Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

[NatzCNL]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins ? Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila ? baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain ? Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 ? baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess ? Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB ? Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate ? Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel ? Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird ? George 24/07/11
Sarahmia ? baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers ? Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj ? Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily ? Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug ? Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

Hello. I just felt the need to join you ladies on here if that's ok.

I'm still only a few days after a tfmr but I know that as soon as we physically are able we would like to try again.

I know nature works in it's own strange way and my hormones are raging because all I want to do is errrrrrr jump on my husband. I can't just yet obviously, but as soon as we can!

It's good to have read lots of your positive stories, despite everyone being frightened. Xx

Hi Teaandtoast1 - I'm so sorry to hear about your tfmr. It's devastating and frightening, am sure it feels like a very dark time. I completely understand the overwhelming urge to be pregnant again, I had it really bad. Luckily it happened for us quite quickly and for that I am so grateful.

Just try snd remember, however dark it is now, it will get better. Wishing you lots of luck when you do decide to ttc x

Thanks monten. It's good it happened quick for you. That's what I'm hoping for.

This thread has given me hope x

Hello, I'd like to join the thread. I had a TFMR last week and still feeling very mixed up about it all. Immediately afterwards I told my DH that I didn't want to be pregnant ever again because I was so sick of all the needles and prodding and poking etc and because I am scared it will go wrong again. This week all I want is to get pregnant as soon as possible. We will definitely wait a couple of months before making any decisions though. Not sure why I posted but just want to talk to other people who have been through the same thing.

I feel the same future supreme. All I want to do is get pregnany again now and I only had a tfmr on Friday.

It's so hard isn't it. My body's defiantly in hormone overdrive, I've never felt so desperate to have sex, obviously physically this is a terrible idea though.

Hope you are ok x

Thanks Tea. I was following your thread last week and thinking of you. I hope you're doing okay. I'm trying to distract myself at the moment and organise some fun things to do this summer. Today has been hard though.

Nessalina I know exactly what you mean wrt boy/girl thing. I was so upset around the time of the TFMR that I didn't think to find out whether we had lost a boy or a girl, and that bothered me after a few weeks, I kept wondering. Then when we had the CVS for the latest pregnancy and found out it was a boy, I had to know and did ask, and found it was a boy I'd lost. That felt ok, I was really worried that it would have been a girl, I am not sure why that would have mattered as I didn't mind of I was getting a boy or a girl at all, so I have no idea why I felt that way. I think I would have needed to try for another girl if we'd lost a girl, which makes no sense really but it kind of how it felt, like others have said.

Congrats Marma1ad3 on your BFP! It's really stressful isn't it, I kept telling myself that I was just very unlucky last time and that it was so unlikely to happen again, but it was still a very anxious time. In fact the anxiety is only just lifting now DS is finally here. I was pleased/relieved to be pregnant again though, I was terrified it would take months and months, at least I felt I was moving forward.

Teaandtoast1, welcome to the thread but so sorry you find yourself here. It's such a dark, horrible time. I hope you have plenty of support. It seems to be pretty normal to want to conceive again straight away, and for me it was very healing, I don't think there is anything wrong with it if that's how you feel. I hope it happens quickly for you. When I had my TFMR I didn't think I would ever get over it and feel happy again, yet now, 14 months on and with a new baby, it does feel a long time ago and much more bearable than it once did.

TheFutureSupremeRulersMum, welcome to you too and very sorry to hera about your TFMR. I completely know how you feel about all the poking and prodding, and the fear of it going wrong again. I hope you recover fast physically from the TFMR and that you get a BFP very soon if you do decide to TTC again. For me it was definitely the right thing to do but of course everyone is different.

I am doing OK here with DS, he hardly sleeps at night but I don't mind too much. I can't believe I have been lucky enough to have him. This thread gave me so much hope after my TFMR but I still didn't quite believe it would happen for me, in fact it still feels a bit unreal.

Thanks ali bingo It's so nice to hear about your DS. It really helps hearing peoples positive stories. X

I find I am being really indulgent with DD (18 months) since this happened. Basically I feel she should have everything she wants and I am definitely more protective of her. It's not really a good thing, I know I need to snap out of it.

