Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

[LittlePoot]

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

Grandji - thanks for your reply and glad you had a good first stage with the nuchal scan. I think I will be trying hard to have your coping strategy of trying not to think about it all. Yesterday it was my due date and I started reflecting on the awful journey we've had and then getting really ahead of myself with all the potential pitfalls with this pregnancy. I feel like you in that a good nuchal result doesnt mean automatic reassurance. We had high risk for Downs but it wasnt downs and the geneticist told us that the high risk result for Downs wasnt related to the rare problem that our baby had. So the odds meant nothing. It's great though that for you there are little signs such as being on your dates that are there. I'm hoping I can get reassurance from things like that. Last time round our baby was also measuring small though at the time they said this was normal and I mustn't have known exactly when I conceived (even though I told them I did know exactly when I ovulated). And the PG tests were super faint, even days after my period was due. This time, it was a strong positive just like it was for my DD so even though it's totally unscientific I'm trying to see that as a positive thing. Anyway very best of luck for the blood results when they come, keep us posted.

Bluecat, sorry to hear of your loss. It is good news as you say that your period has started again. It is very frustrating waiting for your body to go back to normal. I bled for 6 weeks then had monthly periods but my cycle was longer than it used to be and my periods were lighter. My last period was the first one that felt back to normal and I have conceived in the following cycle (much to my surprise!). Good luck with TTC when you decide to.

Belinda - very sorry to hear of your loss. Yes, this thread is full of positive stories and a whole host of lovely new babies to keep those of us along the TTC/pregnancy journey hopeful and optimistic. I hope you'll join us when you are ready to try again.

Hope everyone else is well. Kittens, good luck for your appointment this week. Cherry x

Thanks Cherry. My appointment was today. The consultant was very nice which is always good. He sent me for blood tests to check for Natural Killer Cells and Thyroid antibodies and said I should have a follow up appointment either face to face or on the phone in 6-8 weeks. That feels like an awfully long time, but he also told me to start taking the Pregnacare with Omega 3 capsules, 75mg Asprin, Vitamin D3 and Folic Acid (which I am already taking 5mg dose of due to the 2 Downs Syndrome pregnancies) immediately and that he wanted me to have been taking all of those for at least 6 weeks before TTC again anyway so it all fits in ok. The NHS Clinic he does is very oversubscribed so it can be hard getting the follow up appointment for the right time but if it looks like it's getting tricky I will go and see him privately for the follow up and then if the results come up positive I will go back to see him on the NHS when I get pregnant.

Welcome to the new thread members. So sorry for what you have been through. You will find good support and empathy here, whether you want advice or just a sounding board! And yes, it's a good place to be inspired to carry on when you just feel like nothing's going your way. There is a flurry of thread babies arriving at the moment which is lovely to see.

It's a shame we are not nearer the end of the 1001 messages as it would be nice to start the next thread with a list of all the thread babies that have arrived since BusierBee set up the "Mother Thread" that will stay in the box at the top throughout the thread as a beacon of hope. Something to think about when the time comes perhaps!

Hello all! just a quick one to let you know that mini-drama (now known as Isabella)was born at 5.30am on sunday my contractions started @3.30 on sat and we got into hospital @ 4.30am when i was already 10cm!!!! she popped out after 7 mins of pushing (i'm still in shock!)and weighed 8lb 8oz be bk on soon, hope everyone is well as can be XxX

Ahhh, a girl! Congratulations Drama. That was nice and quick!

Oh Drama - I thought you'd been suspiciously quiet - congratulations!!! Lovely name. I wonder if she will get Izzy or Bella? Looks like the mw was right with the sizing - well done!
Sounds like if you had put off going to the hospital any longer, you would have had a homebirth. Please give her a kiss and cuddle from me xx

