support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Hope flights all smooth Bee! xxxxx

Been thinking of you today Eulalia; hope you have found some peaceful moments.

And BB, hope your HK flight and your stay with your host is OK (hope I've remembered that right, recall you discussing this with whoever was knitting a baby hat...). Better go, DS having long chat about putting the ambulublblbls in the lorry.

Eulalia - rl has attacked me here, but am thinking of you and wanted you to know.

Current tales of Tree trials will follow.....am truly on my knees and can't bear to not read this thread properly or skim read it. Have just updated my postnatal thread [Jan09] if anyone wants to rad, but ralise this may be totally outside comfort zones.

Harriet is utterly miserable [bellyache?] so got to go.

BB - may be work but am still at the sheer shopping and eating potential . Time away from the builders in it's self will be valuable. Big hugalugs to you.

Tree!! Crawl under the duvet with your whole family and call a friend to bring you all soup and warm bread and tea and biccies. You poor things. xxxxxx
Don't even attempt to write on here until you have slept, eaten, cuddled, and done all the things in real life that you need to do. That's an order.

Just got my house all sparkly and clean, first viewing in half an hour - eek!

Hi
Thank you for your message below welcoming SANDS folks after the Forums closed the other day. I never posted much, except in Loss of a Twin and TfMR areas which were always quiet and respectful whenever I looked, so really have no idea what has transpired there. I may join you - though I am usually a notorious lurker, so can only promise to try :O)

Hope you don't mind me butting in. I still find it difficult to post about our story, but short story - long story is very long - we took the awful decision to have a Top (term of pregnancy) last year after we found at 20weeks that one of our twins had multiple and serious problems. Our other (non-ID) twin was fine, so we had to continue the pregnancy to give our other twin a good chance of survival. We were advised to do the Top late in the pregnancy - I get scared people will judge us for making that decision so late, but it was forced upon us really - we went for the "least worst" option for us like everyone in our situation does. We were in a very unusual and rare situation, and the rest of the pregnancy was obviously very difficult.
But anyway, thanks for the welcome message. Hope I can find friends here.
best wishes
dilly

Hello all. Flying visit as I'm in the last throes of panicing packing before we head off for a fortnight in Greece. Goodness, I really dislike the 'getting there', almost puts me off holidaying.

Eulalia - hope you are having a gentle weekend. You and yours are still in my thoughts

Tree - what an experience! Let's hope the rest of the weekend is uneventful and calm for all in the Tree household.

Lins - good luck with the viewing. Like GO, I'm mightily impressed by your home's pulling power!

GO - hope your dad's doing ok and you are managing to do the same.

And to all the other lovelies - have a grand fortnight and I hope the sun shines, in every way, for you all too. I'd like to think that I'll be disciplined enough to avoid our hotel's business centre, but I know from past experience that by half way through the first week, I'll be logging on to the internet, emailing etc with a passion. So, I might just catch up with you all sooner rather than later!

Take care

And flying hello to dilly! Sorry for cross posts.

No judgements here, just oodles of support and real friendship.

Will hope to catch up with you soon!

Hello!

Welcome Dilbert - we only judge judgey people

Life bonkers, but wanted you to all know am thinking about you.

Good look with viewing. Would you please make my home as tidy as yours? I will pay all your expenses, trainfare etc
Hello to any SANDS people out there needed B&B at our cottage till your forum is back .

Very at those on holiday, hard earned for all of you so enjoy.

Hope Bee's wings got you to HK safetly?

Dear Dilly - welcome to you and to any other SANDS folk joining this thread. I know you will find great support from all the other lovely folks here; we all have different stories, but all understand how difficult a story such as yours must be. For any parent, a diagnosis like this feels like the ground dropping from under your feet. But it's so hard to make a decision, to think about what is best for all of you, including your poor baby. And to then have to carry on your pregnancy for that baby so that your other twin could survive... I guess it must have made it much, much harder for you. How could anyone judge you, when it must have broken your hearts all the more? I think only people who have not been in that position themselves could judge harshly.

