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Original poster

Possible distressing thread - started abortion this morning I need some hand holding

103 replies

awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 18:03

I have no rl support - I had my best friend tell me what a selfish cow I was and 'd' p has spent the whole morning having text sex with another woman. That's a whole other thread.

I feel awful.

Dd1 (my gran took her this morning) is 4 and dd2 Is 16 weeks. The timing of this pregnancy was awful. It was not planned and was completely accidental which I take responsibility for. Dp however, blames me and it's all my fault Hmm

I was in tears before I took the tablet but I knew I had to. I am doing this for the 'right' reasons if that makes sense. I just couldn't cope with 3 dcs on my own. I have PND and I'm on anti depressants. I have no support at all from DP I'm actually in the process of leaving him but it's proving difficult. I can't afford another baby.

I have to go back in on Wednesday morning for the internal tablets to complete the abortion. I have to stay in hospital for 6 hours because of the risk of heammorige.

I feel so sick and I have stomach cramps. I keep thinking that I'm a horrible person and that I have taken a life Sad

I'm crying so I feel pathetic and I'm only halfway through the housework and my landlord is due round for the rent in half an hour. Dd1 will be back at 7 and dd2 is teething so been very upset today.

Dp has lay in his bed all day hungover and is still in his bed now shouting about not being able to smell dinner cooking. I haven't even realised the time Sad

Sorry this sounds stupid I'm all over the place tonight

OP posts:
TrinityRhino · 14/10/2013 18:05

you poor darling, you have an awful lot of stuff to cope with

I don't really have any advice sorry.

You're not a bad person, its ok

MaidOfStars · 14/10/2013 18:06

(hand holding)

Would it help to think of this like a late morning-after pill? It is normal, while you are feeling shit, to have doubts. But you will get through this. You are doing the right thing for you and your family. That's the only thing that matters.

Oh, and definitely don't make dinner.

fryingpantoface · 14/10/2013 18:06

Big hugs

i think that you have to think of the family picture.

here if you need to chat

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/10/2013 18:06

So sorry for you OP, you husband is being awful not being more supportive. Of course it's not all your fault!

Flowers
bzoo · 14/10/2013 18:07

My hand is here whether you want it to hold or hold you up.

Be strong xxx

readysteady · 14/10/2013 18:08

I'm so sorry :( Is there anyone you can stay with? Not your "D"P . I hope you are already planning your exit from this man. I wish you and your children all the best for the future. Please look after yourself xx

Original poster
awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 18:08

Thank you.

It wouldn't be fair on my dds to bring another dc into our life just now.

I thought I was a strong person but this is hurting me so much. I'm 5 weeks so very very early days which I suppose has helped a little. I'm dreading passing the pregnancy though. I've miscarried in the past so I kind of know what to expect. Sad

OP posts:
aprilmay · 14/10/2013 18:09

You are not a bad person, and this is not all your fault.

I have no advice but please don't feel alone. You are not alone.

Original poster
awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 18:09

Yes I am leaving him. As soon as I get myself sorted I'm gone. I can't wait.

OP posts:
Jenijena · 14/10/2013 18:09

You're not a bad person. Take care.

ginmakesitallok · 14/10/2013 18:10

You poor love. You are not a terrible person, just a person going through a terrible time.

Tell "d" h to make his own bloody tea and be kind to yourself. Once you're through all this have a think about why you are with him, thoughtless tit that he is.

MyCatLovesMeSometimes · 14/10/2013 18:11

This sounds like a horrible situation for you. Please be gentle with yourself your not being selfish this is a no-win situation.

Sod cooking dinner for your not so 'D'P - he should be cooking (& then kick him out if you can!).

MoreThanWords · 14/10/2013 18:11

Handholding from me.

You've had to make the toughest decision in what sound to be really crap circumstances.

Wtf is your 'd'h playing at?! Can you do a easy tea for you and dc and tell him to make his own!

I hope once you're through this situation you can find the strength the leave him - he sounds an utter waste of space.

elcranko · 14/10/2013 18:11

Hand holding from me too. You poor thing. Tell your P to make his own fucking dinner. Stay strong, you will get through this. X Thanks

LittleWhiteWolf · 14/10/2013 18:12

I'm so sorry awake. Please don't beat yourself up; you're doing the right thing for you and your children. I'll will be virtually holding your hand all night long if you need it x

You're partner sounds like a total cock and your so called best friend is being very insensitive.

coldwater1 · 14/10/2013 18:12

I'm so sorry :(

As for your dp he needs a kick in the nuts!

NandH · 14/10/2013 18:15

Oh you poor thing, I feel like crying reading this :(

How far down the line of leaving P are you? He sounds like a complete arse! Don't make his dinner, he can do it him self!!!

Get the kids to bed, have a mug of tea, sit and chill, you need and deserve it.

Hugs hugs hugs

Original poster
awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 18:16

Thanks so much everyone it really does help knowing that people are willing to listen to me if I need to talk. I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight but I've got Netflix and the soaps to watch so ill take it easy once the little ones are in bed.

I'm very close to losing my temper with dp so I'm going to ignore him for now incase I do something I regret

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 14/10/2013 18:18

Absolutely do not make him dinner. The selfish pig! What a vile man, how can he be so callous?

I really feel for you OP. I've never been in your position but it does sound like the right decision(s)

NandH · 14/10/2013 18:19

Ps, you are not a bad person!
It takes 2 to get pregnant so P can shove the 'its all your fault' statement as his arse!

eggyhead · 14/10/2013 18:20

Poor you Sad

It sounds like you are doing the right thing so stay strong. You need to put yourself and the DCs first.

Big hug from me...

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 14/10/2013 18:21

Poor you. What an impossible situation and I think you're doing the right thing.

And your not so 'D' P? Idiot of the highest order.

You deserve so much better. Be strong and then make the best life you can for the two fab children you already have.

Good luck.

SPBisResisting · 14/10/2013 18:22

Good luck with leaving him. You are coping amazingly with everything.
i'm so sorry not one person is looking after you through all this. Will your gran help you?
I would like to say I hope you're telling DP where to go but quite honestly he is beyond selfish lout and into seriously abusive (and that's just from what you've put on here). Do whatever it takes to get back on your feet then get out and don't look back. You're a fantastic mum and person - he's a selfish drunken lout.

LuckyToHaveYouAll · 14/10/2013 18:22

Oh awake, here is my hand too.

You are being incredibly brave and strong to make this decision for the benefit of all your family. Of course you feel like you do because it's a difficult thing to go through, but soon, when the dust has settled you will see that you did the right thing.

I can relate to you saying you can't wait to leave. I have recently (2 weeks ago) left my abusive H who I was with for 13 years and I can't tell you the relief I feel. I was so worried about starting again and so many other things and despite my money not yet being sorted, I am in my new house and I am the happiest I have been for years Smile.

Hold onto the thought that you will soon be free and the weight will virtually lift from your shoulders. I leaned a lot on MN in between deciding to leave and actually going and I found that really helpful practically and emotionally and it really kept me focused and on track.

We are all here for. Gentle hugs for you Flowers.

SPBisResisting · 14/10/2013 18:22

if you do end up cooking his dinner though make sure you spit in it and give it a good stir.
And your best friend should be ashamed.