Kittens, great idea with the birth roll for the next thread. There must be quite a number by now. Good that your consultant has given you something productive to do while you wait to ttc. Btw, I understand what you mean about the fear of being judged on certain boards. When Bella was born, I went on the SIDS association support boards to try and get info about monitors. I would have loved to stick around there and offer support to those newly bereaved, though felt that if they knew my whole history (without actually knowing me ), they may have judged. And I didn't want to feel like I had to hide something either. I never, until I was put in that situation, thought I would terminate for DS, though wouldn't have dreamed of judging others for their choices. A friend asked me the day before the NT scan what I would do if it was positive, and I was insulted by the question - I thought she knew me well enough to know I would not terminate for DS (God I hate that word!), yet that's exactly what I did in the end. No one, until they have walked in your shoes, has a right to judge. The only people I judge is those who judge (oh, and my SIL, but that's another story ). You know you have every right to grieve as the next person, that you didn't choose to terminate just because your baby wasn't perfect (which I think is what those who judge honestly think), and that you deserve support like anyone else. I hope you find somewhere you can feel supported, understood and accepted without being judged - of course you know you always have us, but I can understand you wanting to be on the other boards too. Ok, ramble over xx

Bluecat and Belinda, I'm so sorry for your losses that brought you here, but glad you found you way. I'm sure you'll find this a great place to rant, question, find reassurance, and hopefully in the not too distant future, celebrate. Dip in and out when you feel like it, don't feel you need to provide support to others yet if your not up to it - it's such early days for you both. Sometimes just writing down how you feel helps others by reminding them that they're not alone, and that others too are having the same, sometimes confusing, feelings. Good luck to you both xx

Cherry, congratulations! Totally understandable that you would be experiencing all sorts of emotions with your recent due date, and all the worry of early pregnancy, upcoming scans etc I know it's natural to think the worst, but hopefully come June, your biggest worry will be whether or not people will realise you're pregnant and not just fat when you're in your bikini/swimsuit

Grandj, your scan sounds really positive. How long until you get the blood results? Good luck xx

Hope all the mummies with newborns are enjoying the getting to know you days. Coffee, like Cant, I won't advise re: sleep, as I would no doubt lead you up the garden path. Suffice to say Bella still wakes a couple of times a night (I make it too easy on her I think - one whimper and she gets a feed). Littlepoot, hope you're getting the bf/ff sorted.

Also hope the mummies with more upwardly mobile babies are going well. Would love an update on the LOs when you find the time. As for Bella, all good. Allergies still an ongoing concern. When out and about she is absolutely charming, and is always smiling/babbling/waving at strangers. When home, she is pretty full on; either laughing or whinging, easily bored, heaven help us when she doesn't get her own way, only time she stops for a cuddle is when I feed her, just always on the go. Certainly no zen-baby here ( at Catlady)

Speaking of which (whom), must go. Take care everyone xxx

It's been a while since Ive posted, quite a few new bits of news since then. Firstly, congratulations Drama!!! Wonderful news, and welcome to the world Isabella. I hope you are recovering well and getting lots of cuddles with your little princess. What an amazing birth. I thought my DD2 was quick at 1 hour 48 mins...

Another congratulations to Cherry! I had almost exactly the same feelings when we found out I was expecting again. I was surprised at how guilty I felt as I thought I would be ok with being pregnant on my due date. Have felt so much more at ease since the due date passed. I hope you are well and relaxing into the pregnancy.

Grandj, glad the scan went well, and I hope the wait for the blood results isn't too long.

Kittens, sounds like it was a very possitive meeting with your consultant. 6-8 weeks sounds like a lifetime to wait, but as you say it ties in well with the amount of time to prepare your body for your next pregnancy. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

Belinda, Im so sorry for your loss. I hope you are coping ok, you sound very strong. I relate to the feeling that you were able to reduce any suffering your little boy may have endured. Unfortunately PM results are never quick. My sister waiting around 3 months for her daughters, and I can understand how agonising that wait is. I hope you have lots of support in RL. We are always here if ever you need to talk.

Mishtabel, sounds like you have your hands full with Bella, my 2nd DD is the same, has boundless energy and is never in the cuddling mood (unless she is unwell or asleep... guilty of grabbing a quick cuddle whilst she is in the land of nod, lol) DD1 is very cuddly though, two very different and adorable little girls.

We had our booking in appt yesterday and the midwife who saw us was amazingly lovely! She spent ages going ove my history. We are not at the same hospital to all the other girls birth as it has now closed, but luckily a lot of the midwives from there are now at the hospital we are booked in to.

