support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Bee. Just to say am thinking of you and your life is very real to me/us. It doesn't go away when the computer is off, if you see what I mean.
Sending some energy your way, to face the day. x

Hello to some lovely names.

Oh Bee, I'm in tears after reading your post and thinking about you there in that room, in that basement. I'm so sorry. You know we would all have been with you, waiting outside, if we could. In fact, in a way, I think we were. Like News says, this doesn't go away when the computer is off and after the long history of this thread, we know, we absolutely know.

...you've helped me so much over the past few months, I wish there was something I could say to take this away.

Bee, Bee, my poor darling bee. I was so so sad for you yesterday and now I have read your post I am in tears again. You don't deserve this and it IS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!! (typed hitting the keyboard).

I am here for you if you need me, just text or call. I just can't imagine the swirl of emotions you must be in, and the horribleness of the waiting.
Hole up somewhere cosy, wrap yourself up from the world and hibernate. I wish I was there to make you cups of tea and comfort food.

I keep hoping for you that the dates are just wrong and that next week there will be all the right signs....but it doesn't sound like there is much chance? A glimmer?

Take it hour by hour, we are all here for you. Much love. Lins xxxxxx

Thank you my kind, kind souls.
My daughter just got her GCSE results - one A star, 6 As and 3 Bs.
Something to smile about and cry tears of joy rather than sorrow.
I so very, very much appreciate you all - is making me cry again - and all your people who have not posted for ages - I am so touched.
What would I do without you?
I held you and this sanctuary in my mind all through yesterday - so you were with me in fact in spirit.
So sad.
Woke in night sobbing.
Is like a nightmare in fact.
Thank you again - wish we were at cottage- there is no respite here - three builders, carpet up in every room almost, no water in kitchen, noise and drilling and everything that Tree would not recommend.
Also - no one to cover me on Tuesday and Wednesday at work so have offered to do it even though am in such vulnerable state - and may even start bleeding before then.
Am sure of dates- know when we made love even as the condom failed to do its's job and the next night I just thought 'what the hell'.
They know, I know when they know.
So do you all.
Wish was nearer you all.

Hi Bee

we are with you, holding your hand, holding your hair back so you can cry. Let yourself cry and let yourself be happy for your DD - brilliant girl, she has brought so much joy to you.

I know when they know too. Last time they said there was hope before they sent me to the specialist unit. Even there they feigned optimism until they could find no kidneys. I think it is clear when it's all wrong.

Bee, you are our spiritual queen, the one who brought us all here and we will all support you as much as we can. xx

Cantdo - have emailed you little message.
Bee x

Bee...no words. Just huge sadness for you and much love to you xxxx

x to Bee

Just boiling some milk for some hot chocolate. Meet you on the cottage sofa in a bit.
Huge hug to Bee. Night xx

I think we are all reeling with this news of our dearest Bee. I hope everyone is ok. Probably aching for Bee, and revisiting darker days and experiencing prickling wounds.

As hard as this is, it is this common scar that makes this thread work isn't it? The fact that when we have a jolt of this nature, we can all instantly know. No one has to explain their pain and worry and horror unless they want to. We hear it and remember it and acknowledge it with a full face.

It also works when we have the hope and the joy. We get it, how frail and how filled with grace this race for life is.

Much love to all.

Hello Brighton, x-posts.

Yes, hot drinks and hand holds.

God I feel so sad.

Oh Bee, I am so, so sorry. I am so sorry it seems there is no hope, I am so sorry that you were alone and most of all I am so sorry it seems that this baby is not here to stay.

I wish there was something we could do to help, but we can plump up the cushions of the cottage sofa and have you curl up under a cosy comforting blanket, and you can know that we are here with you.

How hard for you to carry on, be a mum, be a professional at work and be partner to your LM when your heart is breaking. I hope that your work and your family are sensitive and kind to you during this time, even if they are not all aware of what is troubling you.

xx Numpty

Off to work today... but wanted to send more love to Bee. xxxxx

Thinking of everyone too, you all write such lovely things.

Hugs all round, for all those things in real life that leap out at us and shake our worlds. xxxx

Linsxx

Bee

I am truly sorry to read your devestating news. How can life be so cruel? I hope you and your LM can find peace and love in the coming months.

Please don't give up all hope.

sadPanda

Hello all.

Just a quiet smile of solidarity for Bee, and anyone feeling the pain today. Black days for our dearest Bee, and maybe grey for many of us.
Maybe a bit sunny, if we are able to reflect that time does pass in spite of us, we do get pleasure from our families and loved ones. But what a hard road that winds and challenges us at every turn. What an exhausting road.

I'm away till Tuesday. I wish I could be here for Bee and all.

Dearest friends
I am so touched by your posts - thank you all. I am intermittently overwhelmed with tears and sadness and then in deep denial.
I am pregnant. I am sure I am pregnant.
And until next Wednesday, I am still pregnant; the tiny glimmer of non-existent hope is sustaining me from utter grief.I am sure Wednesday will mark the beginning of the overwhelming regret and sorrow but at the moment some defence mechanism is protecting my emotional system from going into overload.
It is so strange; before Wednesday I was consumed with negativity and surety the baby would have an abnormality. And now I have a strange thought that it might be okay even though it is not. I can only imagine that the perversity of this is some survivial system to protect me. Does anyone recognise this pattern?
I hope you are all okay- I hope this latest wave of upset has not rocked your boats too much. You are still, many of you, in delicate states too.
I am so glad you are here- I so need your words, your unerring support, your understanding. I know I do not need to explain and that is a rare and precious thing at the moment.

I hope the weekend is gentle on you all.
kisses and hugs to all
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ditto what Justa says.

BK x

PS will be arriving shortly, so won't be around much x

doh MIL will be arriving x

Will be thinking of you this weekend, Bee, as have done since I heard your news. K x

Bee, I'm still around if you need an ear. Keeping that glimmer alive for you too.
Hope you are 'coping' (how to describe passing the hours?..)
Love Lins xx

I think it's only right to have some hope. After all, your cycles were wonky. So it stands to reason that conception could've been later than you thought (even if you think you know when you conceived, you could have ovulated days later) and at 7 weeks not much time difference would mean a heartbeat wouldn't yet be detectable.

I have fingers and toes crossed for you.

You are coping so well. xxx

Dearest Bee, first chance I've had all week to read the thread. I am so sorry for this week of worry for you. Although I am not one for false reassurances, I am fully into being hopeful when there is hope. And so far there IS hope. So many wise words on here already, I don't have much to add. Just know that much love, hugs, kisses and prayers are coming to you from Australia, and that even while you are sleeping, you are being thought of xxx

Dearest all of you
I started bleeding this morning.
It has stopped now.
More like a show really.
Am waiting.
I want to stay home.
I do not want a D and C unless is necessary.
Have any of you had an unmanaged miscarriage?
Was it okay?
Is it foolish not to go to hospital?
I do not want intervention, poking, prodding, having to tell my story again and again. I trust my body and if it gets too much or I have a fever or excrutiating pain, then I will go.
This morning, sobbing.
Now am getting on with my day under a cloud of sadness.
Am so upset about my lovely new kitchen,gifted to me by my lovely man, growing day by day into a proper kitchen.
And yet my baby, for my lovely man, is not growing.
So sad.
Am trying to be gentle and quiet and potter.
Bee xxx