Antenatal depression: can anyone tell me it passes?

[Alyciana]

I've seen a couple of really reassuring threads/comments on this topic so I'm hoping I'm not alone. Please be gentle if you reply....

I'm 8weeks5days with a much-wanted and planned for first pregnancy and I feel absolutely desolate. I've read about antenatal depression, told my partner how I feel, and I've seen my GP, who has referred me for specialist counselling. My partner, family and friends are very supportive. But all I can think is that an abortion is the only way I'll stop feeling this depressed, frightened and generally awful. I've never been this low in my life and I don't want to continue the pregnancy. All I can think of is how hellish motherhood will be, how I won't cope with the sleep deprivation, how life as I knew it is over. I'm also very aware that I'm running out of time if I want to terminate. The only things stopping me from booking a termination are a) the fact that I longed for a child for years and b) it would destroy my partner. Please, if you have experienced anything like this and found it passed, can you tell me about your experience? Thanks in advance.

Hiya,

I know how you are feeling. I had awful antenatal anxiety and depression from the beginning. I too thought about abortion obsessively. I booked 2 in fact and never went through with them.

I am now 33 weeks and feeling so much better.

I got a referral to the perinatal mental health team. A mix of medication (safely prescribed by a perinatal mental health consultant) and counselling and connecting with others who have been through it, I am still pregnant and so glad I reached out for help.

DM me anytime you need xxx

Thanks so much @Luna2019Luna2019 -- I really appreciate it xxx

@Alyciana how are you feeling at the moment? X

@Luna2019 Thanks so much for checking. I had a couple of decent days where I felt more myself -- now today I keep thinking about how hellish the sleep deprivation will be, and feel sure I won't cope. Can I ask when you started to feel a little better?

I've had antenatal depression pretty much since the day I found out I was pregnant. This transformed into postnatal depression and lasted around 5 years. I love my child dearly and wouldn't choose not to have him now though. You'll get there OP, best of luck to you xxx

About 16 weeks when the medication and counselling kicked in. And by speaking to others that had been throught it. I made some great friends on here.

Sleep deprivation is tough, but you will be able to cope.

@SwishSwishSheesh that must have been so tough. How old is your LO now? Did you seek help? X

@Luna2019 DC is 9yo.

When I broke down in tears in front of the midwife once (whilst pregnant) she told me she doesn't have time for this. I didn't bother bringing it up again.

I didn't seek help after giving birth because I was repeatedly told to get over myself and just be grateful I have a healthy child.

I did get over myself eventually but the time I spend doing so wasn't nice.

@SwishSwishSheesh it's not about getting over yourself. You were ill! So sorry you had to endure that for so long. And that your midwife said that, that's appalling. Sounds like you did an amazing job of helping yourself. X

@SwishSwishSheesh that's a terrible reaction from the midwife! But I am really glad you're beyond it now and that you've shared your experience.

@Luna2019 I hope your pregnancy continues smoothly and that you keep feeling so much better, you've given me some hope!

@Alyciana hi! I'm 15 weeks pregnant and I'm on the same place as you. Seen counsellor and confused with diagnoses. In the very first appointment she said I have major depression and have to meet Psychiatrist and get medication. Seeking another counsellor and will speak to my GP. I'm feeling miserable coz have a 2 year daughter I have a care for.. my house is a mess right now. . can't get to do any work and feel guilty I'm not here .., my husband is overloaded with responsibility of us and trying to help but doesn't understand depression calls me lazy at times..I'm so disconnected! I haven't been happy at all! worried about my pregnancy as well. Let me know if you want to support each other through this. Hope things are getting better for you.

@Willibefine You have my every sympathy! but I am so glad you're seeking help. Do get to the GP as soon as you can, and maybe you can ask your husband to read some of the resources on the PANDAS website to help him understand? It can be hard for people to understand, but you have so much on your plate. You definitely shouldn't have someone calling you lazy when you feel this way! One day at a time x

@Alyciana thanks yes I'm calling my GP to schedule an appointment, I need to take this first step now. Can't live like this forever. I'll try to make my husband understand but at least now I know he doesn't have to take my decisions. I need to do this with help of trained medical professionals. Pray for me to fight this ... 🤞🏽

Hi @Alyciana I'm sorry you are going through this.