We went over in quite a bit of detail the events and results of Cara's scan and CVS, and of course everything else that followed. She told me that quite often with a pregnancy after a loss, it becomes quite difficult (emotionally) and wanted to check up on me from time to time, or get my HV involved before the birth to make sure I am ok. Said I was fine for that to happen as the last few weeks have been pretty tough, but explained that it was Cara's due date recently which is why I was feeling up and down so much. I asked if there would be a detailed heart scan and she told me they would examine the heart at the NT scan. Am tempted to ask at Kings during the NT scan if they can bring the cardiologist in to double check. I know it is highly unlikely they will, but that is where they detected Cara's heart defect.

Since the due date I have felt quite relaxed about the pregnancy, although with the scan date approaching this Monday the nerves to catch me every now and then. I keep looking at our dating scan picture and examining it closely to see if I can see any hints of fluid around the head or neck. During the scan both DP and I saw what we thought was a big sack around the head, but the sonographer said everything looked fine. Ive never had an early scan before so am presuming the shape of the baby is quite a bit different to the 12-14 week scan.

Sorry for rambling, just getting a bit nervous about Monday and I guess am just trying to reassure myself that it could be ok this time.

Hope everyone is well and all the new mummies and babies are getting enough rest. Will let you know how we get on on Monday xx

Good luck Natz. Will be thinking of you on Monday. x

Hi all. I am newish on here, in that I haven't posted in a long time, so none of you will know who I am :) I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and really apprehensive about combined nuchal test which I am booked in for on 4 April. I will try not to have CVS depending on what the results are (my last pregnancy was a T21). I am just really worried that either we will get bad results or get something borderline. I am wishing that we get well over 1:1000 but I have to be realistic. What if I get 1:150 or 1:80? Last time we got 1:2 for T21 so the decision to have a CVS was a no-brainer. Would love to hear from all of you about your nuchal results and what you chose to do.... xx

Drama huge congratulations on the birth of Isabella, lovely name and how lovely of her to make such a quick entrance into the world :)

Welcome Sunshine and Belinda so sorry for your losses - you have found a great home here, everyone understand just what you are feeling. Sunshine congratulations on your new pregnancy! I was told i could have an automatic CVS after i lost my little girl but after the nuchal results were so positive i chose not to take that risk - i now have a very lovely 7 month old son.

Kittens lovely to hear from you, thanks for the update i was wondering how you had gotten on. The consultant sounds like he was great, i hope you manage to get a follow up easy enough. BTW great idea re. the babies names at the top of the thread, i'm sure it will give others lots of hope.

Nats as Kittens say's i will be thinking of you on Monday, i know it's hard but stay positive x

I would say all ok here but Felix is very poorly, just a bad cold and sore throat but all he wants to do is cuddle on the sofa which is most unlike my wriggly little boy - am making the most of it! We are off to Devon on Sat to stay in a little cottage on a farm so hopefully he will be better for that, the week after my OH starts work in Brighton!! We are all looking forward to spending more time together now he won't be spending 4 hours a day commuting :)

Dramamama congratulations!!

sunshine Hello and congratulations on your pregnancy. I can understand why you are feeling worried,I have everything crossed for you and hope it all goes smoothly!

Also hello to everyone who has replied to my post it really means a lot.

I'm trying not to think about ttc but it feels like being pregnant again is the only way to fill a rather large empty hole:-( Have a meeting with the consultant soon and they said i will be there with him for an hour.....Not really sure what he wants to talk about as they say they don't know why it happens or how it can be prevented....could do without it really! I know i have a 2% risk of the same thing happening again but I don't take any notice of odds any more as it was a 1 in 5000 chance of it happening in the first place!

Anyhow hope everyone is ok and nice to see some happy healthy babies have arrived. So glad I found this thread :-) xxx

wow this is a busy thread. Quick congratulations to dramamama and catlady. I have an issey but was intending her to be a Belle, just was not that sort of child it turned out!
Havingkittens that sounds like a really useful appointment, quite hopeful and constructive. I hope it all goes well over the next six weeks.

