support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Darling bee...

Sorry I have not been around much lately, but you and all the other lovely ladies on here know you are all often in my thoughts....

I am hoping and praying for you and your little one...it is very common not to see a heartbeat at this early stage but that doesnt mean it isnt there....

Have a peaceful weekend xxx

Oh Bee!!!! My love!

So sorry - I didnt see this post before I posted! Am so sorry!

Have you had any pain, Bee? Usually that is a better sign of mc than bleeding alone. You are not foolish not to go to hospital - its a bank holiday anyway so I cant imagine they would do much

My last mc began with bleeding which continued and got heavier. The next day a lot of pain and then I mc in the afternoon. I did not go to hospital either, but stayed at home and sobbed for 2 days. I had a scan the following week to check that there was no heartbeat.

Oh Bee, I am so sorry this is happening to you...you are doing the right thing being at home and peaceful and "pottering".

Take care xxxxxx

Dear Bee, 3am here, woke up (my man is snoring loudly) and thought of you. Read your last thread with a heavy heart. I am so very sorry. Although the eternal optimist in me points out that some women do bleed in early pregnancy, I do understand things aren't looking good.

I don't think your foolish at all to trust your body to look after itself. For my last two miscarraiges I avoided intervention, like you not wanting to be poked and prodded, also wanting to avoid facing colleagues. It took a few days from the start of the bleeding for the cramping to start, but apart from that all went smoothly. Had follow-up ultrasounds to make sure nothing remained, and all was clear, no need for D&C. I remained in phone contact with the hospital both times, and was informed that if the bleeding became extremely heavy, or the pain too bad, to come in. Just ring them if you have any queries at any stage. The pain did get pretty bad, like mini labour, but in the end I was glad with the
choice I made.

As my daughter used to say when she had trouble expressing herself as a little girl 'I haven't got the
words'. Just know I am thinking of you. Take care xxxx

Bee, been thinking of you all the time. I'm so sorry that it looks like this little one is not staying with you now. What a lot of sadness and more sadness for you poppet.
Want to wrap you up in a light soft blanket, drink hot chocolate and watch films with you - gentle ones that take no energy and need no emotional investment.
I think you are right to stay put unless you need pain relief etc. Do you need to ring the hosp at all to say what is happening, or could LM do that for you?
This is not right and it is not fair. I have said that before but I have to write it again.
Lots and lots of love to you and LM. xxxxxxxxxxxx

Bee, I am so sorry.... I also think you are much better off at home - I actually had an early miscarriage (at 6 weeks) a fortnight ago over the weekend, and the out-of-hours doctor said it was fine to stay home at this early stage of pregnancy unless the bleeding got too bad. I started bleeding in the morning and as it got heavier I had quite bad crampy tummy ache that came in waves so took some paracetamol. I went to the hospital on the Monday morning to have it confirmed and to check everything had happened naturally, which it had. Poor poor you, this waiting and not knowing is so awful. K xx

Oh Bee.I have such a heavy heart reading this. I had bleeding in early pregnancy twice and it turned out okay - well it didn't turn out at all okay, but it wasn't linked to the bleeding, that was implantation - but I agree with the scan too it doesn't look good. Like Lins I think IT ISN'T FAIR.
And Katerina too - how are you getting on? horrid to have a mc after what you have been through.

When I suddenly had bleeding at 9 weeks last time, the GP told me to rest and monitor the pain - they also asked me questions to check it wasn't an ectopic - but you know it isn't. So I agree with the others - wait it out; it'd be horrid going through it in hospital if you don't need to, which my GP indicated you don't unless you have very heavy bleeding and bad cramps or shoulder pain (ectopic).

Oh Bee. I really wish this wasn't happening to you. Or Kate. Or any of us.

I send you hugs too. And a blanket, and hot chocolate and cake. xxx

Thank you all - here you are as if by magic. Do you remember the old Disney film of Sleeping Beauty (or was it Cinderella?) - there were three good fairies? Tubby, smiley, middle-aged ones? But snuggly and godmotherly - one pink, one blue and one maybe green?
I feel like you ladies are my fairies.
I need you- and, like magic, you are there.
Whenever I need you.
Katerina - you too have suffered again. Poor, poor girl. How are you doing now? Can we help? I remember you are younger than me and am sure there is time for more trying when you are ready sweetie.
I am definitely staying home- have had a message from our fairy midwife Tree- and she says is okay too.
I am so sad. Here I go again.
And again my beautiful daughter in tears about her dad.
Am being as quiet as I can but will come here to feel your hands reaching out. I cannot tell you how I need it. I feel your love very strongly today.
I would do anything to make the cottage magically alive for one little night - we just drift in, and everything would be calm and as it should be. For all of us.
Bee

Hmm, not sure about being imagined as a tubby middleaged fairy - but maybe the cap does fit.....

I am so angry on your behalf. I think Bezzy said she wanted things to work for you more than anyone she'd ever known in RL. Me, too. I am angry and sad for you. But you are incredibly brave, Bee. You are the brave one who created this space. You survived the debt and the experiences of this year. I admire you so much, and yes we are sending real love, because we are a real community and you are at our heart.

As for your DD, her father needs to sort his head out - have it banged hard, or get some counselling or something, to see some sense and be the daddy she deserves.