My son is 3 1/2 now. l never went to the doctor so I never got a diagnoses or anything but I did struggle with depression during my pregnancy.

My son wasn't planned and I felt like my life was over as soon as I saw the positive pregnancy test. I had to change things immediately like smoking & drinking (which I enjoyed), we had to leave our perfect rented house as the landlord didn't allow young children and he was next door so kind of understandable, the tenancy was coming to an end and he wasn't going to allow us to stay. I'd left my job and was about to start a new one so I wasn't entitled to any mat pay but the government allowance. I thought I'd be jobless, homeless and a shit mother to top it off. I didn't tell anyone but my dp and our immediate families unless they saw my bump. It didn't feel like anything to be happy about and I didn't think anyone would care about the baby so I didn't want to send a text out of the blue or a fb post pretending to be happy. I lost quite a few friends because I didn't tell them but that came after the baby was born and they found out.

My pregnancy was shit but not as bad as some women have it, I had pgp from 20 weeks so my 12 month temp job was even more vulnerable as I took sick leave when I couldn't do the work anymore and it was unpaid leave.

We went to nct when I was about 35 weeks (paid for by my dp boss!) it helped me come to terms with the pregnancy/birth/how to be a parent, the knowledge helped me get some control by just understanding what it can be like and how I can deal with certain scenarios. I was actually excited about contractions once I finished those classes!? The classes were reassuring for me.
I won't say I made friends there because I didn't, all the women were very happy and married. I was the youngest by 10 years and they had life figured out to a tee with a career and a mortgage etc. They all seemed to know how to make it work and how to do the parenting stuff but 3 years later we're all still in touch and they've all had their own problems to deal with.

My son was born 2 weeks late via emcs and it was hard and difficult but I'd take it over pregnancy. Trying to work everything out and wanting to know how I will cope was the hardest part for me, it was mentally exhausting and it's all I ever thought about. Looking back I kind of wish I'd found out the sex, I'm not sure if I was just detached from the baby or something? I had no bond or feelings towards the baby until after birth.

My son is lovely, he's so happy and full of love. He's really funny too and always makes us laugh. The idea that anybody could look after him better than me does not even enter my head now. I can't believe how things worked out for us but they did.

Sleep deprivation is hard and your right to worry about it but you can get through it with the help and support of your partner. You don't need to do it all alone! You don't need to do any of it alone.

Sorry about the very long post, I'm not sure if this helps you or not but I just wanted to share my experience so you know your not alone having these thoughts and feelings. I'm glad you've had some good days and I hope you get plenty more.

Hi I have bipolar anxiety and depression have always been a risk for me as was postpartum psychosis which I avoided due to having the support of a perinatal mental health team. My first pregnancy was full of anxiety which I put down to having wanted a baby for so long and worrying something would go wrong. My second pregnancy I was hit with gestational diabetes again but it came on as soon as I fell pregnant I was exhausted and developed antenatal depression I'd really recommend seeing a perinatal team I had a really rough nine months and had thoughts that the only reason I was living was for the baby I just did everything to keep myself going and really focused on getting to the birth without breaking down. I gave birth and with the relief it just lifted she's the best thing that ever happened to me I'm proud of myself that I got through it for her. I promise with the right support you can do this and with all my heart want to tell you it's worth it in the end xx

With the sleep deprivation you do find a way of coping I get insomnia anyway and lack of sleep disrupts my mood but I've adjusted really well and don't need as much sleep as I used to I have a 3 year old and a one year old. My 3 year old wasn't a great sleeper but my one year old slept through from 8 weeks I genuinely believe she was thanking me for what I went through to have her

@PonderLand thank you so so much for your honest, thoughtful and encouraging post. The bit about your lovely son just made me well up --- and it made me feel that I'll get there in time. So sweet of you x

@butterflylove81 thanks so much. You absolutely should be proud of yourself, and how great that your littlest is sleeping well. Thanks for the encouragement x

Also if you see a gp/perinatal team and are feeling horrific there are things you can take. I had a very good psychiatrist and sertraline I was told was the safest antidepressant to take in pregnancy. I had to take an antipsychotic with no research on effects in pregnancy as my drug is quite new I had some extra scans and all was perfect. There's a website called bumps and a pharmacist called Wendy at the breastfeeding network who's expertise is drugs in pregnancy if you go on the breastfeeding network website you could contact her or your gp could phone her to advise which antidepressant is the safest xx

I was in the same position as you! I considered an abortion and even spoke with my family about it- they were all v supportive but knew this is not
What I wanted or would be able to deal with following the abortion.