Natz I hope the scan goes well on Monday. I have decided that I'm going to keep my eyes shut for mine. I don't want to see the picture and I am not allowing myself to consider how our family may change if all works out - yeah like that works! but with ds's scan - 1st pg after my termination, I just couldn't help crying, I think it was a release of tension as it happened as soon as I got in there. probably a bit disconcerting for the sonographer but they're probably used to it. Im booking in this friday, have to take ds as have only told strangers as don't want family to worry about me especially as my dad not all that keen that I have another.

WElcome Belinda and Sunshine, I'm sorry about your losses. Belinda, I had a termination in 2007 and felt similar to you , that I had saved my child from a life that would have been a lot of suffering. I think that is a massive comfort when you are near the start of your grieving process. I hope you find this thread a good support. Sunshine I think I'm now 8 weeks pregnant following a second termination in October for T21. I am facing similar fears over what I'll do if odds are bad but i have decided to stick my head in the sand and worry about it when it happens. Strangely I'd like similar odds to you 1:1000 sounds excellent! here's hoping we both get that! x

Thank you all for your responses. We're still awaiting post mortem results - it'll be three months next week, I hope they come soon (and I keep thinking to myself 'i hope they are good results' but actually, my baby has died, I'm not sure what sort of 'good' i'm searching for, but I guess that it is unlikely to happen again, or something. I wish I understood more about medicine/genetics).

I just thought I'd add my ha'penny's worth on that empty feeling you have after the baby's gone. I kept thinking I wanted to be pregnant again, NOW, and then realised that i wanted to be pregnant with the baby i'd lost, and not a new baby. Slowly, I'm turning towards recognising that I do want to be pregnant with a new baby, but I'm so terrified about it all. I don't know how I will get through the first few weeks - they said to me in the hospital that they would be able to scan 'early' for heart problems next time (mine had a bad heart problem) and when I asked how early he said 16 weeks. Which doesn't sound very early to me!

Anyway, am also terrified of not getting pregnant at all, of having an early miscarriage, (I had one a year ago), of having another ill baby, oh god, everything. I have just started seeing a counsellor (yesterday was the first session) and I feel like there's quite a lot to work through!

And on this lovely thread everyone else is so kind to each other and I've banged on about me, but am still so encouraged by the positive stories, and so sympathetic to the less positive ones and to everyone's worries. Thanks all.

my termination in 07 was for hypoplastic right heart. Had a heart scan with ds who I had in 08 and will do with this pg if I get that far - even insisted in having the dd's scanned as i became paranoid that they had heart issues too.

I too desperately wanted the baby i had lost and was really shocked to find ds was a boy (when he was born) as the pregnancy I terminated was a girl - so i expected to get her if you see what i mean. I was glad in a way he was a different sex as it removed any confusion and I was able to see him separately.

Belinda - We had genetic testing as our baby had a very rare chromosomal abnormality which may have been hereditary (from me). It turned out it was de novo and when the geneticist told us I felt pretty upset. I absolutely knew it was very good news and was thankful but I also just felt the whole thing was even more senseless and there was no explanation for why it had happened. Anyway, you need to know the results and I hope you don't have to wait much longer. And good luck TTC when the time is right.

Drama - big congratulations on the arrival of your lovely daughter and welcome to the world Isabella.

Kittens - glad your appointment went well and the consultant was nice and supportive. 6 weeks seems such a long time but it'll be gone in the blink of an eye.

Natz - best of luck for Monday and let us know how you get on. Will be thinking of you.

Mishtabel - it will be such a wonderful thing to be worrying about looking fat! After my last pregnancy when there was such huge terrible things to worry about, I really hope that I'll get to have some 'normal' pregnancy worries this time round. I hope I get there, at the moment I'm still feeling a combination of denial/fear and pessimism.