So, welcome here, and feel free to share or not as you feel able; or just join in the general recovery chat about the ongoing stuff of life.

I am now burning our tea, so I'd better go and pay attention...

Hi Dilly,
Welcome! I am sorry about your awful loss and the horrible decision you have had to make twice. I have twice terminated for conditions incompatible with life, so I understand a bit - though the twin part must make it very different, harder and yet something so positive too, if one twin could survive. Anyway we are a chattery friendly lot, unjudgey and often off topic, so welcome!

Happy holiday to Shangrila. And hi to Bee if you are reading us on the other side of the world. And Mishta who is always on the other side of the world!

I'm okay. Going away this week so will miss this thread and everyone. Tree, your day the other day sounded HORRIBLE. Poor you. Lots of cake and rest needed there (I prescribe it).

On the baking theme, I made banana and choc chip muffins a la Nigella today. Except mine were smaller, cupcake sized, more appropriate for little mouths. Mmm they are good! anyone in need of another banana cake recipe?! this one was also impossibly easy.

Hope everyone's okay this weekend...

A special hello to Dilly. Sad for the reason you are here but glad to welcome you. I go to my local Sands meetings and although I don't use the forum, I'd heard it was shut.
No-one would judge the awful choice you made, I can imagine a bit of the heartache. I lost (still have problems writing 'terminated'..) my first baby back in 2004 at 22 weeks, after the 20 week scan showed severe heart and brain problems. I then went on to have a lovely little girl, now almost 3. Then this spring, at a 12 week scan, my world fell apart again, when things didn't look right with the nuchal measurement. I turned to Mumsnet for advice/reassurance. Sadly further tests and scans and a CVS showed that things were indeed not right, and we said goodbye to Daisy in March. It is her due date soon. I am now back on that rollercoaster of pregnancy, currently 17 weeks exactly, and not enjoying it much. Everything looking good this time, but its difficult to relax.
When I lost my first baby, ARC put me in touch with someone locally who had also suffered loss, and when we met she told me how she'd had to let one twin go and continue with the pregnancy. She described how birthdays etc were always a little bittersweet. Losing one twin has such poignance.
You lurk away or join in (we tend to rabbit on about all sorts!!). best wishes to you. Lins xx

Hello everyone else!
Shangrila, have a lovely hols! xxx And Can'tdo, have a great week away too. I don't envy either of you the packing. I am not a fan of holidays at the moment - I find it's like being at home but without all the things you need!! But hope you enjoy yours. xxx

Tree, is life getting back to normal a bit? How is everyone in your family?

Had two people look round today...first lady was a bit snooty and wanted a downstairs loo and utility room (it's a 2 bed victorian terrace - think her expectations a bit high!)
Second guy really liked it and is bringing his girlfriend back next Sunday to show her. He told the estate agent it was just what they are looking for - ok, let's hope he offers me the asking price then!

Still finding evenings really yucky - so tired and sicky, and have just had enough by then. [Urgh...Lins crawls on to sofa...]

I'll pop back later. xxxxx

Hi all, I am also envious of those on hols (even if they are working, BB). Envious of all of you really - is only a hop skip and a jump for you guys to be in a different country, whereas Australia is so isolated really, it's a huge deal to go anywhere.

Welcome to you Dilly. I am new here also. I terminated a pregnancy in May last year, following a diagnosis of T21. I'm sure there are some (not on this board, of course), who would deem that much more judgement-worthy than your situation. But as has been said, there are no judgements here, just much support and understanding of how hard it is to end a pregnancy no matter what the reason. Anyway, I am now 16 weeks pregnant with a little girl, and am very happy! BTW, EVERYONE, I received full results of CVS on Friday (dh did), and all good and 'normal'. No discharge for one week now - feel like I dodged a bullet with the CVS though - don't know if I'd ever have another one (CVS that is). Well, dilly, I hope you find some comfort here.