I stuck it out a bit longer even though I couldn't see a way out or way forward...I went and spoke openly with my midwife and GP and was referred to the mother and infant mental health team who we're incredibly helpful and understanding, as was my midwife! I looked at my routine etc and worked out that the more tired I was the more sick I was and the more depressed and anxious I was....I therefore ended up taking medication to help with the anxiety/depression, took anti sickness tablets that not only controlled the sickness but relaxed me a little and spoke with professionals! It was the best thing I done! I am 21 weeks now- ofcourse I'm still struggling but no way near like I was!!!! There is light at end of tunnel- I know you prob want to hear people confirm that maybe you should go ahead with what you feel because I did too and didn't want to entertain anyone saying don't do it! Butttt trust me if you can get past this feeling you will be happy again and happy you continued! Just be strong- get help- talk and give it some more time! I was at my worse
Between 1-16 weeks and then things just started to ease and I feel more positive and most of all happy I continued with my pregnancy! Just remember it's not forever- there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!! Thinking of you!!! X

You have to see the early challenges in context. You're not just producing a baby you are making a new member of your family. YOUR family, not what went before. The early days are a blink of the eye time-wise, I have two boys nearly teenagers who mow the grass and make tea and give me hugs and make me laugh... and it's hard to remember the early days when it is was overwhelming.

It's a long game OP. Look after yourself but please be reassured we all shit ourselves at the reality of motherhood but it's ok

Hope you’ve managed to speak to your GP. Depression is hideous but it will improve. Good luck 💐

Hi everyone. I just wondered how you are doing now OP? I am currently 6 weeks and feeling horrendous. I came off Mirtazapine cold turkey when I found I’m out I was pregnant (I know I know). Felt ok at first but really struggling now. I am scared to admit it to my dp because I have wanted another baby for a year. My last pregnancy ended in termination due to depression and I have really struggled with it. But those feelings of not being able to go on are back and I am scared and devastated. I feel so ill which isn’t helping. Still trying to work as a nurse and look after my dd3. Any advice or positive stories appreciated

I wouldn’t worry about sleep deprivation; there’s so much you can do about that- share the nights with OH, nap in the day, ask others to watch baby while you sleep etc. Also lots of babies sleep pretty well.

Hi this is willibefine.. I suffered tremendously through severe depression. It was indeed a dark time and can’t really even understand what I was going through now when I look back.. it’s all foggy! Now I’m four months postpartum abs have my beautiful 4month old LO! And I’m in a good place... for all going through depression, bipolar, anxiety or any mental illness, I definitely applaud to come out here and share your feelings.. coz it is not easy but I want to tell you a good news.. this time will pass! I promise. Talk to your gynecologist and be transparent about how you are feeling.. I did that coz I didn’t have any other choice then.. and guess what she helped.. medication does miracles .. I started with Zoloft 50 mg during whole of my pregnancy and postpartum increased it to Zoloft 100mg it was a gradual help .. one step at a time that I felt good. Now I feel so good.. I’m here . In the present.. it feels unreal. Phew! Please trust me And seek medical help. Depression is like a diseases that should be seriously treated. I’m a living proof that things will get better for each one of you too. I wish I can help atleast one of y’all to seek medical help.. and cure! Love ya .. hang on.. tomorrow is beautiful.

@ForeveronEtsy how are you feeling now? I have had similar feelings to you and thought about termination for this one, my third pregnancy (1st was a termination 2nd my DD). I have felt a lot better as the pregnancy has gone on though, still not excited about it but more "accepting" if that makes sense. I hope you are okay