Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Antenatal tests

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Original poster

Possible distressing thread - started abortion this morning I need some hand holding

103 replies

awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 18:03

I have no rl support - I had my best friend tell me what a selfish cow I was and 'd' p has spent the whole morning having text sex with another woman. That's a whole other thread.

I feel awful.

Dd1 (my gran took her this morning) is 4 and dd2 Is 16 weeks. The timing of this pregnancy was awful. It was not planned and was completely accidental which I take responsibility for. Dp however, blames me and it's all my fault Hmm

I was in tears before I took the tablet but I knew I had to. I am doing this for the 'right' reasons if that makes sense. I just couldn't cope with 3 dcs on my own. I have PND and I'm on anti depressants. I have no support at all from DP I'm actually in the process of leaving him but it's proving difficult. I can't afford another baby.

I have to go back in on Wednesday morning for the internal tablets to complete the abortion. I have to stay in hospital for 6 hours because of the risk of heammorige.

I feel so sick and I have stomach cramps. I keep thinking that I'm a horrible person and that I have taken a life Sad

I'm crying so I feel pathetic and I'm only halfway through the housework and my landlord is due round for the rent in half an hour. Dd1 will be back at 7 and dd2 is teething so been very upset today.

Dp has lay in his bed all day hungover and is still in his bed now shouting about not being able to smell dinner cooking. I haven't even realised the time Sad

Sorry this sounds stupid I'm all over the place tonight

OP posts:
Bumbolina · 14/10/2013 18:56

You sound amazingly brave to me. You are doing all the right things from the sounds of your post - get far far away from the people you have near you, believe in yourself, and surround yourself with other people that also believe in you. You deserve better.

Letitsnow9 · 14/10/2013 18:57

Your not a horrible person, your a person in an awful situation and doing what you think best for your family.
Hand holding from afar

specialsubject · 14/10/2013 19:00

You are doing the best in not bringing a new life into this situation. You have NOT taken a life.

when you feel better, get out and lose the useless partner. Wishing you all the good luck and better times, because you deserve them.

and if there is anywhere you can go sooner, grab it!

PolterGoose · 14/10/2013 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 19:17

Thank you so much.

I'm a bit better now not as upset as I was earlier. I've ordered a takeaway and he has gone out again to the pub so at least I've got the evening to myself once I've settled dds.

I'm quite close to leaving now im just trying to sort somewhere else to live etc. I'm hoping for new year new start

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 14/10/2013 19:17

Fwiw OP I would do the same in your situation x

cakesonatrain · 14/10/2013 19:42

Sounds like you are doing the best things for your family - by which I mean you and your DDs, not your knobber of a partner - but the right things are often hard to do.
I hope the termination isn't too traumatic, and I hope you get away from your P soon.
Gentle but firm hugs Flowers and Cake

BerstieSpotts · 14/10/2013 19:45

I'm glad you have the evening to yourself. Flowers Have a good, long, loud cry if you need to. In the shower is good if you don't want the DDs to hear you.

Is a refuge an option?

mrsjay · 14/10/2013 19:48

you are doing nothing wrong you are doing the best for you and your other children lovey I am sorry you are going through such an awful time in your own with such a young family we are hear to virtually support you,

MrWottingersbitontheside · 14/10/2013 19:52

How about he leaves and sorts somewhere for himself to live? Why are you and the kids being upheaved?

Like the others said, you are not a horrid person at all.

BerstieSpotts · 14/10/2013 20:01

Sorry, OP, it's probably the last thing you want to be discussing right now, practicalities of leaving, but please do harness the power of mumsnet when you are ready to think about this. The wealth of advice and experience here is immense and it's definitely possible that people will be able to suggest or help with details of things you might not even have thought of, or have dismissed.

When you are ready x

mrsjay · 14/10/2013 20:04

who has the other children when you are in hospital does your gran know what is going on

phantomnamechanger · 14/10/2013 20:04

sorry for what you are going through with no support from your "D"P, the sooner that waste of space is out of your lives the better for you and your kids.

Good luck & be strong, focus on your LOs - they need you.

Octopus37 · 14/10/2013 20:55

Wanted to say you are a very brave woman, you are being very strong and doing what is best for your DC's. Also wanted to wish you luck with leaving your DP, as one of the others has said you will get lots of support here. Take care.

TarkaTheOtter · 14/10/2013 20:59

Another hand here.

PeepingTomcat · 14/10/2013 20:59

I am so sorry about your situation OP, you are so brave and strong, you will get through all this and that 'p' of yours will die alone if thats his attitude towards someone he is supposed to be in a relationship with!

Original poster
awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 21:29

Thanks everyone I'm amazed at the amount of comments I have had.

I finally got the dcs settled and went for a hot bath and a shower. Had a good cry and I'm ready for bed now. I am so tired I really hope dd2 let's me sleep for a few solid hours. She's really good at sleeping usually but she has started teething so she is up every few hours now for cuddles. Not that I mind it's lovely

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/10/2013 21:38

OP, why are you moving out? You have two young children. Why isn't he moving out? He's really awful, btw.

SunshineSuperNova · 14/10/2013 21:44

Another hand here sweetheart. Huge hugs xxx Flowers

Original poster
awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 22:11

Imperial - he will not move out. He refuses to leave and there's not really much I can do about it. It's a joint tenancy and I've already seen a solicitor about getting an exclusion order to force him to move out. It would never have been granted so it wasn't taken any further.

If he would move out things would be amazing. It would be a lot less stress for me and the dcs.

Hes so selfish and horrible that he would rather see us on the street than move out to stay with his mates.

Dd2 has finally went off to the land of nod. I cheated and used the white noise app tonight. I love that app

OP posts:
cakesonatrain · 14/10/2013 22:12

That's not cheating, it's an excellent use of resources :)
Hope you get some sleep.

valiumredhead · 14/10/2013 22:17

Hope you manage to get some sleepSmile x

PoppadomPreach · 14/10/2013 22:20

Just wanted to be another voice saying you are categorically not a bad person - I think you have made a very selfLESS decision.

I hope you find calmness soon.

Ps please clean the toilet with your DP's toothbrush.

Wandawingsthe2nd · 14/10/2013 22:30

You are very strong to have made the decisions that you have. You may not feel that now but in time you will realise.

Good luck to you. I hope the next couple of days goes smoothly and that twatbadger of a P isn't in your life much longer.

foreverchanging · 14/10/2013 22:34

Another hand to hold here.

You sound incredibly strong and brave.

Take care of yourself x