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Original poster

Possible distressing thread - started abortion this morning I need some hand holding

103 replies

awakemysoull · 14/10/2013 18:03

I have no rl support - I had my best friend tell me what a selfish cow I was and 'd' p has spent the whole morning having text sex with another woman. That's a whole other thread.

I feel awful.

Dd1 (my gran took her this morning) is 4 and dd2 Is 16 weeks. The timing of this pregnancy was awful. It was not planned and was completely accidental which I take responsibility for. Dp however, blames me and it's all my fault Hmm

I was in tears before I took the tablet but I knew I had to. I am doing this for the 'right' reasons if that makes sense. I just couldn't cope with 3 dcs on my own. I have PND and I'm on anti depressants. I have no support at all from DP I'm actually in the process of leaving him but it's proving difficult. I can't afford another baby.

I have to go back in on Wednesday morning for the internal tablets to complete the abortion. I have to stay in hospital for 6 hours because of the risk of heammorige.

I feel so sick and I have stomach cramps. I keep thinking that I'm a horrible person and that I have taken a life Sad

I'm crying so I feel pathetic and I'm only halfway through the housework and my landlord is due round for the rent in half an hour. Dd1 will be back at 7 and dd2 is teething so been very upset today.

Dp has lay in his bed all day hungover and is still in his bed now shouting about not being able to smell dinner cooking. I haven't even realised the time Sad

Sorry this sounds stupid I'm all over the place tonight

OP posts:
pertempsnooo · 15/10/2013 13:57

For when you are ready:

Do you think suggesting a trial separation would work ie. to get him out? Or is it past the point where that would seem credible to him?
Because once he is out he is out legally I think...

Original poster
awakemysoull · 15/10/2013 17:26

I have tried every possible way I can (legally) to get him to leave. Most men would just accept it's over and move out and move on. Not him. Refuses to go anywhere and laughs when I suggest it.

My lovely dad is 6'4 and 21 stone of muscle. He would be through in a flash if I asked him to remove him but that could make things difficult in the future for me.

I'll leave and I can't wait

I feel very very sick today and I am dreading the hospital in the morning but I know I need to go. My mum is coming through to have the girls for me because he won't watch them

OP posts:
zeeboo · 15/10/2013 17:51

Sending love and please, please leave that 'man' before he cuts away at any more of your self esteem and happiness. You and the kids deserve so much more. I'm not a huge fan of terminations but in your situation I'd probably do exactly the same thing.

Wandawingsthe2nd · 15/10/2013 20:38

Good luck tomorrow sweetheart.

ImperialBlether · 15/10/2013 20:40

Does your dad know you've had to have an abortion. If so, phone him now and ask him to help you get this man out of your life. It's disgraceful that you're suffering like this.

Go on - phone him now.

ImperialBlether · 15/10/2013 20:41

And tbh you need a new best friend.

LuckyToHaveYouAll · 15/10/2013 20:43

Just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow awake.

Stay strong - your life is just about to get a whole lot better when you finally dump your arse of a 'partner'.

And we will all be here for you. Will be thinking of you tomorrow Flowers.

gussiegrips · 15/10/2013 20:47

This is a ghastly, hard situation you find yourself in. I'm sorry it has happened to you, and I admire your good sense and bravery in reaching out for some hand holding.

Here are both of mine. They are vaguely clean, but not manicured.

Hope tomorrow is as smooth as can be, and, that the mixed emotions are supported by the staff there.

Thurlow · 15/10/2013 20:49

Good luck for tomorrow. I've been in a very similar situation recently, if you want any practical advice/conversation please do PM me x

mrsjay · 15/10/2013 21:15

Just wanted to say I hope everything is ok tomorrow and you find the strength to get this man out of your life, I can understand you not wanting your dad involved ,

Original poster
awakemysoull · 16/10/2013 00:05

Not sure if anyone is still up

I've passed the baby this evening. Started about an hour ago and I'm still bleeding etc. Was very very upsetting.

I'm going to go in tomorrow morning anyway just to make sure everything is ok.

I'm very sore and struggling with teething dd2. Dd1 is at my grans again and he is in the pub. Sad

This is so hard

OP posts:
Ehhn · 16/10/2013 00:16

Stay strong. THIS IS THE RIGHT DECISION. At this stage, it is a small clump of cells which may or may not have proved viable. What are viable, right in front of you and with a right to be happy and secure are your two children and yourself. If you had had another baby now you could have put that at risk or worse risked your health and risked leaving your children with that man, who sounds abusive.

If you are spiritual, then the higher power you believe in will take care of a child better than any earthly existence. If you are not (I'm not) then what did not have a mind and consciousness does not know what was not nor could not be, but you spared bringing a child into a potentially volatile situation and risking keeping your other children locked into this unhappy existence with your "d"p.

Go out and build a wonderful new life with your children and fight for your happiness and theirs.

valiumredhead · 16/10/2013 00:38

I completely agree Ehhn, very wise words.

OP, have a hug and aBrew x

I really feel for you, such rotten timing.

valiumredhead · 16/10/2013 00:45

When I'm going through awful times I always say to my self 'this time next year things will be better and I will be happier' I say it like a mantra with deep breathing, I find it calming in times of great stress. It helps focus my mind when its racing nineteen to the dozen. I hope you manage to get some sleep x

RhondaJean · 16/10/2013 00:47

Oh sweetheart. I've just read your post over in relationships.

Your life can and will be better than this. You are on the right track. Be strong.

Are you physically okay, I'm outwith my knowledge now.

Wandawingsthe2nd · 16/10/2013 08:50

Hugs to you.

BerstieSpotts · 16/10/2013 09:01

Flowers Awake.

PolterGoose · 16/10/2013 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
awakemysoull · 17/10/2013 15:58

I'm ok today thanks again for everyone's messages I appreciate it and I'm just going to take it easy.

I have my girls back now and dd2 is choked with the cold so I will have a stressful night no doubt.

OP posts:
gussiegrips · 17/10/2013 23:48

x

gussiegrips · 23/10/2013 14:28

Hope you are feeling ok, awake. You just popped into my thoughts.

Original poster
awakemysoull · 23/10/2013 18:14

Hi I'm much better now he has gone and I'm starting my life again.

I'm going to get some counselling and put my energy into looking after my girls

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 23/10/2013 18:16

Ooh he's gone? Fantastic, well done you Thanks

CinnabarRed · 23/10/2013 18:18

Your XP has gone? You mean he's left you and your girls in your home? That's marvellous!

(((((hugs)))))

honeybunny14 · 23/10/2013 18:27

Im so pleased for you awake you must be glad hes gone and you can start being happy again