Love to everyone else.

welcome belinda and sunshine, good luck for monday to natz, congratulations to drama, and hello to everyone else...

i am now 15 weeks and getting in a state about the 20 week scan - so much so that I'm wondering whether to ask them not to check for any anomalies at all. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, and that if there is something wrong, not knowing isn't going to make it go away. We were so relieved after our great nuchal and bloods, particularly considering that both our T21 & T18 pregnancies were picked up at that stage that I hadn't really considered that a great nuchal doesn't mean there is nothing else wrong (and with our history of dodgy conceptions we must have more chance than others of something being wrong).
I know nobody can reassure me that everything will be okay, and there must be loads of people who have had great nuchals and blood results and then found other fatal defects at anomoly scan stage...I have not been sleeping more than a couple of hours a night in the past 10 days, and have no idea how to make it another 5 weeks at such a high stress level.
just don't know what to do with myself, and know there really isn't an answer:(

Hi babylily have you tried talking to your midwife to ask if the could scan you any earlier? I had a bad nt scan and they didn't believe it was a chromosome problem so they did a scan at 14 weeks and she could tell then about the positioning of his heart and other organs (my baby had a condition called CDH and his organs were pushed up into the chest and his heart to the wrong side not allowing room for lungs to grow). At 16 weeks they were able to do a full anomaly scan that i would have had at 20 weeks, it was then we were told that the chance he had was so slim it was best to end the pregnancy. The specialist was able to see the heart and its chambers etc. Perhaps if you spoke to someone and explained how much this is effecting you then they could move the scan forward? Or at least offer an extra scan and still have the 20 week. Another option would be to pay private depending on your situation....

Just a thought thinking of you xx

Drama, congratulations, and welcome to the world to little Isabella! What great news, I am so pleased. And what a fantastic labour (well, as fantastic as labours go...)

Sorry for the lack of personals, I just find it impossible to post properly these days. I am thinking of you all and keeping fingers crossed for all upcoming scans and those TTC. I am feeding all day at the moment, and all night as well, which to be honest I find pretty tough, but I am trying to see if giving Victor a bottle of expressed breastmilk before bedtime will keep him full for a bit longer, so I can have 2-3 hours of uninterrupted sleep. He is a snacker, feeds for 5 mins then falls in a deep sleep at the breast, but wakes up if I put him down, then feeds again for a few minutes, and that's how we spend hours every night, until he's had enough to sleep properly. I am trying to gently wake him up so he can drink a bit more in one go. Overall though I am very happy that he feeds well and is putting on weight.

Right, baby awake now, MN time's up. xxxx

Thank you everyone
I can't stop grinning i'm so tired but soooooo happy! if someone had told me a yr ago that i would be where i am now i wld never have believed them! mishta so far myself and DP have nicknamed her bella or bels and her big brother calls her Izzy so so far a little of both.
welcome to sunshine and belinda you've found a good place here it's been such a support to me and i hope it is for you as well.
Sorry to post and run but you know how it is, my boobies are in demand! love to all xxxx

Posting and running here too, to say CONGRATULATIONS Drama, hooray for the safe (fast!) arrival of Bels/Bella/Izzy . So glad all's gone well; hope you can now indulge in getting some lovely girly clothes . Hope all the other recent babies are doing well, I miss that snuffly (if demanding) newborn stage.

Babylily, just quickly to you - my scan was at Southern in Glasgow and after my earlier loss, I had nuchal, a scan at 14wks and a scan at 18wks. Ask if that is possible for you - 14wks is perhaps a little early to see heart stuff, but maybe they could do 15wks and 20wks? Although having said that I was a wreck for each scan, as even if you get through one OK you wonder if something will have become visible by the next scan... in the end, just trying to stick to the mantra of 'take each day at a time' is best if you can do it, reading distraction novels or watching escapist films etc.

So much for quick, sorry to post and run but household of queasy people here and I need to get stuff done for the morn. Congrats to Cherry and Good luck to Natz for Mon...

Sorry for the long silence! We were burgled last week and my laptop was stolen so I've had no means of getting online until now. Most gutted to have lost my wedding and engagement rings, as I still wasn't wearing them from having fat pregnant hands... I do now have a shiny new macbook pro so it's not all bad .

I need to catch up properly on the thread but just wanted to sympathise with Coffee - DD was a snacker and it was exhausting. It got better as she got bigger, with a bit of encouragement from me to take longer feeds and go longer in between, but in the early days it was just one long feedathon. You must be so tired. It will get easier.

Lawrence has had his tongue tie snipped and almost immediately was able to latch and feed so we have stopped expressing. Such a relief. But I seem to have completely overstimulated my milk supply and keep waking up in a lake . We are under strict instructions to feed at least every 3hrs to exercise his tongue which is no problem at all during the day as he feeds a lot, but we're having to set an alarm to wake him at night which is very odd indeed! Not what I remember from DD's newborn days...

