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Original poster

Possible distressing thread - started abortion this morning I need some hand holding

103 replies

awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 18:03

I have no rl support - I had my best friend tell me what a selfish cow I was and 'd' p has spent the whole morning having text sex with another woman. That's a whole other thread.

I feel awful.

Dd1 (my gran took her this morning) is 4 and dd2 Is 16 weeks. The timing of this pregnancy was awful. It was not planned and was completely accidental which I take responsibility for. Dp however, blames me and it's all my fault Hmm

I was in tears before I took the tablet but I knew I had to. I am doing this for the 'right' reasons if that makes sense. I just couldn't cope with 3 dcs on my own. I have PND and I'm on anti depressants. I have no support at all from DP I'm actually in the process of leaving him but it's proving difficult. I can't afford another baby.

I have to go back in on Wednesday morning for the internal tablets to complete the abortion. I have to stay in hospital for 6 hours because of the risk of heammorige.

I feel so sick and I have stomach cramps. I keep thinking that I'm a horrible person and that I have taken a life Sad

I'm crying so I feel pathetic and I'm only halfway through the housework and my landlord is due round for the rent in half an hour. Dd1 will be back at 7 and dd2 is teething so been very upset today.

Dp has lay in his bed all day hungover and is still in his bed now shouting about not being able to smell dinner cooking. I haven't even realised the time Sad

Sorry this sounds stupid I'm all over the place tonight

OP posts:
AngelinaCongleton · 14/10/2013 18:23

You are not a bad person. Crap decision to have to make, but sounds like the right one. You need to stay afloat. Take the painkillers and keep warm. Hugs.

ShadeofViolet · 14/10/2013 18:24

Poor you. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time.

Sod your 'D'p - he sounds like an absolute arse. I hope you can leave him sooner rather than later because you deserve much better.

MammaTJ · 14/10/2013 18:24

You are not a bad person, you are doing your best for your daughters.

What is it you need to do to leave your partner? How long will it take? Focus on the plans for yours and DDs futures, keep them in mind while you are going throught this.

milk · 14/10/2013 18:24

You can lie on us MNers for as long as you need us, and we collectively will hold you up together!!!

amicissimma · 14/10/2013 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

verytellytubby · 14/10/2013 18:25

Another hand hold from me. Your DO sounds absolutely vile. Selfish bastard.

Order a takeaway or tell the lazy fucker to cook.

honeybunny14 · 14/10/2013 18:27

You are in no way a bad person massive hugs from me

mrspolkadotty · 14/10/2013 18:27

You poor love Sad, please don't put yourself down, you did what you felt had to be done in the situation, for yourself and your dcs.

Look after yourself and your little ones and sod your 'd'p, he sounds pathetic and selfish. Take care.

Cataline · 14/10/2013 18:28

You poor love. Horrible decision to have to make and you've done what's in the best interests of you and your children. You shouldn't have to suffer judgement or blame from anyone. Ignore the twats. Sending gentle hugs.

TerrorTremor · 14/10/2013 18:31

Your P is such a vile human being.

Don't make him dinner if he's that hungry he can make his own. What a bastard.

I think you are doing the right thing; bringing a little baby into this environment wouldn't be fair on you or the baby.

It's not your fault, because you can't make a baby on your own.
You aren't selfish, because if you were being you'd be doing it all for yourself, not your children.

I hope you leave this man soon. Because he's bringing you and your children down.

I hope that's soon so you can be happy. Maybe you'll find someone else and if you want another child, you can then choose the option of having one.

It's very early days so don't be hard on yourself.

Here to talk if you want to [hugs]

UpTheFRIGGinDuff · 14/10/2013 18:31

You are not a bad person.
You made the decision you had to in a shit situation.

I hope you get the hell away from this awful man ASAP.

Can you go to your mums?

In the meantime Brew try to take it easy.x

FobblyWoof · 14/10/2013 18:31

You're not a bad person. You're making the right decision for you and your family in what is a very hard situation. A decision that is hard for you and I think it's a brave one.

I'm so glad to hear you're leaving your partner. If you ever have a wobbly moment and think about going back to him please, please read your title post again. Seeing just how hard your situation is and how much he is making it worse should be enough to keep your resolve

pertempsnooo · 14/10/2013 18:33

I have had one of these. I am so sorry for you doing it alone. Your P needs to step up. Why did you choose this method? I really wish I had chosen D&C.... Surely you have one person in RL to be there for you on Weds... ?

Northernlurker · 14/10/2013 18:36

You poor lamb. I agree with everybody else. This is not your fault and you've made a perfectly reasonable choice for all of your family. Your partner on the other hand is a complete and utter shit. What kind of bastard behaves like this when you're going through such an awful thing. I'm glad to hear you are extricating yourself from the relationship. Is there any chance he could read your internet postings? If that would make things even more difficult there is some advice on the womens aid pages here to help cover your tracks.

Terminating a pregnancy happens to a lot of women. It happens to a lot of women in exactly your situation - with young children, in difficult relationships, with lots of pressures. It's not something anybody thinks they will ever have to do but it happens a lot and it's absolutely normal to feel sad about it. That doesn't mean it's wrong. It means it's a difficult choice to make. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible from a physical point of view.

Dobbiesmum · 14/10/2013 18:39

Late to this thread but please do look after yourself, it's not an easy process to go through physically iirc and you need to be sensible. Sod him and his wants, concentrate on you and your needs (and your DC's of course) they are much more important right now.
(Very gentle) Hugs to you Flowers

YoniMatopoeia · 14/10/2013 18:41

[Another hand to hold]

You are not a horrid person, you ate in a horrid situation (with a horrid p).

valiumredhead · 14/10/2013 18:44

Oh you poor love xxx Brew

JourneyThroughLife · 14/10/2013 18:46

Another holding hand. You poor love, what a lot to deal with. You've made a sensible choice given your circumstances, you aren't a dreadful person, just very brave. Hugs x

FairyArmadillo · 14/10/2013 18:46

You deserve more than this man. Thanks

floatyflo · 14/10/2013 18:49

I cant offer any more advice than what others posters have already said.
But didn't want to read and run.

You are incredibly strong. You will get through this and come out the other side even stronger and more beautiful than when you went in.

Wishing you the best of luck.

RaisingthedeadArizona · 14/10/2013 18:51

Agree with everything that's been said. Here's another hand. Just keep focusing on the future you will soon be building with your DD's.
You are anything but selfish. What a tough tough time you are going through. Things will get better though and you will get through this. And no, absolutely do NOT be cooking for someone who has been so uncaring towards you. I agree you deserve much better. Please be kind to yourself. Flowers.

rainbowfeet · 14/10/2013 18:52

What a lot of crap & stress you are facing alone. Hmm So sorry you have no support. Sending you positive thoughts, strength & a hug x

TribbleWithoutACause · 14/10/2013 18:54

What an utter cockwomble!

You and your DCs deserve so much better than him. I'll be hand holding as well. I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I don't think you're selfish at all my lovely.

WandaDoff · 14/10/2013 18:54
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 14/10/2013 18:55

What a terrible situation for you, I'm so sorry. I agree with you though - it may be a horrible decision and a hard decision, but it's absolutely the right decision. Pease don't torture yourself by thinking of it as "taking a life" - that's not what it is.

Another one wishing you good luck in leaving your partner - you don't deserve him and he DOESN'T deserve you Flowers