaking suspicion they won't be able to do it. (Dates by LMP will make me 10+6). Am beginning to think I've made a terrible mistake. I don't want to go through this again. Opening a lot of wounds.

Sorry that I'm not able to offer any comfort, just needed to share the load.

Knew you'd understand.

Can I go to bed and wake up in 3 weeks time? Please.

BK x

Bezz, Bezz, Bezz
Honey - this is EXACTLY the time when I started my first thread in the pregnancy section. Had had the first tx and was waiting for the dreaded , dreaded second nuchal. I do know how awful it is.
There is nothing you can do but talk if you need to and ask for support and understanding and to know that you are a young, gorgeous spring chicken and that lightning - whilst it has been known to strike twice - very, very rarely does. Remember how much you wanted a second baby, remember that one day you will look back on all this and be relieved and thankful for your baby.
It is not to be wished on anyone honey - but we are all here as your handmaidens.
Get lots of hugs if you can
Beexxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Big hugs to bezzy. Time will pass. It passed through some of the bleakest days, so it will pass through waiting too. Much love.

xxx to all.

Builder beasts. Great names for a band. Brilliant.

Glum here, school not going great.

Dearest Bezz again
Was just thinking about you in the bath. (I know).
Just wanted to say, do not forget you are pregnant, and I mean by that, you are hormonal, knackered, worn out etc and probably not treating yourself with the care, the joy, the magic that you deserve because of your past experience. I think this is doubly hard.
You need looking after honey.
Waiting is not pleasant but as newspaper says, it will pass.

Dear Newspaper/tree lady
Sorry to hear school not everything it should be for you guys. You know in my former life I was a nursery and reception teacher so do 'fire away' if need to. My beginning of term not at all easy either; big girl not very motivated by sixth form, middle child struggling with reading, thus I feel guilty and am beating self with metaphorical stick for my inattentiveness in recent months.
Boy oh boy oh boy.
Little poppet - I hope your daughter settles soon - just want to bring them home and snuggle on sofa.
Goodnight
Beexx