Tree hope you are recovering from your ordeal! Sounds
horrible. BTW, checked out your wedding photos. Just gorgeous, you made a beautiful bride.

And Lins, am watching closely how your house selling goes. We settle on a block of land this coming Tuesday, but before we build on it, we have to sell this one, which I am not looking forward to. Have barely got the energy to do the usual cleaning, let alone the extra effort it takes to have it suitable to show potential buyers thru.

Anyway, gotta go wake my man up (he worked night shift) so we can go looking at display homes (again)

take care all xx

Hi all.
I'm just tidying out my shed and tool box. Not relevant to anything, but very satisfying and thought I'd share with you!!

Dd has gone swimming with Dh, so peaceful house at present.

Hello to Charlotte if you are reading. xx

Mishta, sounds very 'American settlers' to be buying a block of land! And the thought of being able to build exactly what you want (within budget) is good. Then you get to design the layout etc. Cool. Do you have 'open days' for selling houses? Where everyone comes all on the same day?
Great news about the full results coming back clear. Yay!

Good morning to everyone, hope you are having fun weekends. xxx

I'm really sorry for calling you Dilbert!!
dillybert - if it helos at all in my previous work I got to hear of a fair few caases where the same thing happened. Youa re not alone with this at all.

Mishta - how marvellous to have the results you want, to be buying land and building a family home. Wonderful.

Have a good week away Cant.

How you doing Numpty?

Hi Llins. Is there any sign of the pregnancy being more comfortable? Great news on the positive feedback [silly mare wanting downstairs loo]

We have a terrace [it's a semi butlooks like a terrace] and it's 3 floors and 4 bedrooms, and it has one bathroom. I really want an ensuite but don't want to give up the space. Oh yeas and I don't have £3000. Demmit.

Hope you're ok out there BB, and that the lasy likes the hat you knitted? Or did I dream that?

Hello all and sundry
I made it to HK without mishap - had forgotten how dreadful long haul flights are.
The friends we are staying with are treating us like royalty - they have a maid!!!! OH MY GOD! She cooks, cleans, carries their baby around and is ironing my shirt for work. Is all a bit surreal.
Mostly am eating, eating and eating as if it is going out of fashion and am probably the largest person on the whole island - even though am a 12. I am not kidding - no one is overweight here.
The little baby is beautiful and adorable and have held her. She is the same age my first one would have been - 16 weeks. But somehow does not hurt as much as I thought it would as is not my baby.
Am doing my first day of work tomorrow - in 30 degree heat- air-con of course. Somehow feels more stressful if working abroad - sense of humour different (if not absent) and can not refer to any British education issues and know nothing about the system here.

Dearest Dilly - your story sounds familiar - have you posted with us before - and I can imagine your pain my dear. You are in very safe hands with us - support and compassion and distraction are what we share mostly.

I feel so far away from my life and my children - is all lovely and different and new- but not my life.
Fake Prada handbag anyone?

hugs and kisses
Bee

Bee - I was in Korea for a time and felt like a giantess. At 5ft 10 I was taller than the nation.

Glad you arrived. So so so relieved meeting the baby was ok.

Good luck tomorrow. I know what you mean about the cultural change. I was only teaching English, but found that to be completely autocratic and stern seemed to instill most confidence. Not my natural state of being

Me teaching english I can barely spell English.

Hi Bee, glad you're doing okay there. Good luck for tomorrow!

Just a brief post from me to say won't be around, will miss you all, see you next week!

Have nice holidays

How's everyone?

Can't be back till later, for proper chats and handholds if anyone needs. But will keep checking in and checking the thread. So no posts doesn't mean no one is out there. I'm about Mental stir crazy kids with temperatures permitting!

Ditto from me - am checking thread often to see if anyone is having a wobble about something, but am otherwise caught up in boring form filling in (solicitors stuff for house) and generally going to bed early. So am around and about during the days if anyone wants perking up. Big hugs to you all. xxxx Lins

How is the house selling going Lins?