Hi Alibingo - how nice to hear from you! Not surprised you're not getting much sleep yet but you must be over the moon. I can understand it must all feel a bit unreal - this is my first so I have no idea but I can imagine it must totally blow your mind! Errr, hello baby.

Future - sorry you find yourself here. I totally understand about the poking and prodding. It felt like anytime I went near anyone they took about five vials of blood from me. I don't know what they do with it all.

I can completely understand you're misgivings about trying again. It's a total personal thing. Having a tfmr is a reminder that you're risking heartbreak.

I heard a terrible thing today - a client's baby, who is not yet a year old, is in intensive care in hospital and, to put it bluntly, is dying. It really upset me and reminded me that having a baby (or indeed loving anyone) is a pact with the devil and you do it knowing that you are risking great heartbreak, in return for great joy. It made me reflect on what's happened and the anxiousness I feel now I'm pregnant again. And how I feel envious of pregnant women who had a different experience and are still 'innocent'. And it made me realise that as soon as our babies are born everyone will experience that anxiousness and realisation that the overwhelming love we feel comes with risk. It's just if you've had a tfmr (or miscarriage) you just feel it that a bit earlier perhaps.

Sorry, that's all a bit deep and probably makes no sense. But even though it really unsettled me it also comforted me, in a strange way. X

Hi everyone. A bit of an update from me. I went for an early scan today to be dated so I could book in for a harmony. I thought I was either 8,2 or 7,5 but not entirely sure of dates. Anyway, the sonographer put me well behind. During the scan he said 5 weeks 5 days. But then in the notes he wrote 4-5 weeks. He 'thinks' he saw a heartbeat but couldn't measure it.

I have to go back in a week to be rescanned. Totally devastated. I know there is a possibility i have not dates wrong, I had only had one normal period since tfmr so could be out of sync. Having googled if looks like a crown rump length of 3.9mm is consistent with gestation of 5 weeks 5 days.

But trying to prepare for the worst. Just can't believe i had another bad scan. I f@cking hate that hospital now.

Hope everyone else is doing fine

Monten. I hope your scan next week goes well. Fingers crossed for you.

Monten sorry to hear about your scan. I wonder if your dates could be wrong as cycles all over the place following the tfmr, I really hope so. Friend had early scan and they couldn't find anything other than a sac, no fetus at all and she was devastated but turned out her dates were out- her baby turned one recently. Keeping fingers crossed for you, take care.

Thanks both. Having googled like crazy (I know, I know!) it looks like it is def possible I have my dates wrong and his measurements were a little out. Just trying not to get my hopes up. It's going to be a long week x

Thinking of you Monten x

How are you doing at the moment Tea?

Hi ya. You know what I'm pretty good! Back at work this week and it's all been ok. It's been 2 weeks today but it seems like a long time ago now, it was so stressful.

I've rejoined weight watchers and have been looking after myself, went swimming last night. Trying to stay positive for the future now. Ovulation sticks at the ready!

Hope you're ok? X

I bought ovulation sticks a couple of days ago too , I've never used them before. I'm still not back at work yet. I had a bit of a meltdown on Thursday and spent the whole day crying but felt better for it. Glad you are feeling positive at the moment.

Meltdowns are perfectly normal, just think of it as a way to stop all the emotions bottling up, it's only a good thing to let them out xx.

Hello all, I hope you don't mind me popping on to this thread, and asking for some advice. I had a TFMR back in February. That was my first pregnancy, and I'm still struggling with what happened, although I'm dealing with it better than I was a couple of months ago. I'm sorry to read about your losses

I'm desperate to get pregnant again, and have used ovulation sticks and, over the last cycle, temperature charting. I've had two cycles since the termination, and in both I've had a really lengthy period of spotting/lengthy AF, and a short luteal phase - around 7 days in the last cycle. I didn't pick up much of a temperature rise either so I don't know if low progesterone levels are a problem.