Welcome to the new ladies and to those approaching scans - it is so hard to stay sane and manage the rollercoaster emotions. Taking each day one at a time is the only way I got through, although I think it's pretty impossible not to fixate on things. The time will pass, albeit very slowly. Thinking of you all and remembering vividly back to last year when I was anxiously awaiting scans and in disbelief that the pregnancy would proceed trouble free. Now sitting here with my newborn baby boy I feel so lucky. Hoping the same for you all, lots of love xx

How did I forget to say CONGRATULATIONS Drama! And welcome Isabella... beautiful name, and such a quick arrival. Hope you're all doing well and enjoying life with your new baby daughter, lots of love xx

Catlady - Im so sorry to hear you were burgled! How upsetting. Hope you are ok. Glad to hear Lawrence is latching on now after his snip, soulnd like you have a very settled little boy if you are having to wake him at night for feeds...!

We had our NT scan today at Kings, and Im pleased to say that everything was fine. They spent about 20 mins scanning and taking measurements then did an extra 10 mins checking the heart after I requested a thorough examination due to Cara's HLHS. The nuchal fold was 2.5 which I was a bit worried about, but they reassured me that it was normal and as baby is actually 13+4 it is going to be slightly bigger anyway. So due date has now been changed to 22nd Sept.

Nasal bone was present and all organs looked healthy and in the right places. They said they would do a CVS there and then if we wanted them to but said due to our low risk statistics they wouldn't advise it.

They also did an internal scan to predict the chances of a premature labour...?! Ive never had this done before. No history of premature labour either so was surprised. I spent the entire scan time convinced they were going to deliver the bad news line. We had our bloods done and had the results back before we left the hospital. Our odds are 1 in 1900+ for T21, and 1 in 2800+ for T13 and T18.

Feeling exhausted and very happy. Just hoping I can accept that it is ok, and to try to relax and start enjoying the pregnancy!

Sorry for lack of personals, will catch up with everybodys news soon. Time for a lovely and a nap xx

Ignore those odds - for T21 it is 1:9016 and for T13 & T18 it is 1:18604.... obviously didn't read the print out properly!

Natz, really really pleased for you. That's fantastic odds - and how great they were able to give you all the results the same day! You must be so excited now, to be able to be really actually expecting a baby at the end of this.
Lovely to get a sooner due date too.

Catlady - what a nightmare being burgled and losing precious things too. Hope there wasn't too much damage done at home:(

I saw my consultant today and after I suggested a scan at 18 weeks (following your experience and suggestions bluecat &, numptymum, Thankyou!) she persuaded me to hang on for 20 week one after all.She said if it was her baby she would be worrying that something not visible at 18 weeks would appear clear at 20 weeks. She feels everything will be fine as our NT scan had showed everything developing so well, in the stomach, brain and heart. Apparently my very small bump is because I have such good stomach muscles from pilates, but the height measures 16 cm which is exactly right so I do kinda need to chill out a bit!
Had a good listen to heartbeat which was lovely and clear (aided by the ample fluid - she said)
The medical staff here have just been amazingly supportive and very very kind...They decided today that because of the worries I have and because of the previous pregnancies they'd like me to have consultant care and see the midwives at the hospital all the way through. The doctor said that being an obstetrician had made her pregnancy even more worrying than mine - sometimes it really is best not to have all this knowledge of what can go wrong. May still throw £80 away in a weeks time to get a gender/reassurance scan done privately but maybe I'll actually just hang on...
xx

Great news Natz, they are really good results. The internal scan for prem labour sounds unusual? But I think the King's hospital trust is doing a big research project into what causes premature labour at the moment so perhaps they're scanning lots of people?!

Our house was completely pristine after the burglary. We didn't even know it had happened until DH went looking for his laptop. No idea how they got in, they must have either had a key or come in through a window while we were in the house and then hidden in the cellar. Locks are changed, police report done and now just waiting to hear from the insurance company on our claim.

Lily it sounds like you have a good sympathetic consultant. Worth their weight in gold. {envy] at your good strong stomach muscles. It will be a long time before I can see/feel mine again I think!