We are here for you and will stay here for you, virtually holding your hand. xxx

If only this fairy godmother could wave her wand and make things better.....hope you get some rest tonight Bee.

I've been slobbing about on sofa, watching 'grand designs', and dreaming about having a perfect house! We've got a buyer for ours and have accepted their offer, but the offer we put in on the one we want has been turned down - they reckon they want the asking price (ten grand over our budget!). Boo hoo. So, trawled the five estate agents in town today and between them they came up with...zero properties for us to view. Looks like we're going nowhere fast. But at the end of the day, there are more important things, as we all know on this thread.

Katerina, sad to hear your news, sorry your dreams ended so quickly. Love and hugs to you. How are you now?

Love to all. xx

Just logged on as its been ages...... and oh Bee am so so very sorry, had to scroll up and read your dreadful account at the hospital. Sorry I wasn't here earlier to offer support. Huge hugs. It's just so NOT fair at all, that you who've done so much for everyone here has to endure this. I am thinking of you and hope you don't have to endure too much more pain.

But... fantastic news about your lovely clever daughter. You must be a proud mummy. What are her plans for the future?

Hello everyone else. I will check in probably tomorrow as won't have a moment to myself again today (people coming). Have a peaceful Sunday all.

love xxx

A little hello to 'Katiecubs' in case she pops over from this thread. xxx

Hi Eulalia!

Bee, still thinking of you very much. xxx

Lins, housebuying and selling is a stressful business. Good luck.

And channelling all my positive energy to Bee.

Hi Bee, just to let you know I'm thinking of you and your LM... cosy up under your virtual blanket and do as many comfort things as you can (watch favourite films, listen to music). Hope the rest of your family are being lovely and loving, and that your ex husband isn't being a royal pain.

We're on hols down south, at my Mum's, so I'm popping in when I can.

Love to all: those who are having sad times, those having busy times and those whose news is kinder and happier.

xx

Back from hols and Bee I am so so so sad to read of your news. I share your heartache totally. I am not sure I will really get across on this little message how much I wish I could come and hold your hand through this. The waiting between scans is agony. It is a limbo you cannot process. You must not deny the fact that you are pregnant, I think that is very important. I have had a 'natural' miscarriage and a medically managed miscarriage. The natural one was a similar experience to what you are having. A scan, no heartbeat, empty sac, bit of bleeding which went on for a while. In the end it lasted about 3 weeks. I am happy to talk about it if there is anything you want to ask.

You poor poor love. I wish this wasn't happening. You don't deserve it. Will be thinking of you.

Hello ladies

Not sure if you remember me but you all offered me the most needed of support while I was waiting for a CVS back in June. Just had a little read and wanted to send much love to you all, but especially Bee.

Still think of you often, and will always be thankful for your kind words during such an agonising time. You are all amazing, strong women, who offer so much to those around you.

JJF xx

Hello to you all
I want to talk to you individually but today I do not have the energy.
Last night I miscarried.The blood got heavier, clots came and then at about 4am I felt a heavy drop into the loo. And I knew that was the baby. I wanted to lift it out and give it a more dignified exit from my body.
How to do that?
And what to do with it?
I am so empty, sad and worn out by it all now.
How can this be the way a little life departs my body and life?
At at my parents house as mine is filled with drilling and noise and each noise pushes me further into agony.
The sorrow is more unadulterated than with a termination I find.
It is not muddled up with anger, fear, doubt about the wrong/right thing. So there is total space for sorrow.
Luckywinner - glad to see you there - thank you for your words and experience.
And JJF - of course I remember you - and your joyous news - are you well my dear?
Eualalia - thank you too for posting.
Justabout - you are right of course- a miscarriage can happen to any woman at any time. But at some stage I need to accept that a baby may not be coming and to live for my children. Another holiday tainted by sorrow. Not good for any of my family.
Lins - I am so glad to hear that the dream house may be in sight - you deserve the house of your dreams darling. You really do.
Cantdo - how are you doing lovely- thank you for your messages - they mean so much.
And you too Bezzy.
Katerina - if you want to talk about your so recent loss- I am here and am so ready to share this new sort of loss with you if you feel the need or desire.
Brightonbaby - are you okay lovey - I think you may have said recently that you had turned a corner. I hope so.
I am sure to have missed some friends and am sorry in advance for that - crampy tummy, no sleep, heavy heart.
Hope everyone peaceful.
hugs to you all
Beexxxxxxx

Bee, I'm having a little cry for you. Really really sorry and sad this little one didn't make it. Have no words. Thinking of you. xxxxxxxxx

Oh Bee
Sending lots of gentle hugs, for you and for what may have been, but wasn't meant to be this time. Be gentle on yourself & take comfort in your DCs and LM xxx

Justa- was glad to read you got past the 20 week scan ok, even if the sonographer was just so insensitive. Hope you are feeling ok?

Bee- thank you for asking after me. Doing pretty well, growing bigger, and moving slowly from one milestone to the next- which is now getting to 30wks, the gestation my darling DS had to be born at because of pre-eclampsia. Time either seems to fly past or drag painfully slowly. Just about to hand in my PhD though so that had kept my mind occupied!

Love to all xx

Bee

Good to hear from you JJF and great to hear all is going well. Cooking burning tea so must be off...

Oh bee....so very sorry.

You are right about a mc being very different from a termination - the grieving process is very different too. Be kind to yourself my love xxxxxx