I know it might take a while to get pregnant again (and yes, I am impatient), but I'm wondering if this is just my body responding to what happened, and whether it will sort itself out in another month or so, or whether I should be pestering my GP? Did anyone else have a similar experience? I'm trying a B Vitamin complex and vitamin C supplement on the grounds that it can't do any harm!

Hi I'm not sure this is okay to put here but I just need some advice from people who have terminated.
We are awaiting our termination on Wednesday by suction I think they said I am just such a mess. The baby has abnormalities that mean it's unlikely to survive full term or would be born still born or would survive hours,days, weeks etc. I just wanted to know if I will ever be okay again? I'm so worried how I am going to feel after it happens. I feel like I will never be the same person again. Never be able to smile and laugh. I think we are doing the right thing. To go on and have hopefully a healthy baby where at the 12 week scan they say there is absolutely nothing wrong. I will be 14 weeks when we terminate if we wait any longer I will have to labour the baby which I think will be worse than just going to sleep and having the procedure. When will I be ok?

Hi offbeatgirl. I'm only 2 weeks past my tfmr bit feel impatient too, I've just bought a clear blue fertility monitor from eBay this afternoon so I can hopefully see what's going on, as I too won't have my cycles as predictable again for a bit. I hear it's very normal though and will as you say sort its self out. As horrid as waiting is I think that's all we can do for a bit. It's very normal though.

Emily. Of cause you can post on here, it's helped me loads. Everyone's different but as hard as it feels right now you will be ok. It's a hard time it really is, both physically and emotionally but as corny as it sounds it just takes time. I was 19 weeks when I had mine. A lot of people talk about feelings of guilt and again that's personal. For me I don't feel any guilt atall, or was a hard decision but for us I know it was the right one.

Take care. X

Hello Emily, sorry you find yourself here. I faced a similar prognosis and agonized over the decision to terminate too, but really what choice is there? You've made a loving decision to do what's best for you and your baby in appalling circumstances that are outside of your control. If you find yourself doubting your decision, it helps to remember the prognosis which you were given, and that the alternative - a late term still birth - would have been more difficult and painful, and not in the interests of your baby. If you can take some time off aftewards to come to terms with what's happened (and to be kind to yourself), I think it might help. You might want to see of your hospital provides any kind of funeral/remembrance service: mine provided a free service, and this gave me some sense of closure. Several months later, it no longer dominates my thoughts and I have resumed my life, although it's still there with me. Other ladies on this thread who went through this experience before me can doubtless give a perspective on what it's like further down the line.

Tea, thanks for your reply. It makes sense that it'll take a while for cycles to settle down again, but it's really frustrating! I was lucky enough to conceive really quickly the first time, and now I'm plagued by the fear that I won't succeed in conceiving again- which I know is pretty irrational!

I'm the same off beat, I'm doing everything I can to give us the best chance. I'm exercising, eating healthy etc just makes me feel like I'm doing something I suppose. It is a worry but there's not much else we can do I suppose. X

Hi ladies.

Emily, so sorry to hear what you're going through. If it helps at all I found the period between the scan and the termination absolutely the worst bit. It got better after that. I'm so sorry x

offbeatgirl - I was exactly the same as you, I didnt use OPKs or chart but I did obsessively watch my cycle and got myself all freaked out because I had no signs of ovulation, or much change at all throughout cycle, and was terrified i wasnt ovulating. I think cycles do get messed up but I got pregnant again quickly which suggests I was ovulating despite no evidence to support this! So try not to worry. You've got pregnant once, there is absolutely no reason to believe you won't get pregnant again. I understand what it feels like to be so desperate to be pregnant again tho, its perfectly natural.

Teandtoast - Glad you;re feeling well, its a shitty shitty thing but life just does get better again.

I've had a tough weekend. After my early scan which showed me measuring two weeks behind on wednesday have been quite a mess. Yesterday I saw an acquaitance (sp?) who is due the same week I would have been (with my last baby) next month, with her bump. And today my SIL had her baby. He's absolutely gorgeous and I'm so happy for them but its been quite a heartbeaking day. Why does it seem to be so easy for other people?

Just counting the days till wednesday and my next scan.